Rattan Chair - $75

This is a chair my "roommate" left behind. There's no information on the manufacturer and there are some scratches on the back and one of the seat slats is broken, but you don't notice it. Pretty sturdy. The cats have spent many hours on that cushion, so I don't recommend this for anyone with allergies. Unless you replace the cushion. I did a search on line and couldn't find the exact chair. Similar chairs were going for hundreds of dollars. It is 26 inches from arm-to-arm and 40 inches from floor to the top of the back.

If you are interested, shoot me an e-mail. I live in Logan Square. You would have to arrange for picking it up. joejanes1065@comcast.net.

Moving My Body Sale!

I'll be spending the morning, after I do laundry, posting pictures of more stuff I want to sell before I move this bag of meat, bones and water from Logan Square to Rogers Park. I'm looking forward to being close to the Red Line, Devon Street, A New Leaf, Heartland Cafe, The Side Project and Lifeline Theatre.

So, today and tomorrow, look for the final push of stuff I want to sell before I shift north.


THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"Sheikh Saleh al-Fozan, a senior Saudi cleric, has called for the death penalty for those appearing on television whom many clerics refer to as what?"

36% said "TV Reality Show Hosts"
- Finally, something I can support them in.

10% said "Zombies"
- Probably not, otherwise they would have offed Condoleezza Rice already.

No one said "Ogres"

54% got it right with "Sorcerers"

According to Reuters, a senior Saudi cleric has said purveyors of horoscopes on Arab television should face the death penalty, a paper said on Sunday, days after another cleric argued death for TV owners. "Sorcerers who appear on satellite channels who are proven to be sorcerers have committed a great crime ... and the Muslim consensus is that the apostate's punishment is death by the sword," Sheikh Saleh al-Fozan told al-Madina daily. "Those who call in to these shows should not be accorded Muslim rites when they die," the prominent cleric added. Many of the hundreds of Arab satellite channels have sprung up in recent years specialise in horoscopes and other advice to callers on solving problems that is seen as "sorcery". In their capacity as judges, clerics of Saudi Arabia's austere form of Islam often sentence "sorcerers" to death.

OFTEN sentence sorcerers to death!?! Glad to see these guys are earning their keep and focusing on the true spirit of their religion. This sounds familiar to Americans. Does the test for sorcery involve throwing someone into a lake and if they sink and drown they are NOT a sorcerer?

DEATH TO SORCERERS!!!

The BS News Quiz of the Day

On Friday, I asked...

"Authorities in Nevada raided several homes across the state recently and seized nearly 200 illegal what?"

8% said "aliens"
- Nope. All the restaurants and hotels would come to a stand still, if they did.

8% said "marijuana plants"
- "No, man. It's hemp. I make my own pants."

No one said "prostitutes"

84% got it right with "frogs"

According to The Associated Press, authorities seized scores of illegal African clawed frogs from Nevada residents saying they have traced the creatures — banned because of their potential for ecological damage — to a company that sells tadpoles over the Internet.

It turns out the tadpoles from Florida-based Grow-a-Frog — which markets them as an educational tool — are illegal in Nevada and at least 10 other U.S. states, authorities said.

Agents seized 119 of the frogs from three Reno homes last month and publicized the raids to get the word out they're illegal. Inundated with calls, they recovered another 68 this week in seven Nevada counties.

Florida-based Grow-a-Frog called the shipments to Nevada a mistake and agreed to pay a $3,600 fine and stop sending the unwelcome guests, said Capt. Cameron Waithman, the Nevada Department of Wildlife warden who led the months-long investigation.

Banned as an illegal invasive species, the creatures live mostly in the water and grow as large as bullfrogs. They can destroy ecosystems if they escape by voraciously eating native fish, Waithman said.

...And the fine is only $3,600 and a promise not to do it again? Are they the Haliburton of science education? That's barely a slap on the webbing for nearly destroying an ecosystem.

This is what their ad looks like...



They should consider changing it to this...

Shakespeare, Improvis-ed

THE IMPROVISED SHAKESPEARE COMPANY

Tonight at iO in the Del Close Theater. Tickets are $15 and they usually sell out. Get there early or buy them on-line.

