Like Taking Ghandi From A Baby

The other day, a friend of mine forwarded to me this list created by Ghandi. I thought it evoked some simple principles that, if adapted from an individual level to global, would certainly make the world a better place. I went on to share the list on Facebook. It generated a lot of responses from my friends, mostly hysterical. So hysterical, I had to share them. Feel free to add your own social sins in the comments section.

Mahatma Ghandi’s list of mankind’s seven social sins:

1. Commerce without morality

2. Politics without principle

3. Wealth without work

4. Pleasure without conscience

5. Education without character

6. Science without humanity

7. Worship without sacrifice

Joe

Not bad for a skinny guy in a diaper.

David

What a stick in the mud.

Jason

8. Men without hats

James

9. Alcohol without cigarettes

Cassandra

10. Ice cream without dairy.

Marty

Why are all the decent and intellectually stimulating men, dead?

Lori

What... we still have Joe.
Oh, wait, decent, well, that's open to interpretation.

Aly

a blessing without a disguise. wrap the diaper around that.

Tom

chocolate without peanut butter.

Allison

My mouth without chocolate in it!

Tom

leisure suits without disco balls.

Ranjit

I think that if Gandhi could read this comment-thread, he'd be pleased and believe that all of his work was not in vain.

Aly

ranjit- you should start a 'what would Gandhi think?' facebook page, there are instances here of all seven social sins and more

Tom

Gandhi went on a hunger strike and Hitler begged him to stop. Hitler thought Gandhi was being unreasonable.

Joyce

Ghandi definitely wasn't a supporter of the American way, was he?

Tom

Morale-suasion works against moral societies, like the British. It won't work against Al Capone, Saddam Hussein, John Gotti, Pol Pot, etc.

Tom

I heard Gandhi drove a Prius.

Weeks 31 & 32 - Chris Othic

WEEKS 31 & 32 – “A Thing I Wrote“ – Director: Chris Othic

I have known Chris Othic for years. he was once a student of mine at Second City and wrote one of my favorite scenes, James Bond from Milwaukee. It was one of those rare scenes where I had no idea how we would do it - it had a helicopter, grappling hooks, beer cans used as weapons, a helicopter crash - but it was so much fun I just had to try. Chris went on to work with me in Teatro Bastardo and now with Robot vs Dinosaur. We don't always see eye-to-eye, which is a good thing, because he's always interested in the doing the best work possible. He is also the engine of Robot vs Dinosaur. His dedication and self-professed "mothering" of the group is our glue. He is also one of the few people who have read every single 365 scene. So, I know his choice for these two weeks is an informed one. This block features quite a variety, including an Odd Couple take on Othello, a Sherlock Holmes take on a drive by shooting, a parody of A Tale of Two Cities, another parody of King Kong based on what I always wondered would happen if he didn't escape from the theater and Wasp-18, about a lovelorn, suicidal planet, a scene that was reference in a lecture at The Royal Academy of Astronomy in London.

AMemberoftheChurchofGod.8.22.09

ArtAndAboutWithRandyCarson.8.23.09

HadThisBeenAnActualEmergency.8.19.09

StopSHOUTING.8.20.09

TheCaseoftheSpeckledBullet.8.17.09

TheUnicornAndTheVengeance.8.21.09

WhatPriceGory.8.18.09

AGospelSongforAtheists.8.24.09

AThingIWROTE.8.30.09

BodyFallingDownstairsSlowly.8.28.09

InterestDue.8.26.09

StillLife.8.25.09

TheEighthWonderoftheWorld.8.29.09

Wasp.8.27.09

THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"Beppe Bigazzi, a top Italian food writer, has been suspended from a cooking show for recommending viewers try what?"

40% said "McDonald's" - Only so they know what really crappy food tastes like and better appreciate his cooking.

20% said "Doggie Foie Gras" - It only works on chihuahuas.

20% said "Parrot Pilaf" - Polly want a side dish?

20% got it right with "Cat Stew"

According to Times OnLine, a top Italian food writer has been suspended indefinitely from the country’s version of the television programme Ready Steady Cook for recommending stewed cat to viewers as a “succulent dish”.

RAI, the public broadcasting network, said that it had dropped Beppe Bigazzi, 77, for offering the recipe on La Prova del Cuoco, which is broadcast at midday on the main channel. Its switchboard was inundated with complaints from viewers and animal rights groups. Bigazzi said that casserole of cat was a famous dish in his home region of Valdarno, Tuscany.

