Sunday, November 15, 2009

Week 43, Day 301 - "A Fistful of Yarn"

“A Fistful of Yarn”

Written by Joe Janes

11/15/09

301 of 365

CAST

Pearl, 30s

Lacey, 20s

Duke, 30s

Nittie, 30s

Sheriff, 50s

(Lights up on a truck stop/diner. Pearl is pouring coffee for a stranger who is hunched over and wearing a hat – shhh, it’s Nittie. She walks behind the counter. Lacey brings over some dirty dishes and starts placing them in a rack.)

PEARL

Lousy night, eh, Lacey?

LACEY

I don’t know. I’ve had three offers to go for a real slow truck drive after I get off. Unfortunately, they came from three really slow truck drivers.

PEARL

What makes you think you’ll ever find the right guy here at the truck stop?

LACEY

This is where you met Duke.

PEARL

Like I said.

LACEY

I thought you loved Duke.

PEARL

I wouldn’t use the word “love.” More like “sentenced to.” There’s only one man I ever loved and he upped and disappeared on me.

LACEY

You mean Nittie. Nittie the Needle. Nittie the Needle, the killer.

PEARL

Nittie wouldn’t hurt a fly.

LACEY

Tell that to the Turk who got his throat threaded last year.

(Duke enters and clears his throat.)

LACEY

Hey, Duke!

DUKE

Lacey, you look as fresh and glistening as a springtime rose in the morning spray of a Rottweiler.

LACEY

Oh, Duke. You’re embarrassing me. I’ll go check on my tables.

(She exits.)

DUKE

Sorry about last night, Pearl.

PEARL

I guess when you’re drunk the only thing you can raise is your fist.

DUKE

I said I was sorry. I’ll make it up to you tonight.

PEARL

Maybe I won’t be there.

DUKE

Oh, you’ll be there. What the hell else would you do? Move in with Lacey and her kid? That trailer ain’t big enough for a no-legged midget.

PEARL

Don’t make fun of Lacey’s kid. He can’t help it.

(Duke grabs her roughly.)

DUKE

Don’t tell me what to do. You won’t leave, you’re too scared. Too scared of what I’ll do if I find you and too scared to find out you just ain’t got no life.

STRANGER

Maybe you should go easy on the lady.

DUKE

Maybe you should keep your nose outta where it don’t belong, Mister.

PEARL

Duke, you’re hurting me.

(Duke lets go.)

DUKE

I’ll see you around eleven. I’ll light some Glade candles, put some Charlie Rich on the stereo, and slip into my red kimono. Nittie ran away. I’m the man who stayed.

PEARL

Shut up about Nittie. Don’t you say his name.

DUKE

Nittie was a coward.

(We hear the sound effect of something like an arrow whipping through the air and landing near Duke’s head. Duke pulls it out of the wall.)

DUKE (continuing)

What do you know? A size 5 double-pointed. The same kind that scratched the tonsils of that Turk who lived up the road.

NITTIE (standing)

I don’t take kindly to being called a coward.

PEARL

Nittie!

NITTIE

I’m tired of running, Pearl. I came back to turn myself in to the sheriff. He’s meeting me here. Just wanted to see you one last time.

DUKE

Pearl’s my girl, now.

NITTIE

I also have a score to settle…with you.

DUKE

Me? What for?

NITTIE

For treating Pearl like she was anything less than gold.

DUKE

Let’s settle this outside. Like men.

NITTIE

I’ve got a better idea. Let’s settle it inside. Like men. You packing?

(Nittie pulls out knitting needles.)

DUKE

Oh, I’m packing. Pulls out his knitting needles. I should warn you. I recently won best of show at the St. Ervine’s Rummage and Taco Sale.

LACEY (re-entering)

Duke knitted an elegant bolster, a whimsical crib toy, a quintet of wonderful wearables and more… I bought them all!

NITTIE

You talkin’ or knitting?

DUKE

She was talking. I was being polite and listening.

(The Sheriff enters.)

SHERIFF

Nittie! Put down those needles.

DUKE

Stay back, Sheriff. This is between him and me. He’s all mine.

NITTIE

I ain’t going nowhere, Sheriff. I’ll turn myself over to you as soon as I’m done mopping up the floor with-

DUKE

Go!

(They both start knitting furiously. They are quickly producing a bounty of knitted material. Lacey keeps unfurling Duke’s knitting and Pearl helps Nittie.)

SHERIFF

Boys! Boys! This is madness! Stop this before someone gets hurt.

DUKE

I’ll stop if he stops first.

NITTIE

It ain’t over till it’s over.

SHERIFF

You can’t just knit without a purpose. It’s pointless.

DUKE

I’m just getting started. You know Lacey’s tiny trailer, Sheriff? I’m going to knit her a doublewide.

LACEY

Oh, Duke.

NITTIE

Sheriff, that jailhouse can get mighty drafty, can’t it?

SHERIFF

Me and the boys are always fighting a case of the sniffles.

NITTIE

Well, I’m going to knit you a jail cozy for the whole building. And I’m going to make it Pearl’s favorite color, fuscia.

PEARL

Oh, Nittie.

DUKE

Oh, yeah. Well I’m going to knit a giant sweater for the homeless- Aggg! Cramp! Cramp!

PEARL

You won, Nittie! You won!

(She hugs and kisses him.)

DUKE

You may have won this contest, Nittie, but your prize is a chauffeured limousine ride to the hoosegow. Arrest him, Sheriff.

SHERIFF

I can’t.

NITTIE

What?

SHERIFF

That’s what I tried to tell you. We found new evidence that clears you. A suicide note. From the Turk.

LACEY

A suicide note?

SHERIFF

It reads, “To whom it may concern: Life sucks. Gotta go. Buh-bye. The Turk.” There it was, plain as day, taped to his gun rack next to his overstuffed medicine cabinet. Sorry we missed it, Nittie. You’re a free man.

NITTIE

Thank you, Sheriff.

PEARL

Nittie, that’s so wonderful.

SHERIFF

Give you a ride to the hospital, Duke?

DUKE

I’ll take you up on that.

(The Sheriff exits.)

LACEY

Guess you’ll need someone to help you nurse your wound, Duke.

DUKE

Reckon I will.

LACEY

I’m really good with adhesives.

(They start to exit. Duke turns back.)

DUKE

Nittie, I don’t like you much. Just looking at you turns my stomach into tassels. But I sure as hell respect a man who can knit like you.

NITTIE

I’m glad to hear that, Duke. I was going to ask you to be my best man.

PEARL

Best man for what?

NITTIE

I didn’t tell you? I’m getting married.

PEARL

To whom?

NITTIE

To you, I hope.

PEARL

Oh, Nittie.

(They kiss. Lacey is very happy for them.)

DUKE

You know I don’t like you, right? And she used to be my girl? Don’t see why I’d be your best man. (They are still kissing.) Guess what I’m saying is “no. “ Just want to be clear.

(They are still kissing, He exits. Lacey is still watching them. Duke comes back and grabs Lacey and goes. They are still kissing. Lights fade.)

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