Week 39, Day 270 - "Chicago"

“Chicago”

Written by Joe Janes

10/15/09

270 of 365

CAST

Roger, 30s

Judy, 30s

(We hear a cold wind. Lights up to dim on Roger and Judy in parkas sitting outside. They sit for a moment, stoically enduring the cold. As if with the flick of a switch, the light gets bright and we hear a high-energy summery song, like something from The Beach Boys or CCR or Jimmy Buffet. Roger and Judy quickly strip off their parkas revealing loud, colorful summer wear, like Hawaiian shirts and khakis. They quickly play with a beach ball, squirt each other with water guns, barbeque up some hot dogs and pop open some beers, wiping the sweat off their brows. This all happens in about 20-30 seconds. The light flips back to dim, the music cuts out replaced by wind and they quickly put their parks back on and sit.)

JUDY

People ask me why I live in Chicago.

ROGER

I tell them it's because I love the seasons.

JUDY

Both of them.

(Blackout)

Week 39, Day 268 - "The Weeping Llama"

“The Weeping Llama”

Written by Joe Janes

10/13/09

268 of 365

CAST

Rachel, 20s

Wayne, 50s

Blanche, 50s

Dean, 30s

The Weeping Llama, 30s

Whale, ???

(Lights up on a shadowy, bare space. Rachel, wearing khaki slacks and a dark polo shirt, walks followed by the edge of a large tour group. We assume the group extends beyond from the three or four folks that we can see.)

RACHEL

This is an alley.

WAYNE

It’s very clean.

RACHEL

Chicago alleys are very well kept. It is a source of pride for our city.

BLANCHE

Is it haunted, too?

RACHEL

As recently as last month, and you can Google this, a man was walking through here with his wife taking a shortcut to get to their car after leaving “The Jersey Boys” before the curtain call to avoid the crowds. As he reached this very spot, a good twenty feet from the sidewalk, he and his wife reported hearing a wailing sound.

WAYNE

Blanche, they heard a whale. I’ll bet it was that dead whale we saw at the aquarium.

BLANCHE

We saw a dead whale today. And you didn’t want to go.

WAYNE

It’s fish. I’d rather pay to eat them than pay to see them. But seeing a dead one, especially a whale, that was cool. (He flips through the pics on his digital camera) I have a picture with me next to it.

RACHEL

That’s okay. The man and his wife didn’t hear a Beluga whale. They heard the sound of someone crying. They looked around and didn’t see anyone.

DEAN

What happened to them?

RACHEL

They left the alley, found their car, and drove to Naperville.

DEAN

That sounds terrible.

WAYNE

What made the crying sound? Did they ever find out?

RACHEL

Legend has it they heard the cries of The Weeping Llama.

(The crowd gasps.)

WAYNE

No whale ghosts, but you’ve got llama ghosts.

RACHEL

Llama is just a nickname. It was a weeping woman with a long hairy neck.

(A woman in a plain old dress, possibly from the 30s, enters the alley from the other side. She has a very hairy neck and carries a baby wrapped in a blanket.)

BLANCHE

There she is.

RACHEL

It’s said that every night at this time, she reenacts the horrible events that happened here.

DEAN

What happened here?

RACHEL

She married the man she loved.

BLANCHE

Oh, no.

RACHEL

It’s said that once they had a child, he stopped loving her. On the other side of this alley, she was walking down the street with her baby, looking for her husband. She found him strolling along with a party girl. He patted the baby on the head, but ignored her. He kept walking. Distraught, she walked into this alley and right in that spot, she killed her baby.

(We see the woman take the baby and begin to strangle it.)

DEAN

Don’t shake the baby! Don’t shake the baby!

(The woman drops the bundle to the ground. Begins to wail and walks off.)

BLANCHE

No wonder she’s a ghost.

RACHEL

But that’s not all. She left her husband and she became a party girl. She went to all the soirees, galas and jubilees. And soon, she was pregnant with a child.

WAYNE

The same child.

RACHEL

No, another child.

WAYNE

It would be so awesome if she was pregnant with the ghost of the child she killed.

BLANCHE

Or a whale.

DEAN

Or a real llama.

RACHEL

I’m sure you are all correct. However, in this case, it was just a baby.

(The llama woman reenters carrying another baby bundled much like the previous one.)

RACHEL

But the baby was cramping her new party girl lifestyle. She was no longer able to stay out as late and gentlemen callers stopped calling. So, she stabbed the baby.

(The woman pulls out a switchblade and stabs the baby.)

DEAN

Fight, baby! Fight!

(The woman drops the baby on top of the other one and wanders off, wailing.)

