Wednesday, January 9, 2008

I Believe George W. Bush Should Be Impeached

Don and I struggled the most with this part of the show. We wanted to be accurate, but also wanted it to sound like us speaking. I'm happy with what we ended up with and that we didn't give up on it. Here are my reasons from the show, with the complete tirade at the end.


I BELIEVE GEORGE W. BUSH SHOULD BE IMPEACHED.

– George W. Bush should be impeached for committing fraud. He lied to us and intentionally misled Congress and the American people about the reasons for the Iraq war.

– “President” Bush has abused his power by violating the rights of, well, everyone, by arbitrarily detaining people indefinitely inside and outside the United States, without due process, without charges, and with limited – if any – access to counsel or courts. People are innocent in this country until proven guilty. That’s Law 101. Everyone knows that, or should know that. This is what we get for having a “C” student in office. A student who probably pulled strings to have his grades raised to a “C.”

- Bush has abused his power and broken the law by allowing his administration to condone torture. Torture does not work, George. “24” is not a docu-drama.

- He has obstructed justice by having his current and former staff ignore subpoenas, destroy tapes, delete e-mails, create phantom e-mail accounts, shred documents and obfuscate (good word) the truth. He is destroying the checks and balances system of our government and flipping us the bird.

– He has alienated us globally by completely turning his back on agreements that don’t suit his agenda to make more money for corporations. It is not in the best interest of America to turn our back on basic human rights to justice, healthcare and a clean environment.

(at this point, Don and I went into a simultaneous rant)

– Most appalling to me is his continual lying about being fiscally responsible. He has led us into an unwarranted war that is going to cost us, and our children, and our grandchildren trillions, TRILLIONS, of dollars. Apparently, when he says “No Child Left Behind” he means he’s dragging us all into debt and poverty. Soon it will be “No CHUD Left Behind.” He has pooched our economy. The Canadian dollar is worth more than the US dollar? How bad do you have to run things into the ground for THAT to happen? He has sacrificed the lives of brave Americans and innocent Iraqis for control of oil – a dying, nonrenewable resource for energy. He is trading blood for oil, which I wouldn’t mind, if it were his blood and the blood of his corporate cronies. He is bankrupting America while eliminating the middle class. He’s turning our country into the “Land of the Dead.” That’s right, that’s two horror movie references. We are living in a fucking horror film. Every time his administration breaks the law and I think they are dead, they keep getting back up and coming at us with “executive privilege” and machetes. Forget September 11th. Every day is Friday the 13th in America. Three references! He and his administration are addicted to greed and power and our congress is full of pansy enablers – all of them blatantly disregarding the will of the people. He is raping this planet while telling us to just relax and enjoy it. And then do some shopping. The world is fucked. The country is fucked. We are fucked.

DON – WE are fucked.

JOE –Stop being afraid.

DON – Start being angry.


THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"Akron rapper Dan Miller recently changed his name legally to what?"

75% said "Rubber Z"
- Nope. But Retreadz might be a better name.

12% said "D'Eminem2"
- Same problem I have with Eminem's name. Reminds me too much of the word "enema."

No one picked "Daniel Michael Miller II"
- Which is his real name making him the whitest rapper in the world.

13% got it right with "The Dan Miller Experience"

According to The Associated Press, the former Dan Miller, 24, has legally changed his name to "The" Dan Miller Experience. His first name is "The" Dan, with the quotation marks. His middle name is Miller and his last name is Experience. Said Experience: "I like to do little things in my life that amuse me. This amuses me." I do think it is a step up from his original name and is probably more helpful to his entertainment career. But if that flops, look for "The" Dan Miller Experience on a McDonald's name tag near you.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

I Believe George W. Bush Should Be Impeached

Here are my reasons from the show, with the complete tirade at the end.


I BELIEVE GEORGE W. BUSH SHOULD BE IMPEACHED.

– George W. Bush should be impeached for committing fraud. He lied to us and intentionally misled Congress and the American people about the reasons for the Iraq war.

– “President” Bush has abused his power by violating the rights of, well, everyone, by arbitrarily detaining people indefinitely inside and outside the United States, without due process, without charges, and with limited – if any – access to counsel or courts. People are innocent in this country until proven guilty. That’s Law 101. Everyone knows that, or should know that. This is what we get for having a “C” student in office. A student who probably pulled strings to have his grades raised to a “C.”

- Bush has abused his power and broken the law by allowing his administration to condone torture. Torture does not work, George. “24” is not a docu-drama.

- He has obstrcuted justice by having his current and former staff ignore subpoenas, destroy tapes, delete e-mails, create phantom e-mail accounts, shred documents and obfuscate (good word) the truth. He is destroying the checks and balances system of our government and flipping us the bird.

– He has alienated us globally by completely turning his back on agreements that don’t suit his agenda to make more money for corporations. It is not in the best interest of America to turn our back on basic human rights to justice, healthcare and a clean environment.

