Sunday, January 17, 2010

Week 52, Day 363 - "Pay It Sideways"

“Pay It Sideways”

Written by Joe Janes

1/16/10

363 of 365

CAST

Richard, 50s

Ashley, 30s

Matthew, 30s

(Lights up on Richard sitting in a small restaurant eating soup at a table for one. Next to him are Ashley and Matthew on a dinner date.)

ASHLEY

You look just like your profile.

MATTHEW

You look better than your profile.

ASHLEY

Oh, stop it.

MATTHEW

Seriously.

ASHLEY

Your profile said you love movies.

MATTHEW

Oh, big film buff.

(Richard shows some interest as he continues to eat soup.)

ASHLEY

What kind of movies do you like?

MATTHEW

Oh, all kinds. As long as they’re good.

ASHLEY

I like the classics.

MATTHEW

Me, too. As long as they’re good.

ASHLEY

What’s your favorite movie?

MATTHEW

Oh, you know. I guess my favorite movie of all time is “Gone With The Wind.”

(Richard looks pleased.)

ASHLEY

Never saw it.

MATTHEW

Me neither.

(They laugh. Richard looks disappointed.)

ASHLEY

I saw a really good movie the other day. Really sweet. What the hell was it called?

MATTHEW

I don’t know.

ASHLEY

It had that guy in it. And that kid. The kid from “Sixth Sense.”

MATTHEW

Haley Joel Osmond.

ASHLEY

Yes. Him. He’s such a good child actor. What was that movie? It was about people doing nice things for other people and he’s trying to get his mother laid.

MATTHEW

Oh. I know what you’re talking about. Um… “Pay It Back.”

ASHLEY

Yes. “Pay It Back.”

(Richard looks quietly angry.)

MATTHEW

I totally loved that movie.

ASHLEY

Me, too!

MATTHEW

The guy was really good in it.

ASHLEY

Yeah, yeah. It was…Bruce Willis.

(Richard is very perturbed.)

MATTHEW

Was it? I don’t think so.

(Richard looks hopeful.)

ASHLEY

No?

MATTHEW

I think it was Kelsey…something…

(Richard looks pissed.)

ASHLEY

That guy from that TV show.

MATTHEW

Yeah. I’m pretty sure it was him.

ASHLEY

He was so good.

MATTHEW

I was really touched by that movie. It made me want to do good things.

ASHLEY

It’s up there on my list of great movies. A classic.

RICHARD (while eating soup)

“Pay It Forward.”

ASHLEY

Excuse me?

RICHARD

“Pay It Forward.”

MATTHEW

Are you talking to us?

RICHARD

Yes. Yes. You people are infuriating. The movie is called “Pay It Forward.” It stars Kevin Spacey, Helen Hunt and Haley Joel Osment who no longer qualifies as a child actor. And, to top it all off, the movie is a piece of shit.

ASHLEY

You’ve seen it?

RICHARD

No.

MATTHEW

Then how do you know?

RICHARD

I saw the trailers. I read a few reviews. I avoided that movie like the plague.

ASHLEY

But you didn’t see it.

RICHARD

If I see a piece of dog shit on the sidewalk, I don’t need to pick it up and put it in my mouth to prove it’s shit. It’s shit and I step around it.

MATTHEW

Hey, man, we’re eating.

ASHLEY

You’re being very rude.

RICHARD (getting up)

Fine. Fine. I need to go anyway. I’m on my way to go see Fritz Lang’s “M” starring Peter Lorre. A classic film.

(He leaves.)

MATTHEW

Wow. Some people, right.

ASHLEY

Clearly not a fan of good movies. Whoever heard of “M”?

MATTHEW

Did you see that one Julia Roberts movie?

ASHLEY

“My Best Friend’s Wedding And A Funeral.”

MATTHEW

Yes!

ASHLEY

Total classic.

(Blackout.)

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