Week Four, Day Twenty-Three -"Looking Great"

“Looking Great”
Written by Joe Janes
2/10/09
23 out of 365

CAST:
Rob
Jennifer

(Lights up on Rob stepping out of a door into an alley. He wears a business suit. He takes out a pack of cigarettes and lights up. A moment later, Jennifer, in a woman’s business outfit, steps in to the alley. )

ROB

Hey, Jennifer. Haven’t seen you in, like, ages.

JENNIFER

Hey, Rob.

(Jennifer lights a cigarette. It seems like her first in a long time. She is really savoring it.)

JENNIFER (continuing)

It’s been a long time.

ROB

Did you lose weight? You look great.

JENNIFER

I did. I dropped about 35 pounds.

ROB

Wow. Well, you look great. How’d you do it?

JENNIFER

I got cancer.

ROB

Oh.

(Long awkward pause.)

ROB (continuing)

Well, you look great.

(They continue smoking. Lights fade.)

Week Four, Day Twenty-Two -"Macbeth"

“Macbeth”
Written by Joe Janes
2/9/09
22 of 365

CAST:
Jasper, 40s
Nick, 30s
Stage Manager (VO)

(Lights up on Jasper sitting downstage out to the audience putting on stage make-up in a dressing room. He is being very quiet and mindful. He is running through lines in his head and at one point, grabs the script, flips through it, checks it, rolls his eyes and goes back to putting on make-up. Nick enters, whistling Andrew Lloyd Webber’s “The Music of the Night” and carrying an open wet umbrella and a pair of shoes. He places the shoes on the make-up table. Jasper is clearly perturbed by this.)

NICK (shaking out his umbrella – opening and closing it)

Raining cats and dogs, Jasper. Big cats, bigger dogs. All foaming at the mouth.

JASPER

Nick. Nick! I know you are new to all this, but what you are doing right now is very, very bad.

NICK

Doing what?

JASPER

Opening an umbrella inside, repeatedly, placing your shoes on a table, whistling…it’s all considered bad luck

NICK

That’s pretty silly, Jasper. How could any of that have any affect on our show?

JASPER

I don’t know. But it is best not to tempt the fates (he indicates for Nick to remove the shoes. Nick puts them on the floor and puts his umbrella outside the door. As the scene continues, they pantomime putting on elaborate wigs and costumes.)

NICK

Boy, there sure are a lot of rules for just putting on a costume and playing make believe.

JASPER

Is that all this is to you? A big game of cowboys and injuns?

NICK

Sort of, but with lines and blocking. And a buttload of superstitions.

JASPER

Don’t you have any superstitions?

NICK (pulling a play out of his bag and looking at it)

Not really. No. I don’t even care of you spill salt around me or walk under a ladder. I’ve got a pair of lucky socks, but you know, they aren’t always lucky. Deep down, I think they’re just socks.

JASPER

Well, just realize that we theater folk are pretty superstitious. Even if you’re not, you should be respectful.

NICK

No problem there. I’m having a lot of fun, Even though I’m essentially just a spear-carrier who also moves scenery, I’m having a good time.

JASPER

Well, I suppose at the end of the day, that’s the important thing. Having fun. What are you reading?

NICK

I have an audition coming up so I thought I better take a look at the play. Macbeth. That’s how you say it, right? Macbeth?

JASPER (freaked and yelling)

Jumping Jehosaphat, Nick! Never, never utter the title of that play inside a theater, ever!!! Do you hear me? Ever! That play is cursed. Evoking the name of (whispering) the Scottish play – is verboten. Bad, bad things happen.

NICK

Just because I said Macbeth.

JASPER

And now you said it three times! Those other superstitions, I grant you, silly. Ridiculous, even. This one, don’t fuck with it. I was in a play once and the director, jokingly, said that word three times during a laughingly bad dress rehearsal. (mocking) “Could be worse, we could be doing MmMmmm” Opening night, the lead actress stepped on broken glass while barefoot backstage and couldn’t go on. The next night, it monsooned and the costume shop in the basement flooded ruining all the costumes. The third night, the power went out on the entire block. We had to cancel and refund the tickets to a sold out show. We were closed by Sunday.

NICK

Wow. I didn’t know. Who knew a play written 500 years ago would have so much power. I take it back. Can I do that? Take it back?