(at this point, Don and I went into a simultaneous rant)

– Most appalling to me is his continual lying about being fiscally responsible. He has led us into an unwarranted war that is going to cost us, and our children, and our grandchildren trillions, TRILLIONS, of dollars. Apparently, when he says “No Child Left Behind” he means he’s dragging us all into debt and poverty. Soon it will be “No CHUD Left Behind.” He has pooched our economy. The Canadian dollar is worth more than the US dollar? How bad do you have to run things into the ground for THAT to happen? He has sacrificed the lives of brave Americans and innocent Iraqis for control of oil – a dying, unrenewable resource for energy. He is trading blood for oil, which I wouldn’t mind, if it were his blood and the blood of his corporate cronies. He is bankrupting America while eliminating the middle class. He’s turning our country into the “Land of the Dead.” That’s right, that’s two horror movie references. We are living in a fucking horror film. Every time his administration breaks the law and I think they are dead, they keep getting back up and coming at us with “executive privilege” and machetes. Forget September 11th. Every day is Friday the 13th in America. Three references! He and his administration are addicted to greed and power and our congress is full of pansy enablers – all of them blatantly disregarding the will of the people. He is raping this planet while telling us to just relax and enjoy it. And then do some shopping. The world is fucked. The country is fucked. We are fucked.

DON – WE are fucked.

JOE –Stop being afraid.

DON – Start being angry.

Stormy

I don't really understand people who say they are in a a bad mood simply because of the weather. To me, it's just the weather and so what, it doesn't determine my spirits unless I was planning a picnic and it's a downpour. And even then, I'm likely to just go do something else.

Yesterday, it was 65 degrees in Chicago and I had a hitch in my stomach about it. I walked to the post office in a t-shirt and hoodie and found it to be too warm to have zipped up. All the local news programs were touting it as a fluff piece about how Chicagoans were getting a reprieve from the bitter cold we had just last week. They interviewed perky joggers in Lincoln Park who were delighted to be running in their shorts and wouldn't it be great if it were like this all the time, tee-hee! This isn't delightful. It's disturbing. By the end of the day, there were flash flood warnings, severe thunder storms and a tornado touched down in Havard, Illinois. A tornado in January?

George W. was in town touting his "No Child Left Behind" by visiting one of the schools that has trained their students to take tests. Now, I don't blame Dubya for global warming, but he sure hasn't done anything to turn it around or prevent it from getting worse. He spent his first term denying it even existed. I was hoping to hear a comment from him about Chicago winters. The kind where he can hop off Air Force One without a coat. Nope. No mention of it.

As a part of our show, Don and I did a segment about why we believe George should be impeached. We got some criticism for it because it was angry, hard-hitting and not very funny in comparison to the tone of the rest of the show. We meant it that way because we are serious about it. We don't want him cruising through his last year and out the door without being held accountable for his actions.

Tomorrow, I'll post my side of that segment with my unedited tirade.



THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"Central Florida Fire Chief Richard Shirk could lose his job for e-mailing pictures he snapped of what?"

20% said "A cop eating donuts"
- Unless the cop is eating them out of another cop's ass, probably not that big a deal.

10% said "A fireman in the shower"
- Maybe he was doing it as an example of how to keep your engine clean.

No one thought it was "A house on fire"
- Now, if he was posing in front of it waving and smiling, that would be different.

70% got it right with "A topless crash victim"

According to Orlando's WKMG, Local 6, suspended Central Florida fire chief Richard Shirk could lose his job over e-mailed photos from a crash scene that included at least one image of a female victim's exposed breasts. Shirk snapped photos of the woman and then e-mailed them to surrounding fire departments. The woman later died from her injuries. Shirk admitted that he snapped the photos but said he never meant for them to be derogatory. I guess they were just supposed to be artistic.

Monday, January 7, 2008

The Next Thing

It's a new year, right? Because I have such an unconventional schedule, there doesn't seem to be much delineation between week days and weekends. The same with new years. I was so busy working on shows, that it didn't seem like the end of one thing and the beginning of another for me. Until now. I had a lot of my focus and energy on the Sketchfest show with Don. Now that it's over, I feel like one chapter has finished and another has begun.

What made Locked in a Room particularly appropriate for this time of year is that it really is a touchstone for where both Don and I are at in our lives. We vented a lot about all the stuff that bugged the crap out of us in 2007. It was a blast to perform and we had a ton of support from the Sketchfest crew - Tim, Brian, Jill, Tom and the always ultra supportive Posen. On Saturday, it was nice to close the show and then go hang out at Don and Jen's with friends eating pizza, drinking wine and playing the Disney version of Scene-It. The next morning, at 10am, I was at a Robot vs Dinosaur rehearsal for our Sketchfest show on Thursday.

