Today - The Museum Part

So far, my brother and I have eaten out in a lot of restaurants and have seen a few movies. Today, we hit the Museum of Science and Industry. The last time I was there, they had these souvenir machines where you put in a quarter and these two metal blocks under a clear plastic bubble would press together, the machine would be a-humming, and when the blocks separated, a plastic toy would be there. Then another piece of metal would push it into a basket from which you retrieved it. The toy would still be warm from the process. Just a piece of cheap, molded plastic, but the kind of thing I remember from my childhood. The Toledo Zoo used to have them. (Yes, Toledo, Ohio has a zoo. It features a muskrat, a opossum, a stray one-eyed dog and the petting zoo is some hairy fat guy with his pants leg rolled up. No snakes. Just a belt hanging off a stick.)

Yesterday, we saw The Dark Knight in iMax. Way cool. Then we ate at Karyn's Raw Cafe restaurant which is very good and, gulp, very expensive. I think we'll go cheaper today. Maybe Tank Noodle or Soul Vegetarian, since we'll already be on the south side.

THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"In order to address the gender imbalance in his town, the mayor of Mount Isa in Australia has generated some controversy by encouraging what?"

22% said "Vows of celibacy"
- It's a mining town. Their jobs are metaphors for not abstaining.

12% said "Men start dating other men"
- Or at least work out a weekly rotation of who gets to wear the pretty pink dress and blond wig.

No one said "Cuddling with koalas"
- They're too mean for that. Not the miners, the koalas.

66% got it right with "Ugly women move to his town"

According to the AFP, the mayor of an Australian outback mining town has come under fire for urging unattractive women to move in, assuring them they will find a man because there is a shortage of women.

John Moloney, mayor of Mount Isa in northwestern Queensland, told a newspaper his town was a place for "ugly ducklings to flourish into beautiful swans" and called on the "beauty-disadvantaged" to flock there.

Mount Isa city councillor Gary Asmus said that while there was a shortage of women, Moloney's comments were an insult to the town's menfolk.

Apparently, he thinks the men can do better. He even passed legislation to have the city erect this sign at the town's border...

Movies, Museums and Meals

Don Janes and Joe Janes. I'm the one on the left. I mean right. Photo by Merrie Greenfield.

My brother is in town. Here we are at the closing night party of Metaluna. I'm excited that he's able to stay in town for a week and that he got to see Metaluna and hang out with folks that are very dear to me. The game plan this week is to cram in as many movies, museums and meals as we can. Don still lives in Port Clinton, Ohio where there is a bit of a void in all three of those areas, especially the culinary options. He's also become a healthier eater over the last year meaning he's actually encouraging me to take him to places like Karyn's Raw Foods. "Uncooked" at restaurants in Ohio means "frozen and not in the fryer, yet."


Metaluna (Sigh)



It's over. Mr. Hall wrote a lovely summation of it all over at AWG. It was a privilege to be in it with Don reprising his role as Mayor Armitage Shanks. Having Jen Ellison masterfully direct such a high class group of actors and crew was more than many playwrights ever get to see done with their work. I made new friends, deepened relationships with old ones and introduced some folks to Dada and vaudeville.

THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE WEEK

On Friday, I asked...

"Fort Hays State University debate team coach William Shanahan got into an argument at a competition with Shanara Reid-Brinkley, the coach from University of Pittsburgh. When Shanahan was at a loss for words, he did what?"

6% said "Punched her"
- This is what they refer to as extemporaneous.

13% said "Threw the lectern out the window"
- When words fail, destroy property. It's the American way.

20% said "Stuck his tongue out at her"
- And then he went and told his mommy.

60% got it right with "Dropped his drawers"

According to The Associated Press, an argument between two debate coaches that was caught on video was not the sharp-witted dialogue typically associated with college debate teams. Instead, the two traded profanity-laced barbs and one of them pulled down his shorts, exposing his underwear.

In the video, Fort Hays State University debate coach William Shanahan is shown arguing with Shanara Reid-Brinkley, debate coach at the University of Pittsburgh, during the competition's quarterfinals.

The argument, which appears to be at least in part about race, is punctuated with frequent cursing and name-calling. Shanahan, who is white, and Reid-Brinkley, who is black, scream criticisms about one another's body language during students' debates.

Hmmm, did they say video?

God bless YouTube. It's safe to play this at work, FYI. It's from a newscast that bleeped everything out. The original unedited tape can be found HERE.

Meatlocker

Bob Fisher is working on a fun project over at The Mammals. He wrote a cool Rod Serling-esque boxing play called Meatlocker last year. Instead of jumping into a production, he's working the story out by turning it into a graphic novel first.

