Week 41, Day 286 - "Hotel Room"

“Hotel Room”

Written by Joe Janes

10/31/09

286 of 365

Cast:

Lorelei, 20s

Stu, 30s

(Lights up on Lorelei sitting on the edge of the bed in a small hotel room. Two packed suitcases are near the foot of the bed. One is a man’s satchel and the other is a simple case likely belonging to her. A fancy lady’s hat sits on the tall dresser. Her shoes lie unsettled on the floor. Her dress is draped across a chair. She is in a shoulderless or spaghetti-strapped red teddy. She is holding a creased letter open and lengthwise. The phone rings. And it rings. And it rings. And it stops. Silence. Lorelei stands. Looks around the room. She isn’t sure which way she needs to go. She sits back down. There is a knock at the door.)

LOREILI

John?

STU (through the door)

It’s the day manager, ma’am.

LOREILI

Oh.

(Pause)

STU (through door)

Could you open the door, please, ma’am?

LOREILI

I’m not a ma’am. Please stop calling me that.

STU (through door)

Sorry…miss.

LOREILI

I have a name and it’s Lorelei. Lorelei Candini. I’m from Ohio.

STU (through door)

Miss Candini? Can I come in?

LOREILI

No, you may not come in. I am not decent.

STU (through door)

Mr. Stover would like his satchel.

LOREILI

What?

STU (through door)

Mr. Stover, the man who leased this room, would like me to retrieve his satchel. (Lorelei picks up the satchel) If you don’t mind, you could just pass it through the door. Won’t take a moment. And I promise to shut my eyes.

(She opens the satchel and pulls out a stethoscope and a bottle of pills.)

LOREILI

If he wants it, he can come get it himself.

STU (through door)

I don’t think he can. He’s not here in person. He sent a messenger.

(She puts the stethoscope back, but keeps the pills. She rattles the bottle and listens to it.)

LOREILI

Does the messenger have a message for me?

STU (through the door)

Just that Mr. Stover would like his satchel. And that he’s here to get it for him. (Pause) So, can I get-

(She opens the door. She stands there hold the satchel. Stu looks at her wide-eyed and surprised. She throws the satchel to him.)

LOREILI

Here.

STU

Thank you.

LOREILI

His name’s not Stover. And he’s not a mister he’s a doctor.

STU

I will take that into account.

LOREILI

Is there anything else?

STU

I can’t think of anything. No. Yes. The room. Will you be staying? You only have it until 11.

LOREILI

Where am I going to go?

STU

I don’t know.

LOREILI

I don’t know, either. I moved out of the boarding house yesterday. I quit my job at the cinema last week. Mel liked me, though. He’d hire me back, wouldn’t he?

STU

I see absolutely no reason why not.

LOREILI

I can’t go back to Ohio. I can’t. I just can’t.

STU

I know. I’m from Toledo.

(She nods. She becomes aware that Stu is staring at her body. Embarrassed, she folds her arms in front of her. Stu clamps his hand over his eyes.)

STU (continuing)

I am so sorry.

(She quickly shuts the door.)

STU (continuing, through the door)

Miss Candini, you have the room until 11. But if you want to stay, you’ll have to come down to the front desk and re-register. The room’s in Mr. Stover’s name and he checked out. And you need to pay in advance for however long you want to stay. Okay? Did you hear me?

(She looks at the pills.)

LOREILI

I heard you.

STU (through door)

Okay, then. I’m going to give this bag to the messenger. If you need anything else, call down to the front desk. My name is Stuart, but it’s all right to call me Stu.

(Pause)

LOREILI

Are you still there, Stu?

STU (through door)

Yes.

(She nods to herself. Then shakes her head. Puts the pills on the dresser. She stands there for a moment. Lights fade.)

Week 41, Day 286 - "Hotel Room"

“Hotel Room”

Written by Joe Janes

10/31/09

286 of 365

Cast:

Lorelei, 20s

Stu, 30s

(Lights up on Lorelei sitting on the edge of the bed in a small hotel room. Two packed suitcases are near the foot of the bed. One is a man’s satchel and the other is a simple case likely belonging to her. A fancy lady’s hat sits on the tall dresser. Her shoes lie unsettled on the floor. Her dress is draped across a chair. She is in a shoulderless or spaghetti-strapped red teddy. She is holding a creased letter open and lengthwise. The phone rings. And it rings. And it rings. And it stops. Silence. Lorelei stands. Looks around the room. She isn’t sure which way she needs to go. She sits back down. There is a knock at the door.)