“I’ve eaten it myself and it’s a lot better than many other animals,” he told viewers. “Better than chicken, rabbit or pigeon.”

Better than pigeon? Haven't tried the rat pate, yet, Beppe?



This man has eaten cat. I think he's still chewing.

I Believe...

...that in whatever art form you dabble, if you set out to make a "hit", you probably won't. The best you can strive to do is quality work - in my case well-crafted characters with strong wants in opposition to one another and a fun ride as they struggle to achieve their wants - and hope that the emotional connection you have to your work translates to an audience. Aim for a hit, you might get one, but you'll more likely poop out Look Who's Talking 3 or Look Who's Singing: The Musical.

...that parking on the street in Chicago neighborhoods includes digging out your car when it snows. It does not give you squatter's rights to that public space. Leave your lawn furniture and plastic milk crates in your living room.

...that there's good fat and bad fat. Tran fat is bad fat. Trans fat is the result of adding hydrogen to a vegetable oil (hydrogenation) to improve its shelf life, flavor and functional properties. Tans fats have been linked to heart disease. The FDA has determined that trans fat should be consumed in minimum quantities, which means, not at all.

...that people with the most money are still making the decisions that affect the most people. Going to the polls and putting a mark next to a name is no longer a vote. A dollar is a vote. The guy with a billion votes has a better chance of getting a politician to protect his interests than doing what's best for the country. How do we change it? Stop shopping at Wal-Mart, move your money to a community bank, buy local when you can, and get off your ass and go vote on election day for politicians who don't take money from special interests groups - there's a few of them and they need to be rewarded.


THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"Dr. Daniel R. Lerom has been accused of billing Blue Cross Blue Shield for "sessions" with a patient where the two did what?"

50% said "worked on his house" - a new deck makes everyone feel better about themselves

No one said "went gambling" or "hired a stripper" - two activities I have found to be therapeutic

50% got it right with "boinked"

According to 10Connects.com, Tampa, Florida's Dr. Daniel R. Lerom is listed in documents as having a long-standing sexual relationship with a Lakeland patient in a lawsuit filed with Hillsborough County Circuit Court.

Each time they two had sex, documents say, the doctor would bill her Blue Cross Blue Shield Insurance for their "sessions."

Interesting, I call them "sessions" too. "The doctor is IN. What do you mean you can't feel that?"

The main complaint is that the doctor would claim to go a full hour, but always stop ten minutes early.

Weeks 5 & 6 - Regan Davis

WEEKS 5 & 6 – “Zombie Space Aliens” – Director: Regan Davis

Regan Davis is directing this block of scenes. I first worked with Regan when he was cast in a play I wrote called Metaluna. Regan is very smart and has a dry sense of humor, which, of course, I dig. He recently directed a scene I wrote called Lighthouse for the Wednesday night Nighthawk Sandwich show. What I like about the job he did with that piece is that he took a pretty basic gag that tags the scene and turned it into one of the funniest moments of the evening with just the slightest change to it. This block has some interesting scenes. Loud Sunshine is very surreal, Public Hair is based on an actual experience a friend had on the dating scene and Once Upon A Time In A Church Basement is a showdown between three old ladies at a rummage sale. Very excited to have Regan on board.

Bad News.2.18.09

Termination.2.17.09

LOUD SUNSHINE.2.22.09

Mercury Poisoning.2.19.09

Once Upon A Time in the Church Basement.2.21.09

Public Hair.2.16.09

Suess Club.2.20.09

Mr. Mysterium.3.1.09

Zombie Space Aliens.2.23.09

That’s Just Jay.2.25.09

TheC-E-Yos(a rap song).2.24.09

The Third One.2.26.09

The Wretched Refuse2.27.09

This Is My Art.2.28.09

THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"Senator Chris Buttars of Utah wants to save up to $60 million dollars in the school system by making what optional?"

75% said "attendance" - Sorry, must be present to win.

No one went for "gym class" or "state exams"

25% got it right with "senior year"

According to The Salt Lake Tribune, Sen. Chris Buttars, who once talked about dropping 12th grade altogether, now is talking about making 12th grade optional for those students who finish their required credits early -- and some lawmakers are listening to the idea with interest. Buttars is proposing the state save up to $60 million by giving students the option of graduating from high school early. Students who finish their high school requirements early are already allowed to graduate early, but Buttars' proposal would provide more incentives for students to do that and make that option clearer, he said.

