Written by Joe Janes
190 of 365
(Lights up on Megan, Shelly and Dina in their college apartment. Megan and Shelly sit at a table doing homework. Dina is watching TV.)
DINAAre you guys going to study all night?
MEGANIt’s only seven o’clock.
SHELLYAren’t you worried about passing your history test?
DINAProfessor Krause always does multiple choice.
DINAThe answer is “B.”
MEGANAnswering “B” won’t get you an “A.”
DINAI just want to pass.
(Doorbell rings. Shelly looks at Dina, who doesn’t move.)
SHELLYDon’t get up.
(Shelly answers the door. Dave enters carrying a pizza and case of beer.)
DAVEHi, Shelly. Girls, the pizza boy is here!
(He enters and puts the pizza and beer on the table. He starts opening beers and handing them out.)
DINAHi, Mr. Jensen.
DAVEMr., Jensen? Is my dad here?
SHELLYNo, mine is.
DAVECall me, Dave, Dina. Hi, Megan.
MEGANHi…Dave. Thanks for bringing us pizza. I was just thinking about how hungry I was.
SHELLYDad, this is nice, but we’re trying to study for a test.
DAVEA test? A test in what? Lay it on your old man. I’ll help you.
DAVEAmerican History, American History… Multiple choice?
DAVEJust answer “B.”
DINAThat’s what I said, Dave!
(She high fives him and he is very happy about that.)
SHELLY (going back to studying)Oh, God.
DAVEI can’t believe you attractive young ladies are spending your evening studying.
DAVEBut you’re in college. And I just read your school is rated one of the top twenty party schools in the country.
MEGANSomething to be proud of.
DAVEPut the books away. Let’s eat us some pizza. Drink us some beers. Call more of your girlfriends and invite them over. Let’s have a party. …I’m buying!
DINA (texting)I just texted my friends, Dave.
SHELLYDina, we’re not having a party.
DINAWe are, now. I also posted it on Facebook and Twitter.
DAVECool. I brought a party CD, too.
(He hands Dina a CD.)
SHELLYDave… Can I speak with you in the kitchen, please?
DAVE (grabs a beer)Sure, Shelly.
(They walk to the far side of the stage through a “door” into the kitchen.)
DAVE (continuing)Here’s your beer.
SHELLYI don’t want a beer. I want to spend the evening studying for my test.
DAVEShelly, Shelly. You only live once. Your college years are going to fly by.
SHELLYThey’re my college years. Not yours. I don’t need you around trying to relive your college years.
DAVEBelieve me, the last thing I want to do is relive my college years.
SHELLYPizza? Beer? Parties?
DAVEI was a dork in college. Yeah, I know. Me. All I did was study and get “A”s. I was the most boring man on campus.
SHELLYThen what the hell are you doing? Trying to make up for lost time?
DAVEWhat? No. Just trying to make sure my little girl and her roommates get the most out of these formulative important years.
DAVEI don’t know-
SHELLYWhich one of my roommates do you have the hots for?
DAVEDina has some pretty hot videos on Facebook.
SHELLYYou’re watching videos of my friends on Facebook.
DAVEYou friended me. You were tagged in her karaoke strip tease.
SHELLYWe were drunk.
DAVEI know. That’s why I brought beer and the greatest hits of Bon Jovi, karaoke-style.
SHELLYJesus, Dad. It’s my life. Not your chance to live out Internet porn fantasies.
DAVESure you don’t want a beer?
SHELLYGo home. Go date women your own age.
DAVEWomen my age don’t look like that.
SHELLYStop trying to sleep with my friends. Seriously. It’s time for you to leave.
(She opens the door for Dave to leave. They enter the living room where the karaoke version of Bon Jovi’s “You Give Love A Bad Name” is blaring. Megan and Dina have their tops off and are singing along loudly. Scott is video taping them. Ted is cheering them on. If there’s more students around partying, awesome. Megan and Dina grab Dave and make him join them. Everyone is singing along, except Shelly. Shelly grabs her textbook and three beers and exits. Lights fade.)