Week 14, Day 92 - "Searching for Joss Whedon"

“Searching for Joss Whedon”
Written by Joe Janes
4/20/09
92 of 365

CAST
SERGIO, 20s
KENDRA, teens
SUPERHERO SERGIO, 20s
PHILLIP, 30s
TAWNY, 30s
DR. DAMNABLE, 50s

(Lights up on a comic book store. Sergio works behind the counter. Kendra is buying a stack of comic books.)

KENDRA

Hi, Sergio. How’s it going?

SERGIO

“It” isn’t, but I am. I am going, soon, because I am going to be a millionaire.

KENDRA

That’s great. I never knew a millionaire before.

SERGIO

Kendra, I have worked at this store for five years. I see the comic books that come in and out. I have seen the best sellers, I have seen the stinkers. I have kept a sharp eye.

KENDRA

And that makes you a millionaire?

SERGIO

It will. Soon, I will be as rich as all the comic book writers you see on these racks. Because I have created my own comic book character.

(In the background, their stories are acted out.)

KENDRA

Is he a superhero named Sergio? (Kendra’s superhero appears
in standard hero pose, wind blowing his cape.) I bet he’s tall, muscular, and devilishly handsome. Able to blind purveyors of injustice with just his smile.

SERGIO

Actually, he’s a zombie. (A zombie appears behind the superhero and bites the superhero in the ear.)

KENDRA

Zombies aren’t superheroes.

SERGIO

But he’s a good zombie. (The zombie stops when he hears this and throws the superhero’s body offstage, taking over the hero pose.)

KENDRA

Zombies are inherently not good, Sergio.

SERGIO

This one is. That’s what makes it unique. His name is Phillip. Phillip is a zombie that feels remorse. He accidentally ate his girlfriend and feels bad about it. He vows never to eat another human. Not even bad guys, unless he really has to. He only eats cats.

KENDRA

Like ALF!

SERGIO

I might rethink that.

KENDRA (excited)

Is he one of those speedy zombies?

SERGIO

Don’t insult me. Of course, he isn’t.

KENDRA

Then how does he catch bad guys?

SERGIO

He works with the police. A lady detective named-

KENDRA

Kendra?

SERGIO

Tawny. Tawny McCougar. (Tawny appears next to Phillip. She also strikes the hands-on-hips hero pose.)

KENDRA

She’s hot, isn’t she? Women named Tawny are always hot.

SERGIO

Women named Tawny are always hot. But I think we can all agree, they don’t age well. And she knows this. It comes in to play later.

KENDRA

And she’s in love with Phillip! I just knew it.

SERGIO

Not a first. At first, she hates Phillip. They argue a lot because he’s a zombie. And zombies ate her parents. So, they don’t get along at all. Until Phillip saves her life.

KENDRA

How does he save her life? Please tell me, please.

SERGIO

Only if you promise me you’ll still buy the comic book when it comes out.

KENDRA

I promise, I swear.

SERGIO

The bad guy – an evil scientist named Dr. Damnable, Dr. Drake Damnable, who’s actually the cause of all the zombiness - kidnaps Tawny. She’s tied to a chair. (Dr. Damnable comes out and ties Tawny to a chair.) Phillip, who has sworn not to eat or infect another human being, comes in and knocks Dr. Damnable out with a croquet mallet. (Phillip whacks Dr. Damnable in the head. The doctor spins off stage.)

KENDRA

Okay. Why a croquet mallet?

SERGIO

Duh – because Damable’s evil lair is underneath a recreational lawn sports store. Damnable’s Lawn and Garden Games.

KENDRA

I think horseshoes would be better. Or a tetherball. What’s a garden game?

SERGIO

He uses a croquet mallet. Period. Sheesh. We’re done here. Take your inferior melancholy vampire books and hit the road, already.

KENDRA

No, please. I really want to know what happens next. I promise I’ll buy all the issues of “Phillip the Zombie” and the graphic novel.

SERGIO

I will make you sign a paper saying you said that. However, it’s not “Phillip the Zombie.” It’s called “Zombie Process,” get it?

KENDRA

Yes. No. Maybe. But, probably not.

SERGIO

Before Phillip became a zombie, he worked IT at a big computer company. A zombie process is a Unix process that has terminated and whose parent process has not yet received notification of its termination by executing the wait system call. See? It’s brilliant because it works on so many effing levels. It’s like irony. Sorry, I said “effing.”

KENDRA

S’okay. So, Tawny falls in love with Phillip because he saves her from Dr. Damnable.