LOREILI

John?

STU (through the door)

It’s the day manager, ma’am.

LOREILI

Oh.

(Pause)

STU (through door)

Could you open the door, please, ma’am?

LOREILI

I’m not a ma’am. Please stop calling me that.

STU (through door)

Sorry…miss.

LOREILI

I have a name and it’s Lorelei. Lorelei Candini. I’m from Ohio.

STU (through door)

Miss Candini? Can I come in?

LOREILI

No, you may not come in. I am not decent.

STU (through door)

Mr. Stover would like his satchel.

LOREILI

What?

STU (through door)

Mr. Stover, the man who leased this room, would like me to retrieve his satchel. (Lorelei picks up the satchel) If you don’t mind, you could just pass it through the door. Won’t take a moment. And I promise to shut my eyes.

(She opens the satchel and pulls out a stethoscope and a bottle of pills.)

LOREILI

If he wants it, he can come get it himself.

STU (through door)

I don’t think he can. He’s not here in person. He sent a messenger.

(She puts the stethoscope back, but keeps the pills. She rattles the bottle and listens to it.)

LOREILI

Does the messenger have a message for me?

STU (through the door)

Just that Mr. Stover would like his satchel. And that he’s here to get it for him. (Pause) So, can I get-

(She opens the door. She stands there hold the satchel. Stu looks at her wide-eyed and surprised. She throws the satchel to him.)

LOREILI

Here.

STU

Thank you.

LOREILI

His name’s not Stover. And he’s not a mister he’s a doctor.

STU

I will take that into account.

LOREILI

Is there anything else?

STU

I can’t think of anything. No. Yes. The room. Will you be staying? You only have it until 11.

LOREILI

Where am I going to go?

STU

I don’t know.

LOREILI

I don’t know, either. I moved out of the boarding house yesterday. I quit my job at the cinema last week. Mel liked me, though. He’d hire me back, wouldn’t he?

STU

I see absolutely no reason why not.

LOREILI

I can’t go back to Ohio. I can’t. I just can’t.

STU

I know. I’m from Toledo.

(She nods. She becomes aware that Stu is staring at her body. Embarrassed, she folds her arms in front of her. Stu clamps his hand over his eyes.)

STU (continuing)

I am so sorry.

(She quickly shuts the door.)

STU (continuing, through the door)

Miss Candini, you have the room until 11. But if you want to stay, you’ll have to come down to the front desk and re-register. The room’s in Mr. Stover’s name and he checked out. And you need to pay in advance for however long you want to stay. Okay? Did you hear me?

(She looks at the pills.)

LOREILI

I heard you.

STU (through door)

Okay, then. I’m going to give this bag to the messenger. If you need anything else, call down to the front desk. My name is Stuart, but it’s all right to call me Stu.

(Pause)

LOREILI

Are you still there, Stu?

STU (through door)

Yes.

(She nods to herself. Then shakes her head. Puts the pills on the dresser. She stands there for a moment. Lights fade.)

Week 41, Day 285 - "Life's Too Short - Hey, Look! A Balloon!"

“Life’s Too Short – Hey, Look! A Balloon!”

Written by Joe Janes

10/30/09

285 of 365

CAST:

Joni, 30s

(A lone chair sits on stage. Joni enters. She is casually dressed and looks bored. Very, very bored. She looks around the room. There is nothing to do or see. She sits in the chair. And she sits. And she sits. She is so freaking bored. From offstage, a normal-sized red balloon -sans helium- comes out onto the stage. Joni sees it. Maybe not at first, but eventually. She regards it with curiosity. She picks it up. A song like “Hooked On A Feeling” by BJ Thomas plays. She begins to play with the balloon, gently tossing it up into the air and catching it. She is enthralled. She gives the balloon a little hug. She has truly found a playmate. She waltzes around the stage with her balloon. She stops to give her balloon a kiss and it suddenly pops, the music stopping cold. She is stunned with sadness. She sits. She looks very sad and looks like she is about to cry until her quivering frown turns into a yawn. She is bored, again. Very, very bored. A very heavy red bowling ball or medicine ball rolls out onto stage. Joni sees it. She approaches the ball with forced enthusiasm. She picks it. “Hooked On A Feeling” begins to play. She struggles to play and waltz with the bowling ball as she did with the balloon, maybe even dropping it on her foot and continuing to dance with a limp. Lights fade.)