Some of the things I am looking forward to in 2008...

- Having Robot vs Dinosaur do our first run of a show
- Having Robowriters continue to grow
- Doing more with Fig Media as a creative director
- Having my play Metaluna remounted by WNEP
- Writing more and seeing my work produced
- Julie and I continually making our apartment homey
- The end of the writer's strike
- Bush and Cheney leaving office (I know - he technically doesn't leave until 2009, but I'm wishing and hoping he gets the long deserved boot before then)
- Working with Don and Jen more - Hopefully, we'll get The Nod cranking on a monthly basis and do another short run on Locked in a Room somewhere
- Volunteering more at 826
- Taking more classes at Columbia
- And while I always look forward to teaching, I don't think I'll be doing more than usual in that area this year, but you never know.


But, mostly, I look forward to the world waking up a bit more around being a global community. We're all on this planet together. And all those scientists and politicians on the oil and auto industries' payrolls who claim global warming is a myth can suck my ass because it's January 7th and we're having record-breaking warm temperatures in the 60's here in Chicago! How awesome that Bush is visiting here today.

In case you were unable to make our show...



And here's Saturday's audience. That's Geoff Crump laughing his ass off!



THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Friday, I asked...

"Ricky Labit, who is 6-foot-3, 265 pounds, has been banned in Houma, Louisiana from doing what?"


20% said "Working at a health club"
- Yeah. Hard to be inspired by a trainer whose water bottle is filled with bacon fat.

20% said "Wearing a thong at the beach"
- I don't think you'd be able to see the thong. His body would absorb it.

6% said "Riding the bus"
- He can ride the bus. He just has to pay two fares.

54% got it right with "Eating at a buffet"

According to The Daily Comet, Ricky Labit says the Manchuria Restaurant in Houma overcharged him for his trips to the buffet line, then banned him and a relative because they're hearty eaters. According to Labit, the waitress gave them a bill with extra charges on it and said "Y'all fat, and y'all eat too much." Apparently, Labit went to the buffet as much as three times a week. Okay. Two things. One - it's a buffet, the management has to take their lumps when a human steam shovel comes in and starts to pack their innards to the neck with peel and eat shrimp. Two - dude. Being banned from this restaurant may have saved your life. Go grab some carrot sticks and go for a long walk.

Saturday, January 5, 2008

Saturday Morning Cartoons!

Jot "No Mam"




Sometimes on Sunday morning's I would be jonesing for some cartoon action. The best one could find was very blatant christian children's programming. Davey and Goliath was the king of this, as far as having a quality that actually appealed to kids. But I also remember a cartoon called Jot. Jot was a dot, just a round ball with triangle feet. The animation style is actually kind of cool. The stories were always uber-simple, dealing with Jot doing something bad and then having to deal with the torturous consequences. Jot debuted in 1968 and ran in syndication throughout the '70s. It was drawn by UPA, most famous for their signature-style animated commercials from the 50's and '60's and most famously for the classic cartoon Mr. Magoo. It was written and produced by a Southern Baptist outfit in Dallas, so you know there's no subtlety going on here. It's fun, though. This one is about Jot stealing a cupcake and lying about it. He has an acid-trippy descent into hell because of it.






TONIGHT!


It's your last chance to see Mr. Hall and myself at Chicago Sketchfest. It's an early show, so there's enough time to catch us and one of two others without going on comedy overload.


Locked in a Room with Don Hall and Joe Janes: 2 Guys, 1 Cup

Directed by Jen Ellison
The Seventh Annual Chicago Sketch Comedy Festival

Saturday, January 5th at 7pm

The Theatre Building
1225 West Belmont (between Racine and Southport - three blocks west of the Belmont El stop)
There is street parking available on Belmont Avenue. There is also a valet service available right in front of the theater for $8.

Tickets vary in price depending on what kind you get for the festival. For individual shows, though, it's no more than $15. You can get them at the door if you arrive early enough. For more ticket info call (773) 327-5252 or go to www.ticketmaster.com (search "Sketchfest 2008")

Nat Topping at some insightful and kind words about our show over at Clever Title.

Friday, January 4, 2008

Yep. We did it.



Thank you for coming to last night's show, if you were there. We had a great turn out. The Reader referred to us as "veteran" comedians, which we got a big kick out of. I know they meant it as a compliment, but to me it just means "old fuckers." Regardless of how veteran one is, it's pretty scary to put up a show of all new material and show it to an audience for the first time. We had two segments involving audience interaction that didn't go as planned -hard to find an audience willing to come to rehearsals. And our silent scene tanked. Our big ass crate set pieces were falling apart as the show went on, which added a nice element of danger. Everything else worked really well and the big surprise to me was how well our "I Believes" worked.

Don and I often post reviews on our blogs, so we're hoping people take the opportunity to turn the tables on us and post a review of our show.



