Sorry I'm Late

THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Not too long ago, I asked...

"Judge Rob Murfitt of Wellington, New Zealand made a 9-year-old girl a ward of the court so her name could be changed. The name he took issue with was what?"

25% said "Vee Gina"
- Hold on..."Has anyone seen Vee Gina?"

8% said "Phyllis McCracken"
- I never knew Phil had a sister.

No one fell for "Ivana Tinkle"
- If your last name is "Tinkle," ain't nothin' gonna sound right.

66% got it right with "Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii"

According to The Associated Press, a family court judge in New Zealand has had enough with parents giving their children bizarre names here, and did something about it.

Just ask Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii. He had her renamed.

Judge Rob Murfitt made the 9-year-old girl a ward of the court so that her name could be changed, he said in a ruling made public Thursday. The girl was involved in a custody battle, he said.

The new name was not made public to protect the girl's privacy.

But they did release a photo of her.

Is There Life Before Death?

(The B & S World Headquarters employee break room. Photo by Roger O'Leary-Archer.)

Taking a break for a week. See you here next Monday. Don't be late.

- Joe

Stacked High

THEATRE REVIEW

Stacked: An Evening of Two One-Person Shows
Tuesday 7/29, 8 PM
Apollo Theater - studio
2540 N. Lincoln
773-935-6100
$10.

These two one-person shows are being performed together one more time on this upcoming Tuesday evening in preparation for both shows to perform separately at The New York Fringe Festival.

The Sound of One Hanna Clapping
Written and Performed by Hanna LoPatin
Directed by Ana Gasteyer


The Jazz Gallery
290 Hudson St.
New York, NY

Monday 8/18 @ 7:45
Tuesday 8/19 @ 5:30
Wednesday 8/20 @ 4:00
Friday 8/22 @ 8:30
Saturday 8/23 @ 1:30

FOR TICKETS CALL 1-888-FRINGENYC or go to www.fringenyc.org



Dingbat
Written and Performed by Nancy Friedrich
Directed by James Whittington


The Players Loft
115 MacDougal Street, 3rd Floor
(West side of MacDougal, just south of West 3rd Street)
SUBWAY: A, B, C, D, E, F, V to West 4th Street

WED 8/20 @ 7:00pm
THUR 8/21 @ 9:00pm
FRI 8/22 @ 5:15pm
SAT 8/23 @ 9:15pm
SUN 8/24 @ 12:15pm


FOR TICKETS CALL 1-888-FRINGENYC or go to www.fringenyc.org


Stacked is a solid evening of entertainment and worth several times the ten bucks you'll spend on a ticket here in Chicago. Tickets for the New York shows are $15 for each show, so, there you go shoppers. The best price for great shows is here in Chicago.

I saw the show last Tuesday. I don't know if the ladies switch off the order or not. Hanna did the opening slot with The Sound of One Hanna Clapping. In the interest of full disclosure, I have known Hanna for four or five years, now. She went through the writing program at Second City and was an active member of Teatro Bastardo. I'm already a huge fan of her abundant mad skills. Her show did what you expect a one-person show to do - it showcased her talent. She plays several of her songs, does monologues and even takes us on a hilarious silent journey through the possible relationship with her dream man, Michael Showalter (from Stella). They do not live - or die - happily ever after. Hanna has trouble making relationships work even in her fantasy life. She even puts to good use short video pieces that integrate well into the piece, as opposed to being "...and now here's a video I did that has nothing to do with the rest of the show."

The only beef I have with Hanna's show is that it explores her beliefs that her showbiz career has not turned out and that she is perpetually single. SHE'S ONLY 26! Hanna, your showbiz career is just getting started and, my God, woman, don't think about marriage until you're in your 30's. You're going to be too busy working that showbiz career. You're hot, your talented and ANA GASTEYER DIRECTED YOUR SHOW, FOR PETE'S SAKE!!!

My point is, I think you'll be fine. Things are working out for you. As a through line for the show, it was hard to buy into. That discrepancy, however, certainly didn't keep me from being entertained.

