Five Years Ago

On March 20, 2003, the United States began a military campaign against Iraq called "Shock and Awe." Shock and awe, technically known as rapid dominance, is a military doctrine based on the use of overwhelming decisive force and spectacular displays of power to paralyze an adversary's perception of the battlefield and destroy its will to fight.





On May 1, 2003, President George W. Bush declared the end of major combat operations in Irag and said to a group of soldiers on the deck of the USS Abraham Lincoln "Because of you, our nation is more secure. Because of you, the tyrant has fallen, and Iraq is free."


May 20, 2008...





Still shocked. Still awed.

The Value of Theater - Us vs Us

Theater used to be much more important in the world, because, really, what else was there? There were books, but until the printing press, those were hard to come by for the masses. Theater was the form of entertainment. With the exception of plagues, which was a very stylized, highly interactive form of entertainment. And crusades. Very funny. Very physical. But I digress...

Growing up, I loved television. I grew up in a time where there was really only three television stations. A show we all loved became a weekly event that the whole family geared their evening around. I especially remember this for shows like Laugh-In, Flip Wilson and Red Skelton. On Fridays nights, mom made popcorn or toasted puffed rice and poured butter and salt on it. Good stuff.

We also went to the movies. As a family, it was a huge event. The Clinton theater downtown was huge by my standards. Sitting in a dark theater and seeing the big screen. I remember seeing Peter Pan there and being blown away. At the Clinton, there was only one screen. A major motion picture would be released and be in town for just a few weeks before moving on. If you missed it, you missed it until years later when it would come on television. And even that would be a special event.

Nowadays, I have over 500 channels on my tube and I if I am unable to make time for something, I DVR it. I can also catch it on-line. If I miss a movie upon its release, odds are it will be knocking around the multiplexes for awhile or will soon be available On Demand or on DVD. I still love television and film, but it is no longer eventful to me. It's fun. It's a diversion. It's a time killer when I am at home.

Theater is valuable today because it is an event. It is an experience that requires effort on the part of the viewer. Television, film and theater all require an investment of time and money - Comcast, Netflix and AMC ain't free. Nor is Wicked, Second City or WNEP. Theater requires me to pay attention and have faith. On the screen, big or small, the medium does all the work. The story will go on and turn out exactly as it was planned regardless of my presence. And it will do it again, over and over, in precisely the same way.

In theater, I get to discover the story. I get to see actors make discoveries. I get to be engaged. Involved. I get to look the actor in the eye and he or she gets to look back. I am not shy about laughing out loud while watching a sitcom or comedy at home. I am equally not shy in a theater, but my laughter actually makes a difference. The actors and the rest of the audience respond with it or to it. We are connected and engaged in the telling of a story that we all care about. Actors on film don't hold for laughs.

Theater is valuable because it is an event, limited in its availability, that generates a communal experience. During the time we are watching a story unfold we are all in it together. The laughter is deeper and the tears are earned and heartfelt. And during that time, we are reminded that we are human and that, in the big scheme of things, on this planet, we are also in it together.


THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"The Viet Bistro in Chicago has countered 'no smoking' laws by serving what?"

15% said "Dip Dip"
- A better name would have been "Dip Sum."

14% said "Tobacco Dumplings"
- Try the menthol ones. Steamed.

No one got hungry for "Cigar Satay"

71% got it right with "Nicotinis"

According to the Chicago Sun-Times, there is nothing particularly sexy or cool about stepping outside to have a smoke while you're out on the town with friends or on a date. That's exactly what sommelier/bar chef Rashed Islam at Viet Bistro, 1344 W. Devon, had in mind when he introduced the Nicotini. That's right, a tobacco-infused martini. Islam's Nicotini begins with tobacco steeped sugarcane juice; he uses 2 ounces of tobacco for every gallon of juice.

Better make sure that olive is stuffed with an Altoid.

The Correct Way to Write

Yesterday, I received a few responses in the comment section from Snatchface and thought she brought up a good issue worth talking about.

"What's it called when you make the audience think you're talking about something else? Like it sounds your talking about porn, but you're really talking about Billy Joel CDs.

And how is that different than this mystery scene? Because I find myself writing the other a lot, and I want to make sure I'm approaching this correctly."

Here's my answer to the first part... I think what you are referring to in the first part is a lighter form of Clash of Context. In pure Clash of Context, a whole world is created out of smashing two different cultures together - Mr. Show was brilliant at this. One of my favorite scenes of theirs being the TV evangelists praising Satan. In its lighter form, one situation is laid upon another. A boss firing an employee or an employee quitting his or her job becomes a couple break-up scene. Seinfeld is really good at this. Your example of people talking about Billy Joel Cd's while the audience presumes they are talking about porn flicks (makes me wonder, in a porn context, why someone might be called Piano Man. Is that an upright?) I call that Fucking with the Audience (Messing with the Audience, if you prefer).

