The BS News Quiz of the Day

Yesterday, I asked...

"Araceli Gutierrez of East Chicago, Indiana is facing felony charges of neglect when her 3-year-old was found with what?"

40% said "a taser" - Hey, a kid has to protect himself from douchebag four-year-olds.

20 % said "a gun in his binkie" - A right the NRA will fight for.

No one went for "matches in his underwear"

40% got it right with "cocaine in his sock"

According to Post-Tribune of Northwest Indiana, Gutierrez left her son with her sister and never said when she would be back for him. The boy's aunt bathed him, and as she was dressing him in the clothes his mother left, she found a clear wrapper filled with white powder tucked in his sock.

This is an outrage. How can a parent be 100% responsible for everything her child does? If a teenager gets caught with pot in his locker do we automatically assume it belongs to his or her parents? No. Leave this woman alone and get her three-year-old into a drug rehab program pronto. Doesn't Sesame Street have some kind of half-way house? If they can get the Cookie Monster off cookies, they can get this kid off the blow.

I Believe...

...that as long as money is more powerful than votes, we'll continue to have a congress chock full of douchebags like Bunning. Unqualified, unconnected and uncaring. Corporations will back their hand puppets and we, the people, are the ones who will find some stranger's fist up our asses.

...that Jay Leno back on The Tonight Show with Sarah Palin as his guest demonstrates exactly why Conan should never have left and Leno should be boiled in pizza grease and thrown into the lion house at the zoo.

...that it's easy to lose one's faith in humanity and find oneself filled with cynicism and dread for the future. Then you hear a child's uninhibited laugh, a cat's purr, or a song like Black Joe Lewis and The Honeybears' Sugarfoot and you're glad to be around.


THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"5,220 people gathered on the steps of the Sydney Opera House over the weekend and did what?"

60% said "danced to Queen's 'Bohemian Rhapsody'" - No, but it could be correctly defined as a "flash" mob

20% said "protested lack of opera at the opera house" - Harry Connick, Jr or Tosca? I'd probably lean towards Harry Connick, Jr.

No one said "sang Ave Maria"

20% got it right with "hugged, naked"

According to Associated Press, about 5,200 naked people have embraced each other on the steps of Sydney's iconic Opera House for a photo shoot by Spencer Tunick.

Tunick, who is known for his nude group photos in public spaces, posed participants for more than an hour in a variety of positions.

Ya' know, the human body really is a masterful work of art, in the right lighting and after some photoshop.

(AP Photo/Rick Rycroft)

Weeks 13 & 14 - Rebecca Langguth

Saturday, June 5, 10pm - WEEKS 13 & 14 – “While On My Way To Hell” – Director - Rebecca Langguth

Rebecca's a long time friend of mine through WNEP. She's an actor, writer, director and really great at handling the little details most people forget about. She's also outspoken, funny and a force of nature. She picked an interesting block of scenes to direct. This group of scenes came around the start of the fourth month of the project. I was feeling the pain a bit and trying hard to avoid typical sketch review scenes. This one has a few scenes with dramatic moments that, I believe, are earned and not forced. And also some flat out ridiculous scenes. Searching for Joss Whedon is one of my favorites.

AFriendintheEnd.4.19.09

WhileOnMyWayToHell.4.18.09

DuallyNoted.4.14.09

OfficerArsenty.4.15.09

StellaonTuesdays.4.17.09

Stripperer.4.16.09

WarIsHardWork.4.13.09

Bonus.4.26.09

WalterGoldstein.4.25.09

CreptOut.4.23.09

OffTheGrid.4.21.09

QueenofBees.4.22.09

SearchingforJossWhedon.4.20.09

UPSSucks.4.24.09

THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"Defenders of California's Proposition 8 say allowing same-sex marriages could also lead bi-sexuals to do what?"

34% said "seek multiple marriages" - Right. Make your track record look like a hockey score. 3 marriages, 1 divorce, a lot of missing teeth.

