Written by Joe Janes
12/11/09
327 of 365
CAST:
Nic, teens (Nic)
Samantha, teens (Corey)
Cameron, teens (Michael)
(Lights up on Nic running through a forest at night. He is visibly upset and crying. He finds the stump of a fallen tree on which to collapse into his sobbing self. He hears a wolf baying in the distance; he stops and listens to the night. Nothing. He begins to sob, again. Samantha emerges from the shadows.)
SAMANTHA
Nic.
(Nic is startled and stands back.)
NIC
Samantha. You found me.
SAMANTHA
I smelled you.
(Nic smells his pits.)
SAMANTHA (continuing)
I smelled your blood.
NIC
But – I’m not bleeding.
SAMANTHA (inhaling deeply)
It’s yours. I’d know it anywhere. (Samantha touches his cheek and he turns away from her.) Your date must not be going well for you to run off like that.
NIC
I saw you stalking me. You can’t come between us, Samantha.
SAMANTHA
You say that with your lips, but your eyes tell me something else.
NIC
My eyes lie through their sockets.
(Cameron enters.)
CAMERON
Nic. There you are.
NIC
Cameron.
CAMERON
Hello, Samantha.
NIC
She was just saying good-bye.
SAMANTHA
No, Nic. I won’t say good-bye. If you never want to see me, again, then you must be the one to walk away.
(Nic looks at her and turns away in anguish.)
NIC
It can’t work between us, Samantha.
SAMANTHA
You can’t deny our love.
CAMERON
Hello, you’re a vampire.
SAMANTHA
I know what I am.
CAMERON
You drink blood to survive. You’ll eat him.
SAMANTHA
I can control myself, Nic.
CAMERON
You say that now, but what if you get married some day. You’d come home some night after a long day, “Hey, nothing in the fridge, what the hell am I going to gnosh on? Oh, yeah. My husband, the walking juice box.” Chomp and sip!
SAMANTHA (to Nic)
I would never drain the sweet blood from your rich, throbbing veins. …I could just take enough to make you just like me. If you wanted…
NIC
I don’t want to be like you, Samantha. I want to be a normal high school student and do normal high school student things like build a float, eat too much pizza, get caught masturbating by my mother while watching her Jane Fonda aerobics videos – wait, that one I did. I want to be a normal, sexually confused, high school student. And I want to date normal high school students. Like Cameron.
(Samantha laughs.)
CAMERON
What’s so funny, Samantha?
SAMANTHA
He thinks you’re normal.
CAMERON
I am normal.
SAMANTHA
Really, Cameron? Maybe you didn’t notice what’s up there creeping out from behind the clouds.
NIC
A full moon?
CAMERON
No! No! I was so excited about our date I forgot to check the calendar.
NIC
Cameron! Cameron! What’s happening? Let me hold you.
CAMERON
Stay away!
(Cameron pushes Nic away and he falls into Samantha’s arms. Cameron rips open his shirt and turns into a werewolf.)
NIC
Oh, no! Oh, no!
(Cameron starts growling at Samantha. His growls get bigger and he looks like he’s about to spring on her when Nic comes over and smacks him on the snout. He yelps.)
CAMERON
What’d you do that for?
NIC
Do you know what it’s like? Do you have any idea what it’s like to fall in love with someone and find out that they’re a vampire? And now I find out the new guy I’m dating is a werewolf!
CAMERON
I was going to tell you.
NIC
When, Cameron? When?
CAMERON
I usually tell on the third date.
NIC
Which is tonight.
CAMERON
Ta-dah! Nic – I – I –
NIC
Don’t say it.
CAMERON
I love you.
NIC
No!
SAMANTHA
Stand back, Nic. I’ll take care of this mutt.
CAMERON
Think a bat can win a fight with a wolf?
SAMANTHA
I think we’re going to find out.
(Samantha and Cameron begin to tangle. They fight much like you would expect wolf-like and bat-like creatures to fight. It crescendos with Cameron humping Samantha’s leg.)
SAMANTHA
Get off me, creep!
CAMERON
I-I-I can’t stop. Once I start, I can’t stop. (He begins to howl. She kicks him off. He yelps. They stand off from one another for a beat then tackle one another. They end up biting one another’s leg.)
CAMERON AND SAMANTHA
Ow!!!! You bit me!!!
(They break off from one another. Nic is torn as to which one to tend to.)
CAMERON
Nic, help me.
SAMANTHA
Nic. Help me.
CAMERON
Oh, God.
SAMANTHA
I don’t believe it.
(They both scream and writhe in pain. Samantha rips open her shirt and turns into a werewolf/vampire while Cameron becomes a vampire/werewolf.)
SAMANTHA
You bastard, you turned me into a werewolf.
CAMERON
Now, I have to deal with being a vampire, too. You bitch.
NIC
You two are just really not good candidates for dating.
CAMERON (sniffing the air)
I can smell your blood more than ever.
SAMANTHA
Yes, Nic. Your blood. It’s so intense.
CAMERON
You’re not bleeding.
NIC
Well, no. Not really.
SAMANTHA
You smell like Coach Webber when she’s being crabby.
CAMERON
You mean when she’s-
SAMANTHA
Nic!
NIC
It’s Nicolette. I have a vagina.
CAMERON
But – I don’t like those.
SAMANTHA
Neither do I. When were you going to tell us?
NIC (weakly)
Ta-dah.
(Pause)
CAMERON
I don’t think I can deal with this.
NIC
My family just moved to town a month ago. (To Samantha) When you saved me from being crushed by that golf cart you thought I was a boy because my dad insists on cutting my hair to save money and he is very bad at it. I didn’t want to lose you, so I lived a lie. But I’m still Nic, on the inside.
CAMERON
Not really.
SAMANTHA
A lack of penis just isn’t what I’m looking for in a forbidden love.
(Pause)
CAMERON (To Samantha)
The soccer team is partying at the quarry. Want to come?
SAMANTHA
Those douche bags?
CAMERON
If it’s lame, we can maul them.
SAMANTHA
Anything’s better than here.
(They give Nic a dirty look and exit.)
NIC
You can pretend I tuck.
(Nic starts crying again and collapses on the tree stump. Off in the distance he hears two wolves howling at the moon.)
CAMERON (off)
Aw, look, a bunny!
SAMANTHA (off)
That is so cute.
CAMERON (off)
Let’s drink its blood and then eat it!
SAMANTHA (off)
Get your fangs out of my mind and into that bunny’s jugular.
(We hear them laugh and then attack and devour the bunny. When they finish, Nic goes back to crying. He stops for a moment.)
NIC
Ow. Cramps.
(Lights fade as Nic cries and the wolves howl at a greater distance.)
