Rewriting or Rehashing

So, the Comcast issue seems resolved. Between Mark, who commented on yesterday's entry and someone from the customer service center, my bill will be adjusted for the loss of three days. I had to volley a few e-mails with the customer service guy because I wasn't getting an answer at all on what happened. The final answer I got was "equipment failure." Well, okay. Hard to argue that point. My experience last year just makes me really suspicious of anything that happens with Comcast a month-ish after I move. I do want to reiterate that every time I have dealt with someone at Comcast they have been super nice and these two post-move issues are the only problems I have ever had with them. If I ever find out these customer representatives are sitting in a windowless room in India working 18 hour days and making five cents an hour, then I'll be pissed.


WRITER'S TIP

At the Robot vs Dinosaur meeting on Wednesday I brought in two scenes that were actually extracted from a play I wrote ten years ago. The play was a full length piece that should have only been a one act. In the one act version that exists in my head, these two scenes are cut. But I like them and think they have potential to stand on their own. I can't stress enough the importance of having people to reflect back to you what they hear in your work.

One of the scenes, about a 1950s one-armed vacuum cleaner salesman visiting a lonely housewife, I thought was perfect and done. I'd just be having it read to impress my compatriots on how awesome a writer I am. Turns out, that's the one that really needs the most work. The RvD boys pointed out some inconsistencies in what one of the characters was going for. More importantly, they pointed out in some of the housewife's lines where my own voice was clearly rearing up for a joke versus the character organically speaking. I see this all the time in writing classes where the writer has inserted a joke for the joke's sake even though it does nothing to forward the story or express the character's wants or needs.

It's easy to see it in someone else's work. And it's very hard to tell someone "That's a funny bit. I think you should cut it." Actually, it's more hard to hear than to say. But quite often, that's exactly what needs to be done to strengthen a scene. The joke that the writer thought was so precious in reality acts as a speed bump pooching the reality of the scene and thwarting the audiences ability, or willingness, to emotionally invest in the outcome.

Tell the story. Hang on to the joke. You might find a more authentic place for it somewhere else. Or be able to sell it to Yakov Smirnoff.


THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"What distinguishes 'Jules,' a robot built in Bristol, England, from other robots is the ability to do what?"

44% said "eat and make robot doo-doo"
- Robots don't go number 2. They go number 001 1011.

22% said "make realistic telephone interactions"
- Hmm. I wonder if they work for Comcast.

11% said "make up stories"
- A robot that lies? See Cheney, Dick.

22% got it right with "make realistic facial expressions"

According to The Daily Mail, scientists have created the first 'humanoid' robot that can mimic the facial expressions and lip movements of a human being.

'Jules' - a disembodied androgynous robotic head - can automatically copy the movements, which are picked up by a video camera and mapped on to the tiny electronic motors in his skin.

It can grin and grimace, furrow its brow and 'speak' as his software translates real expressions observed through video camera 'eyes'.

Whatever you do, don't give this guy arms and legs! We'll be in big trouble then.

Of course, Disney was ahead of these guys forty plus years ago...

...And We're Back!

Generally speaking, I like Comcast. Except when I move.

On Sunday afternoon, my cable and Internet went out. What was odd, is that my laptop still indicated I was getting a wi-fi signal, but I couldn't access the Internet. On the tube, I still had my DVR and channel guide, but kept getting an eternal "Just A Moment" window. Called Comcast, the friendly lady had me plug and unplug a few things to no avail. She thought it might have to do with my modem and set me up for a visit from a Comcast tech elf. No problem, really. I could access my e-mail from work and it just put a crimp in my blogging for a few days.

Wednesday afternoon, the cable guy comes by, takes a quick look at the "Just A Moment" screen and concludes it has nothing to do with my modem, someone turned off my service. He asked if I recently moved in and then informed me that sometimes when the previous tenant's service expires, the new tenant's service gets cut off, too. Now, I don't really know if that's what happened. My cable didn't get installed until a few days after I moved in and you can bet the first thing I did when I unpacked everything was hook up my TV to the existing cable and see if I lucked into any free HBO. Nope. No such luck. The only thing I do know, is that nothing was broken on my end. Comcast owes me three days of Internet and cable.