No one said "seek hetero marriages to break up" or "use the wrong public bathroom"

66% got it right with "seek group marriages"

According to CARE2, lawyers in the Perry v. Schwarzenegger Proposition 8 trial submitted their case summaries as per Judge Vaughn Walker's request. Both sides are said to have included their most hard-hitting points, including a claim from the Proposition 8 defense that bisexuals in particular constitute a threat to marriage. The potential harms they cited included giving bisexuals a legal basis for pursuing group marriages.

Sure. I understand. You let one subversive group get married and then where do you draw the line? Oh, wait. The line has already been drawn, It's called polygamy and it's already a no-no. Most people seem to agree that marriage is a one-on-one situation, like Mortal Kombat. I think they just want to make doubly sure Brigham and Ezra don't snuggle up with Hyrum under the quilt.

365 Update

Well, things are chugging along.

WNEP participated in the Strawdog's Saturday night late show "Theater Wars," which is Family Feud played by theater companies. I don't think it's fair to say we got our ass kicked by New Leaf. More fair to say, we kicked our own ass and kept kicking after we were down. The only points we scored came when Rebecca Languth threatened to castrate Don Hall if he used anything other than her suggestion. Fortunately, she was right. Unfortunately, Don still has his gonads after he answered "Salvador Dali" when the majority of his team clearly told him to say "Rembrandt."

So, what the hell does this have to do with 365? It took place in Strawdog's cabaret space Hugen Hall where we will be doing all our shows. I got to see backstage and get a sense of how 365 will work in the space. It's tiny, but it's doable and will also give the shows a fun, party feel (folding chairs and there's a bar in the back).

Directors are responsible for casting their shows and we'll have general auditions the last week of March. And you can bet I'll let you know more about it.

Friday, June 4th, midnight - WEEKS 9 & 10 – “The End of the World” – Director: Rinska Prestinary

Rinska is a directing major at Columbia College who graduates this semester. I am thrilled that this will likely be her first out-of-college directing debut. Rinska is full of energy and her productions tend to reflect that with tight pacing and crazy characters and situations. A perfect fit for 365, especially for a midnight slot. Rinska will be a double-shot of espresso for anyone not used to staying up that late. This block also features two scenes - The End of the World and The Machine Also Rises - that were translated into french for the website La Fin Du Monde.

BigFatLies.3.17.09

WE REACH WITH RADIO II.3.22.09

Blogger.3.21.09

Bully.3.16.09

CoffinMax.3.20.09

OpenCasket.3.19.09

RecollectionsOfACountryLife.3.18.09

77.3.28.09

WorksBetterOnChildren.3.25.09

AGoodMan.3.23.09

MattNeedsYourHelp.3.24.09

TheEndOfTheWorld.3.26.09

TheMachineAlsoRises.3.27.09

WEREACHWITHRADIOIII.3.29.09

THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Last Friday, I asked...

"Parent Toni Price was arrested at Riverview Elementary in Memphis for threatening to do what to school employees?"

66% said "kick them with her prosthetic leg" - Why kick when you can take it off and swing it like a Louisville slugger?

34% said "whip them with her, well, whip" - Memphis Price and the Kingdom of the Empty Skull

No one said "spit on them with her aids-infected tongue"

And no one picked the correct answer "cut them with her sword"

According to WLBT3, a spitting match between two students at Riverview Elementary School apparently led to a bizarre encounter in the office the next morning. 32-year-old Toni Price went to the school to confront the parents of the girl who spit on her daughter. According to court records, Price ended up inside the school where an employee reported a drunk woman was armed with a sword running through the halls of the school. She told police Price was threatening to cut her.

Officers who arrived on the scene retrieved a black walking cane in which a long sharp blade is concealed. Price told police she drank a 40 ounce bottle of Colt 45 before going to the school.

This is an outrage. A parent has the right to protect her child with a sharp blade and a cloud of malt liquor. This is America. If bleeding heart liberals have their way they'll outlaw canes AND public intoxication.