Some of those incentives include; living at home watching TV, minimum wage employment, a jump on that alcohol or drug addiction.

Theater Review: "Wilson Wants It All"

"Wilson Wants It All"
Written by Michael Rohd and Phillip C. Klapperich
Conceived and Directed by Michael Rohd
The House Theatre of Chicago
@ The Chopin Theatre
1543 West Division
Through March 27

"In the not-too-distant future, America is again on the brink of civil war -- this one a schism of values. A lone man decides the future of a nation as he manipulates the fate of twin girls, separated at birth and caught on either side of this escalating conflict."

Sounds promising, doesn't it? Prior to seeing this production, I had never seen a House show. I was really looking forward to it. I've heard good things, I've heard bad things, I was looking forward to making my own decision and was pretty sure I'd at least see something visually stunning and creatively interesting.

The production looks great. It's sparse, but near monumental as it uses the main theater of the Chopin space close to floor-to-ceiling. The lighting, sound and costuming is all top notch. The cast is clearly talented and, at the very least, personable. These are folks you don't mind spending a few hours with.

The problem is quite simply the script. It comes across like an overloaded first draft, but probably suffered from being overwritten. Somewhere in the process, some brave company members needed to speak up and say, "Um, excuse me, guys... that doesn't make sense...we already covered that information...don't you think the audience will have already figured that out?"

Wilson Wants It All isn't so much a play as it is an explanation of a play. It tells us about a lot of things - how the country is torn apart, in a deep depression, how an assassinated senator was the best hope the country had for a bright future, etc. It tells us all these things, a lot, but never shows us. When a plot "twist" you can see coming is revealed, it's explained to death by the characters to each other and then the news team "chorus" comes out and explains directly to the audience what was just explained.

Occasionally, an actor will persevere and manage to have their characters show some humanity, but those moments are fleeting and quickly stomped out by a buttload of recaps or music that plays like a film score that doesn't trust the audience to know what they should be feeling at any given moment.

There are plot holes a-plenty. We first meet Wilson when he is the chief of staff of a golden boy senator who is running for president. He's known the senator, he says, for twenty years. We get the impression they are close to the same age, which would put them in their 30s. Thirty years pass as Wilson grooms the senator's daughter to run for office as soon as she meets the minimum age requirement. Later, he says he's been in politics his whole life, fifty years. How old is this guy? Shouldn't he be 70 or 80? Maybe he is and in the near future our world is fucked but we look marvelous for our age.

Characters do things that just don't make a lick of sense, but are convenient to the plot. Hope (yes, Hope), the senator's daughter meets a doppelganger named Ruth and within minutes they decide to swap lives without knowing anything about each other's personal details. A switch Ruth's mother, who lives with her, doesn't notice. Although, she does catch on long before Ruth's boyfriend, who even has sex with Hope and doesn't notice. As the story trudges along to its ham-fisted climax, Wilson gives Meredith, the mother of Ruth and Hope, a sealed envelope and tells her not to open it until "it's all over" and to "think of it like a love letter." At this point, it is clear that Meredith does not like Wilson or agree with what he's been up to, yet Meredith forgets to ask "When will I know it's all over?" and "What do you mean love letter, that's creepy?" And on top of that, she decides to open the envelope the moment she's been called upon to speak at a press conference. She reads it out loud without previewing it and without preamble. No one but her knows it was written by Wilson, the guy whose politics she opposes. It turns out to be a speech the he wrote for her for just such an occasion. Good thing it wasn't like a love letter. That could have been embarrassing for her.

Wilson Wants It All, like the future it portrays, might have something going for it if it focused more on people than on ideas and appearance.


THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Late last week, I asked...

"Times are tough. Donna McPherson of Brooklyn recently filed a complaint that someone did what?"

40% said "ate all the free samples in a grocery store" (I love happy hour at the grocery store)

20% said "stole music from her iPod"(They gave her back all her Taylor Swift songs.)

No one went for "mowed her lawn then asked for money"

40% got it right with "mugged her dog"

According to the Associated Press/NBC New York, Donna McPherson says she tied up Lexie, her 10-year-old Westie, outside a Park Slope supermarket "for two minutes'' while she bought milk.

She heard a "funny bark.'' When McPherson went outside, she found the little white dog shivering. His green wool coat, with leather trim and belt, were nowhere in sight.