Fucking with the Audience is a term I came up with during my brief stint as head of the writing program at Second City prior to moving to Detroit for a few years to work with Second City there. The writing program then was still very young and I was able to nail down a curriculum for the first three levels before leaving. A type of scene I noticed in sketch revues and, again Mr. Show along with Kids in the Hall, is one where we think one thing is going on and then there's a paradigm shift that enlightens us to what is really going on. They are tricky to write and I think they work best if there's someone in the scene who, like the audience, presumes one thing and discovers the truth. Where it's tricky is making sure the events and dialogue are valid and don't get too contrived to keep the illusion going. Or worse, that the paradigm shift is "It was all a dream" or the whole thing's just a Three's Company-like scenario overhearing a conversation about baking a cake and thinking its about a sexual affair.

What's the difference between that and a Mystery Scene? I don't think the mystery scene necessarily has to have a paradigm shift. It's more about generating mystery through off-beat behavior. And in a mystery scene, what the audience thinks is going on may actually be what's going on.

But what I really want to address is your concern about doing a type of scene correctly. Types of scenes are just templates. If you have a scene that's rambling or feels flat, it might be helpful to figure out what kind of scene it is, or what kind of scene you'd like it to be, so that you can rewrite it and make it more focused. They are helpful tools. There is no patented tried and true formula to writing or approaching scenes correctly.

There are the basics to always work on - format, effective dialogue, efficient stage directions, rhythm, etc - but when it comes to the actual writing of a scene, it is what it is. You are an artist. When you sit down to write, it's like throwing a lump of clay onto a pottery wheel. You might intend to make a vase and walk away with a tea pot. Now, you can mash what you got and start over, you can cut off the handle and the spout and make it look more vase-like, or you can just let the tea pot be a tea pot and try again for a vase.

Writing is an art form. It's a process. The real skill is learning to serve the story and scene that's developing and worry less about whether or not it's correct.

Hope that's helpful and not too long-winded. Thanks for the question, Snatchface, and good luck with your writing.



THE VALUE OF THEATER

Got this e-mail from Matt Slaybuagh...

Hello Blogging friends -

On Wednesday, March 19, a small by determined group of theatre bloggers will blog about the value of theatre. Here's a summary of what we'll be attempting to tackle.

What is the "value" of theatre? We need to figure out what it is that theatre does well and better than other art/entertainment forms. And then we need to figure out a positive way to describe those things to people who do not already identify themselves as theatregoers. Ideally, we'll describe things that most theatres have in common, regardless of the differences in the content of their productions. Some suggested topics: community, group experience, theatre is local, theatre is sensually rich.

We hope that you join us that day. You could write your own post, comment on ours, or make fun of us. It's all up to you.

Also, please pass this on to your blogging friends. I'd like to include everyone, but I don't have as many email addresses as I wish I did. I'd hate for anyone to be/feel left out.

Also, please let me know if you do plan to post that day. I'd love to put together a list of all the inter-related threads.

Thanks so much,

Matt (Slay)

So, tomorrow I will write about the value of theater.



THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"To try to help them shed some pounds, polar bears at the Indianapolis Zoo are being fed what?"

28% said "Tofu"
- Polar bears love tofu. Especially when mix into a penguin stir fry.

14% said "Cliff Bars"
- I don't know about polar bears, but I could devour enough Cliff bars in a day to completely offset any health value they have.

No one said "Celery"


58% got it right with "Sugar-Free Jell-O"

According to the AP, Gorillas on Weight Watchers? Polar bears slurping sugar-free Jell-O shots? Giraffes nibbling alfalfa biscuits? The days of letting visitors throw marshmallows to the animals are mostly history at zoos around the country, replaced by a growing focus on diet and nutrition that parallels the fitness craze in humans.

Way to go, America. We're fat, our house pets are fat, now our zoo animals are porking up. First thing we need to do, get rid of the TVs in the chimpanzee pens. Then post pictures of thinner versions of rhinos on the walls of their area for incentive. And, be real, folks. I don't think we should rule out liposuction for the hippos.

What's in the Bag?

ROBOWRITERS ASSIGNMENT

The writing assignment this week has to do with generating mystery.

The game, for the most part, in sketch writing is to get all your pertinent information out quickly so the audience can be on board and enjoy the scene. This exercise is about intentionally, and playfully, withholding information.