SERGIO

No. Not just. It’s because he was alone in a room with her where she was tied to a chair. He could have eaten her. Easy pickings for a hungry zombie. But instead, he unties her and frees her.

KENDRA

That’s so romantic.

SERGIO

Well, I want girls like you to buy the comic book, too.

KENDRA

I would totally buy “Zombie Process.”

SERGIO

And I have the story lines plotted out for the next ten years. In year four, Tawny realizes she’s getting older and wants Phillip to turn her into a zombie so she’ll stop aging.

KENDRA

Oh. But won’t she then start rotting?

SERGIO

Not if she lives with Phillip in his customized walk-in meat cooler. But that doesn’t happen until year seven. Phillip breaks up with her to keep himself from succumbing to her will. (Phillips points off, kicking Tawny out, and she walks off.)

KENDRA

Man, I wish I was as smart and creative and handsome as you, Sergio. When does the book come out?

SERGIO

Oh, you know. I’m shopping it around, right now. If I don’t get an offer I like, I might just publish it myself. Keep all the profits all to myself.

KENDRA

Well, I’ll keep looking for it on the shelves. (Sergio hands Kendra her bagged comics)

SERGIO

You do that. It’s going to be big. Action figures. Movies. Animated series. A good one. Not crap.

KENDRA

See you next Saturday.

(She exits. Sergio grabs a stack of comic books and walks off to the back of the store. Phillip is still standing alone. The superhero, now a zombie, comes back out and attacks Phillip from behind, biting into his shoulder. Blackout.)

Week 13, Day 91 - “A Friend In The End”

“A Friend In The End”
Written by Joe Janes
4/19/09
91 of 365

CAST:
HANDSOME MAN, 30’s
CAROLINE, 80’s
GENE, 30’S
TERRY, 20’S
2 MEN IN COVERALLS

(Scene opens on the Handsome Man near Caroline’s bedside. She is ill, but this is not a hospital bed. It is a lush bedroom, perhaps in a mansion. She wears a crushed velvet dress and has long gray hair. She is very frail. The Handsome Man appears to be in his 30’s, fit, healthy and well dressed.)

HANDSOME MAN

Caroline. I have brought your favorite book to read.

CAROLINE

Hold my hand.

HANDSOME MAN

Of course.

(They do and they sit quietly for a moment.)

CAROLINE

Do you remember that time in Africa?

HANDSOME MAN

Yes. I do. We had that incompetent guide who tried to lead us across a river.

CAROLINE

I missed jumping on to that rock and fell.

HANDSOME MAN

I had to run along the riverbank to grab you and pull you out.

CAROLINE

You were always there for me.

HANDSOME MAN

You weren’t in any real danger.

CAROLINE

Let me see your face, again.

(The Handsome Man turns his head towards her. She lifts her hand and touches his cheek.)

CAROLINE (continuing)

I don’t expect that.

HANDSOME MAN

What’s that?

CAROLINE

The coldness.

HANDSOME MAN

I’m sorry.

CAROLINE

It’s not your fault.

HANDSOME MAN

I’m going to miss you.

CAROLINE

I’m not buying that. You’ll forget about me.

HANDSOME MAN

No. I don’t think so. Even if I did, there would be an empty spot in my memory. I would know you were there. That something was there. Something special.

CAROLINE

That spoils the dream, though, doesn’t it?

HANDSOME MAN

The dream?

CAROLINE

Dream that I am young.

HANDSOME MAN

Perhaps another time.

CAROLINE

Dream that I am young and hold me.

(The Handsome Man holds Caroline for a moment. It is very tender. He notices something about her. He lies her back down. There is an echoing “clack” sound as harsh overhead lights flick on. Two men in coveralls enter and place Caroline in a body bag. They remove her as the rest of the scene plays out. A man, Terry, and a woman, Gene, in lab coats, enter. They walk over to the Handsome Man.)

GENE

Heartbreaking, ain’t it, kid.

TERRY

Ever get used to that?

GENE AND HANDSOME MAN

No.

GENE

He was talking to me. ...Help me with the faceplate. It needs to be a long lost girlfriend by 5 o’clock.

(She takes the remote control she’s holding and clicks it at the Handsome Man. He quickly “shuts off,” tilting his head back. Gene shows Terry how to remove the Handsome Man’s face as lights fade to black.)

Week 13, Day 90 - “While On My Way To Hell”

“While On My Way To Hell”
Written by Joe Janes
4/18/09
90 of 365

CAST
COACH REDFERN, 40S
ASS’T COACH BURKE, 30S
MITCHELL, 17
PLAYER ONE, 17
PLAYER TWO, 17
PLAYER THREE, 17

(Lights up on a high school basketball coach, his assistant and four players on the bench. One of the players, Mitchell, is big, awkward, and breathes through his mouth.)

