“A Christmas Story”
Written by Joe Janes
12/16/09
332 of 365
Cast
Alan, 50s
Cheryl, 50s
Ron, 20s,
Gene, 30s
Alice, 30s
(Lights up on Alan and Cheryl’s living room. Alan and Cheryl sit on the sofa, Ron is slumped down in a chair. They are watching the movie “A Christmas Story.”)
GENE (off)
Ho, ho, ho!
CHERYL
Oh, Gene’s here.
(Gene and Alice enter. Cheryl gets up and greets them.)
ALAN (getting up)
Oh!
GENE
Hi, Mom. Dad.
CHERYL
You look so tall.
GENE
I have no idea why. Pretty sure I stopped growing upwards a decade or so ago.
CHERYL
Well, you look taller.
ALAN
Leave the boy alone. You must be Alice.
ALICE
Hi.
ALAN
Come in, come in. Have a seat.
CHERYL
You must be tired after such a long drive.
GENE
We flew in.
CHERYL
Oh, that’s nice.
(Alan, Cheryl and Alice have a seat on the sofa. Gene remains standing. There’s no room for him to sit. Cheryl and Alan resume watching TV. Ron has never stopped.)
ALICE
“A Christmas Story.” I love that movie.
ALAN
So, do we.
CHERYL
We watch it every year.
GENE
Is that the DVD I got you last year?
ALAN
Naw. It’s the TV.
(Everyone stares at the TV for a moment. Alice looks over to Gene with a look of concern.)
GENE
That is my brother Ron.
ALICE
Hi, Ron.
(Ron grunts.)
GENE
How’s the job hunt?
(Ron grunts, again.)
CHERYL
Oh, it’s tough out there.
ALAN
Tough in here. Especially when I need the bathroom or find the last beer gone.
CHERYL
Oh, Alan.
ALAN
Oh, Cheryl.
CHERYL
He’s trying.
ALAN
That he is.
(Everyone starts watching the television, again. Ron has never stopped.)
ALICE
I’ve heard so much about you two.
ALAN
Good things, I hope.
ALICE
Very good.
CHERYL
Oh, that’s nice.
(Everyone starts watching the television, again. Ron has never stopped.)
GENE
Hey, looks like the movie’s over. You guys want to go get some pizza or-
ALAN
It’s starting, again.
CHERYL (to Alice)
They show it over and over for 24 hours.
ALICE
How long have you been watching?
CHERYL
Since breakfast.
(Everyone starts watching the television, again. Ron has never stopped. Gene picks up the remote from the coffee table and turns the television off. Everyone looks at him stunned.)
RON
That was rude.
GENE
I only see you guys once a year. This time, I brought a girl. One I really, really like. It would be nice if she got to know my family better than the television.
(Everyone is silent. Alan looks at his watch.)
ALAN
Did you want to watch something else?
CHERYL
Did you want to watch your DVD?
GENE
No. I want to visit.
CHERYL
Okay, dear. We’ll visit.
ALAN
Sure.
CHERYL
Gosh, you sure are pretty.
ALICE
Thanks.
ALAN
Better looking than the last one he brought home. The lesbian.
GENE
She wasn’t a lesbian. She was a vegetarian.
ALAN
Six of one-
CHERYL
Are you a vegetarian? Because I don’t think we have anything you can eat.
ALICE
I’m not a vegetarian.
ALAN
What’s wrong with you, then?
GENE
Dad, nothing’s wrong with her. She’s great.
ALAN
Just pulling your chain, Son.
GENE
Chain pulled, Dad. Thanks.
(Everyone stares at the television, again, even though nothing’s on. Ron has never stopped.)
GENE (continuing)
Hey, how about this? Let’s get out of this room.
ALAN
What’s wrong with this room? I like this room.
GENE
Let’s go sit around the dinner table.
ALICE (getting up)
That sounds like a great idea.
CHERYL (getting up)
I’ll have to dust it off and move the magazines.
ALICE
Do you have any coffee? We could drink some coffee and chat.
CHERYL
I do have coffee. Can you drink that with your diet? (Alice nods.)
(Alice and Cheryl exit.)
GENE
Come on, Dad. Let’s go get caught up.
ALAN (getting up)
Oh! Guess I could use a cup of Joe.
GENE
It’s good to see you, Dad.
ALAN
Yah, yah, yah.
(They exit. Ron stays seated. Still looking at the TV, but looking silently angry. Cheryl comes back out and turns on the television.)
RON
Thank you.
(Cheryl kisses him on the head and exits. Ron grunts. Lights fade.)
