"Because of Alaskan State Trooper Howard Peterson's recent experience, Anchorage may want to consider road signs that say what?"
8% said "Speed Humpback" - Oh, no! I just lost my hubcap hitting that blow hole!
8% said "Bear to Your Right" - Ah, another Kodiak moment.
No one fell for "Dangerous Wolves Ahead"
84% got it right with "Beware of Falling Moose"
According to The Associated Press, Alaska State Troopers see plenty of hazards, but Trooper Howard Peterson was nearly felled by a new one: falling moose. Peterson was driving Feb. 2 on the Seward Highway south of Anchorage when something big and black fell out of the sky about 20 feet in front of his patrol car. Drivers often see Dall sheep on the cliffs but rarely moose. Peterson estimates the animal fell 150 feet or more.
So, they think it was an accident. I have a different theory.
"Retired teacher John Corcoran recently revealed that he taught high school for 17 years without what?"
10% said "A degree" - Whoneeds a degree to teach? Enforce that rule and you'll lose 90% of the improv teachers out there.
No one thought it was "A classroom" or "His pants" - That would be a gym teacher.
A whopping 90% said "Being able to read or write"
According to San Diego's 10 News, John Corcoran graduated from college and taught high school for 17 years without being able to read, write or spell. He said his teachers moved him up from grade to grade. He cheated his way through high school, receiving his diploma in June 1956. He stole tests and persuaded friends to complete his assignments. Corcoran earned an athletic scholarship to Texas Western College. He said his cheating intensified, claiming he cheated in every class. In 1961, Corcoran graduated with a bachelor's degree in education. He then went on to become a teacher, relying on teacher's assistants for help and oral lesson plans.
Well, this new century has been a real eye-opener for me. Is there any way to un-learn reading and writing? I might be more successful. Hell, I could be president.
ONE MESSAGE. LOUD AND CLEAR
Every morning, in preparation for this part of my post, I do a search for the phrase "Impeach Bush Now." It brings up 43,200 hits. A lot more that I expected for such an exact phrase, but not enough. On March 4th, I want that number to top one million. Tuesday, March 4th - get your voice heard by creating a worldwide Cyber Shout. Post on your blog, where ever you can, "Impeach Bush Now!" Here is a great website called After Downing Street. It has the latest news from Washington, including an update on the move to impeach Cheney. It even has an Impeachment Resource Center!
"Some stores in London have come under fire for trying to drive away kids from their businesses using what?"
57% said "Barry Manilow Music" - That would keep out more than young kids. The military should consider using it to flush out terrorists holed up in caves. "Copacabana" blaring at high volume? Makes my ears bleed just thinking about it.
14% said "Strict Dress Codes" - No shirts, no shoes, no taste, no service.
No one fell for "Crabby Old Lady Greeters" - Which, come to think of it, would attract youngsters just for the torment factor. A much more effective repellent would be old ladies happy to see them who want to pinch their cheeks and wipe their faces with spitty used tissues.
28% got it right with "High-frequency Noise"
According to the AP, England's commissioner for children and a civil liberties group joined in on a campaign Tuesday to ban high-frequency devices intended to drive misbehaving children away from shops and other areas. The so-called "Mosquito" device emits high-frequency noise which is audible — and annoying — to young ears, but generally not heard by people over 20. Shami Chakrabarti, director of the civil rights group Liberty, supported the campaign. "Imagine the outcry if a device was introduced that caused blanket discomfort to people of one race or gender, rather than to our kids," Chakrabarti said. "The 'Mosquito' has no place in a country that values its children and seeks to instill them with dignity and respect." In that case, sign America up for it, please. We'll place them at the borders.
ONE MESSAGE. LOUD AND CLEAR
Yesterday, I posted a link to democrats.com. At their site, you can sign a petition and they will send an e-mail message from you to your state's reps in Washington. I received a form letter from Senator Dick Durbin. A form letter that addresses impeachment. That fact that his office went to the trouble to create a form letter around this issue tells me that this is an issue he gets asked about ...a lot. Without getting into details, he says he is troubled by many of the actions of this administration and will keep my views in mind as fact-finding continues. Basically, he's telling me Dick's not going to do dick. Someone else will have to spearhead it. So far, the only one who has had the cajones is Dennis Kucinich who introduced legislation to impeach Cheney. He did that awhile back and it has been bogged down in committees.
Congress isn't getting our message.
Tuesday, March 4th - get your voice heard by creating a worldwide Cyber Shout. Post on your blog, where ever you can, "Impeach Bush Now!" Do you think Bush should be impeached? If you still need convincing, here's a well thought out article entitled "Impeach Bush Now" written in 2005 (!) by Dr. Paul Craig Roberts.
(My schedule is crazy busy this week, so I'll likely just be updating the news quiz until I get back from San Antonio next Wednesday. - the management)
Yesterday, I asked...
"Animal rights advocates are opposed to Kentucky legislation that would make fried chicken what?"
