The Nod

The Nod with Don Hall and Joe Janes has finally arrived. It's tonight at 8pm at the Uptown Writer's Space, 4802 North Broadway. $5, if you gots it. Don and I will be providing refreshments. Because we rock as hosts.

The first half will feature Greg Wendling, Keri Myslinski, Amy Guth , Claire Micklin , and Lindsay Muscato all reading from their smart, entertaining blogs. Word on the street - well, we are talking my street, which seems to have a lot of crazy people off their meds - is that there will be puppets involved!!! Yes, that deserved three exclamation points. Greg will be reading from his friend Madge's blog about a senior citizen's brazen foray into the modern world of technology, so it's all girl power. That, too, deserves three exclamation points, but I blew my "per post quota" on "puppets."

The second half features Don and me along with Nat Topping, Thea Lux and Dave Awl. We'll all be performing pieces from our blogs in the same block. It's a little free form. One person, chosen at random, begins, and then the rest follow up with posts that somehow connect or relate. Totally an experiment and given the pedigree of the folks involved (The Annoyance, WNEP, The Neo-Futurists, Robot vs Dinosaur, Teatro Bastardo, etc), we're up for the challenge.

It's going to be a very exciting time and I hope you can join us. Especially if you are a fan of this or any of these blogs and haven't met any of the authors in person (looking at you, Rekk).



THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"For causing widespread death and destruction, a Nebraska state senator is suing whom?"

13% picked "Osama Bin-Laden"

- Nope, but he probably hopes someone does. For the publicity. His last video, even with a sporty new beard, got totally buried in the news by Britney Spears.

6% thought maybe it was "Hurricane Katrina"
- Nope. The culprit fled the country and hasn't been seen since.

6% hoped it was "George W. Bush"
- Nope. Although he fits the description in the complaint, his campaign of death and destruction continues unabated.

75% got right with "God"

According to the Associated Press, Nebraska state senator Ernie Chambers says in his lawsuit that God has made terroristic threats against the senator and his constituents, inspired fear and caused "widespread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth's inhabitants." Word is God's lawyers are trying to convince the almighty to support the creationism "six thousand years theory" to reduce the dramatic impact of his reign of terror, which has been going on for billions of years.

Dada Rave

Here's a rave review from Time Out this week about Soiree Dada...



Soiree DADA: Blinde Esel Hopse
WNEP Theater at Chicago Cultural Center (see Fringe & storefront)
Dir. Don Hall. With ensemble cast.

DADA DAY CAMP
The white-faced cast of Soiree creates a little Duchamp of horrors.

FOUR STARS

One of WNEP’s clownlike Dada creatures is in the middle of an emotional monologue when suddenly his fellows surround him, making noise, shouting, singing and generally drowning him out. The storyteller soldiers on through the distraction until he can’t take it anymore, shouting, “I am having a poignant moment here!”

Good luck with that, we think. There’s poignancy in the latest Soiree DADA; it’s just not in Hallmark-card form. These Dadaists will move you, but they’re not going to be mushy about it.

The latest edition of WNEP’s nonsense cabaret, sprung from the confines of its shoeboxlike former spaces, ups the ante for its stay at the Cultural Center with a cast of 11 white-faced, questionably accented Dadaists, combining the purposely irrational, logic-rejecting anti-aesthetics of Dada practitioners Tristan Tzara and George Grosz with elements of vaudeville (unlike the Dadaists of old, this group isn’t averse to actually entertaining us).

Hall and his cast take us on one daft roller-coaster ride, careening from the sublimely silly (the petulant Dadaists fight over their belongings like toddlers) to that aforementioned prickly poignancy—witness Jen Ellison’s aggressive, desperately powerful, climactic counting piece. Those allergic to audience participation should find other plans, but a little harmless “in your face” is a small price to pay for some darn good “in your brain.”

—Kris Vire

Nat Topping also has some interesting things to say about his experience of the show over at Clever Title.


This show has been very interesting experience for me as an actor. It's the first show I've done where people will come up to me afterwards and tell me they enjoyed it and then not be able to articulate anything else about it. Same on my end. The most I have to say is "thank you." The only exception I had was one person who came up to me and told me about all the research she did on Dada before coming. It was interesting for her to do so, but not very helpful in actually seeing the show. I think everyone gets something different from the show. Many people have told me they have thought about the show for days after seeing it. Dada, in its subversive ways, affects the performers and the audience on a level that percolates just below the surface. It's difficult to put into words, which might very well be the point.


THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"Gull Meadow Farms has created a tribute to President Ford by carving his likeness in what?"

16% said "A vat of butter"
- No. But I heard he fell in one, once.

16% picked "A pile of manure"
- No. But I heard he fell in one, once.

No one thought it was "A soy bean"
- No. But I heard he fell - oh, wait...
Stuck in a rut, here. No, that was Jew-hater, Henry Ford. Stupid Jew-hater. (Um, yeah. Look, It's 4am as I write this. I'm up early to do more work on that corporate assignment. My brain cells are spread thin.)

68% got it right with "A corn maze"

According to the Associated Press, a farm not far from where Ford grew up created a maze in a cornfield in the likeness of the nation's 38th president, who died last December. Reagan gets a King's funeral. Ford gets a corn maze.

I Have No Feelings Either Way About Mondays

Recently, I was hired by the wonderfully creative people over at Fig Media to help script and direct the opening production of a corporate event. I did not sell my soul, but it is currently on loan and this week will be very heavy back-and-forth with the client as we finalize the details.

I guess what I am saying is, don't expect much from this week for content. I'll do my best, but for now, I will have to defer to the man.



SOIREE DADA




Michael Brownlee has posted some great black and white photos of the show. You can check them out by clicking here.



THE NOD

Is this week! Wednesday night at 8pm at the Uptown Writer's Space. Lindsey Muscato has hopped on board. Check out her blog, Just Stay Calm, and our main website, The Nod with Don Hall and Joe Janes, for more info and links to all the bloggers.



THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

On Saturday, I asked...

"Former recruit Peter J. Palka is suing the Chicago Police Department claiming they kicked him out of the academy because of what?"

34% picked "He has horrible manners."
- Yeah. You NEVER see Chicago cops with bad manners. It's like Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood around here. Um, no.

17% answered "He's too fat."
- This is the town where many cops sit in their cars like encased meats and make you do all the footwork when they pull you over. No. Very no.

16% thought "He has a history of physical violence."
- Actually, this might be a pre-requisite. So, no.

33% got it correct with "He's Polish and looks terrible."

According to the Chicago Sun-Times, Peter J. Palka is suing the Chicago Police Department claiming he was terminated from the Chicago Police Academy because he was Polish and "looked terrible." In the Chicago Police department's defense, it's not so much that he is Polish, per se. It's just that Palka held his gun pointed in the wrong direction. At himself.

Saturday Morning Cartoons!

Super Chicken (1967)





Appearing as a part of the George of the Jungle show was the very inventive, very funny, very pun-heavy and slightly sarcastic Super Chicken. It's as if Jay Ward (creator/producer of Rocky and Bullwinkle) and his co-horts just decided to see how weird they could get with the whole super hero thing. Super Chicken's sidekick is the most unlikely match-up, a lion named Fred. A chicken and a lion? Yep. And Super Chicken does all the heavy lifting. Although it ran for three years on ABC, they only produced one season's worth of original material. A very cheap way the networks saved money figuring kids will watch anything and don't care if it's a rerun.

This is an episode, complete with the wonderful theme song, called One of Our States is Missing.




Thanks for the suggestion, Henri!

THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"In New Mexico, 33 Lea County inmates set fires and broke toilets and windows after being told what?"

44% picked "They would have to quit smoking"
- No. The smoking helps keep the prison population down. Besides, having nicotine patches become the standard of currency just doesn't sound very prison-y.

11% thought it was "They could no longer wear make-up"
- No. They can still wear make-up. Just no glitter.

11% rightfully thought a small riot might be caused by "John Tesh would be performing there"
- No, Tesh is no Johnny Cash. . Although he once shot a man. Just to watch him die. Or was it to put the guy out of his misery at one of his concerts? One of the two.

34% got justice with "They would only get one sausage at dinner"

According to the Associated Press, Lea County inmates set fires and broke toilets and windows after being told they would be allowed only one sausage at dinner. Jail officials said the inmates began yelling and banging on their doors in what they described in a news release as a "temper tantrum." Bring in John Tesh. That will calm them down. Or teach them to never complain, again.

Locked in a Room with ???

Last night while I was out dada-ing, Robowriters were a-writing.

Here's this week's assignment courtesy of Mr. Chris Othic.