COACH REDFERN

Not too bad. Not too bad. Keep hustling, Timmy!

ASS’T COACH BURKE

Looks like we got it in the bag, Coach Redfern. Only five minutes left.

REDFERN

Well, never take anything for granted, Burke.

BURKE

Did you see that kid on YouTube? The autistic kid?

REDFERN

Yeah, yeah. Made twenty points in four minutes at the end of a game. Very heartwarming.

BURKE

Crowd went nuts. Made the school, especially the coach, look real good.

REDFERN

Yeah, yeah. Oprah even mentioned it in her magazine. … My wife told me.

BURKE

Well, look, why don’t we send in Mitchell.

REDFERN

What? Are you crazy? The closest that moron has gotten to handling a ball is rinsing out the team jock straps. Look at him.

(They look at Mitchell who has taken off one shoe and is picking the toe jam out between his toes through a hole in his sock. He eats the toe jam.)

BURKE

We’re up twenty points. We can’t lose. If he goes out there and makes a basket or two, you’ll be a hero. Everybody will love you.

REDFERN

The school is looking at cutting back on sports funding. Some lovin’ might be just what we need to cover our asses. Mitchell!

(Burke takes out his phone and starts videotaping. Mitchell comes running over, slobbering and dripping.)

MITCHELL

Yes, Coach!

REDFERN

You’re going in, Son!

MITCHELL

I am?

REDFERN

You are! Now, go out there and play some ball.

MITCHELL

Okay.

(Mitchell runs out onto the court, which is offstage and out of sight. We hear the crowd cheer wildly as he goes out. )

REDFERN

Hustle, Mitchell! Grab the ball!

(We hear the crowd make giant, collective “ew” sounds. The other guys on the bench are repulsed. “Boo’s” are heard. A whistle is blown. Mitchell comes shuffling back to the bench, his shorts around his ankles. )

MITCHELL

I do good, Coach?

REDFERN

You licked and humped the basketball, Son. And then you wiped your bare ass on it and threw it into the stands.

MITCHELL

Want me to try, again?

REDFERN

Grab some wood, Mitchell. Bench! Bench! Just take your damn seat. (Mitchell does) Well, at least we don’t have to worry about that fiasco being on the YouTube.

BURKE (having just uploaded it from his phone)

Uh. Too late. I just uploaded it.

REFERN

You’re going to hell.

MITCHELL

Hey, I found gum!

(Mitchell picks gum off the bottom of the bench and puts it in his mouth.)

BURKE

Yes, I am.

(Blackout.)

Week 13, Day 89 - "Stella on Tuesdays"

“Stella on Tuesdays”
Written by Joe Janes
4/17/09
89 of 365

CAST
Roy, 20s
Bud, 20s
Stella, 20s

(Lights up on Roy, a tall skinny man with a goatee, standing behind the counter of a coffee shop, reading a paperback book. Bud, in business casual office attire, enters. He looks around and avoids eye contact with Roy.)

ROY

Can I help you?

BUD

No. That’s okay.

(Pause)

ROY

You have to buy some coffee or something. You can’t just stand around.

BUD

Is Stella here?

ROY

She’s on break.

BUD

Oh. (Looks at watch) I’ll wait, then.

ROY

You can’t just wait. You have to buy something. No loitering.

BUD

Fine. A cup of coffee. Black. For here.

(Roy gets him a cup.)

BUD (continuing)

I’m not a loiterer. I have a purpose.

(Roy shrugs)

ROY

$1.75

BUD

Here. (Hands him two bucks.) Keep the change.

(Stella enters from the back of the shop.)

STELLA

I’m back, Roy.

(Bud sees her and turns his back away from her. He quickly downs the hot coffee as best he can while burning his mouth and throat and making muffled sounds appropriate to such actions. Roy and Stella watch him. When he’s done, Bud turns to face them.)

ROY

I’m going to go on my break. Good luck with lover boy.

(He exits.)

STELLA

Hi, Bud.

BUD

Hi, Stella.

STELLA

What can I get for you today?

BUD

Oh, uh, just a refill.

(She gets him a refill as Bud watches her nervously.)

STELLA

Here you go. Fifty cents.

BUD (handing her a dollar)

Keep the change.

(Pause)

STELLA

Can I get you anything else?

BUD

Well, I was wondering-

STELLA

Yes?

