Monday, June 29, 2009

Week 24, Day 162 - "The Carpet Cave"

“The Carpet Cave”
Written by Joe Janes
162 of 365

Gronk, The Carpet Caveman, 50s
Oola, The Carpet Cavewoman, 50s
Bob Wilson, the Announcer, 50s

(Lights up on Gronk and Oola in their cave. These are in no way authentic looking cave dwellers. Their costumes are Rubble-esque and their wigs are quite fake. Gronk has a large plastic club that’s supposed to look wooden. Gronk is pretty much just standing there as Oola is alternating standing on one foot and making a sour face.)

Gronk! My feet are cold!

Gronk goes bonk!

(Gronk hits Oola over the head with his club with a cartoony bonk sound effect.)

Our cave would be so much nicer if we had cavewall-to-cavewall carpeting.

Gronk goes bonk!

(Gronk hits Oola over the head with his club with a cartoony bonk sound effect.)

I’m calling The Carpet Cave people, today!

(Oola picks up a big bone phone. Gronk holds off hitting her because he thinks this is a good idea and nods. The announcer steps out holding as many carpet samples as possible.)

Make your dank, cold cave into a warm, happy cave with a new carpet from The Carpet Cave. Throw rugs, floor mats, shags, weaves, waterproof, weatherproof, spill proof, whatever proof you need. Call today!

(Bob Wilson steps back offstage. We focus on Oola and Gronk enjoying their new carpet.)

Our new carpet from The Carpet Cave makes my feet happy. What do you think, Gronk?

GRONK (raises his club)
Gronk says…(puts club down) that’sa nice!

(He hits her anyway. There is no cartoony sound effect. The announcer begins to speak and she looks pissed. He looks increasingly more uncomfortable.)

Check out the latest in new and used carpeting at The Carpet Cave. Visit us at our newest location in the Kankakee Strip Mall on Kankakee Way, formerly the home of Sushi Explosion, in between The Burrito Bombardier and The Eggroll IED.



GarinT said...

At first I was disappointed, but then thinking about flooring commericials lately, this is right on.

I'll take it.

Chris Othic said...

I think this is an ACTUAL bad carpet commercial, as opposed to a parody of one. Was that your intention?

Joe Janes said...

You're right, Chris, and you shall see. More to come.