There are two kinds of one-person shows. The kind that do what Hanna's does, putting her life out on the stage for everyone to see. Then there's the other kind of show that Nancy Friedrich does. It's called Dingbat and showcases her skills as a character-based comedienne and it tells a story. And the story is remarkably and wonderfully weird. It's about a librarian in New York who marries a punk rock drummer and they move to a small town in South Dakota where the drummer is summarily eaten by bears. The story focuses on her grieving process, the intrusion of wacky, well-meaning neighbors and the return of her imaginary friend from childhood - Dingbat, a rope with bells on it and googly eyes. Nancy is outright a very funny person. Her characters have a soft spoken edge to them and underneath that surface seems to be some sort of surreal circus where the performers don't use nets or safety harnesses. Her nightmare Sex in the City/The Facts of Life dream sequence is a hard rock symphony of turn-on-a-dime character reactions. The only beef I have with Nancy's show is that is relies heavily on a narrator. No problem with that, except the voice-over artist is never credited and he's such an integral part of the story telling. (It's Noah Gregoropolous, by the way, who's got a nice Tom Bodet thing going on here.)

If you are in New York, see them. If you live in Chicago, you'd be foolish not to plop down the $10 to see both of these shows.



THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"Dr. Edgar Mitchell claims aliens exist. He is uniquely qualified in this opinion because he what?"

60% said "Is an alien"
- The PhD is from his own planet and he really shouldn't be using the moniker here.

20% said "Has a guest house where they stay"
- Sure. Why not. OJ Simpson did that, too. What earth parent would name their kid Kato?

10% said "Has been probed - you know where"
- He has. He was drunk at the time. The alien totally took advantage of him.

10% got it right with "Has walked on the moon"

According to News.Com.Au, former NASA astronaut and moon-walker Dr Edgar Mitchell - a veteran of the Apollo 14 mission - has stunningly claimed aliens exist. And he says extra-terrestrials have visited Earth on several occasions - but the alien contact has been repeatedly covered up by governments for six decades.

Officials from NASA, however, were quick to play the comments down.

In a statement, a spokesman said: "NASA does not track UFOs. NASA is not involved in any sort of cover up about alien life on this planet or anywhere in the universe.

Here's a picture of the NASA official speaking at a press conference on the subject.

Strange and Satisfying

The Reader recommends you come see Metaluna. The review isn't on-line at the time of this posting, but it is in print. They plug us on their website's homepage with a picture of Regan in religious attire and whiteface. Oddly, they have linked us to info on Late Nite Catechism!

The Tribune has also reviewed us, but I couldn't find it on-line. Don has it posted at AWG.

Our second weekend starts tonight at 8pm at A Red Orchid! Come and get your Dada!


THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"Police were called to Dick's Market in Centerville, Utah because of a reported bomb that turned out to be what?"

30% said "Canned Ham"
- I think that's a description of Robert Downey, Jr's performance in Iron Man.

40% said "Package of Foot-Long Hot Dogs"
- That bomb goes off about 45 minutes after you eat them.

10% said "Rolled Oats"
- Quakers don't make bombs.

20% got it right with "String Cheese"

According to UPI, an employee of Dick's Market reported seeing a cylindrical device wrapped in duct tape near a dry ice cooler after police received a phone tip of a bomb in the store, the Ogden (Utah) Standard-Examiner reported Wednesday.

Centerville police Lt. Paul Child said the store was closed for about two hours while bomb sniffing dogs and a bomb technician ensured there was no real threat to the store. The device wrapped in duct tape turned out to be a piece of string cheese.

No arrests have been made. They believe it was an employee playing a prank. Me? I think it was a promotional stunt for these guys.

I Believe...

- I believe that the amount of money spent on presidential campaigns is obscene and should be a source of shame for our country. Millions of dollars that could be spent on feeding the hungry, sheltering the homeless, easing healthcare costs, etc, is pissed out the window on pablum and spin. Candidates should be restricted to formal debates, press conferences, interviews on real news shows, text-based websites and cheap leaflets printed on recyclable paper. It is our duty to find out about them and where they stand, not theirs to sell us an image like they were New Coke.

- Do what you love and the money will follow. Apparently, I need to stop doing what I love, so the money can catch up.

- I believe Ricky Gervais is a comic genius, but if you need cheering up, Extras and the original The Office have an opposite effect. It's like laughing while falling down a well. Where's Benny Hill when you need him?

- I believe the main reason relationships fail is the inability for people in this day and age to shift from a "me" mentality to a "we" mentality and to be for and in service of each other's hopes and dreams. Just saying. No reason. Anyone want to buy a diamond ring?



THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"Matthew Pillars and Jack Keiffer of San Luis Obispo, California have been sentenced for doing what to a passed-out drinking buddy?"

63% said "Posting pictures on the Internet with their genitalia on his face"
- I hope that didn't give anyone any ideas, Don Hall.

18% said "Writing 'I'm Very Gay' on his forehead"
- It's the "very" that made it slanderous. That's like ultra gay.

9% said "Dropping him off at a homeless shelter, naked"
- He had plenty of offers for bunkmates.

10% got it right with "Setting his crotch on fire"

According to the San Luis Obispo County News, two men accused of setting their friend’s groin on fire were sentenced to jail and prison this week.

Matthew Craig Pillers, 22, and Jack Brent Nicholas Keiffer, 19, pleaded no contest to felony causing a fire that leads to great bodily injury, according to court officials.

The men routinely drank together and played practical jokes on each other. That night one of them poured cologne on Tuleja's groin area while he was passed out and allegedly lit his pants on fire, according to prosecutors. Tuleja suffered second-and third-degree burns on his testicles and third-degree burns on his inner thighs.

Second and third degree burns on his nads? Toasting someone's testicles is their idea of a practical joke? I want to party with these guys! Maybe they'll hog tie me and drag me through a cactus field. Won't that be good times!

Welcome to Dada!

(photo by Michael Brownlee)

Time Out - Chicago has posted a review...


THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"In an attempt to cut down on casualties in Iraq and Afghanistan, the British Army is doing what?"

44% said "Dressing up mannequins as soldiers"
- That's what America does when it wants to inflate its numbers from coalition countries, like Albania.

22% said "Using remote controlled toy cars"
- That only works in movies, which means we should try it. George seems to have watched a lot of John Wayne and Clint Eastwood flicks.

22% said "Sending less troops"
- The most effective way to reduce casualties in my book. Time tested, mother approved.

11% got it right with "Training dogs to parachute"

According to The Sun, fearless German Shepherds are being trained to jump from aircraft at 25,000ft wearing their own oxygen masks and strapped to special forces assault teams.

Once down in hostile terrain in Iraq or Afghanistan, the dogs will be sent in first to seek out insurgents’ hideouts with tiny cameras fixed to their heads.

The cameras will beam live TV pictures back to the troops, warning of ambushes or showing enemy leaders’ locations.

The cameras will also beam extreme close-ups of balls being licked and crotches being sniffed.

One Amazing Weekend

We just wrapped up the opening weekend of Metaluna and I feel pretty damn good about it. We had three reviewers come check us out, so I'll let you know what the "pros" think when they publish their thoughts about our little play. I was really wiped out by the end of the show on Saturday and went home and plopped right into bed. I spent most of Sunday pursuing one of my favorite activities - sleeping. I was well rested for the show on Sunday which I think helped that show be one of our best. Everyone seemed very relaxed and confident and the mad chaos backstage seemed neither mad or chaotic. The only snafu of the evening that I caught, literally, was being stabbed in the top of the head by the one of the metal spokes of an umbrella. But, hey, it's not theater without a little blood.

Here are some pictures taken by Jerry Schulman...










THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

On Friday, I asked...

"A Daytona Beach police officer has been fired for threatening Starbucks employees with what if they didn't give him free coffee?"

42% said "A flurry of speeding and parking tickets"
- Not hard to do. Just hang out near a Starbucks and see that abundance of double-parking and speeding off to get to work on time.

28% said "Drug arrests"
- I think you could make a case for Starbucks just being a socially acceptable form of a meth lab.

7% said "Strip searches"
- Not sure I want to see what that barrista has hiding under his green apron.

2% got it right with "Slow emergency response"

According to The Associated Press, an internal affairs report says Lt. Major Garvin, a 15-year veteran of the Daytona Beach police force, demanded free coffee and tea from a Starbucks and threatened employees with slower emergency response times if they refused. Besides demanding free drinks, workers complained that Garvin also cut in front of paying customers.

First off, I think cops in general need to go easy on the coffee. Last thing we need is someone jittery who's packing heat. Secondly, I think his threat was misunderstood. He meant that if he did not get any coffee, his response time would be slower. He'd be a little sluggish and dealing with migraine headaches. I can totally relate.