Saturday Morning Cartoons!

Nothing speaks Americana to me more than a man in a red, white and blue jumpsuit propelling himself over big things like swimming pools full of sharks on his motorcycle. What a way to earn respect!Stunts by this guy in the 60's and 70's were big news. Even bigger when they weren't successful. I'm sure it led to countless broken arms and legs from kids like me trying to jump over ditches on our bicycles. Yet, I don't recall any parental groups having a freakout over him being a horrible role model. At his peak, everybody loved him.

In "Saturday Morning Cartoons!-style," here's a tribute to the last great daredevil, the recently departed, Evel Knievel.

Search Yourself

ROBOWRITER ASSIGNMENT

A simple idea to get the ball rolling on a new scene. Pick your favorite search engine - Yahoo, Google, Whatever - Dogpile is a good one because it combines several different search engines - and look up your name. You've done it before, now you are getting permission to do it. Create a character based on the people who share your name, but aren't you. Then build a scene around that character. If you have an unusual name and a search engine doesn't bring up anything not you, then try using variations of your name, such as Bill or Billy instead of William. Still nada? Then use the name of a parent or sibling or use your mother's maiden name. When searching my name, I come up with a professor who's an Internet librarian and another guy who's a jazz musician. I might build a scene using one or the other or combine the two. Good luck.



EVERYDAY NORMAL GUY

My brother Don turned me onto this rap genre parody by Jon Lajoie that's pretty funny. I thought at first it was just going to be a pal(er) imitation of "Lazy Sunday," but it stands on its own. Check it out. Contains some harsh language, so crank it up if you are at work.


Every Day Normal Guy Rap Song - Watch more free videos



THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"Due to too little sunshine and exercise, a surprising number of U.S. children are contracting what?"

Nobody thought it was "Gout," "Vapors," or "Gamer's Thumb"
100% nailed it with "Rickets"

According to the Chicago Sun-Times, too little milk, sunshine and exercise is an anti-bone trifecta. For some kids, shockingly, it's leading to rickets, the scourge of the 19th century. But cases of full-blown rickets are just the red flag: Bone specialists say possibly millions of seemingly healthy children aren't building as much strong bone as they should, a gap that may leave them more vulnerable to bone-cracking osteoporosis later. Already there's evidence that U.S. children break their arms more often today than four decades ago, according to a Mayo Clinic study. Of course, I have to stick my two cents in about milk. I edited that part out from the question. I think milk is meant for cows and should only be drank by cows. What kids aren't getting is enough calcium, which is available in ample supply through many leafy green vegetables as well as broccoli, sweet potatoes and oranges. There. I'm off the dairy horse (or cow) now. I only used this question because I like the word "rickets."

Countdown with Keith Olbermann

As a policy, I avoid writing about celebrity gossip. Why? I don't find it interesting and, as a satirical target, it's just too damn easy. Is it really that surprising and jaw-dropping to find out that pop and rock stars have drug problems? That television and film stars have shaky marriages? When I was a kid all the way through my 20's, I dreamed of becoming rich and famous. Now, I just dream of becoming well off and well known. There's no way I would want to be under the scrutiny that today's celebrities have to endure. I, myself, would be easily baited by the paparazzi and you would constantly see short viral videos of me trying to shove a camera up someone's ass. America's obsession with celebrity is morbid. It's what fuels the phenomenon of untalented people becoming famous just for who they are, be they rich socialites or criminals who love the camera. And you can't blame the media on this one. Not entirely. That would be shooting the messenger. It's like the Iraq war. If we didn't fund it, it wouldn't be happening.

Why do I bring this up? Well, Don Hall has turned me into a huge fan of Countdown with Keith Olbermann. It's on MSNBC Monday through Friday at 7pm and at 11pm, Central Time. If you have been needing a Daily Show/Colbert Report fix since the writer's strike started, this is the show to watch. Olbermann is intelligent, cutting, insightful and informative. He is particularly at his best when aiming beautiful and poisonous editorials at the current administration's shredding of the constitution. People we have entrusted with running the country are worthy targets. Not celebrities and their personal lives. Unless they wander into the political arena.