Eddie's Sketchbook - The Final Insult To Art

(click on images to enlarge them...if you dare.)


This was another one that started with some random squiggles and became...that. I like the nose hairs.




In the Wednesday night Nighthawk Sandwich show there was a scene Mary Jo Bolduc wrote called Private Dancer based on Hopper's Girlie Show. In it, Nat Topping gets punched in the face. The night Nat came to see our show, I decided to try to capture it. It looks less like Nat Topping getting punched and more like Don Hall getting slapped with a doughnut. The "50% damage" is an inside joke. When they would run the fight choreography before each show, the actors would do so at slower rates of speed, building up to 100%. This is a 50% sock in the kisser.




Back to my favorite use. This is Len in the Automat, post-op. He seems to regret his decision.




Another one that started with squiggles. I thought it was going to be three lemons. Turned out to be Len, a young Bob Hope and his Polynesian servant, sitting in a big tub of chowder.




Len at the beach. There's sun screen on his huge beach towel near his head. Len burns easily.




Len Comes Ashore just may be my favorite. Len was the last thing added. It was just the lighthouse and the landscape. Very boring. Want to spice up a work of art? Add Len and make it weird. If I had a tattoo, it would say "Make It Weird."




Seemed only fitting that for the very last show I take a stab at Nighthawks. I intentionally did it without people in honor of the show closing. But then, I couldn't resist. Len is lying in a pool of blood behind the counter. The reference is to an early scene where George, a businessman, contemplates suicide and finds his secretary has removed the firing pin from his gun. I imagined Len fixing it for him.

If you saw The (edward) Hopper Project, I hope you enjoyed it and this glimpse into a part of it. If you didn't get a chance to see it, I hope you regret it deeply and on your deathbed whisper "Hopper" as you drop a snowglobe from your dying hand.


THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"Peta has developed a new billboard with the message to 'spay or neuter' cats and dogs. The celebrity on the ad is who?"

25% said "Duane 'Dog' Chapman" - Help stop the unnecessary spread of reality shows.

25% said "Wolf Blitzer" - We must keep that beard from overpopulating the planet.

No one said "Cat Stevens"

50% got it right with "Tiger Woods"

According to The Huffington Post, Tiger Woods may soon appear on a PETA billboard in his hometown of Windermere, Fla. The animal rights group has created a graphic showing a photo of the golfer accompanied by the all-caps text, "TOO MUCH SEX CAN BE A BAD THING." The message continues beneath the headline: "... for little tigers too. Help keep your cats (and dogs) out of trouble: Always spay or neuter!"

The problem is, Tiger probably has been fixed. We haven't heard any rumors of any stray tiger cubs popping up around the strip clubs he haunted. Then, again, maybe the ad is saying it's a good thing if you're going to keep screwing around. If you're going to get into trouble, don't make it any worse. Looking at you, John Edwards.

More of Eddie's Sketchbook

Almost done displaying why I'm a writer and not an artist. (click to enlarge the image)



This is another one that started out with some squiggles which became a pipe organ which became the inside of the movie theater apparently from the perspective of being drunk and passed out on the floor of the balcony. The movie is a reference to the play where my character rants about a film he saw that put movie cameras right in the middle of the action, like on a roller coaster or in a bull fighting ring. In this case, it's Eddie enjoying a gondola ride with another character named Tommy. That's Len steering.



Len, Nude, Descending A Staircase Via A Goose Step. I think that says it all. I love that he has Whistler's -aka Len's -Mother on the wall of his living room.



Yep. A dead bird. If you so the show, you know why.




I imagined Len wanting to advertise his diner, but only being able to afford a billboard somewhere in upstate New York.