One of my favorite scenes from a Writing 5 show was written by Robowriters regular, David Devries. The set up is easy to get. A young man brings a young woman home to his apartment after a date. They start to make out on the couch and get interrupted by his roommate coming home. A very typical situation, except his roommate is dragging a large duffel bag across the stage and into his room. His behavior is also suspicious as he stammers over answering the question "What's in the bag?" His answer, "Apples."

He leaves, the couple returns to making out, the man enthusiastically, the woman a bit reluctantly. They are interrupted again by the roommate exiting his room and going to the kitchen. He crosses back through the living room with a large knife - for cutting the apples? - and returns to his bedroom.

David does a nice job of building the tension mixing the roommates creepy behavior with the woman's growing suspicions and the man's strong desire for some hormonal wrestling. The woman's suspicions are, of course, our suspicions, too. It's important to have someone in the scene going through the experience of the mystery with the audience.

In David's scene we do find out what was in the bag - I won't give it away, in case you ever get a chance to see it or read it. Suffice it to say, it's either really apples or a screaming handcuffed man in his underwear. Maybe I did just give it away.

I do think the mystery does need to be answered. It's very similar to an inappropriate response scene. If we don't understand what's causing the behavior, we're not in on the joke. Or, it means a character is behaving the way they are simply because they are being a dick, which is tough to justify and sustain.

A good way to start working on a mystery scene is to start with common, everyday locations and situations. A doctor's office, a coffee shop, a family dinner, a conference room, etc. And then figure out the slight curve you're going to add to the mix. We're generating mystery here, so it's important to start off slow and let it build.

I like the doctor's office idea and think an interesting scene might be a pregnant woman getting an ultra-sound for the first time. As it's going on, the doctor clearly sees something, turns the screen away from her, but keeps telling her everything is fine. He goes and gets an associate to take a look. I can build it with people's reactions to the screen or who it is he brings in. A nurse, another doctor, a priest, someone from homeland security. I will eventually have to answer "What's in the belly?" I don't know the answer and probably won't until after a first or second draft and perhaps doing a list of ten on the subject. Once I find the answer, I can rewrite my scene to make an even stronger build to that conclusion.


METALUNA STAGED READING

Thank you everyone who came out to the staged reading on Saturday. We had a very nice turnout. Jen Ellison, the director, also did an excellent job casting it and prepping us for it. The performances were spot on with my vision for the play. It's a difficult show to convey. There are a lot of stage directions and crazy Dada things going on. I think we did about as best as we could short of a full production, which will be in July at The Red Orchid.


THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

On Friday, I asked...

"According to a survey by eBeanstalk.com, the 'Tooth Fairy' gives kids on avergae what per tooth?"

37% said "$5"

25% said "$ .50"

No one said "$20"

And 38% got it right with "$2.62"

According to CNN, a survey of 150 mothers conducted by eBeanstalk.com, an online toy store, says the Tooth Fairy is giving an average of $2.64, with 60 percent of respondents reporting that they give less than $3 per tooth. Stray too far above the average and you're bound to frustrate some other parents on the block. "If one kid gets $20 and tells the kids at school, then other kids go home and are upset they got less," says Dr. Rhea Haugseth, a pediatric dentist in Marietta, Georgia. However, those who stray too far below the average -- or, at least, below their child's expectations -- might find they have some explaining to do.

I never understood the Tooth Fairy thing. I lose a tooth and you're going to give me money for it? I never questioned what perverse things that fairy might be doing with children's teeth. Making necklaces or doing some odd twist on macaroni art, perhaps. But I did find it to be a vital lesson in business. I get money for losing a tooth. I take the money and buy candy with it to promote losing more teeth thus making more money. Back then, I was only making a dime a tooth. Damn. I should have stuck with it.

Yippeeeeeee!

METALUNA AND THE AMAZING SCIENCE OF THE MIND REVUE - Tomorrow Night!




Metaluna is a play I wrote over a dozen years ago. I'm very proud of it and felt last week at rehearsal that it held up pretty well. While masquerading as a goofy romp through vaudeville and Dada, I feel like it also has a thing or two to say about politics, society and relationships.

Here is a picture of the cast being goobers backstage after our last show.




And, yes, that's me in blackface. The Dadas valiantly attempt vaudeville in the play and blackface was very much a part of the time. It also ties in with the transformation the character of Baden goes through. We had concerns about it in rehearsals, but went ahead with it anyway. We never heard a negative word about it from anyone, in the press or on the street. And we did have people of color come see our show, so it's not like we were just performing for our whitey friends. In the Los Angeles production, they backed off from it and only had the character of Baden wear it briefly for only one scene. They got reamed for it by one critic who called it a dark, regrettable moment. I think LA needs a hug.


