Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Moving Sucks

Okay. All moved.

In my post-Port Clinton, Ohio adult life, I have moved approximately 20 times in 30 years. Most of the time, I was on a two-year migratory pattern. There have been a few times where I moved after only one year in a place. This is one of them. The whole time, the brain plays over-and-over like a harping calliope, "I just friggin' did this!"

I don't like moving. I like having moved. Because I don't like it, I try to be overly prepared. The only problem with that is the rest of your life doesn't stop so you can move. So, on top of teaching and rehearsing and writing and performing, I had to squeeze in moving.

And here's what really sucked about this move.

Last year was the first year I used movers and I loved it. It was cheaper than I thought it would be ($300, plus tip) and the guys were great. They gave us a two-hour window of when they would arrive. They were half an hour early, loaded the truck in a flash, and we were done well within their three-hour minimum time period. This year, we used the same company and it sucked. They gave us a two-hour window on Monday between noon and 2pm, which means we busted our asses and were good to go by 11:30am, just in case they showed up early, again. They showed up at 2:15pm. Did I mention the name of the company is On Time Moving and Storage? My girlfriend and I spent over two hours in "ready mode" after already being exhausted. Nothing like losing momentum when you are tired. And these three guys were slow and sloppy. It took an hour and a half to load the truck!

When we finally got to the new place, still under the three-hour minimum, they estimated they might go over two hours because our new apartment is up three flights. My girlfriend and I started pitching in to keep them to just one hour over the minimum, totally defeating the purpose of hiring them in the first place.

All moved in, we were exhausted. I focused my attention on putting the bed together while Julie focused on the kitchen. I think we went to bed at 9pm. We moved to this apartment because it is bigger and cheaper than our old one and the neighborhood is quieter. We were awakened at 7am by the streets and sanitation crew firing up chainsaws and a wood chipper trimming trees in front of our building. Which they proceeded to do for an hour. I wanted to swan dive from our third floor apartment into the wood chipper.

It's ridiculous that renters spend about ten minutes looking at a space before deciding to move all their worldly possessions into it and trying to make it a home. It's like speed dating for marriage. The apartment itself, while being more spacious, has its problems. The floor in my office is angled. I am typing uphill. My office chair keeps rolling. The kitchen smells a little like cat pee. The wooden floors are creaky as hell. I feel sorry for my downstairs neighbor. All the outlets and light switches have that lazy Chicago landlord multiple coats of off-white paint slathered on them. The laundry room is a dimly lit serial killer yellow. And the place is still half filled with boxes. And I have to rummage through them to find clothes to wear. I'm dumpster diving in my own home.

But I do like the neighborhood. The bus stop I will be frequenting is right next to a very nice Dunkin Donuts. Yes - I have been to enough Dunkin Donuts to be able to qualify them on ambiance. Were five minutes away from some great shopping places. And last night we ordered take out from a nearby Thai restaurant that was awesome. Our last apartment had a messed up intercom system, so we never ordered out. It was great. We ordered food. A guy brought it to us in a plastic bag with a smiley face on it. We watched TV. Life is good.

Now, if I can just find the can opener to give the cats canned food and find my cellphone charger before the battery runs out.


On Saturday, I asked...

"According to a recent study, men are more likely to get a divorce if they have what?"

39% answered "unlimited wealth"
- I think that's only true if you are also a republican presidential candidate... so, no.

23% picked "a mistress"
- Only if they are caught. Nope.

23% thought maybe "facial hair"
- Hey, this soul patch is a symbol of my independence! ...No.

15% diagnosed the right answer "testicular cancer"

According to The Huffington Post, in research presented at a meeting of the European Cancer Organization, Norwegian experts found cancer patients with testicular cancer were more likely to get a divorce. The researchers didn't have any information on why the couples divorced. My theory is that the guy is overcompensating from losing a nut by growing balls in his personal life. Just a theory.