Week 12, Day 84 - “The Tip, Or Lack Thereof”

“The Tip, Or Lack Thereof”
Written by Joe Janes
4/12/09
84 of 365

CAST:
Customer
Waiter

(Lights up on a waiter picking up the check from the table of a customer. The waiter notices a small business-like card with the money.)

WAITER

What’s this?

CUSTOMER

That explains why I am not tipping you.

WAITER

Did you have a problem with the service?

CUSTOMER

I am not tipping you, as the card explains, because I do not believe in tipping. I believe in paying the price on the menu for my food. If the restaurant wants you to get part of it, they should charge me more and give you a higher wage.

WAITER

Tipping is the way the restaurant keeps cost down and I make a living.

CUSTOMER

I do not believe in it.

WAITER

Yeah, well, I don’t believe in assholes, but guess what?

(Blackout)

Week 12, Day 83 - "An Affair to Whatever"

(This is Saturday's sketch)

"An Affair to Whatever"
Written by Joe Janes
4/11/09
83 of 365

CAST:
Mark, 40s
Daphne, 40s

(Lights up on Daphne already in bed, reading a book. Mark is taking off his watch and setting it on the nightstand on his side of the bed. He climbs in to bed.)

MARK

So, does your husband think you're working an extra shift at the hospital?

DAPHNE

Yeah.

MARK

My wife think's I'm in Houston on business.

(They look at each other.)

MARK (continuing)

Well, goodnight.

DAPHNE

Goodnight.

(They both turn off the lights near their sides of the bed. A moment later, Daphne's light turns back on.)

DAPHNE

I think the passion's gone out of our affair.

MARK

Can we talk about this in the morning?

DAPHNE

Yeah. Okay.

(She turns off the light.)