21% said "mandatory in school cafeterias" - Well, the batter does contain all the essential sodium and saturated fat a young body needs to grow (wide).
16% said "more prominent on the food pyramid" - Look out legumes. The Colonel has got your number.
8% said "tax deductible" - In Kentucky, that would be like taking the tax off of cigarettes and booze. They'd go broke.
55% got it dead right with "Kentucky's official picnic food"
According to The Associated Press, animals rights advocates are squawking (their words, not mine!) at a measure that would make fried chicken Kentucky's official picnic food. It gets worse. Not just any ol' fried chicken, but Kentucky Fried Chicken. According to State Rep. Charles Siler, the late colonel's fried chicken deserves the title because of the worldwide attention and economic benefit it has brought to the state. Hmmm, government product placement? People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals bristles at the idea. The animal rights group claims that the chickens KFC serves are abused, even tortured. Claims? Yes, I'm sure it's just a theory. Inside the processing plants, the chickens can be seen walking around in swimsuits, drinking pina coladas, hanging out by the deep fryer hot tub. I don't see what the big deal is. It's nothing compared to what Frankfurt, Kentucky has already done to their downtown area. Here's an areal view...
ONE MESSAGE. LOUD AND CLEAR
Tuesday, March 4th - get your voice heard by creating a worldwide Cyber Shout. Post on your blog, where ever you can, "Impeach Bush Now!" Do you think Bush should be impeached? Here's a petition you can sign at democrats.com.
Roy Scheider passed away yesterday in Little Rock, Arkansas at the age of 75. Doctors did not disclose the cause of death. I suspect it was acute boredom. I've been to Little Rock, Arkansas. Scheider is best known for playing Sheriff Brody in Jaws. I love Jaws, but to me, his best roles were in The French Connection in a supporting role and in one of my favorite movies, All That Jazz. All That Jazz is a semi-biographical film written and directed by Bob Fosse. Richard Dreyfuss was set to star in it, but he and Bob had "creative differences." And in spite of butting heads with Fosse, Dreyfuss did the cool thing of recommending someone he thought was better suited for the role, his friend Roy. And he was right. Scheider is perfect in that film. All That Jazz reminds you of all the stuff you love about theatre and it also reminds you of all the crazy stuff that gets packaged along with it.
ROBOWRITER ASSIGNMENT
Write a fairy tale. A previous assignment was to use a fairy tale as a starting point, either continuing the story or placing it in a different context. The assignment here is to write your own. Think about what some of the common elements of a fairy tale are - under dog that rises to the occasion or a victim that needs to be rescued, magic, monsters, witches, trolls, etc - and write your own. Place it in whatever time period you like.
CHANGES
Look for some changes to the BS website. We here at corporate headquarters have been having multiple meetings trying to balance a heavy writing and teaching schedule with blogging. This week, I am in the final race to prep everything for a corporate event in San Antonio. This means the only updates this week will probably be The News Quiz.
THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY
On Friday, I asked...
"The Grease Ball, Tommy Sneakers, Nike and One Eye are all nicknames for members of what?"
22% said "1928 Washington Senators" - Are we talking baseball players or politicians? These nicknames are too polite for politicians.
12% said "Sha Na Na" - No, but I could understand why members of Sha Na Na would want to use aliases.
No One went for "The Original Little Rascals"
66% got it right with "Gambino Crime Family"
According to The Smoking Gun, dozens of reputed Gambino crime family members and associates were named today in a racketeering indictment charging the New York-based Mafia family with most of the felonies covered in the United States Code (murder, narcotics distribution, robbery, extortion, loansharking, securities fraud, labor schemes, etc.). The charged hoodlums include "The Greaseball," "Bobby the Jew," "Tommy Sneakers," and "Mike the Electrician." Some arrestees, like Gambino captain Leonard DiMaria, even have multiple nicknames. DiMaria, the indictment notes, is known alternately as "L," "Lenny," "The Conductor," "Nike," "Uncle," and "Fatso." I've got a feeling "Fatso" wasn't his idea.
"Hey, call me 'The Conductor,' you know, like the leader of an orchestra."
During the '90's, Saturday morning cartoons were edged off the networks and replaced by morning news. For a short time, they made their home on Sunday mornings. The WB had my favorite line-up. You could watch Superman/Batman Adventures, Batman Beyond and Men in Black: The Series. All top quality animation and a fine alternative to going to church. Where the others live on in syndication and on DVD, with ocassional new material going to DVD, Men in Black seems to have disappeared.
Based on the first MIB film and borrowing from the original comic book, the series continued the adventures of J, K and agent Elle. And it did it well. Stories were smart and funny and often took unexpected twists. Where the film series went off the rails with over-the-top special effects and a weak story in their sequel, the animated series was very consistent. Barry Sonnenfeld could have kept the film series going if he had taken a few cues from these guys.
