Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Week 41, Day 283 - "Little Drummer Boy"

“Little Drummer Boy”

Written by Joe Janes


283 of 365


Joseph, 20s

Mary, 20s

Little Drummer Boy, 10



Baby Jesus

Al, 20s

(Lights up on Mary, Joseph and Jesus away in a manger flanked by a cow and a lamb. If possible, we see the head of an adult actor on top of a baby’s body for Jesus. A boy with a drum shyly enters.)




Come on out, little boy. There’s nothing to be afraid of.

(The drummer boy sheepishly steps forward.)


What can we do for you?


I heard there was a newborn king here. I came to look upon him.


Step closer then. Say hello to baby Jesus.


Hi. He’s cute. I can see a family resemblance. (To Joseph) He has your eyes.


Yeah, let’s not talk about that.


May I give him a gift?




You see, I’m a poor boy, too.


You can put it over there, next to the gold.




We really don’t need any more gifts.


May I play the drum for him? I will play my very best.

(Mary nods. The Little Drummer prepares himself. He takes a quiet moment and then starts railing on that fucking drum so loudly and so obnoxiously it startles everyone. Mary and Joseph try to retain polite smiles. The cow starts moo-ing, the lamb starts bleating and they both start running around. Perhaps the lamb begins dropping Raisinettes out of its behind. Baby Jesus is wailing.)


Okay! Okay! That’s enough, thank you!

(Joseph gets up and takes the drum and throws it on the ground.)


Enough with that awful noise!

(The Little Drummer Boy looks petrified as the animals and Baby Jesus begin to calm down. The Little Drummer boy runs off crying. Joseph returns to Mary.)


He meant well.


What were we thinking? There can’t possibly be anything more annoying in the world than a boy banging on a drum.

(Al enters.)


Hi. May I come in?


What do you do?


I play Andrew Lloyd Webber songs on the accordion while stomping on broken glass in my bare feet and mewling like a cat in heat.

(Joseph and Mary look at one another.)


Sure, come on in.



Anonymous said...

Several comments, can't number them not sure how many right now:
1) I grew up as a Catholic so think u r being sarcastic re:the little drummer boy, sorry I get intimidated commenting on this blog sometimes given that u r either students, academics or in the business,
2) I like the cynicism or I am reading too much into it?
3) Just purely jealous of the quality of your output on this blog w/the 365's....I did go the Convent of the Sacred Heart for 13 yrs..OMG.....
So do I tend to be a cynical Catholic,,,maybe,,,,,

Anyways...the jealousy of your writing overides everything,,,,keep on keeping on writing...I am happy someone is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Joe Janes said...

Great post. Thanks for the shout out on quality. That was my biggest fear on taking on this project. And the fear most brought up by friends I consulted. It could just be a year of turds. Fortunately, that has not been the case... so far.

Per religion, just to be clear, I have no problem with Jesus and the Christ family. Big fan, in fact. I am not, however, a fan of organized religion. I think it's cuased more harm than good and justified the twisting and misinterpreting of many a true spiritual leader.

In this scene, I wasn't going for any satirical commentary. Just how ludicrous I thought a kid playing a drum for a baby is, regardless of how well he can play. It's still a boy banging on a drum. Not good for babies. Or animals.

((Ha! - My capcha word is "pennis")

- Joe

Chris Othic said...

I always thought it was kinda funny that the wise men bring Jesus frankincense, gold and myr. If they were so wise, you'd think one of them would bring him a rattle, or stuffed sheep, or maybe even a Baby Einstein video.

Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week.