Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Karl's Roving Brain

You have probably already heard about Karl Rove's attempts to rewrite history in his upcoming memoir. He has already stated on a few news talk shows that it was Congress that rushed Bush into the Iraq war in the fall of 2002. Bush and his posse, apparently, wanted to be more cautious and not make the war political during an election year. Hmmmm.... not how I remember it and, so far, not how anyone other than Rove remembers it. The most surprising thing about this assertion is that Rove's pants did not catch fire or get hung from a telephone wire. You can read more about ol' asbestos pants and his lie HERE.

We here at the BS corporate office have scored an exclusive. We have an excerpt from Karl Rove's memoirs. It recounts a trip he and George Bush made to Baghdad in the autumn of 2003, months after we won the Iraq war.

In the early hours before dawn, George and I were still too giddy to sleep. At 4am, we heard all the mosques broadcasting their call to prayer. In celebration of their liberation, they changed the traditional Arabic chant to "I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy" as sung by James Cagney. We both stepped into the hallway in our pajamas and giggled at the sight of the headline of the IRAQ Today newspapers at our hotel room doors. There just beneath its colorful banner, in English, was "Iraq Loves USA!" And then a subtitle, "We Hope They Take a Liking to Us and Stay."

There was a large window at the end of the hall. George and I decided to watch the sun rise over a new Baghdad. We threw up the sash and peeked out. We knew a Saddam-less Iraq would be transformational, but we had no idea how much! As the sun rose over the little houses with their white picket fences, we heard birds chirping. There along the street was a small horse pulling a milk wagon. The milkman, all dressed in white, delivered the day's dairy to Baghdad's housewives. I don't know how long we stared out that window transfixed. We saw long yellow busses being filled with skipping and laughing children on their way to school. We saw the local barber open up his shop while chatting with a friendly Iraqi policeman. A little boy helped an old woman cross the street. A teenage boy and a teenage girl, he in his varsity jacket, she in her cheerleader outfit, shyly met at the corner and walked hand-in-hand toward the local high school. And there was Sam, the local pharmacist, opening up his soda shop and general store. Any doubts anyone had over liberating the Iraqis would surely melt away if they saw what we saw. The people here are better off without Hussein, that's for sure. A newspaper boy on the sidewalk beneath us looked up and waved cheerfully at us. George threw the boy a gold coin to go buy the biggest turkey he could so George could take it to the troops and congratulate them on a job well done.

Next Chapter: How They Won the Iran War Without Me


Yesterday, I asked...

"Which of the following is the title of a new reality game show in development?"

35% said "Who Wants to Have an Affair"
- This one just seems so likely, it probably has gone into production since yesterday.

15% said "Who Wants to Be a Surgeon"
- This is the one I would watch. Game show and a way to help uninsured Americans get the operations they need.

8% said "Who Wants to Eat Spiders Out of My Ass"
- My idea. Look for it on FOX.

42% got the right one with "Who Wants to Marry a U.S. Citizen"

According to Reuters, Morusa Media, a Los Angeles company, is touting a new reality game show called "Who Wants to Marry a U.S. Citizen" that aims to create televised matrimony between legal citizens and immigrants who have temporary visas. As in the "Dating Game," which ran on network TV for more than two decades starting in the 1960s, a single U.S. citizen gets to ask contestants various questions. Toward the end of the show, he or she decides which one to select as a potential mate. Well, that sounds boring. I have a suggestion for an elimination round that involves spiders.