"The Big Bad Bug Syndrome" is a continuation of the film storyline. As far as I can tell, all the MIB film actors stayed away from the animated version, except for Vincent D'Onofrio who voices "Edwin" in this.The Queen of the Bugs puts out a bounty on the MIB agent responsible for the demise of dearly-departed Edgar. Now Elle must escape from some nasty Bugs - including Edgar's brother, Edwin - looking to collect the reward.
Back and ready for action. New place, new time. Saturdays at Gorilla Tango, 1919 North Milwaukee (near Western) from 1pm to 3pm. $5. Bring in scenes. Have them read.
ONE MESSAGE. LOUD AND CLEAR
Tuesday, March 4th - get your voice heard by creating a worldwide Cyber Shout. Post on your blog, where ever you can, "Impeach Bush Now!"
Disappointed, America. I am very disappointed. What's happened to you? Are we changing the criteria for which we evaluate our presidential candidates?
Historically speaking, we have always voted for the fella with the best hair. I am puzzled (and still very much disappointed) at Mitt Romney and John Edwards dropping out of the race. The two candidates with the best headlocks possibly ever. Edwards was criticized for getting $400 haircuts, but dammit, you can't deny that you didn't see every dollar right there on his scalp.
It was no surprise when Rudy Giulliani - whose name I won't even look up to see if I am spelling right - dropped out. He never should have dropped his comb over look from his pre-9/11 days. It was working for him. It was keeping the terrorists at bay. Terrorists respect hair coverage. That's why they wear turbans and such. To cover their bald shame. And speaking of 9/11, did Rudy really think evoking the tragedy of 9/11 would make us stop thinking about the tragedy of his chrome trailer hitch head? What was he thinking? The only president with less hair was Ford, and guess what, he wasn't elected! And he lost to Carter, one of the best collections of follicles ever in the White House.
I know, I know...what about Eisenhower, Mr. Smarty-Pants? Eisenhower was a general first and, thanks mostly to George S. Patton, we expect and prefer our generals to be bald.
Think about it. The only advantage George W. Bush had over John Kerry and Al Gore is that he had, and has, better hair. Clinton's sassy salt-and-pepper look certainly was no match for Bush, Sr's walking Brylcream ad. Bush, Sr was up against Dukakis, who suffered from a similar hair condition as Kerry known as "hair helmet." Too much of a good thing.
Nixon won running against McGovern and Hubert Humphrey - both bald guys and one of them named Hubert!
But what about Reagan, you ask? I'll tell you about Reagan, Sir! He was older than God and his hair was all slick and raveny.
By now, it has probably crossed your mind that "Hey, Joe. Don't you have male pattern baldness?" If the pattern of which you speak is "gone," than yes. I am. Which makes me all the more qualified to speak and it is the number one factor that keeps me from running for office myself. Number one! Money is second. Third is that overly documented, well publicized week I spent doing blow and bonking hookers and farm animals in Tiajuana.
But with Edwards and Romney gone, how are we supposed to judge our candidates? Look at McCain, Huckabee, Obama and Clinton. Nothing special going on there. Maybe they'll bring hats back in fashion. I'd like to vote for the candidate with the spiffiest chapeau.
Romney and Edwards aren't fools, though. They are clearly positioning themselves for vice-president positions. When Americans come to their senses and stop judging their candidates on issues and character, they'll be back in 2012 with their hair stylists in tow.
ONE MESSAGE. LOUD AND CLEAR.
On Tuesday, March 4th bloggers and fans of bloggers around the world are invited to do a Cyber Shout - "Impeach Bush Now!" Post it wherever you can. Still not sure if you should hop on this bandwagon? There's actually an "Impeach Bush" website. And it's a "dot.org"! Check it out and then make some noise with us.
ROBOWRITERS TOMORROW
Back and ready for action. New place, new time. Gorilla Tango, 1919 North Milwaukee (near Western) from 1pm to 3pm. $5. Bring in scenes. Have them read. Do a little dance. Make a little love.
THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY
Yesterday, I asked...
"Which celebrity does Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio want to recruit to help go after illegal aliens?"
28% said "Sylvester Stallone" - How do you go after criminals who don't speak English? Send in someone who barely speaks it himself.
14% said "Clint Eastwood" - Clint Eastwood may be old, but he's tough. I'm sure he can kick my ass. Hell, Clint Howard could kick my ass. But I think Clint Eastwood is too busy being, well, Clint Eastwood.
15% said "Sigourney Weaver" - She only goes after illegal aliens that like to implant eggs in people's stomachs.
43% got it right with "Shaquille O'Neal"
According to The National Ledger, the Phoenix Suns have a new center in Shaquille O'Neal. Now the world famous "America's toughest sheriff" Joe Arpaio of Maricopa County Arizona wants to put Shaq to work when he is not running up and down the court from the Suns. The sheriff added, ``I'm glad he's coming out to my turf. I'm hoping we'll recruit him for our posse. Maybe we'll go after illegal immigrants and other crime." Posse? Who is this guy? Is he going after illegal aliens or injuns?