This exercise is simply called “Two People Locked in a Room” and it’s the most basic scene you can get, at least at first. Very much like an improvisational scene, the challenge here is to start with nothing and let the story emerge in the dialogue. You want to start small and add details as you need them.

First off, start with two people. It can be two men, two women, or a man and a woman. Then put them in an empty room. The only rule is that neither of them can leave. That doesn’t necessarily mean that they are physically locked in the room, it’s just a rule for you to follow so you don’t try to find an easy way out of the scene.

Everything else is fair game.

Now start free writing a dialogue between them. As you write, you want to try and answer the simple “who, what, where” questions and try to do so in the first ten lines of dialogue:

1. What are their names?

2. What is the relationship between the characters? Are they brother, sisters, co workers, parent and child, spies, executioner and executionee or something else?

3. What kind of room are they in? In a kitchen? A jail cell? A cabin on a boat? How can they interact with the environment?

4. What is their emotional state? Is one sad and the other happy? Both sad? One scared? One angry? As in improv, it is best to give them each an emotional state to help charge the situation.

Once you have discovered the answers to these questions, it’s time to get to the heart of the scene and find out “Why are they here and what do they want?” Just let this come out as you write and reveal itself through the dialogue. Once you discover this you will have a scene. I would suggest free writing like this for 15 to 20 minutes, then stopping and examining what you have. I’m guessing you will have at least something in there that will make a great scene.

So, in this case, what you are doing is exploring and allowing yourself to overwrite your scene. The next draft will involve putting on your editor hat and chipping away everything that's not the scene.

And here's my addition - I forbid you (FORBID, I say!) from writing a scene in an elevator that breaks down or from a scene on a rooftop or in a meat locker or basement or anywhere the door slams shut and is locked. Why? Well, we've all seen it before and it forces you to explore more compelling reasons for two people to have to engage with one another.

CRITIC'S CHOICE

Woo-hoo! The Reader looooooooooooves us! Click on the picture to enlarge it.

THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"To help boost the birth rate in Russia, the governor of Ulyanovsk is urging what?"

24% guessed "Pharmacies to give out free Viagra"
- Nope. No only blue pills they take are the ones that help them forget and keep them in the Russian matrix.

15% picked "Police to blast Barry White music over loudspeakers"
- Yeah, baby. I love the way you answered that sexy question. (I'm typing this in a very deep voice.)It's not right, though.

10% answered "TV stations to broadcast porn"
- Mmmm, Russian porn. "Did somebody order the borscht?" Boom-chicka-bawm-da-la-da-di-da-HEY!

51% know their "gettin' it on" current events and said "People to skip work and have sex"

According to Rueters, the governor urged couples to skip work on Wednesday and make love instead to help boost Russia's low birth-rate.And if you're little bundle of potatoes is born on June 12th, Russia's National Holiday, the lucky couple wins a prize, like a television or a refrigerator. Russia wants to reverse a trend in which the population is shrinking by about 700,000 people a year as births fail to outpace a high death rate boosted by AIDS, alcoholism and suicide. Yeah, winning a television will help turn that around.

The Screaming in my Head

I have purposely been avoiding political stuff this week, even with the anniversary of 9/11. Possibly even because of that anniversary.

Quite frankly, I'm just tired of the bullshit and don't see any hope. Sorry to be such a downer.

Bush is speaking to the nation tonight to sell us the same old over-priced snake oil. The same thing he was going to peddle regardless of the Petraesaurus' report to Congress. He "might" bring 30,000 troops home by June. Exhausted soldiers that should have been sent home to stay long ago. Except it still leaves 130,000 worn out troops and there's that "might" word. Bush "might" send them home if Iraq meets certain goals. Didn't we just hear this?

Plus, Bush needs to syphon troops off of Iraq so he can send them over to Iran when we invade and bring democracy to them like a flaming paper bag full of poop on their doorstep. He doesn't want to send our boys there, mind you. It's because we are very far behind in our robot soldier technology. Flesh and blood is still the most cost-effective way to do battle. It's the government's fault here. They went with Microsoft who keeps delaying the release. If they went with Apple, we would have had the iSoldier months ago and already be on a newer, cheaper model.

But I digress. I'm depressed about our commander-and-thief. What does it take? And why does this moron have such a stranglehold on this country? He wears Iraq like it's the emperor's new clothes and I'm tired of looking at his buttcrack.

