I Believe...

...that Dada is art come alive. And just like encountering another human being. Dada is full of mystery, complexity, pain and beauty. And, like the stories we tell ourselves, only means what we say it means.

...that there's something off in America about work and holidays. I no longer look at the holidays as a time for reflection and spiritual fine-tuning. It is time off. A chance to get caught up on that thing I've been writing and cleaning the bath tub. Or, more likely, get caught up on the shows on my DVR or in my Netflix queue.

...that president-elect Obama has already had more press conferences before taking office than Bush has had in eight years. This is a different kind of president and it's going to make the status quo deregulation corporate tool morons who are happy with our ship heading towards an iceberg very unhappy. Of course, thanks to the status quo deregulation corporate tool morons, that ice berg will probably melt by the time we get there.

...that I am strangely unaffected by the current economy. I'm paying my bills. Barely covering my ass. Just like always. All the news programs are recommending ways to tighten our belts. Hey, elite media! Stop flaunting your high falutin' belts in my face. Let me know when you have something to say that we, the beltless of America, can relate to!


$500 REWARD

So, I got a reward for $500. In my dreams. Not sure who it was from. Possibly an airport, except we were all outside standing in a line. Like some converted small town main street. I found a bank deposit bag full of something. I tried to hand it to someone who worked there, and he pushed it back. He thought I was trying to shove more work on him. When I finally got to the counter, the lady was very happy to see it and told me I would get a reward amounting to 18% of whatever is in the bag. That turned out to be $500 exactly (even in my dreams, I can't do math).

The lesson, of course, is look in the bag before you turn it in.


THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"According to a study done by the City University of New York, napping can boost your what?"

15% said "libido"
- Maybe. I don't get nap boners. You?

14% said "energy"
- I don't think they needed to do a study to figure that one out.

No one said "drooling"

71% got it right with "memory"

According to The Huffington Post, "Not only do we need to remember to sleep, but most certainly we sleep to remember," is how Dr. William Fishbein, a cognitive neuroscientist at the City University of New York, put it at a meeting of the Society for Neuroscience last week.

Particularly important is "slow-wave sleep," a period of very deep sleep that comes earlier than better-known REM sleep, or dreaming time.

Fishbein suspected a more active role for the slow-wave sleep that can emerge even in a power nap. Maybe our brains keep working during that time to solve problems and come up with new ideas. So he and graduate student Hiuyan Lau devised a simple test: documenting relational memory, where the brain puts together separately learned facts in new ways.

First, they taught 20 English-speaking college students lists of Chinese words spelled with two characters _ such as sister, mother, maid. Then half the students took a nap, being monitored to be sure they didn't move from slow-wave sleep into the REM stage.

Upon awakening, they took a multiple-choice test of Chinese words they'd never seen before. The nappers did much better at automatically learning that the first of the two-pair characters in the words they'd memorized earlier always meant the same thing _ female, for example. So they also were more likely than non-nappers to choose that a new word containing that character meant "princess" and not "ape."

So, there you go. When you see me hunched over my backpack on the El train, I'm working on my next blog post. Shove off.

The Captain's Room

Being a grown-up and all, you should be able to do whatever you damn well please when it comes to furnishing your apartment. As much as I would love for my apartment to look like the Nautilus submarine and my bedroom to look like Captain Nemo's quarters, it's just not feasible. For one, it costs a lot to do it right and I won't settle for less than authenticity. Two, women look at you funny when you ask them to pretend they have just been saved from a giant squid and it would really go better with the apartment if you put on this corset, oh, please. Don't make the captain beg.

So, I found some tasteful big boy furniture that I really do like. It's a platform bed and I got a matching nightstand. It's like living in a hotel. And I won't have to grow a beard or wear a sea captain's uniform to get the full effect. Cats sold separately.




HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JEN ELLISON!

Hope you don't have a crappy Tuesday. Here she is as Dada Dabo about to bite Dada Mondo Yippeeeeeee's head on the streets of Chicago.




THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"Judge Paul Sacco of Colorado makes noise ordinance violators do what?"

10% said "take meditation classes"
- He did, but that loud "ohm" sound was pissing off the neighbors.

No one said "buy ear plugs for their neighbors" or "whisper"

90% got it right with "listen to Barry Manilow"

According to the Associated Press, Fort Lupton Municipal Judge Paul Sacco says his novel punishment of forcing noise violators to listen to music they don't like for one hour has cut down on the number of repeat offenders in this northwestern Colorado prairie town. About four times a year, those guilty of noise ordinance violations are required to sit in a room and listen to music from the likes of Manilow, Barney the Dinosaur, and The Platters' crooning "Only You."

Sacco began the program years ago when he noticed that many of the repeat offenders simply showed up at his courtroom to pay their fine with cash.