And as much of a supporter and fan that I am of Olbermann, he will, without fail, disappoint me once or twice a week by devoting the number one story to Britney Spears. For the other stories, he often brings in a well-respected journalist or expert to (often) humorously explore the story. With Britney (or Paris, or Lindsay, or fill-in-the-blank), he usually pulls a VH-1 and brings in a sleepy-eyed unshaven comedian who desperately tries to fill the few minutes with their well-rehearsed "off-the-cuff" comments. Barf. It's beneath him. It completely undermines everything Olbermann has done in the hour leading up to it.

So, do watch his show. But if Britney has done something that day kid-related, car-related or underwear-related, skip out on the last five-to-ten minutes. It's painful.



ROBOWRITERS TONIGHT

Back from Thankengiving, the Robowriters return tonight at 6:30pm at the Uptown Writer's Space. Stop on by. Hear funny stuff, read funny stuff, say funny stuff, write funny stuff.



THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"US Judge Robert Restaino has been suspended because he did what when a cellphone went off in his courtroom?"

54% said "Answered it"
- Which would have been beautiful, if it had happened. Sigh.

27% "Threw his gavel at the offender"
- No, but that must be very tempting for a judge. I could see one whipping those gavels like ninja stars and having multiple replacements strapped to their arms under those choir robe sleeves.

No one picked "Threw his own cellphone out the window"
- Guess judges don't litter.

18% picked the right answer "Threw everyone in jail"

And I do mean "everyone." According to the BBC, U.S. Judge Robert Restaino has been removed from the bench for jailing an entire courtroom audience after none of them admitted being responsible for a ringing phone. The judge has said he was under stress in his personal life at the time. It didn't help that the culprit's ringtone was "Achy Breaky Heart."

Clown Wanted

So, I've been looking to bring in extra income over the holidays. "Extra" is not quite the right word. Just plain "income" will suffice. I only get paid when I teach. No classes, no pay. I've been trying to look for prospects beyond the usual Craig's List haunts. Imagine my delight when I ran across this ad...

Charming handsome man with dazzling smile seeks amateur clowns for discreet encounters. No previous sense of humor necessary. Criminal record a plus. Interested? Write to humanresources@whysoserious.com in the full understanding that we have your e-mail address and might send you alarming, disturbing or annoying material at any moment.

Well, without hesitation, I shot them an e-mail from Joe "Skippy the Clown" Janes. Keep your fingers crossed. I found the ad at The Gotham Times.



THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"An Indonesian fisherman named Dede has been suffering from a skin condition that has earned him what nickname?"

30% said "The Chicken Man"
- He's everywhere, he's everywhere!

20% "The Fish Man"
- A fisherman who grew scales. Oh, the sweet, delicious irony!

10% "Lumpy"
- Yes. And he's good friends with Wally and The Beave.

40% got it right with "The Tree Man"

According to the Telegraph, Tree man 'who grew roots' may be cured. Dede, now 35, baffled medical experts when warty "roots" began growing out of his arms and feet after he cut his knee in a teenage accident. Sacked from his job and deserted by his wife, to make ends meet Dede even joined a local "freak show." Fortunately, an American dermatology expert who flew out to Dede's home village south of the capital Jakarta claims to have identified his condition, and proposed a treatment that could transform his life. I've decided to throw all the tree puns aside for this story. It's quite horrifying and Dede has raised two children on his own in poverty while struggling with his condition. Click on the Telegraph link for the rest of the story, pictures and video.

Killing Time

Sometimes after teaching at Columbia, I'll teach a class in the evening at Second City. My Columbia classes end at 4pm and the SC class starts at 7pm. A three hour break. Sounds great, right? It's really not. It's turned into an exercise in killing time without burning through money.

So, yesterday, I took my time getting my body from Point A to Point B. Waiting for the train at the Roosevelt subway platform, I overheard this from a deep, resonant voice about 20 feet away...

"King... Call me 'King'... 'King.' In a deeper tone...There you go..."

I couldn't see the guy and didn't really want to gawk at "King." Later, in the same soothing dulcet tones, he said, "I'm going to punch you in the mouth and knock out all your teeth."

I'm still not sure if this was foreplay or business.