Week 41, Day 284 - "A Moth To A Flame"

“A Moth To A Flame”

Written by Joe Janes

10/29/09

284 of 365

CAST:

Hal, 20s

Maggie, 20s

(Hal enters the dimly lit stage. He is all dressed in white and wearing a silver cap. He looks around quickly. He quietly walks to one side of the stage and presses his pear-shaped body against the wall as best he can. We hear a fluttering/knocking offstage. We hear it again.)

MAGGIE

Hal? Hal? (Pause) Hal, I know you’re in there.

HAL (to himself)

Shit.

MAGGIE

Hal? Come on, Hal. Let me in. I’m not leaving until you talk to me.

(Resigned to his fate, Hal walks over and opens the door. In the dim light, Maggie, with brown moth wings, enters. There is a palpable tension between them.)

MAGGIE (continuing)

We need some light.

HAL

I don’t think that’s a good idea. You know what that might lead to.

MAGGIE

I can control myself.

HAL

If you could control yourself, I wouldn’t be in here hiding.

MAGGIE

You were just going to try to hide from me and not say good-bye? I think I at least deserve a good-bye.

HAL

Good-bye.

(Pause)

MAGGIE

A good-bye and an explanation. I think I at least deserve that.

HAL

I think it’s obvious.

MAGGIE

Not to me.

HAL

We’re not right for each other. We come from different worlds. Nature and utilities. I’ll only end up hurting you.

MAGGIE

You’re hurting me, now, so congratulations on your psychic ability.

HAL

Maggie, I don’t see how it could work. I’m a light bulb. You’re a moth.

MAGGIE

And I want to have lots of moth bulb babies with you.

HAL

We can’t make babies. I don’t make babies. I don’t have baby-making equipment. I’m nothing but glass and filaments.

MAGGIE

Glass and filaments in all the right places. I look at you and I just go (she takes a deep breath). You make me feel so alive.

HAL

I’m hot.

MAGGIE

A little full of yourself, but yes, you are hot.

HAL

No, Maggie. Whatever you’re attracted to in me is blinding you to the fact that we’re not compatible. That I’m

dangerous to you. I’ve seen it happen to other moths and light bulbs. The moth just throws herself at the light bulb, scorches her wings and can no longer fly. I don’t want that to happen to you. I think you’re beautiful –

MAGGIE

You do?

HAL

Yes. I do. And I can’t stand to bear the thought of being the bulb that burns those perfect wings.

MAGGIE (overdramatically)

I’d rather touch the sun once and die than never love at all. (Pause) Too much?

HAL

A bit.

MAGGIE

It’s crazy, I know. I don’t know why I’m so attracted to you. I just know I am. And if I am, and I feel it so strongly, so deep in my heart, how can it be so wrong?

HAL

I think it’s nature’s way of controlling the population. If we were all wildly attracted to the right being all the time, we’d do nothing but screw each other and nothing would ever get done.

MAGGIE

It’s not just that sweet bod of yours. That brain’s pretty exciting, too.

HAL

Thanks.

MAGGIE

Can I see you in all your glory one last time?

HAL

Okay, one last time.

(Hal glows. Light fills the stage. Maggie is getting visibly excited by all this. She can’t control herself and she throws herself at Hal and burns her wings. She falls to the ground. Hal turns off his light and holds her.)

HAL

Maggie, Maggie. Talk to me. Maggie!

MAGGIE

It was worth it.

(She collapses in his arms. Then comes around.)

MAGGIE (continuing)

I smell burnt dog hair.

HAL

That’s your wings.

MAGGIE

Ew.

(Blackout)

Week 41, Day 283 - "Little Drummer Boy"

“Little Drummer Boy”

Written by Joe Janes

10/28/09

283 of 365

CAST

Joseph, 20s

Mary, 20s

Little Drummer Boy, 10

Cow

Lamb

Baby Jesus

Al, 20s

(Lights up on Mary, Joseph and Jesus away in a manger flanked by a cow and a lamb. If possible, we see the head of an adult actor on top of a baby’s body for Jesus. A boy with a drum shyly enters.)