"Most kids don't want to hear somebody like Glenn Close trying to sing opera," he said.

...Okay. Good idea. I don't think The Platters belong on the list, but if I were a teenager playing my gothemometal music too loud, I could see where "Only You" might be like taking medicine. But it is good for you.

And, FYI, let's clear up the magnificent Glenn Close's reputation here. She does not sing opera. She once did a forgettable movie called Meeting Venus in which she played a diva opera singer. Her voice was dubbed. You can watch the trailer HERE.

Theater is Fluid

One show close to my heart closed this past weekend and another one also wedged deep within my chest cavity opened. What's odd, is that while being very invested in the shows, I had very little to do directly with their development. The closer was Robot vs Dinosaur's Are You There, God? It's Me, Satan at Gorilla Tango. A very strong sophomore effort from our group. And it made some money. Enough to give us some good footing going in to our next project. Are You There God? was a sketch revue. Well written and performed and as good, if not better, than any other revue running right now. My involvement? I started the company and from time-to-time during this process stuck my head in the door and said "Hey, that looks good." A job well done, on my part, I must say.




The show that opened is WNEP's Soiree DADA: Schmuck die Hallen at the DCA Theater. It is our slickest dada show in our most professional space with our most blatant theme. In many ways, that should be ringing the death knell of Soiree Dada. Happy to say, it does not. Well worth it to see this show, even if you have never seen dada before. You can get a break on the cost of your ticket by bringing an unwrapped toy that goes to charity. $10 off if you bring a really cool gift. $5 off if you are a loser and just bring a crappy coloring book and off-brand crayons. My involvement with the show? I came up with the title. I also co-created Soiree Dada with Joel Jeske back in the winter 1995-96. Our first show was a two-man dada thing at an open mic in the back of Sheffield's bar on an icy cold Monday night. The audience didn't know what hit them. I also didn't know what I was hitting them with.


The holidays are quickly approaching and off-loop theater is alive and well. With the temporary slow down in my schedule, I'm going to try to take the opportunity to see more stuff.


THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

On Friday, I asked...

"On Thursday, Sarah Palin made a holiday appearance in Wasilla to pardon a local turkey and then did an interview with what happening in the background?"

31% said "turkeys being crammed into a cage"

No one went for "turkeys being bred" (Even turkeys think abstinence is dumb) or "turkeys being dropped from a plane" (They learned their lesson after the 2007 Wasilla Turkey Drop, Les Nessman reporting.)

69% got it right with "turkeys being slaughtered"

According to The Huffington Post, Alaska Governor Sarah Palin appeared in Wasilla in order to pardon a local turkey in anticipation of Thanksgiving. This proved to be a slightly absurd but ultimately unremarkable event. But what came next was positively surreal. After the pardon Palin proceeded to do an interview with a local TV station while the turkeys were being SLAUGHTERED in the background!! Seemingly oblivious to the gruesomeness going on over her shoulder, she carries on talking for over three minutes. Watch the video below to see for yourself. Be warned, it's kind of gruesome.

Can Joe Six-Pack say "oblivious"? My favorite part is when she talks about having a little levity this time of year while a turkey is being bled. I love the look on the guy's face doing the slaughtering. He looks around from time-to-time like "You know, I'm killing turkeys here, right?" Personally, I think he's wringing the wrong neck.

The turkey's the one sipping Starbucks.

Lazy Writing?

Saw a sketch revue last night that shall go nameless, particularly because it is in previews. But it reminded me of how brilliant and lazy Chicago's comic minds can be when it comes to scenework. There were many scenes in the show that set up some compelling premises, only to bail on them rather than resolve them.

A common structure of the scenes I saw went something like this...

SET-UP - establish the who, the what and the where
PROBLEM - introduce the comic problem
HEIGHTEN - make the problem worse
SAY SOMETHING REALLY FUNNY, LIGHTS! - say something funny, hit the lights, play loud music

Does this mean they didn't explore possible resolutions and try to find the one that fit the scene best? They actually probably did, but there's a misbelief out there that every sketch in a sketch revue has to end on a big laugh (and just in case it doesn't, be ready with a quick blackout and loud music). Sketches do not have to end on big laughs. Great if it does, but I think it's more satisfying to end on resolution. Or find the big laugh in the resolution or right on the heels of the resolution. Finish telling the story. Scenes in a sketch revue are a lot like short stories. They take us to an interesting world and tell us a quick, compelling tale. The scenes I saw last night took us to interesting worlds and started to tell us compelling tales and then changed the subject.

Trust your audience. Trust they are as smart as you. Most of them are or are probably smarter.


IMPROVISED SHAKESPEARE COMPANY TONIGHT!

