Written by Joe Janes
7/27/09
190 of 365
CAST
Dina, 20s
Megan, 20s
Shelly, 20s
Dave, 40s
Scott, 20s
Ted, 20s
(Lights up on Megan, Shelly and Dina in their college apartment. Megan and Shelly sit at a table doing homework. Dina is watching TV.)
DINA
Are you guys going to study all night?MEGAN
It’s only seven o’clock.DINA
Whatever.SHELLY
Aren’t you worried about passing your history test?DINA
Professor Krause always does multiple choice.SHELLY
So?DINA
The answer is “B.”MEGAN
Answering “B” won’t get you an “A.”DINA
I just want to pass. (Doorbell rings. Shelly looks at Dina, who doesn’t move.)
SHELLY
Don’t get up.(Shelly answers the door. Dave enters carrying a pizza and case of beer.)
SHELLY (continuing)
Dad!DAVE
Hi, Shelly. Girls, the pizza boy is here!(He enters and puts the pizza and beer on the table. He starts opening beers and handing them out.)
DINA
Hi, Mr. Jensen.DAVE
Mr., Jensen? Is my dad here?SHELLY
No, mine is.DAVE
Call me, Dave, Dina. Hi, Megan.MEGAN
Hi…Dave. Thanks for bringing us pizza. I was just thinking about how hungry I was. SHELLY
Dad, this is nice, but we’re trying to study for a test.DAVE
A test? A test in what? Lay it on your old man. I’ll help you.MEGAN
American History.DAVE
American History, American History… Multiple choice?MEGAN
Yes.DAVE
Just answer “B.”DINA
That’s what I said, Dave!(She high fives him and he is very happy about that.)
SHELLY (going back to studying)
Oh, God.DAVE
I can’t believe you attractive young ladies are spending your evening studying.SHELLY
It’s Tuesday.DAVE
But you’re in college. And I just read your school is rated one of the top twenty party schools in the country.MEGAN
Something to be proud of.DAVE
Put the books away. Let’s eat us some pizza. Drink us some beers. Call more of your girlfriends and invite them over. Let’s have a party. …I’m buying!DINA (texting)
I just texted my friends, Dave.SHELLY
Dina, we’re not having a party.DINA
We are, now. I also posted it on Facebook and Twitter.DAVE
Cool. I brought a party CD, too.(He hands Dina a CD.)
SHELLY
Dave… Can I speak with you in the kitchen, please?DAVE (grabs a beer)
Sure, Shelly.(They walk to the far side of the stage through a “door” into the kitchen.)
DAVE (continuing)
Here’s your beer.SHELLY
I don’t want a beer. I want to spend the evening studying for my test.DAVE
Shelly, Shelly. You only live once. Your college years are going to fly by. SHELLY
They’re my college years. Not yours. I don’t need you around trying to relive your college years.DAVE
Believe me, the last thing I want to do is relive my college years.SHELLY
Pizza? Beer? Parties?DAVE
I was a dork in college. Yeah, I know. Me. All I did was study and get “A”s. I was the most boring man on campus.SHELLY
Then what the hell are you doing? Trying to make up for lost time?DAVE
What? No. Just trying to make sure my little girl and her roommates get the most out of these formulative important years. SHELLY
Which one?DAVE
I don’t know-SHELLY
Which one of my roommates do you have the hots for?DAVE
Dina has some pretty hot videos on Facebook.SHELLY
You’re watching videos of my friends on Facebook.DAVE
You friended me. You were tagged in her karaoke strip tease. SHELLY
We were drunk.DAVE
I know. That’s why I brought beer and the greatest hits of Bon Jovi, karaoke-style.SHELLY
Jesus, Dad. It’s my life. Not your chance to live out Internet porn fantasies.DAVE
Sure you don’t want a beer?SHELLY
Go home. Go date women your own age.DAVE
Women my age don’t look like that.SHELLY
Stop trying to sleep with my friends. Seriously. It’s time for you to leave.(She opens the door for Dave to leave. They enter the living room where the karaoke version of Bon Jovi’s “You Give Love A Bad Name” is blaring. Megan and Dina have their tops off and are singing along loudly. Scott is video taping them. Ted is cheering them on. If there’s more students around partying, awesome. Megan and Dina grab Dave and make him join them. Everyone is singing along, except Shelly. Shelly grabs her textbook and three beers and exits. Lights fade.)
