Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Week Six, Day Thirty-Seven - "The C-E-Yo's (a rap song)"

(This is Tuesday's piece. I posted it after midnight.)

The C-E-Yo’s (a rap song)

Written by Joe Janes
2/24/09
37 of 365

CAST:
Holmes, 50s
Yo-Yo, 50s
Senator, 60s

(Lights up on two businessmen begging for money on a street corner. At their feet is a champagne bucket for catching change. Holmes holds a sign that says “Need Money for Gas for Jet.” Yo-Yo holds a sign that says “Will Relinquish Bonuses For Expense Acc’t.”)

HOLMES
Man, Yo-Yo, ain’t nobody giving it up today.

YO-YO
Never thought I’d be out on the street like this, Holmes, begging for change (kicks bucket).

HOLMES
Man, it’s hard out here for a CEO.

YO-YO
People just don’t appreciate.

HOLMES
Just yesterday, we were CEOs of multi-billion dollar corporations.

YO-YO
You know what we are today?

HOLMES & YO-YO
We be the C-E-Yo’s!

(A fresh rap beat kicks in)

HOLMES
This economy is driving me crazy.

YO-YO
It means I have to work and I’m so lazy.

HOLMES
I’m making changes all over my damn life.

YO-YO
Staying married, can’t pay to divorce my wife.

HOLMES
My mistress expects diamonds or thinks I’m a bum.
Try to fool her with cubic zirconium.

YO-YO
Guess I’ll sell my private jet and fly first class.

HOLMES
I’ll fire my valet; have my wife dress my ass.

YO-YO
Send for my tailor, have him tighten my belt.

HOLMES
Never thought my golden parachute might melt.

CHORUS
We’re the C-E-Yo’s (yo)
Hard times are all about
We’re the C-E-Yo’s (yo)
You’ve got to bail us out!

YO-YO
Big parties with ice sculptures won’t be the same.

HOLMES
Less coke and hookers, Obama is to blame.

YO-YO
C’mon bail us out

HOLMES
Empty all your pockets (Can’t you see I’m crying)

YO-YO
C’mon bail us out

HOLMES
Sell some ammo and rockets (Iraq is buying)

YO-YO
I live in a mansion behind gated walls.
I need bucks or live in a box by the falls.

HOLMES (speaking)
Yo-Yo, it’s that bad?

YO-YO (speaking)
No, Holmes, that was for dramatic effect.
(Back to rapping)
Give me more moo-la or I’ll let some peeps go.

HOLMES
Kick his gardener on the street.

YO-YO
Hoeing with ho’s!

(They laugh and high five each other. A U.S. senator walks by and the rap goes on hold.)

YO-YO
Senator! Senator! C’mon, help us out.

HOLMES
Can’t you see we’ve fallen on tough times?

YO-YO
Tough times that aren’t our fault.

(The senator looks at them disapprovingly. They give him big puppy dog eyes. The senator sighs, pulls out his wallet, and drops a bill into the champagne bucket. He walks off. Holmes and Yo-Yo dive for the bill and bring it up together.)

HOLMES
A lousy billion-dollar bill! Cheapskate!

YO-YO
What are we supposed to do with a measly billion? Buy Starbucks?


(The rap kicks back in for a big finish.)

CHORUS
We’re the C-E-Yo’s (yo)
Hard times are all about
We’re the C-E-Yo’s (yo)
You’ve got to bail us out!


(They pose at the finish of the song. Blackout.)

3 comments:

idjar said...

I'd like to see this go straight to viral video.

Anonymous said...

Love this.
MJ

Paul said...

Yo, rap parodies is played out like an 8-Ball jacket.

clottic (adj.): what'd you say, Hammer? clottic.