Speaking of good story telling, we usually knock it out of the park at ISC. Tonight we experiment in numbers. Almost the entire company will be there. The number of board treaders could be thirteen to fifteen. We're going for telling a complete play without double or tripled casting lead characters. Hopefully, we'll be able to deliver big battles, angry mobs, full courts, etc. A real Shakespearean clusterphuk. It's at iO at 8pm. Click HERE for ticket info.


THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"War veteran Johan Jambor, a WWI German army medic, has confirmed what about Adolph Hitler?"

10% said "He grew his mustache to hide his hairlip."
- Heil Himphfler!

No one went for "He had a dove-shaped birthmark." or "He had six fingers on his left hand."

90% got it right with "He only had one testicle."

According to The Sun, an extraordinary account from a German army medic has finally confirmed what the world long suspected: Hitler only had one ball.

War veteran Johan Jambor made the revelation to a priest in the 1960s, who wrote it down.

The priest’s document has now come to light – 23 years after Johan’s death.

A friend of Johan's recounted his story: “In 1916 they had their hardest fight in the Battle of the Somme.

“For several hours, Johan and his friends picked up injured soldiers. He remembers Hitler.

“They called him the ‘Screamer’. He was very noisy. Hitler was screaming ‘help, help’.

“His abdomen and legs were all in blood. Hitler was injured in the abdomen and lost one testicle. His first question to the doctor was: ‘Will I be able to have children?’.”

Blassius said that when the Nazis swept to power Johan began to suffer nightmares and blame himself for saving Hitler.

I think its okay that he saved Hitler. He was a medic and doing his job. I do think he should have "accidentally" stepped on that other ball. Eunuchs aren't known for their aggressive behavior and tendency to invade other countries.

Here's a picture of Hitler doing inventory...

That Internal Heckler

Last night, I met with the students from my most recent Writing 5 class to have dinner and close the book on the show. At the end of the five training center shows, the students get a certificate of completion for the program, a journal (if they're in stock!) and I usually throw in a dorky gift. In this case, my additions were flatulence-oriented. Whoopee cushions and Flarp. Then we make our way to a bar and celebrate. Throughout the evening, most of the students will pull me aside and ask me about the show and I tell them what I give them my beer-in-hand assessment.

I have always found that unsatisfying as a teacher. I'm very in to debriefing lessons and finding out what students learned. If anything, to make sure they got value out of the experience. So, we met last night, ate good food at Flat Top Grill, and chatted about what they learned and what their next steps will be. It was great to do this, especially in a group setting. A student who thought they didn't get anything out of the experience might realize they did when someone else articulates it. In Writing 5, there's not a lot of writing. The focus is producing a revue. Some students really enjoy this and find it a fascinating process. Other get bored and frustrated. There was a little bit of both last night.

One interesting thing to hear was how nervous people were whenever their scene was on stage. And how they had a hard time just enjoying their work. Seeing your work performed on stage in front of sold out crowds is the best part about W5. And I forgot how grueling an experience that can be.

In college, I wrote a full-length play called The Big G. It was a comedy that dealt a lot with religion, from Sunday school to going to heaven. I can't even remember where I was or what I was doing during the show, although I do remember seeing it. I remember seemingly only breathing during the laughs. At the close of the first act, I bolted towards the exit and hid behind a door for the intermission. I was so freaked out that everyone may have hated it that I didn't want to see anyone. If there was a large rock in the lobby that I could have crawled under, I would have. The good thing that came out of my fetal place behind a door was that I heard people talking positively about the show. That helped me make it back in to the theater for the second act.

It reminds me of that internal editor that loves to fire off in one's head when writing, especially a first draft. That eternal drumming of "this sucks, this sucks, this sucks" that just isn't very helpful. It doesn't really ever go away and it loves to make a bold appearance on opening night. So, no, it never goes away, but, with experience, I think it does get a little better. I'm more likely to notice it for what it is, a by-product of a self-defense mechanism, and not buy into it so much. I think that internal editor is God's quality control on art. If you can make it through without it stopping you, congratulations. You're on your way to being a writer.

The voices inside my head personified...




THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"NASA had to change plans for the crew of the space shuttle Endeavor because one of the astronauts on a space walk did what?"

No one said "got lost," "tripped" or "stepped in space poo"

100% got it right with "dropped a tool bag"

According to The Associated Press, flight controllers were revamping plans Wednesday for the remaining spacewalks planned during space shuttle Endeavour's visit to the international space station, after a crucial tool bag floated out to space during a repair trip.

The briefcase-sized tool bag drifted away from astronaut Heidemarie Stefanyshyn-Piper on Tuesday as she cleaned and lubed a gummed-up joint on a wing of solar panels on the space station. She and fellow astronaut Stephen Bowen were midway through the first of four spacewalks planned for the mission. The tool bag was one of the largest items ever lost by a spacewalker.

