Oscar, Oscar, Oscar

Watched the Oscars from start to finish last night for the first time in a long time. I usually end up forgetting about the Oscars and committing myself to something else and then either catching just the last half hour or reading about it the next day. I love movies, but I don't feel the urge to rush out and see everything, even if I'm pretty sure it's good. I know I will eventually see it somewhere down the line.

Last night seemed like a powerhouse of movies with some amazing actors all around. There were only three films I was familiar with; Ratatouille, No Country For Old Men and Sweeney Todd. Ratatouille and NCFOM fared very well. Sweeney Todd was criminally overlooked and, as I recall, only got one award for art direction. When I get around to seeing Juno and Atonement, I better leave the theater with a good understanding why they were up for Best Picture over Tim Burton's masterpiece.

The commercials, however, reminded me of the Super Bowl. I don't recall the commercials ever having such a huge part of the evening before. There were three different contests going on; one for Dove where viewers were asked to vote between a sucky DIY Dove commercial and a slightly not-as-sucky DIY Dove commercial, something from Diet Coke where you had to go to their website to be entered into a contest to win Heidi Klum's dress - an idea I would find more interesting if Heidi Klum were not aware of it and it was for whatever she happened to be wearing at the time contest officials corner her and show her the fine print in her cola contract, and I don't remember the third contest at all. It seems odd to me to have sponsors showing commercials that encourage you to move away from the television to participate in their contests.

Most appalling were the Diet Coke commercials. They kept touting ad naseum how they are raising awareness about women's heart disease. Yet they never said anything about women's heart disease! Not one fact, not one educational nugget, not one piece of advice to reduce the chances. All they did was raise awareness that Diet Coke is aware of women's heart disease. And given the sodium and caffeine content of Diet Coke, this is sort of like Marlboro Lights trying to raise awareness of lung and mouth cancer.



ONE MESSAGE. LOUD AND CLEAR

"Impeach Bush Now" Google hits: 47, 700 (up one thousand since Friday)


Tuesday, March 4th - get your voice heard by creating a worldwide Cyber Shout. Post on your blog, message boards, comment sections, wherever you can, "Impeach Bush Now!"

Here is a great grassroots website called Impeach Bush. It has lots of information on the how and why to impeach George Bush. It has a lot of information about events and petitions around the country. It even tracks how often "impeach Bush" is mentioned in the blogosphere.


THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Friday, I asked...

"To further study motion sickness, German researchers put 72 small fish in what?"

62% said "A washing machine"
- They actually were large fish at the start of the experiment, but they shrank.

14% said "A teacup ride"
- And after the German researchers studied the effects of fish vomit on their shoes.

12% said "A blender"
- No, that was for the the small fish smoothies they made to celebrate the experiment.

12% got it right with "Space"

According to the AP, seventy-two small fish were briefly launched into space by researchers last Thursday, hoping their swimming patterns would shed some light on motion sickness. The thumbnail-sized fish were filmed as they swam around weightlessly in small aquariums during the unmanned space flight. The scientists said the fish landed safely and appeared to be in good condition. Other fish left behind have viewed the videos and believe the whole thing was faked.

Crap

It looks like I won't be making it to Improvised Shakespeare tonight. If you haven't seen it, though, do. I think it's the best improv show in town.

Back!

Robowriters is starting to get some buzz. After almost a year, I made a flyer and this week, The Reader plugged us in their "Heads Up" comedy listings. I have intentionally kept RoboWriters to word-of-mouth and a few e-mail, message board campaigns because I didn't want the number of people attending to get out of control. That hasn't been a problem. We've had decent turnouts and definitely fun times, but we have never reached our cut off point. There's room for more, if that has ever been a concern for you attending.

The Reader plug should generate some interest, but I'm also a little concerned about a misconception. Here's the mention...

Joe Janes, a local comedian and playwright who's written for Saturday Night Live and teaches at Columbia College and Second City, is also the artistic director of Robot vs. Dinosaur, which has produced the weekly writing workshop RoboWriters since last May. (Scroll to the bottom of Janes's blog, biteandsmile.blogspot.com, for an archive of homework assignments.) Writers of all levels of experience are welcome; space is limited to 15 and the first 10 are guaranteed a reading of their work and feedback. 1-3 PM, Gorilla Tango Theatre, 1919 N. Milwaukee, 773-531-1792 or rvdchicago@comcast.net, $5. --Ryan Hubbard

Ryan rocks. He's a big supporter of sketch comedy and improv. Everything's accurate, but I don't tell people I've written for SNL. I tell people I wrote for Weekend Update. For two years, I wrote freelance for Weekend Update. For two years, whenever the show was in production, I faxed in at least five news items by 5pm on Friday afternoon. The first year I did it, there was around 30 of us freelancers. The second time, there was 60. Competition's pretty fierce among the SNL staff writers to get material on the air. Try being a faceless, nameless e-mail address where the only thing speaking up for you are the words on a piece of paper. Actually, maybe SNL should try doing that.