The upside. I read more. Currently reading American Gods by Neil Gaiman. Great book. Imaginative, profilific storyteller. I can hardly stand to be away from it. I also listened to more music and radio. Not so bad from that aspect, just a pain in the ass.

THE BS NEW QUIZ OF THE DAY

Almost a week ago (!), I asked...

"Steve Lipski, a New Jersey councilman, was arrested in Washington, D.C. for doing what?

18% said "soliciting a prostitute"
- Tough call in DC. Isn't everyone a prostitute there?

No one said "buying drugs in an alley" or "accepting money from lobbyists"

82% got it right with "urinating on a crowd"

According to The Associated Press, Lipski was in D.C. to see a Grateful Dead tribute band and was spotted relieving himself on a balcony onto a crowd of concertgoers by one of the club's staffers around 9:50 p.m., club sources told the Daily News. He was charged with simple assault.

"I've resolved not to touch alcohol again," two-term Jersey City councilman Steve Lipski told the Fox 5 New York.

He went on to say that the incident was "deeply humiliating, very embarrassing" and troubling," the Daily News reported.

The 44-year-old Democratic councilman refused to admit to the lewd stunt.

Of course, he's guilty. It's the "Trickled On" economics that politicians have been practicing for decades.

I think he was urinating when this picture was taken, too.

Check back Thursday

My modem is down and so am I. Boo-hoo. Komkast is coming out to fix it today.

Goomph!

Having a sneezy wheezy day and am sitting up to my waist in work that needs a-doing. Fortunately, the work is absorbent and I can blow my nose on it.

THAT BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

On Friday, I asked...

"According to Oxford University, number one on their top ten list of irritating phrases is what?"

55% said "Before I begin"
- Nope. That tops my list, though, because when someone says it they are oblivious to the fact that they already began.

23% said "It's not rocket science"
- There are lots of things "it" is not. It is also not correct.

7% said "I'd buy that for a dollar"
- That's only irritating in the near future in Old Detroit.

15% got it right with "At the end of the day"

According to the Telegraph, a top 10 of irritating expressions has been compiled by researchers at Oxford University.

Heading the list was the expression 'at the end of the day', which was followed in second place by the phrase 'fairly unique'.

The tautological statement "I personally" made third place – an expression that BBC Radio 4 presenter John Humphreys has described as "the linguistic equivalent of having chips with rice."

Also making the top 10 is the grammatically incorrect "shouldn't of", instead of "shouldn't have".

The phrases appear in a book called Damp Squid, named after the mistake of confusing a squid with a squib, a type of firework.

Irregardless...

It annoys the squid more than anything.

I Hate Writing

(Chris Othic so gently reminded me the other day that I used to write more about writing on this blog.)

"I hate writing. I love having written." - Dorothy Parker

That quote from the brilliant sardonic mind of Dorothy Parker sums up pretty well my feelings about writing. And I write a lot. Sometimes it is quite enjoyable, once I am in the flow of things, but most of the time, it's a chore. Yet, I write a lot. I have surprisingly amassed quite a body of work. BS, Inc. will have to hire an intern to organize it all. I attribute my prolificacy to two things...

1) I don't believe in writer's block. There's writing or not writing. If you find yourself stuck and not writing, try...writing.

2) I paint myself in to corners. I started this blog. I belong to a writer's group (Robot vs Dinosaur). I get involved in projects that require me to write (WNEP's Soiree Dada, The Armageddon Radio Hour, The Hopper Project, etc).

Left to my own devices, I usually won't get much done. I'm in the process of assembling some short works into an evening's worth of entertainment. I wasn't making any headway on it, because, quite simply, I'm lazy. It has finally started to come together because I told some friends about it and asked them to hold me accountable. I have set deadlines with them and check in with them on the progress.

So, write. So you can enjoy the fruits of having written.

THE BS WRITER'S TIP OF THE DAY

Overwrite.