IOWA

Well, now that the Iowa primaries are over, I think a lot of people are going to pay more attention to the presidential campaigns. It's thinned the herd a bit and left the contenders. The only decent republican candidate is Ron Paul, who didn't have a big showing, but is still in the race. I like Huckabee, but he's shown himself to be just too unaware at some of the things going on in the world. I shouldn't be more aware than the president when it comes to important current events. Obama rocked. He gave a victory speech that was inspiring and really did give me hope for America! Not an easy task these days.He was followed by Edwards and Clinton. I would love to see an Edwards-Obama ticket, with Obama as vice-president. I think Clinton would be scary as anyone's vice-president. Think Dick Cheney in drag. Do it anyway, it's fun.



THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"In his new book, author and A.I. expert David Levy predicts that by the year 2050 we will be doing what?"


30% said "Having robot work surrogates"
- I'd love to be able to hire out my robot self to do some work while I dick around on my blog, but then it would lead to some big robot slave revolt and we'd get our asses all Matrix-ed.

10% said "Having cars that are also offices"
- Judging from the fast food wrappers you would see on the backseat floor of my cars' past, we're already there.

No one said "Having computers in every room"
- Big Brother is watching you. And he wants to see you pee.

60% got it right with "Having sex with robots"

According to The Houston Chronicle, Levy says that by 2050 we'll be creating robots so lifelike, so imbued with human-seeming intelligence and emotions, as to be nearly indistinguishable from real people. And we'll have sex with these robots. Some of us will even marry them. So, still no flying cars, but we'll be able to stick our weinies in our Playstations. Like we haven't tried already.

I look forward to seeing this in everyone's livingroom.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Locked in a Room with Don Hall and Joe Janes

(Our audience from Sketchfest 2007)


Tonight, Don Hall and I will be performing the new version of our show, Locked in a Room with Don Hall and Joe Janes: 2 Guys, 1 Cup directed by Jen Ellison. If you are a fan of our blogs, you will not be disappointed. We take our digs at improv, the state of our worlds, the state of THE world, and do some major spleen-venting over George W. There are also two "scene" scenes, I guess you would say. One about the strongest man in the world and the richest man in the world fretting that they never gave their dear departed mother what she really wanted... grandchildren. The other about a chance encounter in the woods with a leprechaun (a word I learned to spell by writing the scene, but will still likely pronounce it lepperkarn with an Ohio twang.).

If you saw the show last year, the only things this show has in common are all new "I Believe's...," a silent scene set to a funky Neil Hefti tune (He wrote the theme to
Batman in the 1960's), and an ending that will shock you and have you scrambling for the exit. It is not for the squeamish.

We've been frantically pulling it together, which has been a little tricky coming off the holidays. What that means from an audience perspective is that we have not managed to get through the "this makes me giggle like a school girl" part of the rehearsal process. Don keeps cracking me up.

You have two chances to see our show. Tonight (Thursday) and Saturday night.

Locked in a Room with Don Hall and Joe Janes: 2 Guys, 1 Cup
Directed by Jen Ellison
The Seventh Annual Chicago Sketch Comedy Festival

Thursday, January 3rd at 9:30pm (w/ Premature Infatuation)
Saturday, January 5th at 7pm

The Theatre Building
1225 West Belmont (between Racine and Southport - three blocks west of the Belmont El stop)
There is street parking available on Belmont Avenue. There is also a valet service available right in front of the theater for $8.

Tickets vary in price depending on what kind you get for the festival. For individual shows, though, it's no more than $15. You can get them at the door if you arrive early enough. For more ticket info call (773) 327-5252 or go to www.ticketmaster.com (search "Sketchfest 2008")


THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY


Yesterday, I asked...

"In spite of the writer's strike, all the latenight talk shows are returning tonight. The only one with its complete writing staff is which?"



11% said "Latenight with Conan O'Brien"

No one thought it might be "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno" or "Jimmy Kimmel Live!"

89% got it right with "The Late Show with David Letterman"

According to the Associated Press, David Letterman had reached an agreement to allow writers to work on his show; Jay Leno and Conan O'Brien and ABC's Jimmy Kimmel returned without theirs. Letterman, who might be a little prickly to work with, is a class act and has hopefully led the way for a quick end to the strike. The other guys, who all also took care of their staffs while on break, definitely struggled to fill the time. Kimmel skipped his monologue altogether and started his show from his desk. Conan and Leno did monologues. Conan clearly working without cue cards. Leno wrote his, which is a violation of his WGA membership. We'll see what kind of fallout that brings. The only person who really ended up looking bad is Mike Huckabee. A presidential candidate who crosses a picket line because he thought the WGA had struck a deal with the The Tonight Show? Dude. Grab a newspaper. Learn to read. Not that that would keep him out of office, as evidenced by the last seven years.