BLANCHE

This story is so horrible. Did she ever pay for her crimes?

RACHEL

Well, yes. But not how you think. She returned to her party girling and a very rich city councilman paid her to be a kept woman. And during that time, she became pregnant. Well, the councilman wanted to be mayor some day and wanted her to get rid of it, but she refused. She loved the man and wanted to have his child. The mayoral wannabe threw her out of her gilded cage.

WAYNE

She lived where?

RACHEL

Her apartment. Pregnant, she wandered the streets. Lost. Aimless. One night, she found her self here.

(The woman with the hairy neck wanders into the alley. She is pregnant. And she is wailing.)

DEAN

She’s wailing, again. Is it because she’s sad?

RACHEL

It’s because her water broke.

(The woman wails louder, falls to the ground and quickly gives birth. She stops wailing. She takes the baby and wraps it in a handy blanket. She cradles the baby in a very motherly fashion.)

BLANCHE

Look. It has a happy ending.

DEAN

I don’t think so.

RACHEL

She realized that she loved her baby. More than she had ever loved any of her babies.

(The woman stands.)

RACHEL (continuing)

She loved her baby so much that she knew she would never be able to stand her baby growing up and some day dying. So, she decided to kill the baby now to spare her the pain.

(The woman pulls out a gun and points it at the baby. Before she can pull the trigger, the baby pulls out a gun and shoots her. She drops the baby and falls to the ground. She wails in pain.)

DEAN

Did she die? Did the baby die?

RACHEL

Nobody knows. We only know that at this time every night, she lives through her nightmare again and she’s doomed to repeat it…for eternity. (She lets that land on her stunned tour group.) Okay, back to the bus. Let’s hustle. I get paid by the tour, not the hour.

(She leads them off. We hear a whale wailing. A whale walks out into the alley and sees all the bodies. The llama woman takes her gun and shoots the whale. He falls. Blackout.)

Week Seven, Day Forty-Nine - “Belmont"

“Belmont”
Written by Joe Janes
3/8/09
49 of 365

CAST:
Jim, late 40s
Sarah, late 30s

(Lights up on the Belmont “L” train stop in Chicago. It is a Sunday morning before 10am in July. Jim and Sarah are on the platform. Jim sits on one end of a wooden, backless bench. Sarah, wearing a short skirt, paces back and forth. Her heels make a loud sound when she walks. JIM has a bag of groceries from Whole Foods next to him on the bench.)

SARAH

This sucks.

JIM (startled)

Yes. Yes, it does. My chocolate covered bananas are melting.

SARAH

It’s July and I’m freezing.

JIM

And, yet, my bananas are melting. I even gave myself an hour. I don’t think I’ve ever waited so long for the Red Line.

SARAH

I’m waiting for the Brown Line. It’s my first day at a new job.

JIM

Really? What time were you supposed to be there?

SARAH

10am.

JIM

Downtown? You’re going to be late.

SARAH

I know.

JIM

You would have been late any way.

SARAH

What do you mean?

JIM

Even if the trains were running on time, you would have been late. You’ve only been up here about five minutes. With construction, takes about thirty minutes to get downtown.

SARAH

I tried to get up on time.

JIM

I used to have that problem.

SARAH

What did you do?

JIM

I bought two alarm clocks. One near the bed and one that I have to get out of bed to turn off?

SARAH

I think using one alarm clock would be a step in the right direction for me.

JIM

You should probably call your new employer.

SARAH

Or I should just say fuck it. Take it as a sign from the universe.

JIM

I don’t think the universe had much to do with you oversleeping. That’s more of a sign from you that you don’t want the job.

SARAH

It’s retail. I can’t stand fuckin’ retail. Shit pay and creepy managers younger than me watching my every move.

JIM

You should probably call them and tell them you’ll be late.

SARAH

My phone died.

JIM

Use mine.

SARAH

I’ll give the train a few more minutes. You have the day off?

JIM

It’s Sunday.

SARAH

Sunday. So, you and all the normal people sleep in or go to church. Do family stuff.

JIM

Or shop. Do you want one of these bananas? They’re not very good melted. Even when you re-freeze them, they’re off.

SARAH

Let me see that box. Organic and vegan. Five bucks for a box of four? Dude, it’s just a banana on a stick.

JIM

Try one. They’re good. (She does)

SARAH

That is good. Thanks. This is my breakfast.

JIM

I’ve had worse things for breakfast.

SARAH

My name’s Sarah.

JIM

Jim.

SARAH

Thanks for the cold banana, Jim.

JIM

You are welcome, Sarah.