HUGHIE/KRAPP'S LAST TAPE

Brian Dennehy in the two one-act double feature of Eugene O'Neill's Hughie and Samuel Beckett's Krapp's Last Tape closes this Sunday. You might be able to score some discounted tickets over at HotTix. see it if you can. These plays are rarely produced, especially at this level of quality. Dennehy is finds delightful moments in two tragic characters that seem crippled by loneliness. Sounds depressing, but it's not. Well, not entirely. "Eerie" in Hughie is a gambler who has been on a long losing streak and who could talk your ear off. The kind of guy you enjoy observing, but would never want to be trapped with in a room. Krapp's Last Tape, in typical Beckett fashion, is a clown act layered with sadness and absurdity and Dennehy completely transforms himself for the role. Kudos to the Good man audience for not having a cellphone go off (a first for me in that theater), but boo for all the frickin' hacking and wheezing. What the hell? Hardly heard any of it during intermission, as soon as the lights started going down, the coughing swelled. Apparently, many Goodman patrons have an allergic reaction to darkness and silence. Much of Krapp is silent, but at the Goodman, it's scored with a tuberculosis orchestra. In spite of the lung songs, Krapp still ended on one of the most powerful moments I have seen on stage in awhile.


THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"YouTube has removed the original video of what popular internet sensation?"

20% said "Two Girls, One Cup" - The original video was never on there. It's just not YouTube's cup of...tea.

20% said "Dramatic Hamster" - Brian Dennehy's acting coach.

No one went for "Keyboard Cat"

60% got it right with "Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up"

According to Mashable, if you want to Rickroll someone, no problem, there are thousands of copies of the video of Rick Astley’s legendary song, “Never Gonna Give You Up,” on the Internet. However, if you want to use the original Rickroll video, which should be located here, you’ll be greeted by an ugly message: This video has been removed due to terms of use violation.

Nothing can stop Rick Astley. He will never let you down.

I Believe...

...that some people look for a reason to be offended (looking at you GOP) and are more likely to be offended depending on the source (looking at you Sarah Palin). But the thing is, who cares if you're offended? What does it even mean? Were you somehow damaged when you were offended? Did it tear your arm off or just "ruin" some experience for a moment? If someone's goal is to be offensive (looking at you Limbaugh) and you're offended, then score! Or you can choose to not to give the matter any more weight than it deserves and move on.

...theater is fleeting. You toil, you create, you display, you destroy, you move on to the next thing. It's a lot like dating.

...that I used to be a full-fledged vegan. Damn you, pizza. Why do I love you?

...that art is at its best when it has an opinion and someone might be offended.

...that the first two years of high school were awful - crippled by shyness, self-conscious with acne, no sense of fashion. The last two years were a blast because I learned to surround myself with people whose company I enjoyed. They were creative. We explored music, movies and TV together, we shared a lot about what we were learning about the world. We had fun and weren't easily offended. Might be the most important lesson learned in those four years. That and photosynthesis.


EDDIE'S SKETCHBOOK, PART III



The set had a corner that represented a movie theater. This is my take on what the exterior wall might have looked like.


THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"Apple recently pulled thousands of adult-themed apps for iPhone including one from ChilliFresh, an Australian company, called "Wobble" which featured what?"

50% said "kangaroos having sex" - Did you see the pouch on that one? Crikey!

25% said "all things jiggly" - Jell-No

No one said "models falling on runways" - No. That's called "the news."

25% git it right with "women's breasts"

According to BBC News, thousands of apps with adult-themed content have been removed from the store since Friday although some, such as one from Playboy, remain. ChilliFresh is an Australian company that creates apps for the iPhone, including the recently banned Wobble, which allows users to add 'wobble' functionality to any picture. The firm markets the app by suggesting people can use it to wobble women's breasts.

That's right. Apple removed the apps because people said they were offended. But kept Playboy, because, well, that's the "good" porn. I'm embarrassed. Not about porn. I read the news article wrong yesterday, or it was updated. I thought Wobble just had pictures of wobbly boobies. This, apparently, can take pictures of women and make their naughty bits jiggle.



This is an amazing advance in technology. Why does Apple hate the future? And why don't women see this as an example of how much we love and appreciate them? Where's that rock I was sleeping under...tiny...brain...tired...