Written by Joe Janes
166 of 365
(Lights up on Derek and D-Pack, wearing army fatigues and seemingly holding improv beers. It is night. They are looking at something up and out in the distance. We hear “booms” and light shifts.)
DEREKI don’t get fireworks.
D-PACKWhat’s there to get? Pretty colors. Loud noises. (He makes the sound of a rocket and a boom.)
DEREKWhy is it America has to commemorate things, like the Fourth of July, by getting drunk and blowing shit up?
D-PACKAnd the eating. Don’t forget the eating. Lots of hot dogs and hamburgers. I’d kill for a good ol’ US Beef burger.
DEREKYou mean you’d kill for the right to have a US Beef Burger.
D-PACKYeah. That’s what I mean.
(We hear a whistle.)
(We hear machine gun fire. D-Pack and Derek take what we thought were beers and unpin grenades with their teeth and throw them. They quickly hit the ground. Explosions!)
D-PACKI wish I had a beer.