Dost thou wish to see me strut across the boards in wanton abandon? Then be there good sir or madam, tonight!

I haven't done ISC in about a year! Come see me blow the rust off my codpiece. Joining me will be my good friends Ric Walker, Brendan Dowling and Nick Wagner.

Not able to make it or have never seen it?

It's sort of like this. Complete with screaming girls and jealous male hecklers.



THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"Italian comedienne Sabina Guzzanti faces possible prison time for doing what during one of her shows?"

20% said "Praising Mussolini"
- He did make those trains run on time. We could use a little Mussolini in Chicago.

No one went for "Violating Topo Gigio" or "Applying lipstick to a live pig"

*0% got it right with "Insulting the Pope"

According to The Times UK, an Italian comedienne who said that Pope Benedict XVI would go to Hell and be tormented by homosexual demons is facing a prison term of up to five years.

Addressing a Rome rally in July, Sabrina Guzzanti warmed up with a few gags about prime minister Silvio Berlusconi — her favourite target for her biting impressions — before moving on to some unrepeatable jokes about Mara Carfagna, the Equal Opportunities Minister and one-time topless model.

But then she got religion, and after warning everyone that within 20 years Italian teachers would be vetted and chosen by the Vatican, she got to the punchline: "But then, within 20 years the Pope will be where he ought to be — in Hell, tormented by great big poofter devils, and very active ones, not passive ones."

The joke may have gone done well with her crowd on the Piazza Navona in Rome, but not with Italian prosecutors. She is facing prosecution for "offending the honour of the sacred and inviolable person" of Benedict XVI.

There is an actual law that is part of a treaty between Italy and the Vatican that says no one can insult the Pope or the prime minister. I guess they got into hissy fits back in the day punishable by pouring scalding hot oil down someone's throat. Hopefully, this won't go any further. The Vatican should be relieved. She threw out the original joke - "You can put lipstick on the Pope, but it's still the Pope." Way too offensive.

What's Wrong with Lipstick on a Pig?

By now you have heard the petty name-calling and grade school insults that are becoming the standard daily fare of the presidential campaign. All very wearying and clearly a tactic to keep us from getting bored hearing the candidate blathering on about the issues.

Fun is fun, but Obama really crossed the line this week.

Last week, at the RNC, Sarah Palin made a reference to the only difference between a pit bull and a hockey mom is "lipstick." This was a brilliant display of Oscar Wildean wit on her part. Sophisticated and dry. While humorous, it was also a glowing tribute to pit bulls who like to breed and hockey moms who like to poop in the yard.

Less than a week later, Obama made a play at smacking down Palin and it was not nearly as clever. He referred to McCain's economic plan as "just putting lipstick on a pig." Several things are wrong with this joke. For one, if you are going to stick it to Palin, you need to at least refer to her. Just saying "lipstick" isn't enough. Nudge or wink or hold up a picture of her. The joke needs context! Secondly, it's stolen. McCain has already used the line several times, once in reference to Hillary Clinton and her health plan. Get some fresh material, Barack! Your lack of experience has made you so insecure that you are stealing other people's lines.

The joke that's even more insulting to Palin came after the lipstick reference and everyone is ignoring it. Immediately following the pig poke, Barack said that a stinky fish wrapped in paper is still going to be stinky eight years later. Clearly, Mr. Obama is going after Palin's personal hygiene with a crude comment such as this. She's from Alaska. She hunts moose. She's a tough broad. Things are bound to be a little funky down in Juneau, if you know what I mean. No reason to call it out. This, my friends, is where Obama really got sexist.

So, let's stop the shenanigans, Democrats! Enough is enough! Get back to talking about the issues. Like that swollen gland hanging off of McCain's jaw like rising dough. Or why we have to still hear Fred Thompson give speeches. Why aren't we talking about that stuff?

By the way, one more problem that I have with your "joke," Mr. Obama... What's wrong with lipstick on a pig? If a pig wants to improve his or her appearance with a little make-up, then I think that pig has a right to do so without being derided for it in a national forum. Or maybe it's work related. Maybe they are testing cosmetics for some big company. It's their job!