The only good news I can find is that at least we're not Russia. Putin is preserving his vision of rolling back democracratic reforms by dissolving the current government and installing his own chosen prime minister. WTF? Bush is positively green with envy.

Soiree Dada begins its second week tonight. Compared to Bush and Putin, it's my preferred brand of committed nonsense. Nobody dies at our shows.



ROBOWRITERS IS TONIGHT!

The lovely and talented two-headed beast of Chris Othic and Nat Topping will be filling in for me at Robowriters at 6:30pm at the Uptown Writer's Space. Chris has a very interesting assignment that I will post tomorrow.



THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"A small plane crash in Provo, Utah Tuesday was caused by what?"

26% said "The pilot spilled his coffee"
- Nope. His grande mocha frappachino was safe, secure and delicious. (BS note: I'm not even going to bother looking up the proper spelling for "grande mocha frappachino," so suck on it Starbucks! Unless I spelled it correctly, in which case, I live in shame.)

26% thought "The pilot was on a cell phone"
- Nope. He was texting anyway. OMG BFF BMBI CRSH

6% guessed "The pilot ran out of gas"
- Nope. The combustible nature of the frappachino gave him plenty of gas.

The correct answer that most of you got at 42% was "The pilot hit a deer"

According to the Associated Press, a plane owned by Utah Valley State College sustained $50,000 in damage when it slammed into a deer during a landing. So, it wasn't a reindeer in flight that it hit. Beware of the burgers being served today at the UVSC student cafeteria.

826

So, I volunteer tutored at 826 for the first time, yesterday.

826 is a non-profit organization founded by author Dave Eggers "dedicated to supporting students ages 6 to 18 with their creative and expository writing skills, and to helping teachers inspire their students to write."

It's a really cool place in Bucktown that poses as a spy store in the front - selling really bad fake mustaches - and has a well-stocked classroom in the back. Kids love the spy stuff which makes coming to the place more enjoyable. Along with doing very fun workshops and field trips, they also do after school tutoring.

Now, I've taught kids before. I have taught improv and writing at Second City day camps. I've instructed "residents" in improv at the Cook County "Temporary" Juvenile Detention Center. There was something about going one-on-one with a student working on their homework that had me worried. I was afraid I wouldn't know what the heck their teacher wanted and would actually tutor them to a worse grade than if they had just done their homework on their own. I also found out yesterday that students might also bring in math homework. I didn't do so well with math the first time around.

Fortunately, it's a very supportive environment and if you find yourself out of your element, there's always another tutor nearby who does know how to multiply and divide fractions.

Mathea is a cute curly haired, apple cheeked little girl that I got to work with. She brought in social studies, spelling, and - gulp - math homework. The math homework turned out to be part of a program where she just needed to do two worksheets and time her efforts. My only role would be as timekeeper. The social studies was the most involved and took up most of the time. She had to read a lesson and answer questions on our government, the main point of which is that our government officials are elected by the people to serve the people. After reading this with Mathea, I'm led to believe most of our politicians in Washington may have skipped the fifth grade and missed this important lesson.

She was great to work with and it turned out to be a lot of fun for both of us. Most of the kids at 826 want to be there. There are a few kids there against their will and I overheard a tutor having a tough time getting one to hunker down and do his work. I lucked out, but I'm sure I'll have my turn with one of them. No big deal. I've taught improv to little criminals. I just have to remember to curb the profanity.

I hesitated offering my services as a volunteer. I do way too much stuff that doesn't pay or doesn't pay enough. But this was only a few hours, very rewarding, and, the best part, when Mathea had a few minutes to kill before her parents came, she drew me a picture of a monster. Score one for the refrigerator door!



THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"A New Hampshire teenager's yearbook senior picture has been rejected, because she's holding a what?"

46% said "A crucifix"
- No. They didn't mind the crucifix. It was her head-spinning. Made the picture blurry.

15% selected "A - ahem - personal massager"
- No. At least, not that they could see.

9% picked "A machine gun"
- Yeah. It was deer hunting season. I mean, no.

The correct answer that 30% got was , of all things, "A flower"

According to the Associated Press, Merrimack High School student Melissa Morin's senior photograph featured her and a small red flower. School officials, however, said the picture is not going to make it in the yearbook because props aren't allowed. Apparently, at one time, a student did hold a gun for his school photo which led to a "no props" allowed rule. It sounds a little silly, I know. But she was stabbing a kitten through the heart with the stem.