Here's me as Benny the Booker!



Here's Dave Goss as the boxer known only as Meatlocker.



I'll keep you posted on updates.

THIS WEEKEND

My brother is coming in town to vacation here for a week. Vacation means sleeping on an air mattress in my apartment, doing lots of touristy stuff, seeing the closing weekend of Metaluna, and drinking a lot. Oh, and seeing The Dark Knight in iMax! I'm meeting him at Union Station this morning and then treating him to breakfast at Lou Mitchell's.



SELLING STUFF

No sale on the ring yesterday, so it's now up on Craig's List. I'll be selling more stuff, too. I'm moving in a month and a half and I feel the need to purge and start over. I would be fine if my move consisted of one suitcase, my laptop and one cat under each arm.

THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"According to The Office of National Statistics in England last year, one of the most popular baby girl's names is what?"

20% said "Edna"
- You have to be born an aunt to get the name Edna.

20% said "Gertrude"
- The problem with this name is that you are stuck being called "Gert" or "Trudy." You're either going to be the elder stateswoman on a lesbian bowling team or a bobby soxer.

No one said "Irene"

60% got it right with "Ruby"

According to the BBC News, some traditional names such as Edna and Norman are in danger of dying out in England and Wales, research suggests. In 1907, 1,048 babies were named Gertrude but none were in 2005. The Office for National Statistics says the most popular baby names last year were Jack, Thomas and Oliver for boys and Grace, Ruby and Olivia for girls.

I had no idea the name "Ruby" was so popular. I have met a Grace and Olivia before. Hell, I have even met an Edna, Irene and a Gertrude, but I have never met a Ruby. The article doesn't explain why that name has picked up so much steam over there. The only famous Ruby I know is Ruby Dee, the American actress. This is clearly a ploy on England's part to widen the cultural wedge between our two countries!

Lord of Ring Seeks Mordor - SOLD!

So, my ex-fiancee is off "finding herself." I hope, someday, to find myself, if only to have someone to split the rent and bills with.

Having an ex-fiancee means having to unload an engagement ring.



What better place to do that than here?



I like this ring. It's simple. It's classic-looking. She loved it. It was just what she wanted. In a ring, any way. I picked it out and paid for it all by myself. I shopped for it on a Wednesday, bought it on a Thursday, proposed on a Friday and showed it off at my Dad's 75th birthday party on a Saturday.



It's certified by the International Gemological Institute.



The diamond is rectangular, .50 cts, 4.48 x 4.10 x 3.05 mm, clarity is rated I-1, which means it's imperfect but not to the naked eye, color is E, which means colorless or "exceptional white." It is set in a platinum ring, size 7.5.



I think it's the single, biggest purchase I have ever made in one payment. I was simultaneously giddy and proud. I paid $1,874.00 for it. That includes a lifetime warranty. Now, there is no way I'll be able to get all that back. Diamond rings, apparently, are like new cars. Their market value plummets once you leave the lot. There's quite a mark-up. Taking it to a pawn shop or a jeweler in the diamond district would likely get me one third or one fourth of what I paid as well as make me feel like the biggest chump on the planet.

So, I'm just asking for half. $900. And I'll throw in the original receipt so you can keep working the lifetime warranty. If you are interested, shoot me an e-mail. joejanes1065@comcast.net.

I'm putting this out here first. Tomorrow, it goes on Craig's List.



METALUNA IN "THE WEEK"

So, I ran in to an acquaintance earlier this week and she said "Oh, my God! I have to ask. Are you playwright Joe Janes?"

"Um. Sure."

"You're in a magazine I subscribe to called The Week!"

"Is that, like, in the Sunday Tribune or something?"

"No, here. I'll show you. You can't keep it. It's mine."

And she had it on her. The Week's motto is "All You Need To Know About Everything That Matters." It's described as a compilation of "The Best of the U.S. and International Media." And sure enough, on page 26, under "Arts," is a plug for Metaluna with snippets from Tribune critic Nina Metz's review. On this page, there are only five theatrical productions from across the country highlighted and, dammit, we're one of them!

Why, yes. I am playwright Joe Janes.

It's the last weekend for Metaluna! And your last chance to see Jen Ellison as "Rupert" and me trying not to crack up on stage because of it is Friday!


THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"Chinese officials had a little girl lip synch the song 'Ode to the Motherland' at the opening ceremony of the Olympics because the original singer was what?"

No one said "Sick with Asian Flu," "Actually a woman," or "Was working late at the sweat shop" (She only puts in 15 hours a day, like everyone else)

100% got it right with "Not pretty enough"

According to The Associated Press, one little girl had the looks. The other had the voice.