One of? What else did some astronaut lose? Keys to the shuttle? Wallet?

HEADS UP!

I Believe...

...in The Peter Principle that people rise to their level of incompetence. They are promoted up until they reach a level they are unqualified for, but are kept there because going back down the corporate ladder would be an embarrassment. That explains Bush's trajectory. I'm hoping there's a better position for Obama to achieve after executive-in-chief.

...that if you really want to make people uncomfortable over the holidays, arrange the living room furniture in the home your family is gathering in so that instead of orienting towards the television, all the chairs and sofas face one another.

...that Johnny Depp is solely responsible for the resurgence of piracy on the high seas.

CHENEY INDICTED FOR ORGANIZED CRIME

"Cheney is charged with engaging in an organized criminal activity related to the vice president's investment in the Vanguard Group, which holds financial interests in the private prison companies running the federal detention centers. It accuses Cheney of a conflict of interest and "at least misdemeanor assaults" on detainees because of his link to the prison companies."

It's a start! Let's hope we see more so rich, white guys think they can just buy or bully their way out of breaking the law. Read more HERE.


STAR TREK BABIES

Here's a link to an article with a lot of pictures and the new trailer. It looks pretty damn good. Love how the trailer opens. CLICK HERE!


THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I wrote...

"Lord Drayson, the UK's new science minister, claims he has a special ability to do what?"

55% said "connect with animals"
- You're confusing him with Lord Doolittle.

11% said "talk to God"
- Nope. Our American politicians that have that exclusive pipeline. If it's another country, they're talking to some other inferior god.

No one said "knot cherry stems with his tongue"

34% got it right with "predict the future"

According to The Daily Mail, the Government's new science minister has raised eyebrows after he says he believes he has a 'sixth sense' to predict the future, it was revealed today.Lord Drayson said he was one of the humans with a 'capability' that experts did not fully understand.

His "shining" allows him to predict many future events, except those that involve opening himself up for ridicule.

My Gods

The premise of Neil Gaiman's novel American Gods is simple and brilliant. Basically, the old school gods, like Pan, have disappeared or are on the wane, because people have stopped believing in them. We know they have stopped believing in them, because people no longer build temples to worship them. No worship, no god. It's a very co-dependent relationship. However, new gods have been created through our unconscious worshiping. The television is seen as an altar in every home that is worshipped on hours daily, thus creating a type of electronic god.

Based on that criteria, who are my gods?

1) The God of Dishes - Every morning, first thing I do, is feed the cats and wash the dishes. I stand before the stainless steel altar and cleanse my enchanted cookery and then place them on another altar that elevates them while they dry.

2) The God of Coffee - I used to go to church (Starbucks), but now I worship at home with my french press. The press - by taking it apart, cleaning it, reassembling it, boiling and pouring water, stirring the contents with my special plastic paddle, waiting four minutes, pressing the plunger - heightens the sense of ritual in my praising of the bean.

3) The God of Cats - I make offerings (food, toys), I groom them, I pet them, I scoop up their excrement and place it in a plastic bag. These gods have been around a long time, though. The Egyptians were hip to them.

4) The God of Trains - I tithe, I pass through special portals, I stand and wait, I enter and sit quietly in communion with others.

5) The God of Computers - I even have a special place for my computer. I sit in front of it for hours. It is quickly replacing my television god as a vessel of worship.

6) The God of Blogging - Every morning, five days a week, I write an entry that I hope will please the blogging gods and send my place on the Internet a bounty of hits and comments.

So, got any gods you've been worshipping?



THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"Paul McCartney would like to release a 14-minute experimental music track The Beatles recorded called what?"

40% said "Crap Beatles Fans Will Pay Big Money For"
- That's just the British release featuring Sir Paul wearing a butcher's outfit and holding bags of bloody money.

10% said "The Un-fair"
- Un-nope.

No one said "Circus of the Stares"

50% got it right with "Carnival of Lights"

According to The Associated Press, McCartney says he wants to release "Carnival of Light," a 14-minute experimental track the Fab Four recorded in 1967 but never released.

The band played the recording for an audience just once, at an electronic music festival in London. It reportedly includes distorted guitar, organ sounds, gargling and shouts of "Barcelona!" and "Are you all right?" from McCartney and John Lennon.

He said he had wanted to include the track on the Beatles' "Anthology" compilation, but was vetoed by his bandmates.

With some of the crap George and Ringo have put out in their solo careers (I know, blasphemer!), it has to be pretty bad for them to veto it.

But thanks to the miracle of the Internet, here's what purports to be a cover of that tune. So, you can decide for yourself if you really need the original to fill out your Beatles catalogue.