Hmmm. Are you sure Lexie didn't just give a homeless guy a buck to take that crap off him?

Weeks 1 & 2 - Mary Jo Bolduc

WEEKS 1 & 2 – “Dancing with the Devil” – Director: Mary Jo Bolduc

Mary Jo Bolduc has taken on directing the first show in the 365 Sketches showcase in June. I have known Mary Jo for over a decade ever since she was a member of TourCo. We have worked together with ComedySportz, Teatro Bastardo and WNEP (currently, we are both writers and actors in The (edward) Hopper Project and co-artistic directors of Night Sandwich.) She's a talented, funny, hard working human. You want something done, give it to Bolduc. She's done an amazing job on Nighthawk Sandwich. Even though we share credit, she has done the lion's share of the work and holds it all together every week while I stay out of the Bolduc tornado's way. I'm very excited she's taken this on. It contains two of my favorite scenes, Single Slices and Pushing The Envelope. Slices showed up in last spring's Robot vs Dinosaur's production of Run, Palindrome, Nur and Pushing the Envelope, my first comic monologue of the project, was delivered with what can only be called aplomb by Kevin Gladish at our Sketchfest showcase.

Babies Are Assholes.1.25.09

SPINCYCLE.1.24.09

Czernik on the bus.1.22.09

laid on.1.19.09

LOTTERYWINNER.1.21.09

Made in China.1.20.09.doc

single slices.1.23.09

Dancing with the Devil.1.29.09

Chet Later.1.30.09

Pushing The Envelope.1.26.09

Better Than Money.1.27.09

BROWN BAGGING IT.2.1.09

Chet At Lunch.1.31.09

Neighbors.1.28.09

THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

A strip club in Toledo, Ohio is doing their part to raise money for charity by featuring what?

No one thought it was Showers for Unemployed, Blow Jobs for Homeless (Body shots, anyone?) or Tea Bags for Healthcare

100% correctly said Lap Dances for Haiti

According to The Toledo Blade, "scantily clad dancers were the draw at a downtown men's entertainment club over the weekend for an event that raised nearly $1,000 for victims of the earthquake in Haiti.

Marilyn's on Monroe, 715 Monroe St., billed Saturday's affair as "Lap dances for Haiti."" Two sister clubs in the Detroit area, the Landing Strip in Romulus and Subi's Place in Southgate, have scheduled similar events this month with a goal of raising $5,000.

They'll raise 5,000 dollars and about 150 boners. Now, if those dancers really want to make a difference, they should send a team down to Haiti where they can donate their lap dances directly to the folks who need them the most. Hey, wasn't there an earthquake in Illinois, yesterday? Where's my lap dance?

Here's a man doing his part to make the world a better place.

I Believe...

...that Sarah Palin is something to be concerned about. She tells the sheep what they want to hear plus an extra dose of fear. She continues the Bush legacy of having zero intellectual curiosity and, in fact, deriding such as elitist. I want smart people in office who work for me, not for their wardrobe and their tanning bed.

...that watching Abraham Lincoln and George Washington dance like white guys in TV commercials for President's Day sales is everything I love and hate about America.

...that The Who is no longer The Who without John Entistle and Keith Moon. It's like Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr touring as The Beatles. The Who was one of the greatest rock bands of all time and their musical gifts to the world are incomparable, from My Generation to Tommy and Quadraphenia to Who Are You. Amazing freaking vibrant beautiful muscular kick-in-the-heart rock and roll. Roger, Pete, love you , thank you, you are Gods. Now, hang it up.

...It's just snow. It's Chicago. Suck it up.

...that the music we use in The (edward) Hopper Project is reason enough alone to see the show. Paul Desmond, Dave Brubeck and Miles Davis sound as fresh today as when they recorded their tunes 50-something years ago. That's great music. Brubeck is still touring at 90. Maybe Roger Daltry and Pete Townsend could be his roadies.

...that if you haven't seen Nighthawk Sandwich, yet, you're missing out on one of the most ridiculous values in Chicago theater. Tonight. 7:30pm. Only five bucks.

... American Buffalo at Steppenwolf is pure Mamet at his best and an inspiring delight. The cast is brilliant, Tracy Letts as "Teach" is as hilarious and tragic as anything Shakespeare's muses could have conjured up. This is a wonderful piece of theater and it closes this week. Go, see, do.