Friday, October 9, 2009

Week 38, Day 264 - "Popsicle Stick"

“Popsicle Stick”

Written by Joe Janes

10/9/09

264 of 365

CAST

John, late 20s

Lawrence, late 20s

Roxie, late 20s

Alan, six months

(Lights up on John and Lawrence sitting in the living room.)

JOHN

That was a really great dinner.

LAWRENCE

Thanks, neighbor. Next time, you guys come over to my place.

(A very pregnant Roxanne enters with three popsicles in their wrappers.)

ROXIE

Lawrence makes the dinner and I make the desert. Popsicle, John? I opened the box myself.

JOHN

Uh, no, thank you, Roxie.

LAWRENCE

You sure. They’re grape.

JOHN

No, really. I just have this thing about popsicles.

ROXIE

Really?

LAWRENCE

I’ll take his.

(She hands him the extra popsicle.)

ROXIE

I don’t think I have anything else.

JOHN

That’s okay.

ROXIE

We have some bananas.

JOHN

No. Sorry. I feel the same way about bananas as I do popsicles. Something about having them so close to my face. It’s also why I have never put a gun in my mouth.

LAWRENCE

You’re really missing out.

ROXIE

John, those things all have something in common.

JOHN

What’s that?

ROXIE

Well-?

LAWRENCE (with mouth full)

They’re all penises.

JOHN

What?

ROXIE

They’re all phallic symbols. Popsicles, bananas, guns.

LAWRENCE

You’re a homophobe.

JOHN

No, I’m not. I know gay people. I don’t have any problem with gay people.

LAWRENCE

Have you ever gone down on one?

JOHN

No!

LAWRENCE

Homophobe.

JOHN

Have you?

LAWRENCE

Oh, sure. (Roxie and John look at him) Look, there are billions of people on this planet. You can’t walk around without someone’s dick ending up in your mouth at least once. Even if you don’t want to. The odds are against it.

ROXIE

He’s right.

LAWRENCE

Pencils! Pens! You ever chew on those?

JOHN

No. I’m getting a headache just thinking about it.

ROXIE

A headache?

JOHN

Yeah. Right behind my eye.

LAWRENCE

Ever use a straw?

JOHN

No. Really, can we change the subject? I’m starting to get a migraine.

ROXIE

Anyone else in your family have this affliction? What about your parents?

JOHN

Just me. My whole life. I can’t even remember how it started. My mother said I would refuse my bottle. (He gets up and heads to the door, his hand over his eye.) I’m sorry to cut out so early, but I think I better go home and lie down.

LAWRENCE (walking him out)

Sure, buddy, sure. I’m sorry we brought up such a painful thing.

JOHN

It’s okay. It’s weird. I know.

ROXIE (following)

Do you want to put a popsicle on your head?

JOHN

Not a good idea. Thanks.

(He exits. Lawrence and Roxie stand there. He puts his arms around his pregnant wife.)

LAWRENCE

Well, I guess that gives us more time to get romantic.

ROXIE

Oh, little Alan just kicked.

LAWRENCE

Guess he likes the idea.

(They walk off. Cut to far stage right. Little Alan, six months old, is upside down in Roxie’s womb. He winces rhythmically, trying to protect his eye.)

ALAN

Ow…Ow…Ow…Ow…Ow…

(Lights fade)

3 comments:

Aly said...

one word: stageability. difficult to cast a fetus, however, you could play with the popsicle stick idea, and maybe take one of those ultrasound pics which are all the rage with posting online these days, and glue it to a popsicle stick, representing the baby, and perhaps roxie uses the popsicle stick with ultrasound scan taped to it like it is a puppet? it also seems like there are two separate scenes here. it is kind of an unusual neighbor relationship. what if John just popped in for the key to the fuse box, or cup of sugar, and gets more than he bargained for in terms of puppet show, phallic talk, and weird exhibitionist type neighbors?

Joe Janes said...

Definitely some staging challenges with the tag. Love the ultra-sound idea.

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