JASPER

I don’t think it works that way.

STAGE MANAGER (VO on intercom)

Attention, cast and crew. We are five minutes to curtain for Andrew Lloyd Weber On Ice. Act One, scene one performers please report to places.

JASPER

Well, that’s me. No more saying that word, Nick. Promise me.

NICK

You got it, Jasper.

(Jasper exits)

NICK

Good luck!

(Offstage Jasper trips over Nick’s umbrella. He falls and yelps in pain. He limps back in.)

JASPER

The proper expression is “break a leg.”

(Lights out.)

MOUSTACHE-A-THON CONTINUES

Shout out to Garin for sponsoring Good Ol' Zed in the 826 Moustache-A-Thon. You can throw your support to this fine educational organization, and to my moustache Zed, by clicking HERE.

MADE IN THE USA

The second sketch I posted for the 365 project dealt with the trade deficit and how nearly everything in America is frustratingly manufactured in China. This came up while trying to buy a pair of shoes at my usual places. Happy to announce that I went to a New Balance store and found these wonderful walking around in shoes. I was looking at them in the store and a woman in a postal uniform pointed at them and praised them. If that ain't an endorsement, I don't know what is. They are a great pair of shoes. It's like I'm walking on a very firm cloud.

Week Three, Day Twenty-One - "Medusa"

“Medusa”
Written by Joe Janes
2/8/09
21 of 365

CAST:
Medusa, ?
Steve, 30s
Cable Guy, 20s

(Steve enters his apartment. He carries a shiny oval dish and a small plate of cookies covered in plastic wrap. He shakes his head in disgust as he walks past a stone statue of a large man crouched down with his butt cleavage exposed. Medusa enters suddenly and startles him. She carries a small flower and a doily.)

STEVE

Medusa!

MEDUSA

Steve! You’re home early.

(Medusa places the doily on the back of the statue and sticks the flower in the crack of the statue’s ass. Steve uses the reflection on his dish to look at her.)

STEVE

There was a birthday party at work. The boss gave us the rest of the day off.

MEDUSA

Cookies!

(Steve hands her the small plate. She devours one.)

STEVE

Home made chocolate chip.

MEDUSA

Home made?

STEVE

Yeah. Connie made them.

(Medusa tries to spit out what she has already consumed.)

MEDUSA

Connie’s a whore!

STEVE

She’s an administrative assistant!

MEDUSA

Whore!

STEVE

Medusa! Honey. We need to talk.

MEDUSA

No we don’t. We don’t need to talk. Look, the cable guy was here. Isn’t that nice? We have HBO, now.

STEVE

I see the cable guy was here. And now he’s a vase.

MEDUSA

He patronized me, Steve. You know how I hate that. He treated me like I was just some dumb housewife. You keep me cooped up in this apartment all day.

STEVE

We agreed to that and because of this very thing. And because of your jealousy. If you just turn people to stone because they bug you, then every time you went to the Jewell you’d turn it into a rock garden.

MEDUSA

Uh – those TCF people are worthless. Don’t get me started.

STEVE

This isn’t working.

MEDUSA

You’re breaking up with me?

STEVE

We’re just too different.

MEDUSA

Mortals do not break up with Gorgons.

STEVE

Yeah, see. That was a threat. That’s part of the problem.

MEDUSA

That wasn’t a threat. I was merely stating a fact. Mortals don’t break up with Gorgons.

STEVE

The way you said it sounded like a threat. You have anger issues.

MEDUSA

That pisses me off. You have no idea what it’s like to be me. Slither in my shoes for awhile. I can’t go out unchaperoned. Even if I wanted to work, I’m overqualified for every mortal job there is. It’s because you think I’m ugly.

STEVE

That was sudden and not it.

MEDUSA

There’s not a lot I can do about my looks, Steve. My only options are “snakes up” or “snakes down.”

STEVE

It’s not your looks. I never see you. Directly.

MEDUSA

Then it’s the sex. You’re bored already! Athena was right. Why buy the serpent when you can get the venom for free.

STEVE

Why does this have to be so hard? You’re not happy here. Can’t you see this isn’t working?

(She takes another cookie.)

MEDUSA (with mouth full)

Steve. I moved from my lair in Libya to Chicago just to be with you.

STEVE

I know. You made a tremendous sacrifice. I can’t help but think we were just too impulsive.