SARAH

You look pretty together. That’s a nice watch.

JIM

Oh, thanks. It was a gift. I’d never buy myself something like this.

SARAH

What do you do for a living, Jim?

JIM

I’m an administrator at a small music school.

SARAH

That pay a lot?

JIM

Not enough to keep me rolling in chocolate-covered bananas. My partner is an architect. He’s the real moneymaker.

SARAH

Ah, the secret of living. Finding the right sugar daddy.

JIM

David would probably agree with you, but I love my job. I was doing it before we met. I just lucked out.

(Sarah throws what’s left of her banana away and walks as far away as she can get from Jim. She holds onto a railing.)

SARAH

Wow. I hate you.

JIM
Did I do something wrong?

SARAH

Really, I hate you.

JIM
You don’t even know me.

SARAH
Oh, I know you. You get everything handed to you. Nice watches and chocolate-covered bananas. You live in a really nice condo. All your furniture is either antique or Ikea. All you have to do is take it up the ass every once in awhile.

JIM
Wow. (Jim, shaken, sits back down for a moment and then walks back towards Sarah.) You have no idea. You have no ideas what it’s like. You think it’s all nice? Whenever David is remotely cold to me, I wonder, is this it? Is this when he kicks me out? Because he can. He owns everything. Everything.

SARAH

Then he really is your sugar daddy.

JIM
I love him. I thought he loved me. He fucks around. I’ve tried to get him to stop. I try to make him happy. These fucking bananas aren’t even for me. They’re for him. He loves them. And I paid for them out of my own money.

(Jim sits down. Sarah makes her way over to him.)

SARAH
I’m a jerk. I’m afraid you caught me on a particularly bitter morning. Woke up staring down the barrel of the rest of my life. This isn’t how I thought things would turn out for me. I’ve got the sugar, no daddy. Nice guy, Craig. But I doubt he’ll ever be anyone’s daddy. Unless it’s out of wedlock. And even then, she better have money of her own.

JIM

Sounds like a nice guy.

SARAH

I’m getting what I expected. Never date an artist. Or marry one. That lesson’s been learned, too. I was his sugar daddy. Bastard still owes me $4,000 that I’ll never see. That jerk went from being someone whose entire life I revolved around and now, we don’t even speak. Haven’t seen him in years. If I saw him on the L, I’d probably pretend I didn’t see him and let the moment roll on by. I could use some lucking out. In money and love.

JIM

Sorry to hear all that.

SARAH

Whatever. I’m not here to cry on your shoulder, Jim. Or, I was, then you started crying.

JIM

I’ll survive. Always do. Just haven’t had to worry about it in so long. So, you’re an artist?

SARAH

I’m an actress pushing 40.

JIM

Have I ever seen you in anything?

SARAH

Have you ever seen a play where the ticket price was less than $20?

JIM

Oh, I doubt it.

SARAH

Then you haven’t seen me in anything. Sorry.

JIM

I must seem like a real snob to you.

SARAH

No. You seem like a real normal person to me.

JIM

Do you do a lot of plays?

SARAH

I get cast. I just don’t get paid. And I didn’t plan to have some other skill set to fall back on at 40. There’s no future in what I want to do and I’m not qualified to do anything else, except retail. And waitressing, which kills my feet and gave me carpel tunnel. “Do what you love and the money will follow” is bullshit. Or it’s following way behind me and will catch up to me after I’m dead.

JIM

Look, it’s none of my business, but it’s clear you don’t want this new job. Why put yourself in a situation that will make you unhappy?

SARAH

Can I borrow your phone?

JIM

Here.

(She takes out a scrap of paper and calls)

SARAH

Hi, is Meghan there? Meghan, hi, it’s Sarah. …I’m really sorry. I didn’t plan for construction on the L. …I’ve been waiting for a train for 45 minutes. …Yeah, 45 minutes. You believe it? It’s insane. …Well, as soon as it gets here, I’m only 20 minutes away. …That’s very, very nice of you. I’ll see you as soon as I get there. (Hands phone to Jim) Thanks.

JIM

What will you be selling?

SARAH

My soul, apparently.

(They hear the train coming.)

JIM

Finally.

SARAH

Well, thank fucking God, Brown Line. Thank you for sharing your bananas, Jim.

JIM

Thank you for sharing your company, Sarah. Things will work out for you. I like you.

SARAH

You know what? That’s good to hear. My first day on a new job, and my boyfriend didn’t even wake up to say good-bye to me. I appreciate what you just said. It’s like my mom seeing me off to school, or something. Thank you.

JIM

You’re welcome. Glad I could support the arts.

(Lights fade.)