ROBOWRITERS

Every Saturday, the boys from Robot vs Dinosaur and I wrap up our rehearsal to host a writing group open to anyone. It's from 1pm - 3pm at Gorilla Tango, 1919 North Milwaukee near Western. It's only $5. We think this is the best deal in the city for any writer to get high quality feedback on their scenes, so get off your butt and go take advantage of it! Don't worry about there being too many people there. We usually average around 5 and have room for more.



THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"Connecticut 8th Grader and class vice-president Michael Sheridan was suspended and stripped of his title when he was caught at school purchasing a bag of what?"

12% said "Prescription Drugs"
- Dude, trade you my pbj for some Ritalin...

12% said "Paint Supplies"
- Dual purpose, man. You can vandalize a locker with it and then you can huff it and vandalize your brain.

12% said "Weed"
- Oh, how passe.

62% got it right with "Skittles"

According to CNN, Michael Sheridan, an eighth-grade honors student who was suspended for a day, barred from attending an honors dinner and stripped of his title as class vice president after he was caught with a bag of Skittles candy in school. Superintendent Reginald Mayo said in a statement late Wednesday that he and principal Eleanor Turner met with Michael's parents and decided to clear the boy's record and restore him to his student council post.

Why is the school backing down from this? Don't they realize that Skittles is a gateway candy? It will most certainly lead to worse things, like snorting Milk Duds, smoking Pixies Sticks or mainlining Twizzlers. Poor Michael is now on a treacherous path of not only tooth decay, but soul decay.

Hell's Smells

THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"Northhampton, Mass. city officials recently hired the Agawam environmental company to do what to their landfill?"

42% said "Feng Shui it"
- Coffee grounds and baby diapers should be mindfully separated to create flow and make one feel energized while strolling through the landfill.

28% said "Hide it"
- Is it a landfill or is it ART!

Nobody said "Turn it into condos"
- With this market and the general quality of condos, wait and the condos will turn into landfills.

And 28% got it right with "Sniff it"

According to the Associated Press, a "sniff squad" of trained noses is being called in to root out Northampton's landfill odors. The city has hired specially trained stink-sniffers to help determine whether the dump is too pungent for neighboring homeowners to stand. Northampton officials signed a $25,000 contract with an Agawam environmental company after state officials ordered independent testing of landfill odors. Using little more than their own noses, the super sniffers are trained to detect and rate the strength of rotting trash, landfill gases and other unpleasantries.

They are paying someone $25,000 to tell them if their landfill is too smelly for its neighbors? Ladies and gentlemen of Northampton, I think I can save you some money here. Ask the neighbors!

The News

Sometimes the news itself is so damn funny, I have nothing to add.

Governor Spitzer of New York aka "The Sheriff of Wall Street," getting busted for being a high-paying john? That's a set-up and punchline right there, my friends. The biggest laugh I've had this week came from Barrack Obama when the Clinton campaign dropped hints they might offer him the vice-president position on a ticket. He said (paraphrased from memory), "Why would I accept being vice-president to the person in second place?"

As far as Spitzer goes, I really have nothing funny to add that The Daily Show, The Colbert Report and Countdown with Keith Olbermann haven't already covered and done better than I ever could in my blogosphere bubble. I will say two things, though. Whenever a politician or an evangelist is vocally super critical of something like prostitution, homosexuality or drugs, look out. Secondly, what's up with these wives who stand by their man at a time of ultimate humiliation for themselves and their families? Unless you were in on it and endorsed the behavior, let these jerks stand up there by themselves with their little weenies flapping in the wind.

Okay, one more thing... $5,000 to poke a hooker? Does this include a day at the spa and a gift bag? Does she use some rare kind of special lubrication culled from baby seals? What exactly are you getting in that blowjob that you couldn't get for a couple hundred somewhere else? An extended warranty? For my money, she better be humming the Star Spangled Banner and have a sparkler coming out of her ass. This is the real crime. A politician who doesn't know how to be frugal.



THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"Officials in Jakarta are trying to deter commuters from riding on top of trains by doing what?"

28% said "Yelling shameful things at them"
- "You're disgracing the honor of your family, asshole!"

14% said "Poking them with a stick"
- That's what they do after the commuter falls off the train. To see if they are alive.

No one bought "Electrocuting them"

57% got it right with "Spray painting them"

According to the BBC, rush-hour trains in Jakarta are sometimes so packed that, to be on time for work, people are forced to get up on the roof and crouch below the black electric pylons until they reach their stop. But starting this month, guards are patrolling the stations, armed with canisters of coloured liquid. Their aim is to spray-paint anyone riding on top of the trains, to get some discipline back into the railways.

Here's an idea, Indonesia, just spit-balling here, how about providing MORE TRAINS!