Written by Joe Janes
10/26/09
281 of 365
Cast:
Nancy, 30s
Rita, 30s
Norm, 50s
Ryan, 20s
Mary, 40s
Jack, 40s
Announcer
(Lights up on a very excited Rita in running attire marathon number tags. She is warming up surrounded by other runners, except for Nancy, doing the same. Next to Nancy is Norm.)
RITA
This is my first marathon.
NORM
Congrats.
RITA
I decided a year ago, “gonna do it.” My friends all thought I was crazy. Well, my best friend thought I was crazy. I asked her to train with me, but she was like, “No way.”
NORM
Ever run before that?
RITA
Nope. Didn’t even work out.
MARY
That was my story five years ago. Now I’m hooked.
RITA
Me, too. I feel hooked. I love it. Lost a lot of weight. Best shape I’ve ever been in. I think I can run this thing in under seven hours. At least I know I won’t come in last place.
JACK
Running marathons gives me a sense of pride. Like I’ve accomplished something.
RITA
That, too. I want to feel like I’ve done something with my life. Like run twenty-six and a half miles.
MARY
Yeah. After I’ve run a marathon, I feel like I’ve done something.
(Nancy enters. She is not in shape, but wears a runner’s outfit and marathon tags.)
NANCY
Hey, there you are.
RITA
Nancy! You came to see me off.
NANCY
Sort of. I saw how this thing has changed your life over the last year and I decided this morning over a breakfast of bacon and bacon, I’d give it a try.
RITA
You’re going to run?
NANCY
Sure. Why not? How hard can it be? The course is all marked off. I just have to move in the direction of the arrows, right?
NORM
Sure, if you’re going for a stroll. Most people run a marathon.
NANCY
Oh, I’ll be running.
RITA
But, Nancy, you don’t run. And you’re way out of shape.
NANCY
Oh, I see how it is. Don’t want ol’ Nancy stealing any of your thunder.
RITA
I don’t want you to kill yourself. People train for months to run in the marathon. It’s grueling.
NANCY
We do everything together. It took me awhile to come around, but now I’m ready. I can do this. It’s all mind over matter.
JACK
I think you have more matter than mind.
NANCY
What’s that mean?
JACK
You’re not a runner. You haven’t put in the time. You don’t know what you’re up against.
NANCY
That so?
JACK
Let me look in your eyes… You gonna run and not stop?
NANCY
Yes.
JACK
Even when your legs are hurting and your getting cramps all over?
NANCY
Yes.
JACK
You’re gonna keep running when you have to pee or take a shit?
NANCY
They don’t have bathrooms?
JACK
A runner doesn’t stop for nothin’ and this being your first time with no training, it could take you a day to finish.
NANCY
Then I’ll hold it until I get home. I’ve sat through a catholic wedding before.
JACK
You ain’t got it.
NANCY
How do you know?
JACK
You’re shoes.
NANCY
You’re just a snob.
MARY
No, he’s right. Those aren’t running shoes.
NANCY
And yet if I move my feet fast enough (she does this in place) look, I’m running. No magic shoes required.
ANNOUNCER (VO)
Runners, line up at the starting line.
RITA
You really shouldn’t do this, Nancy.
NANCY
I’ll show you and your runner friends. This will be a breeze.
(A gunshot is heard. The runners all start running in place in slow motion and, please, dear God, NOT to “Chariots of Fire.” Rita and Nancy keep pace as the others peel off and, presumably move ahead. As they run, Nancy lights a cigarette. Rita knocks it out of her hand. Nancy is pissed, but keeps running. Rita reaches out and grabs a cup of water from a water station. Nancy does so on her side, but before she drinks it, she pulls out a flask and pours some liquor into it. She drinks it like a shot. They run, trading off which one is in the lead. As they do, Nancy produces a small bag of Bugles and eats them. She offers some to Rita, who turns her down. Nancy finishes them off and tosses the bag to the side. Nancy kicks it and gets herself in the lead. As she pushing it with all she’s got, she gets a cramp. And then another. And then a few more. She ends up tripping Rita. They both go down. Lights fade.)
ANNOUNCER (VO)
And here we are at the finish line, twelve and a half hours after the start, waiting for the very last two runners… And here they come.
(Lights up on Nancy and Rita walking as if in a three-legged race. Their legs tied together with a thermal foil blanket.)
ANNOUNCER (VO)
It looks like we’re going to have a tie for last place.
(Nancy hears this and pushes Nancy forward and starts running walking sideways so Rita comes in before her. Jack greets them with another blanket to cover their shoulders.)
RITA
We did it!
NANCY
And you weren’t in last place.
JACK
Congratulations, ladies.
NANCY
So. Am I a runner, now?
JACK
No. You nearly killed yourself and your friend.
RITA
I think the important thing is, we didn’t stop. And we helped each other. More than I can say for all the other runners who go it alone.
NANCY
Now, if you don’t mind. I really need a bathroom.
(Nancy hobbles off, dragging Rita with her because they are still tied up. Rita protests as lights fade.)