MEDUSA

But your e-mails were so romantic. And that picture of you at the Leaning Tower of Pisa where the tower leans one way and you lean another. I fell in love when I saw that picture.

STEVE

Your pictures were all blurry.

MEDUSA

It’s hard for me to find a good photographer. They’re only good for about a second.

(Steve takes her by the hand. They hold each other.)

STEVE

I think we moved in together too quickly.

MEDUSA

We just need to give it more time.

STEVE

I do like holding you and looking into your neck.

MEDUSA

I like wrapping all available appendages around you.

STEVE

You know, you don’t always turn an entire person into stone.

MEDUSA

Sometimes my efforts are more concentrated.

STEVE

Maybe I was being too impulsive, again. Let’s talk about this later. Until then, I’ll go put on the Joe Cocker CD in the bedroom.

MEDUSA

Put on the blindfold, too, lover.

(He exits. Medusa kicks the statue. He stands.)

CABLE GUY (whispering)

Sheesh. Thanks for making me endure that very special episode.

MEDUSA

Get out of here, Julio. But be back tomorrow. I may want to upgrade to a more premium channels.

(She slaps his butt and she exits to the bedroom as Joe Cocker’s “You Are So beautiful” begins to play. The cable guy pulls the flower out of his butt crack and sniffs it. Lights fade.)

Week Three, Day Twenty - "Another One of Those Blackouts"

“Another One of Those Blackouts, And, Really, Stop Worrying. I’m Fine”
Written by Joe Janes
2/7/09
20 of 365

CAST:
Blindfolded Guy
Another Guy
Everyone Else

(Lights up on cast. One person is blindfolded and is being spun in a circle by the others who count off the spins while laughing and giggling.)

CAST

5…6…7…8…9.10!!!

ANOTHER GUY

Shhh…. Shhh…Run…Run…

(He chases everyone off. They all run out towards the audience, leaving the Blindfolded Guy center stage. Another Guy quickly puts on a military cap and stands stage left.)

ANOTHER GUY

Fire!!!

(We hear a volley of gunshots as Blindfolded Guy is shot. Blackout.)

Week Three, Day Nineteen - "Hemlock"

(This is Friday's post. I posted after midnight last night.)

“Hemlock”
Written by Joe Janes
2/6/09
19 of 365


Cast:
Ari, 20s
Roger, 20s

(Ari, a slight, nerdy looking fellow, is adjusting a noose over a pipe in the ceiling of his dorm room. He stands on a chair. He gets down off the chair and gives everything the once over. There is a goblet on a table. He picks it up, but before he sips, he closes his eyes and thinks for a moment. He then holds his nose and drinks about half of it. He almost chokes it back up but manages to keep it down. He gets back on the chair. He stands for a moment, going over everything in his head. He then takes a small plastic “carry out” bag out of his back pocket and puts it over his head. He then puts the noose on over top of that and appears to tighten the rope around his neck. The plastic bag begins to balloon in and out. Roger enters. He is taller and heavy set. He puts his backpack down and takes off his jacket. He notices Ari, but makes no big deal about it. The ballooning is becoming slower. Roger goes over to a small dorm refrigerator and takes out a beer. He sits at his desk. The bag has stopped ballooning. Roger turns on the computer at his desk and we hear the Mac start-up orchestration. Ari, startled, jumps a bit and claws an opening in the bag for his face to come out.)

ARI

Roger!

ROGER (at computer)

Hi, Ari.

ARI

I didn’t expect you home. Don’t you have Calculus?

ROGER

Cancelled. The teacher went to Ireland or something at the last minute. We think he got somebody pregnant.

ARI

Really? Professor Bowen? The guy with the turkey neck?

ROGER

Yeah.

ARI

Who did he get pregnant?

ROGER

We don’t know. We were just speculating. What have you been up to?

ARI

I was just killing myself.

ROGER

You were? I thought you were doing something else.

ARI

Doing what else?

ROGER

You know, that thing. Autoerotic asphyxiation.

ARI

Ew. No. That’s gross. I’m just killing myself.

ROGER

Hey, I’m not here to judge. Why the bag?

ARI

Oh, this is brilliant. You'll appreciate this. The bag was to get me to a point of passing out so I fall off the chair and hang myself. It also speeds up the poison I ingested so I feel less pain.

ROGER

Is it working?

