Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Week Three, Day Seventeen - "Diversity Chicken"

Diversity Chicken
Written by Joe Janes
2/4/09
17 of 365

CAST
Bobby, 12
Chelsea, 12
Diversity Chicken (aka DC),???

(Lights up on Bobby and Chelsea sitting on a stoop. Bobby has a baseball bat. Chelsea has a mitt and glove.)

BOBBY
Gee, Chelsea. I don’t like playing with that new kid, Raoul.

CHELSEA
I now what you mean, Bobby. There’s just something about him.

BOBBY
Yeah. I know. It’s like he’s different.

(Offstage we hear the trumpeting bawks of a chicken - then bounds onto the stage in a multi-colored chicken suit, Diversity Chicken!)

DC
Diversity Chicken to the rescue!

BOBBY AND CHELSEA
Diversity Chicken!

DC
That’s right, Bobby and Chelsea. I couldn’t help but overhear you talking about your new classmate, Raoul.

BOBBY
Yeah, Diversity Chicken. He looks so different from us.

CHELSEA
He’s a different color.

BOBBY
He wears different clothes.

CHELSEA
And he has a funny sounding name.

DC
Look at me, kids, and what do you see?

BOBBY
A big chicken?

DC
Take a closer look. What’s on this big chicken?

(The kids are stumped. They keep looking at him. DC flaps his arms. Nothing. He finally plucks one of his own feathers shows it to them.)

DC (After an understated “ow.”)
What’s this?

BOBBY AND CHELSEA (after looking at each other)
A feather?

DC
Right! Yes! A feather. Such bright, wonderful children.

(He sits down between them.)

DC
Do you see how my feathers come in all shapes and sizes, even different colors? (They nod.) Think of the planet as one big chicken. And every person on the planet is just a feather stuck to the chicken.

CHELSEA
So, Bobby and me are feathers?

DC
That’s right.

BOBBY
And we’re stuck on a giant chicken hurtling through space?

DC
That’s right, too.

CHELSEA
Does that mean Raoul’s a feather, too?

DC
Now, you’re catching on. And how silly would it be if I had some feathers that didn’t get along with other feathers?

CHELSEA
Pretty silly, Diversity Chicken.

BOBBY
So, we should try to like Raoul?

DC
Whoa, whoa, whoa. I didn’t say that. Life’s too short to put up with people you have to try to like. All you have to do is “tolerate” Raoul.

CHELSEA
What’s “tolerate” mean?

DC
Well, it means, no one’s asking you to invite Raoul over to play video games or play baseball. But don’t go out of your way to bother him, either. As long as he sticks to his own neighborhood and dates his own kind, we won’t have a problem, will we?

BOBBY AND CHELSEA
Nope!

CHELSEA
Thanks, Diversity Chicken!

DC
You’re welcome, kids! Now, I’m off!

(He starts to walk away)

BOBBY
You don’t fly?

DC
Nope. I’m a chicken. Got wings, no gift of flight. Thanks, God!


CHELSEA
I thought super heroes flew?

DC
Well, you know, not really a super hero, here. More just a walking public service announcement. (Mumbles to himself as he exits) Fucking kids.

BOBBY
I hate chickens.

CHELSEA
Me, too. Unless they’re fried.

BOBBY
Let’s go eat him!

CHELSEA
Yay!

(They run off and start beating on DC with the bat. We hear chicken screams and see feathers fly onto stage as lights fade.)



ZED UPDATE


Check the side bar to your left to see the latest picture of Zed. He has some friends with him. I didn't want him to feel all alone when he met Ira Glass, Scott Simon and Peter Segal at a WBEZ fundraiser this evening. The next time you see him, he'll be on his own, distantly flanked by secret service sideburns ready to throw themselves in front of a razor to protect Zed. Click on the picture to contribute to the 826 Moustache-A-Thon.

9 comments:

idjar said...

So, all those feathers are working together just to avoid a public indecency charge?

Joe Janes said...

There are a few feathers strategically placed. No wardrobe malfunctions here.

On a global scale, we're all working together to try to help our planet hide its shame.

Chris Othic said...

Oh, Joe [shaking head]. You finally did it with Diversity Chicken. I'm afraid your Zed update was more fun to read than this sketch!

I do like the idea of Diversity Chicken, though. It's dumb enough to be really fun. I think some more heightening was in order, on this one.

On to 18, I say!

Nat Topping said...

I actually like this idea and think that diversity chicken has a nice quirky charm to him. I think it might work a little better if you tighten up the beginning of the piece so that we can get to the "tolerate" turn quicker (which was quite funny by the way). The ending lingers a little. I might just end it with "You're welcome, kids! Now, I'm off!"

Also, Zed's lookin' good.

Anonymous said...

Just wanted to say thanks for this hilarious sketch, I'm a film major at Drexel University and my group and I were looking for a quick, hilarious, and socially awkward sketch to use for a sound project!
Thanks!

Joe said...

Um...

I think you may have skipped over the "get permission" part. All for it, sounds like fun, but shoot me an e-mail so we can be all on the up and up.

joejanes@figgy.net

Joe Janes said...

For anyone following the story, I got a hold of the department chair of Drexel University's film department and she helped me track down the student. He was only interested in using the script for an in-class project on learning how to record sound for film. He was very apologetic about not getting permission and, of course, I told he was more than welcome to use the script. We cool.

Joe said...

Hey Joe. I'm enjoying all these scripts. Great work!

Joe Janes said...

Thanks, Two Cuts!