Two friends of mine, Joe Linstroth of RvD and Bob Fisher of The Mammals have an interesting approach to writing. They overwrite. Intentionally. They write to explore the characters and avenues of a story. Joe will bring in a ten-page scene to RvD and it's up to the rest of us to help him find the five-page scene that lies within.

It's okay to view writing as a process. It is a process. You know your comedy sketch should really only be four-to-five pages which sometimes throws one's mind into editing before you are ready to edit. It's okay to write an eight-page scene and edit it down to five. However, if you overwrite, I think you need to make sure you do one of two things. Having a cooling off period. Write, write, write and then leave your scene alone for a week or more. That way, you can return to it with a fresh eye and piece out what works and what is not needed. Alternatively, or in addition to, have it read in a writer's group. Quite often, brand new sets of eyes and ears will be able to point you in the direction of where the heart of your scene is.

THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"On Facebook, just a day after the election, groups have sprung up calling for Barak Obama's what?"

19% said "deportation"
- Right! Send him back where he came from. Hawaii! Stupid Polynesian Muslim socialist motherfucker.

18% said "coronation"
- I don't think he'll trade in that halo for a crown.

9% said "third term"
- Not yet.

54% said "impeachment"

According to BreitBarrt.com, Barack Obama has not even been sworn in yet as the 44th president of the United States but groups are springing up online calling for his impeachment.

On Facebook, an "Impeach Barack Obama" group has attracted more than 700 members and a lively debate about the Democrat's election victory on Tuesday over Republican John McCain.

Another Facebook group of the same name has 160 members and urges others to join because "we might as well get a head start on the impeachment of Obama."

"There are a lot of Americans out there that do not fully understand the concept of Socialism or Communism which is why they've elected Obama as president," it says.

Yet another Facebook group, "Impeach Barack Hussein Obama," has 160 members.

It decries that Obama "has voiced support for various unconstitutional programs such as the assault weapons ban, universal healthcare, and various schemes for wealth distribution."

"What are we going to do about it? IMPEACH HIM!" it says.

Obama still has some way to go, however, to equal the number of "Impeach George Bush" groups on Facebook, which lists at least 95 such groups with varying membership.

Well, I guess the thing for most of us to remember is that there are over 50 million people out there who are pissed their guy didn't win.

That "Now What?" Question

A lot of right wingers out there have been asking the liberal media and left wing bloggers, "Now what are you going to write about?"

They assume that now that Obama is president-elect, we have nothing left to bitch about.

Seriously?

I'll admit that Obama being elected has left me feeling hopeful and positive about our country. But I also remember feeling the same way when Clinton was elected . He had twelve "trickle down" years of Reagan and Bush I to clean up after. And I can remember the Republican machine doing whatever they could to stop him. Hillary's attempts at reforming healthcare became a fiasco. Senators fillabustered til they were blue in the face. There was sweet talk about bi-partisanship between November and January, but Newt Gingrich and Bob Dole had other plans. Their goal was to make the current Democratic administration look bad and prove to the country that we elected the wrong party. They almost succeeded. They jumped on everything the administration did and put it in as bad a light as possible. They hired Ken Starr to find dirt. He hung around long enough for Clinton to provide the dirt by turning the Oval Office into the Oral Office.

So, while Obama represents change, there's a cadre of Republicans who do not want change and will fight to keep things just the way they are. I think we'll still have stuff to bitch about.


THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"According to a recent report in the journal BMC Biology, African antelopes demonstrate their sexual prowess by doing what?"

25% said "hooting at the females"
- I don't think that works for any species.

13% said "showing off their horns"
- "Hey, I think Phil is using a stick. That's just sad."

12% said "dating Madonna"
- They would, but they don't want to get stuck pretending to be interested in Kabbalah.

50% got it right with "clicking their knees"

According to BBC News, scientists from the Zoological Society of London and the University of Copenhagen recorded the sounds of eland bulls in Kenya, Africa.

Reporting in the journal BMC Biology, the researchers say that the depth of the sound correlates to body size.

