Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Week 33, Day 226 - “Boris vs. Nature”

“Boris vs. Nature”

Written by Joe Janes

9/1/09

226 of 365

CAST

Boris, 30s

Sophia, 30s

Barbra, 12

Griffin, 60s

Geoff, 20s

Keely, 20s

(Lights up on Boris, a man in his 30s wearing shorts, sandals and a crumpled polo shirt. He is simply standing and staring, intently, on a very fixed point in the direction of the audience.)

SOPHIA (off)

Boris!

(Sophia enters. She is also in her 30s. She is Boris’s wife and is similarly dressed as he. She drags along Barbra, 12, who has a balloon preferably shaped like a zoo animal’s head.)

SOPHIA (continuing)

There you are. Boris, I think we’re ready to go.

BARBARA

Let’s go, Daddy.

(Pause)

SOPHIA

Boris? Did you hear me?

BORIS (still staring)

I heard you, Sophia.

SOPHIA

Well?

BORIS

I can’t leave just now.

BARBRA

Daddy, we already saw the giraffes.

BORIS

I know, Barbra.

BARBRA

Then why are you still here?

BORIS

Because that one keeps staring at me.

SOPHIA

Are you dehydrated? I told you to hydrate at lunch.

BORIS (never breaking his stare)

I’m hydrated. I was just standing here watching him eat some leaves off the top of that tree. Then he stopped, as if he could feel me watching him, and then he just turned his head and stared back.

SOPHIA

Oh, my God. He is staring at you.

BORIS

I know.

SOPHIA

How long as this been going on?

(Griffin, an old retired man, walks up to look at the giraffes. He begins to notice that something is off.)

BORIS

I don’t know. Twenty minutes? I haven’t looked at my watch. I just keep looking back.

BARBRA

Why?

BORIS

Why? I don’t know why? Ask him. He started it.

BARBRA

Hey, giraffe! Why are you staring at my daddy?

SOPHIA

Honey, shush. You’ll get us in trouble.

GRIFFIN

I’ll be damned. That giraffe is staring at you.

BORIS

I know.

GRIFFIN

I come here every day. I’ve never seen anything like that.

BORIS

I think he’s challenging me.

SOPHIA

He’s not challenging you, Boris. He’s just a dumb animal.

BORIS

That’s just it. Maybe he doesn’t think he is. Maybe he thinks he’s better than me.

GRIFFIN

Better than a human? Stare that bastard down, young man.

BORIS

I intend to do just that, Sir.

GRIFFIN

Call me Griffin. Retired Major, US Army. I fought in the Great War.

BORIS

World War II?

GRIFFIN

Grenada. October, 1983.

SOPHIA

Thank you for defending our freedom.

GRIFFIN

My pleasure, ma’am. (To Boris) I’ve got you covered, in case that giraffe gets out of hand. (He pats his jacket breast pocket and nods.)

BORIS

Thanks, Griffin.

GRIFFIN

It’s an honor.

(Pause – everyone is staring at the giraffe, now.)

SOPHIA

How long do you expect this to go on, Boris?

BORIS

As long as it takes. I’m not backing down.

(Pause as they all continue to stare. Barbra starts to get antsy.)

BARBRA

Mom, I have to pee.

SOPHIA

Use your big girl bladder.

BARBRA

I am and my big girl bladder is full.

SOPHIA

Okay. Fine. Let’s find a bathroom.

(Sophia rushes off with Barbra. Griffin and Boris still stare out.)

GRIFFIN

Damn.

BORIS

What?

GRIFFIN

Now, my big girl bladder is full. (He starts to exit.) You gonna be all right?

BORIS

I’m a rock.

GRIFFIN

If I don’t make it back, I want you to know, I’m proud of you, Son.

(He salutes Boris and exits. Boris continues standing. Lights fade. Lights come back up on another part of the stage on Geoff. He stands looking out, staring. Keely enters.)

KEELY

You’re still here, Geoff?

GEOFF

That asshole human won’t stop staring at me. Who does he think he is?

KEELY

Asshole human. Leaf? (Hands Geoff a leaf.)

GEOFF

Thanks. (Geoff takes the leaf and chews on it while he continues to stare.) Asshole human.

(Lights fade.)

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Interesting. That's code for I don't really get this, but I think there's a kernel in it somewhere... I like the idea of a staring contest between a man, and a giraffe. Is there any blinking going on?

Griffin the Vet says that he comes to the zoo every day. Is he a docent? Could he be? The Lincoln Park Zoo is terminating docents at the end of October, and these people that come there every day to help zoo visitors will soon be extinct like some of the animals. See link to Trib story. What if this giraffe were staring Boris down on Griffin's last day as a docent, or what if the animals revolted over the firing of the docents?

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/columnists/chi-schmich_30_bdaug30,0,4390070.column

Joe Janes said...

I didn't know about the docents. Thanks for the info and for increasing my vocabulary. I like the idea of them just finding themselves in a staring contest and neither willing to back down, however more could be explored to escalate the situation. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

I didn't mean to totally veer into a different direction, it's just that I had just been reading about the docents, and getting all riled up, and that Griffin character reminded me of the docent featured in Schmich's column.

The staring contest premise is a good one, but there could me more at stake, or escalation like you indicated. In any case, I do admire you for committing to this 365 project, and putting your work out there each day. In various ways, and on various sites, I sort of do the same with my own writing, and if I like something I try to take it further, and revise it, and if I don't I just let it die, and chalk it up to the intellectual equivalent of exercise. Speaking of which, off to do that...

Anonymous said...

sorry, could "be* more at stake, not *me*

Chris Othic said...

I like this one, and agree with previous comments about stakes and escalating, but I also like that it's really over a very trivial matter.

Something about the "big girl bladder" line sticks out to me, like I don't know any Mom that would say that to her kid. Of course, that means you have probably heard this line in real life.

I think if it were me, I might explore the mother daughter thing by having the girl get scared, like kids do when adults are acting strange. That might be the way to get them out of there, and Sophia might also get creeped out eventually, and want to leave. This might escalate it a little, and set up the audience thinking there is something more going on (like a Stephen King story).

I think I'd like to see a more definitive ending to the scene with Boris and Griffin--or just Boris alone staring, and then the final tag with the two giraffes would kill if you put it later in the show as a call black (yeah, I just coined my own term).

Joe Janes said...

The ending could totally be used as a callback. For sure.