So in a last-minute move demanded by one of China's highest officials, the two were put together for the Olympic opening ceremony, with one lip-synching "Ode to the Motherland" over the other's singing.

The real singer, 7-year-old Yang Peiyi, with her chubby face and crooked baby teeth, wasn't good looking enough for the ceremony, its chief music director told state-owned Beijing Radio.

So the pigtailed Lin Miaoke, a veteran of television ads, mouthed the words with a pixie smile for a stadium of 91,000 and a worldwide TV audience.

Yah, yah, yah. Before you go off on how image-obsessed China is and how cruel this was to the little girl who sang the song, consider this. Here's what 7-year-old Yang Peiyi looks like...



Too much lead in her toys, I guess.

I Believe...

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From Russia With Loathe

RUSSIA DECLARES WAR AGAINST LITTLE OLD LADIES

As you know by now, Russia has used a jack hammer when they could have used a stapler in its conflict with Georgia. Georgia seceded (thanks for catching the typo, Nat!) from Russia and became an independent nation in 1991. This has been a thorn in Russia's side ever since. Russia went through a near transformative period in the late 80's and early 90's until Putin was placed in charge. He and his supporters have effectively rolled back every reform Gorbachev started and are bringing back the good ol' Russia we know and love from our bomb shelter days in the 1950s. Ya see, the thing is, the reforms were a good thing for the people. It gave them a lot of freedom and liberty. That's a bad thing for other people who make a living keeping "the people" in check with fear. Sound familiar?

WHAT ARE THEY FIGHTING ABOUT?

Russia claims to be protecting their people in South Ossentia from Georgia. That's sort of like France protecting their people in Quebec. And it's quite likely Russia has been looking for any old excuse to invade Georgia and that this one will do. Russia has taken control of the whole country and are calling for Georgia's president to step down. Don't worry, though, I'm sure Russia has someone they think is qualified to replace him. They're good at dismantling other governments and putting in people they trust. Sound familiar?

BUT WHAT ARE THEY REALLY FIGHTING ABOUT?

Duh. Oil, of course.

This from The New York Sun...

BP operates the Baku-Tbilisi-Ceyhan pipeline, which transports 1% of the world's oil needs, or one million barrels a day from Azerbaijan to the Mediterranean....Georgia is a crucial link in a three-country energy corridor, vital to western Europe's oil and gas supply. The $3.8 billion pipeline is the only major conduit for Central Asian resources not under Russian control...."They need control of energy routes," President Saakashvili of Georgia said. "They need sea ports. They need transportation infrastructure. And primarily, they want to get rid of us."

Sound familiar? You can read the whole article HERE.

You want to stop wars? Hard to imagine one country invading another because they have all the wind.

THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"RAM-FM, a West Bank radio station has gone off the air due to a lack of funding. Its goal was to bring Israelis and Palestinians together by doing what?"

44% said "Featuring both cultures' musicians"
- Country and western?

22% said "Highlighting peace-oriented programs"
- Like Car Talk?

11% said "Boasting balanced talk and news shows"
- Just like how Fox News has inspired peace?

23% got it right with "Playing Michael Bolton and Air Supply"

According to The Associated Press, a West Bank radio station that sought to bring Israelis and Palestinians together to the tune of pop music has gone of the air because of a lack of funding.

RAM-FM had been broadcasting English-language talk shows and artists like Michael Bolton and Air Supply from a studio in the town of Ramallah since last year.

Yeah. Michael Bolton. Doesn't exactly inspire me to put down my gun. Unless they were trying to create peace through increased suicides. You want music that will inspire peace, put on Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon and start passing out the joints.

Monday News Quiz

Last Friday, I asked...

"The Illinois Institute for Addiction Recovery is the first of its kind to treat what?"

14% said "Celebrity Gossip Addiction"
- Sheesh. Maybe they should. Paparazzi are like drug suppliers.

14% also said "Wii Addiction"
- Another source for carpel tunnel syndrome. Yay, technology!

7% said "Green Addiction"
- We could use a little green addiction. As long as we're not talking cash here.

65% got it right with "Internet Addiction"

According to ABC News, at the height of his Internet addiction, Ben estimated that he spent at least 16 hours a day surfing the Web. Ben sought help at the Illinois Institute for Addiction Recovery -- the only in-patient facility in the country that treats patients for Internet addiction.

According to therapist Tanya Camacho, the most challenging aspect of Internet addiction is the recovery process because of the wide availability of the Internet, whether it is on a computer or a cell phone. "Cocaine and other illegal drugs are not at the library or a coffee shop," Camacho said. "Computers are everywhere."

Me? I'm not addicted. I can quit any time I want. Here I am taking a break from blogging.