The tactic signals the bulls' fighting potential, establishing mating rights.

The sound is thought to be made as a tendon in the animals' legs slips over one of the leg bones, and can be heard from hundreds of metres away.

"The tendon in this case behaves like a string being plucked, and the frequency of the sound from a string correlates negatively with both its length and diameter," said Jakob Bro-Jorgensen.

You know what they say, the bigger the tendon, the bigger the...tendon?

You can hear what is sounds like making your own clicking sound HERE.

So, That's What A Community Organizer Does!

Sarah Palin and Rudy Giuliani can suck it.

We won!

Yay! Enjoy it. Gloat. Celebrate.

For one day.

It's not the Super Bowl. It's not "our team won, their team lost." It's not about winning the office pool one day and then going back to business-as-usual the next. It's more like we just spent two years interviewing prospects for the CEO of America and we, the board, after a grueling process, have made our choice. Now, we have to back him.

Obama proved that "hope" isn't just a campaign buzzword. He proved that it's a vision for the future. A vision that brings with it optimism. But potential is just that, potential. It doesn't mean anything without meaningful action. Barack has eight years of Bush/Cheney to untangle and he's not going to be able to do it alone. We need to help.

Yesterday, America woke up. By so decisively and unquestionably putting Barack in office by turning out in droves at the polls, we showed that we're sick of hiring people to run our country that care more about themselves than their country. We told the world that we're tired of giving our financial power away. We're tired of the dumbing down and fattening up of our children. We told the world that the smear campaigns and the parading around of Sarah Palin and Joe the Plumber like they were contestants on American Idol didn’t fool us. We're no longer buying the fear they are selling and instead we're investing in inspiration, leadership and wisdom. We're also showing the world that we really are smart enough to look beyond the color of a man's skin and his middle name.
But the thing about waking up is that, for it to be effective, we need to stay awake.

Today, celebrate. Tomorrows put on a pot of coffee and start figuring out how booting a lot of bad apples out of Washington is going to affect you on a day-to-day basis. What will you now do differently? How will you stay invested and engaged in America? How will we keep America on this track?

Bush has two and a half more months in office. He and Cheney are already doing whatever back-door politics they can to keep their corporate-friendly policies in play. Whatever activist muscle got built up in us to put Obama in the Oval Office needs to stay in shape.

But today, I party. I voted for a presidential candidate that I believe in. He's smart. He's inspirational. He's a leader. In a time of national crisis, he's not going to tell us to go shopping.

Today, celebrate. Tomorrow - roll up your sleeves, because now the work of change really begins.




THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"Lingerie maker Lucia Lorio of Brazil has outraged many feminists by creating a line of women's underwear that features what?"

38% said "a padlock"
- Great. Another thing I can lose the key to.

13% said "an ad space"
- As long as it doesn't advertise Joe's Crab Shack, I'm cool with it.

12% said "a cup holder"
- What? And retire my beer helmet? Never!

37% got it right with "a GPS tracking system"

According to The Daily Mail, lingerie maker Lucia Lorio of Brazil says her design targets the 'modern, techno-savvy woman'.

The lingerie combination set consists of lace bodice, bikini bottom and faux pearl collar, with the GPS device nestled in the see-through part of the bodice next to the waist.

The GPS lingerie sells from a cool £500, complete with a standard Global Positioning System, to £700 with a more advanced model.

'Some women are now interested in buying it for protection,' she said, programming it for partners themselves so they are safe on a night out alone.

'In London, New York, Rio de Janiero - wherever there is danger, the underwear may prove to be a lifesaver,' she added.

But feminists in her homeland have called her a modern-day slaver and urged women to boycott the GPS underwear.

Personally, I think this is a great idea. I could use a GPS system when I'm in the same room with a woman stripped down to her skivvies. I often have no idea where everything is or what to do when I find it. I could use a little voice telling me to "Turn left now. Now right. Left. Right. Left. Right. Oh, that's good. Don't stop."

Ya' know, if your girlfriend is dressed like this, she'll be pretty easy to find.