MARY

Hello.

JOSEPH

Come on out, little boy. There’s nothing to be afraid of.

(The drummer boy sheepishly steps forward.)

MARY

What can we do for you?

LDB

I heard there was a newborn king here. I came to look upon him.

JOSEPH

Step closer then. Say hello to baby Jesus.

LDB

Hi. He’s cute. I can see a family resemblance. (To Joseph) He has your eyes.

JOSEPH

Yeah, let’s not talk about that.

LDB

May I give him a gift?

MARY

Sure.

LDB

You see, I’m a poor boy, too.

MARY

You can put it over there, next to the gold.

LDB

Oh.

JOSEPH

We really don’t need any more gifts.

LDB

May I play the drum for him? I will play my very best.

(Mary nods. The Little Drummer prepares himself. He takes a quiet moment and then starts railing on that fucking drum so loudly and so obnoxiously it startles everyone. Mary and Joseph try to retain polite smiles. The cow starts moo-ing, the lamb starts bleating and they both start running around. Perhaps the lamb begins dropping Raisinettes out of its behind. Baby Jesus is wailing.)

MARY

Okay! Okay! That’s enough, thank you!

(Joseph gets up and takes the drum and throws it on the ground.)

JOSEPH

Enough with that awful noise!

(The Little Drummer Boy looks petrified as the animals and Baby Jesus begin to calm down. The Little Drummer boy runs off crying. Joseph returns to Mary.)

MARY

He meant well.

JOSEPH

What were we thinking? There can’t possibly be anything more annoying in the world than a boy banging on a drum.

(Al enters.)

AL

Hi. May I come in?

MARY

What do you do?

AL

I play Andrew Lloyd Webber songs on the accordion while stomping on broken glass in my bare feet and mewling like a cat in heat.

(Joseph and Mary look at one another.)

JOSEPH

Sure, come on in.

(Blackout)

Week 41, Day 282 - "Christopher"

“Christopher”

Written by Joe Janes

10/27/09

282 of 365

CAST

Christopher, 18

Charlsey, 40s

Danielle, 18

(Lights up on Danielle tied to a chair. She is unconscious. She comes to and realizes she is restrained. She starts to struggle. From the shadows, she hears Christopher’s sinister voice.)

CHRISTOPHER

Struggling is useless.

DANIELLE

Who are you? Why are you doing this?

CHRISTOPHER (mockingly)

Who are you? Why are you doing this?

DANIELLE

What do you want?

(Christopher emerges from the shadows behind her with a knife. He holds it tightly to her throat and whispers in her ear.)

CHRISTOPHER

I want you to die. But not quickly. Slowly. Painfully. While I watch the life drain from your arteries. Doesn’t it want to make you scream? Go ahead, scream. Scream your head off. There’s no one home and the neighbors live to far away. Scream.

(She screams. He laughs. She screams more. His laugh grows louder. Suddenly, we hear a light switch flick and the room becomes very well lit and Charlsey is poking her head in the door. Christopher puts his hand over Danielle’s mouth.)

CHARLSEY

Christopher?

CHRISTOPHER

Mom!

CHARLSEY

I heard rough housing. What the heck are you doing in here?

CHRISTOPHER

What are you doing here? I thought you had PTA.

CHARLSEY

Oh, everyone’s so scared about swine flu, they cancelled it. Fine with me, let me tell you. Who’s your friend?

CHRISTOPHER

Oh, this is Danielle. Mom, Danielle. Danielle, this is my mother.

CHARLSEY

Oh, you can call me Charlsey. I think you’ll find I’m a “cool” mom. Right, Christopher?

CHRISTOPHER

Very cool?

CHARLSEY

You kids want any alcohol? I’d rather you drink under my roof than out there lords knows where with who knows what.

CHRISTOPHER

We’re a little busy here, Mom.

(Danielle bites Christopher’s hand. He lets go of her.)

DANIELLE

Your son is trying to kill me! Please call the police!

CHARLESY

What the devil? What kind of game are you two playing?

CHRISTOPHER

It’s not a game, Mom.

DANIELLE

He’s trying to kill me. He drugged me at school and I woke up here tied to this chair.

CHARLSEY

Oh, my. This is just like that TV show!