Pre-Second City, I made it to a coffee shop and sat and slowly sipped a small black coffee while I took another chunk out of Howard Zinn's A People's History of the United States. I have been reading this book in fits and starts for about six months now. It's a great book. Everyone should read it. It should be required reading for politicians, although they might pull the wrong ideas from the material. I read it so inconsistently because it's so darned depressing. Every time I crack it open, there's something that makes my jaw drop to the ground and I end up scraping my chin along the sidewalk for about an hour. I now have a prickly beard made out of scabs and gravel.

Yesterday, I finished the chapter titled The Other Civil War about the class struggles going on in the North and in the South. I was particularly taken with a paragraph about how greedy millionaires were finding ways to profit from the war. One lesson I thought most politicians and businessmen sadly took from WWII is that war is good for business. It's a lesson our current administration knows too well. That's why they are jockeying to make Iraq a perennial cash cow for "American interests." Those "American interests" don't include you and me, by the way. We won't see a dime of it, but we will probably have to give up our social security, welfare and Medicaid to help pay for Bush's war. Turns out that lesson of turning blood into gold goes back much farther than I thought.

Here's the paragraph I read...

White workers of the North were not enthusiastic about a war which seemed to be fought for the black slave, or for the capitalist, for anyone but them. They worked in semislave conditions themselves. They thought the war was profiting the new millionaires. They saw defective guns sold to the army by contractors, sand sold as sugar, rye sold as coffee, shop sweepings made into clothing and blankets, papersoled shoes produced for soldiers at the front, navy ships made of rotting timbers, soldier's uniforms that fell apart in the rain.

No wonder Lincoln was depressed. I'm sure none of that sort of thing happens today. Unless you include things like Hummers lacking armor and soldiers having to rely on their parents to send them adequate bullet-proof vests. That's just the stuff we've heard about.



THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"Tony Vernelli of England had herself sterilized at 27 because she believes babies do what?"

40% said "Suck the life out of you"
- It's true. They do. The little parasites start in the womb and continue through college. Sometimes longer. Right, Dad?

No one picked "Are too expensive" or "Take up too much space"
- Again, both of which are true. The little bastards eat money and just keep growing. If we can have pocket puppies, why can't we have pocket people? Sure would make the birthing process easier.

60% got it right on with "Pollute the environment"

According to the Daily Mail, Toni Vernelli - who works for an environmental charity - had one pregnancy terminated and then had herself sterilized, all to save the planet.

"Having children is selfish. It's all about maintaining your genetic line at the expense of the planet," says Toni. "Every person who is born uses more food, more water, more land, more fossil fuels, more trees and produces more rubbish, more pollution, more greenhouse gases, and adds to the problem of over-population."

Again, I think this calls for the "Pocket People" idea. If humans were smaller, we'd consume less. More for everybody!

Nobel Peace Surprise!

Bush to Welcome Gore to White House

By LIZ MARLANTES and GREG McCOWN
Nov. 25, 2007

Forget the Mideast peace talks. A meeting that may require even greater diplomacy will take place Monday in the Oval Office, when President Bush receives America's Nobel Prize winners — including his one-time rival, Al Gore.

A lot has happened to both men in the seven years since the 2000 election.

The president has faced terrorist attacks, natural disasters, and war; the former vice president left politics to campaign against global warming.

But while Bush saw his popularity plummet, Gore's star has been rising of late — with his Oscar-winning movie "An Inconvenient Truth," and the Nobel Peace Prize for his work on climate change.

So, when they meet in the Oval Office on Monday, will they finally bury the hatchet? Don't bet on it.

You can read the rest of the story from ABC News HERE.

So, how is the exchange between the two men going to go? I think it will go something like this...

GEORGE

Hey, Al. Things didn't turn out so bad for us. I was elected president twice and you won a Noble Peace Prize.

AL

Well, George, you really were only elected once, maybe. And it's Nobel.

GEORGE

That's what I said. Didn't know we were serving sour grapes at our little soiree today. You know, that little trophy of yours would look good on my mantle.

AL

It's a medallion, George. See?

GEORGE

A medallion? Doesn't even have your picture on it. Looks like a big token. Do you redeem it for a prize, like at Chuck E. Cheese?