Leave the pigs, alone, Mr. Obama, or surely you will see my vote go for that old goat!

9/11

Today's is the day we remember that horrible tragedy and, if you swing that way, commemorate the fallen and the brave with some thoughtful, reflective silence or prayer. Unless you're a republican involved in a presidential campaign. Then 9/11 is your party's new mascot and you'll want to hit all the parades to remind people how terrifying dying is and how this kind of thing hasn't happened since all because they have been keeping you safe. Of course, they'll avoid talking about how they did nothing to prevent it in spite of numerous warnings and stood in a complacent stupor while it was unfolding. But I digress. Honor the innnocent and the brave.

THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"New Zealand's national airline wants to promote a new system to reduce check-in times by advertising where?"

36% said "On security metal detectors"
- Sorry, sir. I need you to walk through again. You missed reading the other side of the sign.

19% said "On womens' bottoms"
- It already takes me too long to read the word "Juicy."

No one went for "On screaming children"

45% got it right with "On bald guys' heads"

According to The Associated Press, New Zealand's national airline is offering to pay bald travelers to use their heads — literally — in a new advertising campaign.

Air New Zealand said it wants 70 recruits to stand in lines in three airports — while wearing temporary tattoos on the back of their heads so the displays can be seen by people lining up behind them.

The airline would pay 1,000 New Zealand dollars ($660) for each walking billboard, a company official said.

I should do this. I'm already giving away lots of free advertising with the back of my head. Other guys see me and think, "Hmm, maybe I should pick up some Rogaine."

Thump Day

I have to get crankin' one TWO scripts due this morning at Fig, so just the quiz today...

THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"The chair of the United Nations Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change recently said people could help tackle global warming if they only did what one day a week?"

18% said "Sat and did nothing"
- If this were the case, than I am doing more than Al Gore to tackle global warming.

7% said "Had protected sex"
- I wish I had protected sex, because my sex life has been on the endangered species list for awhile. You know what I mean? Yah!

7% said "Only walked to get around"
- Those aren't homeless people, they're environmental activists.

68% got it right with "Avoided eating meat"

According to The Guardian, people should have one meat-free day a week if they want to make a personal and effective sacrifice that would help tackle climate change, the world's leading authority on global warming has told The Observer

Dr Rajendra Pachauri, chair of the United Nations Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, which last year earned a joint share of the Nobel Peace Prize, said that people should then go on to reduce their meat consumption even further.

Pachauri, who was re-elected the panel's chairman for a second six-year term last week, said diet change was important because of the huge greenhouse gas emissions and other environmental problems - including habitat destruction - associated with rearing cattle and other animals. It was relatively easy to change eating habits compared to changing means of transport, he said.

The UN's Food and Agriculture Organisation has estimated that meat production accounts for nearly a fifth of global greenhouse gas emissions.

His comments are the most controversial advice yet provided by the panel on how individuals can help tackle global warning.

I find it odd that this is regarded as the most controversial thing he could say about reducing the effects of climate change. People, in general, are fine with doing something as long as they don't have to change anything about their lifestyle. We breed cows and pigs like they were rats. They're huge animals who eat a lot and fart a lot. Reduce the demand and you reduce the supply.

Or we could just try to eat them all out of extinction, but I think our colons would expire before they did.

This cow looks like she's trying really hard to hold it in. I hope it doesn't make the milk taste funny.

Salvador Janes

Like anyone trying to eek out a living in the creative arts (as opposed to those non-creative arts), I have my complaints.

But they usually get trumped when I have days where I get to do things like this...





This is going to be my writer bio picture on Fig Media's website. I wanted to show writing as something very active. VERY active. Tim Musho is the brilliant photographer. We also had a little help from Hafeez Sarumi, Joe Martinez and Andrea Giampoli, who were very happy to throw paper at me.

If it looks familiar, it should...





Steal from the best. But don't throw wet cats.


ONCE ON THIS ISLAND

Yellow Alligator has added two performances this Thursday and Friday. For more info, go HERE.


OBAMA AND McCAIN

Do you really need a breakdown of what they stand for? Or would you rather make your decision based on negative ad campaigns? Apparently, some people do. Thanks, Mr. Hall.