CHRISTOPHER

“Dexter”?

CHARLSEY

No… What’s the name of that show?... It’s on the television… That handsome boy who likes to kill people.

DANIELLE

I think that’s “Dexter.”

CHARLSEY

No, no, no… “Magnum, PI”!

CHRISTOPHER

Magnum didn’t kill people.

CHARLSEY

He didn’t?

DANIELLE

No. He solved crimes while wearing khaki shorts.

CHARLSEY

Oh, those shorts. He sure killed me a thousand times wearing those shorts.

CHRISTOPHER

Mom. We’re really busy…

DANIELLE

Call the police, please…

CHARLSEY

Oh, I wouldn’t want to do that. I’m the “cool” mom. I also have a little (she imitates toking a joint) if you want some. (She winks.) I get it from the mailman. He's so nice. Okay, I’ll leave you two alone. Let me know if you need anything. Nice meeting you, Danielle.

DANIELLE

Thanks… Charlsey.

(She exits. Christopher holds a knife to Danielle, but isn’t feeling it. He shakes out his body and tries to get back in the mood. He tries the knife, again. Nothing. Ah! The lights. He goes over to the door and turns out the lights.)

CHRISTOPHER (sinister voice)

Well, Danielle-

DANIELLE

Is this your first time?

CHRISTOPHER

What? No! Why do you ask that?

DANIELLE

You don’t seem like you know what you’re doing.

CHRISTOPHER

I know what I’m doing. I know what I’m doing. I’ve done this a lot. I’ve run through this a lot.

DANIELLE

You’ve run through this?

CHRISTOPHER

A true artist practices, hello.

DANIELLE

But you’ve never done this with a real live girl before.

CHRISTOPHER

No. But I’ve seen pictures. And movies. “Dexter” and “Magnum.” I know what I’m doing.

DANIELLE

Really? Well, then, come on. Do me. Let’s do it. Get that knife to workin’, big boy.

CHRISTOPHER

Hey, I’ll do it when I feel like it.

DANIELLE

Then let’s do it.

CHRISTOPHER

I don’t feel like it. Maybe you’re not my type.

DANIELLE

I was your type when you drugged my Coke Zero.

CHRISTOPHER

Just because you were easy to drug doesn’t make you my type.

DANIELLE

You going to stab me with that thing or what?

CHRISTOPHER

What!

(He storms off. Danielle is relieved and she tries to untie herself. Charlsey flicks on the lights as she re-enters with a tray of snacks.)

CHARLSEY

I brought you two snacks. We have some Ritz Crackers with Cheez Whiz, some little sausages with toothpicks and some dry roasted peanuts. Where’d Christopher go?

DANIELLE

He changed his mind about killing me. He went for a walk or something.

CHARLSEY

Oh. I’m sure he’ll be back soon. Would you like a snack?

DANIELLE

Could you untie me?

(Charlsey sets down the tray and quickly unties Danielle. Danielle rubs her wrists as Charlsey sits down near hear and eats a cracker.)

DANIELLE

I think I’ll skip the snacks and just head home, Charlsey-

(Charlsey, without looking, quickly produces a knife and points it at Danielle who sits back down.)

CHARLSEY

Sit down, Danielle.

DANIELLE

But, but, why?

CHARLSEY

My son’s not done with you and I have to live up to my reputation for him. I’m the “cool” mom. Peanut?

(She offers Danielle a peanut. She slowly takes it. Lights fade.)

Week 41, Day 281 - "The Go In Go-For-It"

“The Go In The Go-For-It”

Written by Joe Janes

10/26/09

281 of 365

Cast:

Nancy, 30s

Rita, 30s

Norm, 50s

Ryan, 20s

Mary, 40s

Jack, 40s

Announcer

(Lights up on a very excited Rita in running attire marathon number tags. She is warming up surrounded by other runners, except for Nancy, doing the same. Next to Nancy is Norm.)

RITA

This is my first marathon.

NORM

Congrats.

RITA

I decided a year ago, “gonna do it.” My friends all thought I was crazy. Well, my best friend thought I was crazy. I asked her to train with me, but she was like, “No way.”

NORM

Ever run before that?

RITA

Nope. Didn’t even work out.

MARY

That was my story five years ago. Now I’m hooked.