ARI

I do feel all tingly.

ROGER

Well, don’t let me interrupt you, dorm buddy. You do what you need to do. I’ll do what I need to do.

ARI

What do you need to do?

ROGER

I need to look at this computer screen. I’ve been looking at people all day and I need a break.

ARI

Yeah. People suck. That’s why I’m killing myself.

ROGER (commiserating)

Tell me about it.

ARI

There’s this girl in my astronomy class. Erika. With a “k.”

ROGER

It’s sexier that way.

ARI

Everything about Erika is sexier. At the planetarium, when everyone, including Erika, was looking up, all I could do was stare at her mandible.

ROGER

What part is that?

ARI

It’s her jaw. Specifically, I was looking at where her jaw hinges to her neck.

ROGER

Is that dirty?

ARI

I felt dirty. Especially when I followed her neckline all the way down-

ROGER

To her boobs?

ARI

Her clavicle. The cradle to my soul. I see her and it hurts too much to be me inside.

ROGER

Have you asked her out?

ARI (hopeful)

Do you honestly think a man like me has a chance with a woman like Erika?

ROGER

No. I’m just doing that thing people are supposed to do when they hear people say stuff like that.

ARI (crushed)

That’s what people do. They give other people hope instead of telling them the truth. That’s why I hate them. It’s just a set up for more hurt. Bigger hurt. All in the name of trying to be nice. It’s not nice at all.

(Roger has finished his beer and now sips from the goblet.)

ROGER

That’s pretty good. Did you put that in your note?

ARI

My note? Oh, for the love of Pete! I forgot the note. I remembered the rope, the plastic bag and the poison, but I forgot the note. Oh, what a fool am I! I really don't deserve to live. Roger! Roger! You must write my note for me. Hurry. Before it’s too late.

ROGER (grabs some Post-Its)

Yeah, yeah, go ahead. Go ahead.

ARI

Not on a Post-It note! I’m dying here, not going to the 7/11 for cigarettes.

ROGER

Sheesh, Ari, I’m just trying to help. You don’t even like my handwriting.

ARI

Handwriting would indicate it looked like a human wrote it. You have clawwriting.

ROGER

I’ll print in big letters and, here, I’ll use this.

ARI

What is it?

ROGER

It’s paper, see?

ARI

What’s on the other side?

ROGER

It’s a “to go” menu from Pickles ‘n’ Pizza, but it’s only printed on one side. You want to do this or not?

ARI

Fine. Fine…. Okay…Okay…Don’t start yet.

ROGER

I didn’t start.

ARI

I saw you writing.

ROGER

Just the date. Now, go.

ARI

Don’t rush me. It’s my funeral. The funeral! I planned nothing. Damn it all to hell! Okay… Here we go… To Whom It May Concern… I, Aristotle Sugar Lomarr, have most nobly chosen to leave this ever-maddening ball of wet clay. And I do so with dignity, with my head held high. Where other unhappy souls may choose life and soldier on through the drudgery of mortality, I have chosen to make a graceful exit to take my place amongst the dust and the wind. I excuse myself as I would do at any party at which I felt uncomfortable, which is all of them. I quietly take my leave. Adieu…. Post Script - Please bury me in the quad… near the rock where Erika sits and… reads from her hardcover editions of… Jane Austin novels. …Tell mother… and father… I tried.

(During Ari’s monologue, Ari becomes weaker and slower, and completely stops at the end. Roger looks at the note and finishes off the contents of the goblet.)

ARI (continuing weakly)

Oh, and Roger…

ROGER

Yeah, Buddy?

ARI

Don’t drink out of that goblet. It’s hemlock. (He dies. Roger starts trying to throw up in a basket. Lights fade as we hear the music intro to the TV news…)

ANCHOR (VO)

Tragedy at Drexel University today. Two students, a philosophy major and mathematics major, roommates at Kelly Hall dorm, have taken their lives in what appears to be a homosexual murder-suicide love pact in a ritual involving autoerotic asphyxiation. Officers said they found a possible suicide note that reads “Fine. Fine. Okay. Okay. Don’t start yet.” But then becomes indecipherable due to extremely poor penmanship.