AL

No, George, the medallion is the prize. And the thing about a Peace Prize is that you have to do something that promotes peace on the planet to get it.

GEORGE

I promote peace. I'm all about peace. My war on terror is so we can have peace.

AL

War makes war, George, not peace.

GEORGE

Yeah, well, I betcha a few well placed phone calls will get me one of those. Who would I be up against for one of those next year? I'll bet Dick's got some dirt on 'em.

AL

The Supreme Court and the entire state of Florida won't be able to get you one of these.

GEORGE

Then I'll make my own. I'm the president. I'm The Decider. I decided I was The Decider. I've decided to give myself the George W. Bush Nobler Peace Prize. And it'll be big. Like a bowling trophy. With a little statue of me on top in my flight suit giving the peace sign or holding a gun or something.

AL

I have to go. Thanks for lunch.

GEORGE

You going to eat that potato?

Al Gore shares his prize with the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change. I don't know who is going to be there representing them, but I can't imagine this being a lot of fun for them. Then, again, given that both parties are pro-environment and meeting the worst president in the history of the United States who puts blood and money before clean air and water, maybe they can gang up on him a bit.

Everyone thinks Gore will be prickly to Bush over the election, but there's a lot more to be prickly about. Al Gore was one of the most active vice-presidents in history (minus a bunker in an undisclosed location). Bill Clinton used him well in trimming a lot of fat in government spending and in beefing up the powers of the EPA. Together, they reduced the deficit to an all time low. Bush has squandered all that and pushed the deficit to a record-breaking high while getting us into a war that will cost America, as of now, three trillion dollars. He could very well bankrupt this country. If Al hasn't picked out a spot yet to display his Peace Prize, I think a lovely place would be up GW's arse.


THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

On Friday, I asked...

"A man in Michigan shot his neighbor's pregnant cow because it looked like what?"

57% said "A polar bear."
- Ah, but that would be too logical.

28% said "His mother-in-law."
- Boo-yah! My first mother-in-law joke! I am on fire, folks!

No one thought is was "A bunny." Sniff.

15% got the correct answer, "A coyote."

According to the Associated Press, in Colfax, Michigan, a man says he shot and killed a neighbor's cow after mistaking it for a coyote. Authorities and the owner are skeptical. Undersheriff Rory Heckman said the man then tried to drag the cow home. Not sure if he still thought it was a coyote while he was trying to drag 1,400 pounds of dead meat. I'm thinking he had a year's supply of coyote burgers - and steak, and ribs - on his mind.

Saturday Morning Cartoons!

Josie and the Pussycats in Outer Space (1972-1974)





Oh, hell, yes! What do you do with a cartoon that's only doing so-so one year? You put it in outer space the next! With only the thinnest of justifications - the gang is invited to play at a space launch and accidentally fall into a space hatch - the core cast of Josie and the Pussycats are transplanted to the outer realms of the galaxy. The lyrics to the catchy theme song are clunkily rehashed to insert the word "outer space" and other space references.

"Josie and the Pussycats" was produced by Hanna-Barbara in 1970 and looks like a smash-up of The Archies and Scooby-Doo. In fact, Josie is a character spun off of The Archies cartoon. The "gang" strongly resembles the Scoobies and Alexandra is just Veronica with a widow's peak. They thwarted bad guys and played original Josie and the Pussycats pop tunes over the credits. On a very strong plus side, one of the Pussycats was African-American and she was often the sharpest knife in the drawer. Hard to say if she was the first major African-American regular cartoon character on Saturday morning, but she is most likely the first black female.

Some trivia, a pre-Charlie's Angels Cheryl Ladd sang and provided voices for the show.

Here are the opening credits...



I'm not sure which episode this is from, but here's a scene where some of the gang have been turned into children and Valerie, the smart black chick, tries to turn them back to their right age. It features one of my pet peeves, a young person playing an older person and using the word "whipper-snapper."



As in Scooby-Doo, chase scenes were often accompanied by songs that were completely unrelated to the action. Unfortunately, I could not find any chase scenes from the outer space version of the show. So, here's one from the original...