Wednesday, August 6, 2008

I Believe...

- I believe I may have been too harsh in my call yesterday for the complete annihilation of the United States in the event John McCain is elected office. There's only a small percentage of the people abusing their power and around half of the population happy to let them do so. Plus, we do still have some really cool national parks. And Cape Cod Robust Russet potato chips. But let's not take it off the table.

- I believe a better idea would be for Germany, France and England to form a coalition and invade us! Now! Our shorelines are well known for being poorly defended, in spite of our war of the word "terror."

There are a lot of great reasons to invade our country and rid us of our current government.

1) We have weapons of mass destruction and have threatened to use them.
2) We're being led by a tyrant who puts his own interests before the interests of the people.
3) We train terrorists (The 9/11 pilots who flew in to the World Trade Center towers learned to fly here.).
4) We're harboring terrorists (at Gitmo).
5) One could view our polluting and wasteful ways as a form of chemical warfare.
6) Tom Cruise lives here. (That's for Germany.)


If you're serious about fighting terrorists, then we're the nest of vipers you need to reign in. We will greet you as liberators. Well, at least half of us will. And you can make sure our elections are free and honest. And you can stay as long as you like as long as France cooks us dinners and gets us drunk on wine. We don't have any statues of George W. Bush for you to tear down, but there is that neon cowboy in Vegas. That'll do.

- I believe you only have seven shows left to see Metaluna and the Amazing Science of the Mind Revue. Its been a dozen years since the last production of it. Don't wait another twelve!


THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY


Yesterday, I asked...

"Which of the following sports will NOT be featured at the summer Olympics?"


50% said "Men's Field Hockey"
- They play it. Skirts and all.

12% said "Handball"
- It's different than what we do in the states at health clubs, though. It's team handball and more like high-speed soccer only using your hands.

No one said "Badminton"
- This is the one that surprised me. What's next? Croquette and Lawn Darts?

38% got it right with "Bowling"

According to Time magazine and the International Olympics Committee, bowling is the only sport on the list that will not be played in Bejing. So, why isn't bowling a part of the Olympics? If they can do curling in the winter, they can certainly do bowling in the summer. My only guess is that it is the only sport where participants are required to drink beer.

Here's a picture of the more manly badminton.



6 comments:

Old Ned said...

Do you think American right-wing neo-cons might find the experience of being occupied by the French as galling as the Iraqui people find it to be occupied by our armed forces? The irony would be sublime, indeed!

Paul said...

OK, for the record, team handball is awesome.

Paul said...

Also, bowling is the only sport listed where the most integral pieces of sports equipment include the hand drier and the ashtray.

Not to mention the jukebox in the corner playing Foreigner's "Emergency". China can't do 'classic rock', man.

Anonymous said...

You may get your wish, Joe. If Obama is elected president, it will be the beginning of the annihilation of the United States.

Based on Old Ned's comment, and assuming that he is a left-wing Democrap, (as opposed to 'right-wing neo-con'), he would not find it galling to be occupied by a foreign nation? Yeah, let's get occupied to teach them right-wing neo-cons a lesson, that's sooo cool. Real ignorant comment Ned.

Don't hate the United States because of its foreign policies; hate the United States if we elect Obama.

Joe Janes said...

Back up your statements, Anonymous. I don't see how anyone would feel safe electing an old coot who jokes about bombing Iran and is challenged to find it on a map.

Old Ned said...

LOL!