Week Three, Day Eighteen - "Single White Friendster"

“Single White Friendster”
Written by Joe Janes
2/5/09
18 of 365

CAST:

Kimberly, late 20s
Wendy, 30

(Lights up on Kimberly and Wendy sitting at their respective desks. Kimberly is downstage right and Wendy is up left angled slightly away from Kimberly. There’s a small “ding” sound. Kimberly just received an e-mail.)

KIMBERLY (without turning her head)

Did you just send me an e-mail?

WENDY

What? Hunh?

KIMBERLY

You just sent me an e-mail, Wendy.

WENDY (looking at screen)

Um, oh, yeah. What do you know? I guess I did.

KIMBERLY

I’m ten feet away from you.

WENDY

I know. I wasn’t thinking. Did you read it?

KIMBERLY (reads the e-mail, rolls her eyes)

Wendy, nobody does Friendster any more.

WENDY (rolls over to Kimberly in her office chair)

What’s that, Kimberly?

KIMBERLY

Nobody does Friendster anymore. People do Facebook.

WENDY

Facebook? Gotcha. You’re on Facebook?

KIMBERLY

No. I’m not. And I’m not on Friendster.

WENDY

Gotcha. (She rolls back to her desk. Kimberly sighs. Wendy rolls back.) Hmmm?

KIMBERLY

What?

WENDY

Did you say something to me?

KIMBERLY

No.

WENDY

Okay. (She rolls back and starts working at her computer. Kimberly resumes work and there’s another “ding.” She rolls her eyes. Wendy keeps working but also keeps looking over at Kimberly. Suddenly, there’s a “ding ding” at Kimberly’s computer.)

KIMBERLY

Why are you instant messaging me? I’m right here?

WENDY

Um, oh. Okay. Sorry. You looked busy. I didn’t want to disturb you. Did you get my evite?

KIMBERLY (checking)

Yes. I got your evite.

WENDY (rolls over to Kimberly)

Yeah? Does it sound like fun? Do you like bowling?

KIMBERLY

No. Not really.

WENDY

That’s cool. We can do something else.

KIMBERLY

Why would you want to do something else? It’s your (reading screen) Birthday Bowling Bash.

WENDY

I want everyone to have a good time. Not everyone likes bowling. What would you like to do, Kimberly?

KIMBERLY

Wendy. Here’s the thing. I have my job and I have my life outside my job. I like to keep them separate. Do you understand?

WENDY

Sure. Gotcha. (She rolls back, sadly. She sits at her computer, listlessly typing. She sniffs a bit. Kimberly, feeling the guilt, walks over to her.)

KIMBERLY

It’s nothing personal, Wendy. Did you get any other responses from your evite?

WENDY

I only sent it to you.

KIMBERLY

You sent an evite to your Birthday Bowling Bash only to me?

WENDY

My 30th Birthday Bowling Bash.

KIMBERLY

Your 30th? Why would you do that?

WENDY

You’ll just laugh at me.

KIMBERLY

I promise I won’t laugh.

WENDY

I think you’re cool.

KIMBERLY

You think I’m cool? Wendy, this isn’t high school. It’s work.

WENDY

I know. I know. It’s stupid. I still think you’re cool. And I wanted to hang out with you on my birthday.

KIMBERLY

Wendy, I already hang out with you more than any other human being on the planet.

WENDY

You do?

KIMBERLY

We hang out eight hours a day five days a week.

WENDY

You do! Except when you go to lunch. Or on unscheduled breaks,

KIMBERLY

Happy birthday. Really. Happy birthday. I just like to keep my life in different compartments, Wendy. I have my co-workers; I have my family and friends. I like to leave my work at work. If I have a friend who is also a co-worker, you know what we’ll do when we get together?

WENDY (excited by the idea)

No, what will we do?

KIMBERLY

We’ll talk about work.

WENDY

Yeah. That Mr. O’Connell. Ooh, he makes me mad sometimes. He’s so high strung. Why doesn’t he just die of a heart attack, already?

KIMBERLY (cutting her off)

Wendy, Wendy! I don’t want to talk about work when I’m not at work. Do you understand? Work at work.

WENDY

Sure. I understand. I’m the same way, really. I have work and I have my “not” work. Work stays here. Birds, Scrabble, decorating my jeans jackets with rhinestones and metal studs, washing my mother’s hair, all stays at home.

KIMBERLY

Good. What are you doing for your birthday?

WENDY

I just told you.