SHAKESPEARE, IMPROVISED

Tonight I will be making one of my rare appearances with the brilliant cast of The Improvised Shakespeare Company. 8pm. iO. The Del Close Theater.



ONE MESSAGE. LOUD AND CLEAR

"Impeach Bush Now" Google hits - 46,400

Tuesday, March 4th - get your voice heard by creating a worldwide Cyber Shout. Post on your blog, on message boards, comment sections, where ever you can, "Impeach Bush Now!"

Here's a page from Serendipty, chock full of articles about impeaching mssrs Bush and Cheney. Great resource.



The BS News Quiz of the Day

When the hell did I ask this? Last Friday?

"Jerry Keene of West Virginia was identified as the robber of a convenience store in spite of his attempt to disguise himself by doing what?"

27% said "Squinching up his face"
- And then he threatened to take the clerk's nose using nothing but his thumb and forefinger.

27% said "Pulling his turtleneck up over his head"
- Police then found him because he was the only man with a loosey turtleneck collar.

18% said "Covering his face with his hands"
- Which only works if you are trying to rob a two-year-old.

27% got it right with "Putting underwear on his head"

According to The Charleston Gazette, McDowell County sheriff's Chief Deputy Mark Shelton says Jerry Keene entered a convenience store, concealing his face with the underwear, allegedly showed a gun and demanded money. Shelton says witnesses identified the suspect, despite the disguise. Hopefully, Mr.Keene has learned his lesson. Switch from thongs to boxers.

The Birds

Yesterday was a rough, long day here in San Antonio. A good chunk of the day was devoted to playing a game that I created that mixed trivia questions about products with trivia about things you should have learned in school and done in a style similar to "Are You Smarter Than A 5th grader" mixed in with Field Day type of activities. It had a lot going on and a lot of details to juggle. It went well, though. We didn't get through everything I prepared, but we all had a good time - including me. By the time the sessions ended, I was exhausted and didn't want to go to the evening event.

The evening event was at a place called the Buckhorn Saloon. A fun and disturbing place. Every animal that can be conceiveably stuffed and mounted was on display. The giraffe head mounted on the wall - full length neck included - was freaky. There was also a walrus head which just didn't seem right. It was like an ancient nature museum if P.T. Barnum were to build it. There was even a section for stuffed two-headed calves and such. I cannot think of any animal not represented. They even had shrunken human heads.

Aside from the vacant dead animal eyes staring at me all night, the food was terrific. They were very accommodating to my vegetarian needs. Afterwards, they gave us all poker chips and we got to play different games (for no money, boo!). It gave me a chance to practice Texas Hold'em which turned out to be a lot of fun.

This morning I was burning to get out of this hotel and go for a walk. When I walked out of the hotel, I heard birds. Tons of them. I looked up and every tree had every branch populated with blackbirds. It sounded just like the Hitchcock film, a screechy, scratchy noise. I walked slowly avoid both being pooped on or eaten.

I explored the Riverwalk a bit and found a small artists community called La Vallita. It was too early to check out any shops, but it had a very nice southwest feel to it, including a small chapel.

Even though I have spent most of my time in the hotel, I feel like I have a taste of San Antonio. In spite of the cold weather in Chicago right now, I can't wait to get home.

Howdy

I am sitting in the back of a conference room at a Hyatt in San Antonio as I write this. I am listening to a dapper guy talk about being a better salesperson. The weather has sweetened up around here. Sunny and in the upper 60's and I'll be stuck inside most of the day. I like San Antonio, it's a mix of rich American history and the Wisonsin Dells. Right across from the Alamo is a Ripley's Believe It or Not Museum. And who in their right mind would come to San Antonio and eat at The Rainforest cafe? Or Fudduckers, for that matter. Only in America.

Howdy

I am sitting in the back of a conference room at a Hyatt in San Antonio as I write this. I am listening to a dapper guy talk about being a better salesperson. The weather has sweetened up around here. Sunny and in the upper 60's and I'll be stuck inside most of the day. I like San Antonio, it's a mix of rich American history and the Wisonsin Dells. Right across from the Alamo is a Ripley's Believe It or Not Museum. And who in their right mind would come to San Antonio and eat at The Rainforest Cafe? Or Fudduckers, for that matter. Only in America.

No Cartoons

I'm in San Antonio, right now. Like my trip to Orlando a month ago, the weather here is cold and rainy. I've been here three-and-a-half hours and I have already heard "Guantanamero" six times, twice performed live, and ate some really horrible Mexican food at a place the cab driver swore wasn't touristy. It was.