RITA

Me, too. I feel hooked. I love it. Lost a lot of weight. Best shape I’ve ever been in. I think I can run this thing in under seven hours. At least I know I won’t come in last place.

JACK

Running marathons gives me a sense of pride. Like I’ve accomplished something.

RITA

That, too. I want to feel like I’ve done something with my life. Like run twenty-six and a half miles.

MARY

Yeah. After I’ve run a marathon, I feel like I’ve done something.

(Nancy enters. She is not in shape, but wears a runner’s outfit and marathon tags.)

NANCY

Hey, there you are.

RITA

Nancy! You came to see me off.

NANCY

Sort of. I saw how this thing has changed your life over the last year and I decided this morning over a breakfast of bacon and bacon, I’d give it a try.

RITA

You’re going to run?

NANCY

Sure. Why not? How hard can it be? The course is all marked off. I just have to move in the direction of the arrows, right?

NORM

Sure, if you’re going for a stroll. Most people run a marathon.

NANCY

Oh, I’ll be running.

RITA

But, Nancy, you don’t run. And you’re way out of shape.

NANCY

Oh, I see how it is. Don’t want ol’ Nancy stealing any of your thunder.

RITA

I don’t want you to kill yourself. People train for months to run in the marathon. It’s grueling.

NANCY

We do everything together. It took me awhile to come around, but now I’m ready. I can do this. It’s all mind over matter.

JACK

I think you have more matter than mind.

NANCY

What’s that mean?

JACK

You’re not a runner. You haven’t put in the time. You don’t know what you’re up against.

NANCY

That so?

JACK

Let me look in your eyes… You gonna run and not stop?

NANCY

Yes.

JACK

Even when your legs are hurting and your getting cramps all over?

NANCY

Yes.

JACK

You’re gonna keep running when you have to pee or take a shit?

NANCY

They don’t have bathrooms?

JACK

A runner doesn’t stop for nothin’ and this being your first time with no training, it could take you a day to finish.

NANCY

Then I’ll hold it until I get home. I’ve sat through a catholic wedding before.

JACK

You ain’t got it.

NANCY

How do you know?

JACK

You’re shoes.

NANCY

You’re just a snob.

MARY

No, he’s right. Those aren’t running shoes.

NANCY

And yet if I move my feet fast enough (she does this in place) look, I’m running. No magic shoes required.

ANNOUNCER (VO)

Runners, line up at the starting line.

RITA

You really shouldn’t do this, Nancy.

NANCY

I’ll show you and your runner friends. This will be a breeze.

(A gunshot is heard. The runners all start running in place in slow motion and, please, dear God, NOT to “Chariots of Fire.” Rita and Nancy keep pace as the others peel off and, presumably move ahead. As they run, Nancy lights a cigarette. Rita knocks it out of her hand. Nancy is pissed, but keeps running. Rita reaches out and grabs a cup of water from a water station. Nancy does so on her side, but before she drinks it, she pulls out a flask and pours some liquor into it. She drinks it like a shot. They run, trading off which one is in the lead. As they do, Nancy produces a small bag of Bugles and eats them. She offers some to Rita, who turns her down. Nancy finishes them off and tosses the bag to the side. Nancy kicks it and gets herself in the lead. As she pushing it with all she’s got, she gets a cramp. And then another. And then a few more. She ends up tripping Rita. They both go down. Lights fade.)

ANNOUNCER (VO)

And here we are at the finish line, twelve and a half hours after the start, waiting for the very last two runners… And here they come.

(Lights up on Nancy and Rita walking as if in a three-legged race. Their legs tied together with a thermal foil blanket.)

ANNOUNCER (VO)

It looks like we’re going to have a tie for last place.

(Nancy hears this and pushes Nancy forward and starts running walking sideways so Rita comes in before her. Jack greets them with another blanket to cover their shoulders.)

RITA

We did it!

NANCY

And you weren’t in last place.

JACK

Congratulations, ladies.

NANCY

So. Am I a runner, now?

JACK

No. You nearly killed yourself and your friend.

RITA

I think the important thing is, we didn’t stop. And we helped each other. More than I can say for all the other runners who go it alone.

NANCY

Now, if you don’t mind. I really need a bathroom.

(Nancy hobbles off, dragging Rita with her because they are still tied up. Rita protests as lights fade.)