Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Week 38, Day 260 - "Just In Case"

“Just In Case”

Written by Joe Janes


260 of 365


Malory, 30s

Mike, 30s

(Lights up on Malory sitting in her living room with her eyes closed.)

MIKE (offstage)

Keep your eyes closed, honey.


They’re closed. Hurry, the suspense is killing me!

(Mike enters carrying an axe that has been wrapped in tin foil and has a bow on it.)


Here I come.

(He sneaks up next to her and holds the axe out in front of her, presenting it to her.)

MIKE (continuing)

Happy Anniversary, Malory Finklestein.

(She opens her eyes and squeals and then looks confused.)


Happy Anniversary, Michael Finklestein. It’s an axe.


Hey, you’re supposed to open it first.


Pretty sure it’s an axe.


Don’t you want to unwrap it?


I’m sure if I needed to, I could use it without unwrapping it. (She looks at it some more.) Are you taking me camping and we have to build our own log cabin?


No, silly. To be used around the house. If we ever need it. Hopefully, we’ll never need it.


This is not what I expected at all.


It’s kind of a tradition in my family.


To give axes for first anniversary presents? What’s second year, chain saws?


It’s for security. (He sets the axe down and kneels down next to Malory, holding her hand.) Malory, I want you to know, that I love you. And I will always do whatever needs to be done out of my love for you. Even if it means burying this axe into your head to destroy your brain should you ever become a zombie.


That’s sweet, Mike. Up until the zombie part. Actually, just before. The destroying my brain part by inserting this axe into my head. Sweet up till then.


And I would expect you to do the same for me.


But only if you become a zombie, right?


Or a vampire. But you would also need to put a stake in my heart and use the axe to remove my head. There are stakes in a shoebox on the high shelf in the hall closet. I was going to wait until your birthday to give you those.


On Buffy, it’s just a quick jab and the vampires disintegrate.


Honey, that’s just a TV show.


You’re serious about all this.


As serious as I could ever be. My great great grandmother, Josephina Finklestein, came back from the dead and my great great grandfather, Gilbert Finklestein, didn’t have the heart to take her down with a blow to the head. She ate him. Would have taken over the whole town if my great grandmother, Blanche Finklestein, hadn’t picked up an axe and started chopping off the heads of the living dead.


How do you know your Blanche Finklestein wasn’t just an axe-wielding serial killer?


That’s what the police said when they locked her up in the insane asylum. But he rest of my family knew better. And we’ve always taken this precaution with our loved ones.


Tell you what. Let’s put this away in the closet with the wooden stakes. It’s there if we ever need it. (She takes the axe and walks off stage to put it in the closet. From offstage we hear…) Oh, Mike! This is beautiful. (She walks back in holding silver candlesticks.) These candlesticks are beautiful. You are such a practical joker. You really had me going. These are the best anniversary gift ever. (She hugs him)


Um, those are for making silver bullets.



Anonymous said...

I really like this one.

Chris Othic said...

Another super-solid effort, but . . .

I think after 260 scenes (I've read them all!), you aren't really surprising me any more (well not as much). I usually know what to expect from a Joe Janes scene now: strong dialogue, great exploration of a relationship, fleshed out characters, and usually a nice hook to get into the scene.

For the most part (there are some exceptions) I feel like most of the scenes have a very similar energy, too.

Is it possible to see some more group scenes that have huge stakes, something big happening, lots of physical stuff?

I'd like to hear you critique yourself at this point, too. Like I said, you've had a solid run, but as you look back at what you've written, do you think anything is missing, or do you think you've fallen into some patterns? Do you have any specific ideas or scenes you'd like to explore as you march into the last 100 scenes?

Joe Janes said...

Good questions, Chris. I'll probably roll out some thoughts on it when I hit 265 and just have 100.