KIMBERLY

You’re washing your mother’s hair on your birthday?

WENDY

After we play Scrabble and decorate our matching jean jackets.

(Awkward hopeful pause)

KIMBERLY

Sounds like a good time.

WENDY

Do you want-?

(Kimberly stops her with a look and a raised index finger. Wendy sheepishly smiles and nods and mime “locks” her lips as she returns to work. Kimberly goes back to her desk and back to work. There’s a “ding.”)

KIMBERLY

I told you I’m not on Facebook!

(Lights Out)

Week Three, Day Seventeen - "Diversity Chicken"

Diversity Chicken
Written by Joe Janes
2/4/09
17 of 365

CAST
Bobby, 12
Chelsea, 12
Diversity Chicken (aka DC),???

(Lights up on Bobby and Chelsea sitting on a stoop. Bobby has a baseball bat. Chelsea has a mitt and glove.)

BOBBY

Gee, Chelsea. I don’t like playing with that new kid, Raoul.

CHELSEA

I now what you mean, Bobby. There’s just something about him.

BOBBY

Yeah. I know. It’s like he’s different.

(Offstage we hear the trumpeting bawks of a chicken - then bounds onto the stage in a multi-colored chicken suit, Diversity Chicken!)

DC

Diversity Chicken to the rescue!

BOBBY AND CHELSEA

Diversity Chicken!

DC

That’s right, Bobby and Chelsea. I couldn’t help but overhear you talking about your new classmate, Raoul.

BOBBY

Yeah, Diversity Chicken. He looks so different from us.

CHELSEA

He’s a different color.

BOBBY

He wears different clothes.

CHELSEA

And he has a funny sounding name.

DC

Look at me, kids, and what do you see?

BOBBY

A big chicken?

DC

Take a closer look. What’s on this big chicken?

(The kids are stumped. They keep looking at him. DC flaps his arms. Nothing. He finally plucks one of his own feathers shows it to them.)

DC (After an understated “ow.”)

What’s this?

BOBBY AND CHELSEA (after looking at each other)

A feather?

DC

Right! Yes! A feather. Such bright, wonderful children.

(He sits down between them.)

DC

Do you see how my feathers come in all shapes and sizes, even different colors? (They nod.) Think of the planet as one big chicken. And every person on the planet is just a feather stuck to the chicken.

CHELSEA

So, Bobby and me are feathers?

DC

That’s right.

BOBBY

And we’re stuck on a giant chicken hurtling through space?

DC

That’s right, too.

CHELSEA

Does that mean Raoul’s a feather, too?

DC

Now, you’re catching on. And how silly would it be if I had some feathers that didn’t get along with other feathers?

CHELSEA

Pretty silly, Diversity Chicken.

BOBBY

So, we should try to like Raoul?

DC

Whoa, whoa, whoa. I didn’t say that. Life’s too short to put up with people you have to try to like. All you have to do is “tolerate” Raoul.

CHELSEA

What’s “tolerate” mean?

DC

Well, it means, no one’s asking you to invite Raoul over to play video games or play baseball. But don’t go out of your way to bother him, either. As long as he sticks to his own neighborhood and dates his own kind, we won’t have a problem, will we?

BOBBY AND CHELSEA

Nope!

CHELSEA

Thanks, Diversity Chicken!

DC

You’re welcome, kids! Now, I’m off!

(He starts to walk away)

BOBBY

You don’t fly?

DC

Nope. I’m a chicken. Got wings, no gift of flight. Thanks, God!

CHELSEA

I thought super heroes flew?

DC

Well, you know, not really a super hero, here. More just a walking public service announcement. (Mumbles to himself as he exits) Fucking kids.

BOBBY

I hate chickens.

CHELSEA

Me, too. Unless they’re fried.

BOBBY

Let’s go eat him!

CHELSEA

Yay!

(They run off and start beating on DC with the bat. We hear chicken screams and see feathers fly onto stage as lights fade.)



ZED UPDATE

Check the side bar to your left to see the latest picture of Zed. He has some friends with him. I didn't want him to feel all alone when he met Ira Glass, Scott Simon and Peter Segal at a WBEZ fundraiser this evening. The next time you see him, he'll be on his own, distantly flanked by secret service sideburns ready to throw themselves in front of a razor to protect Zed. Click on the picture to contribute to the 826 Moustache-A-Thon.