(A desk bell ring is heard and lights shift to something more romantic. Bud rips open his shirt revealing a “Wrath of Kahn”-like chest. Stella’s hair blows in a breeze.)

BUD

Stella, I come her every Tuesday on my afternoon break from work just to see you.

STELLA

Just to see me, Bud.

BUD

Your green eyes and that green apron haunt my soul throughout the week. I long to taste the full caffeinated impact of your lips.

STELLA

Oh, Bud. No cream or sugar?

BUD

I like my women like I like my coffee. Draped in velvet and lying across my four-poster bed. And possibly a horse is involved.

(Desk bell rings. Lights turn to normal. Bud quickly buttons up his shirt.)

STELLA

Can I get you anything else?

BUD

Well, I was wondering-

STELLA

Yes?

(Desk bell rings and lights shift. Stella comes out from behind the counter taking revealing she’s wearing fishnet stockings.)

STELLA (continuing)

Get down on your knees, scum. What do you want in your coffee?

BUD

You, Mistress Stella, you!

STELLA

Lick my Doc Martens.

(He does so. The desk bell rings and they return to their original positions as lights shift back to normal.)

STELLA

Can I get you anything else?

BUD

Well, I was wondering-

STELLA

Yes?

(Desk bell rings, lights shift, they haven’t moved.)

BUD

I just want to tell you the truth. I don’t know why, but I think about you all the time. Your smile, your voice, and, yes, I’ll say it, even your magnificent ass. Life is short. Too short not to navigate life’s waters with my impulses. My urges. For instance, my urge to press that coffee stained bosom-loaded polo shirt against my chest. My urge to see what’s under that green apron of yours. I want to tamp down your espresso pod and pour my frothy steamed milk over the top.

STELLA (breathy and hot)

As a barista, I must tell you, that last sentence didn’t make sense.

(Desk bell rings, lights go back to normal.)

STELLA

Can I get you anything else?

BUD

Well, I was wondering-

STELLA

Yes?

BUD

I was wondering if you’d like to go out some time.

STELLA

What’s the point?

BUD

The point?

STELLA

Does it matter? Does it really matter? We’ll both be dead soon.

BUD

We will?

STELLA

Sure.

BUD

When?

STELLA

Maybe 40 years. 50, if we’re lucky.

BUD

That doesn’t seem so soon.

STELLA

It doesn’t now. It will on the other end. You’ll wonder where the time went. My point is there is no point. It doesn’t matter if we go out on a date. It doesn’t matter if we kiss. It doesn’t matter if we marry, copulate, procreate or just recreate till our bodies crumble. In the big scheme of things, it doesn’t make a difference. The universe doesn’t care. The universe is decidedly unabashedly unaffected by what happens here, right now, in this moment.

BUD

It if doesn’t matter, can’t we just get together because we want to?

STELLA

That’s the only reason there is,

BUD

Our we really having this conversation?

STELLA

Yes.

BUD

Do you want to go out with me?

STELLA

Yes. Just not for coffee.

BUD

Dinner?

STELLA

I get off at six.

BUD

Okay, then. I’ll see you at six.

(He exits. Roy returns, reading his book.)

ROY

Lover boy finally ask you out?

STELLA

Yeah.

ROY

You say yes?

STELLA

Yeah.

ROY

Think it will go anywhere?

STELLA (nonchalantly)

No.

(Lights fade as Stella wipes down the counter.)

Week 13, Day 88 - "Stripperer"

“Stripperer”
Written by Joe Janes
4/16/09
88 of 365

CAST
Old Man 1, 90s
Old Man 2, 90s
Mr. Pepperwinkle, 90s
Nurse, 40
Old Woman, 90s

(Lights up on two old men in wheel chairs in the “recreation” room of a nursing home. They look out of it, bored, half asleep. Mr. Pepperwinkle, equally out of it, is wheeled in next to them by a nurse.)

NURSE

There you go, Mr. Pepperwinkle. Now, you boys behave yourself.

(They lethargically groan at this, having heard the joke a million times. The nurse exits. A moment later, an old woman pulling along an IV drip on a squeaky-wheeled stand enters and crosses in front of them and walks over to the record player. She puts on a record and waits. We hear pops and scratches and then stripper music kicks in. She then does a sexy stripper dance, using her IV stand as a pole. The men cheer when she drops her robe and teases them with her hospital gown. She pulls her colostomy bag out and swings it as if it were on a chain. They cheer more. She takes out her teeth and pretends to bite one of the guys with them. More cheering. She takes out a glass eye. More cheering. She throws off her wig as she shakes her moneymaker. More cheering. She bumps and grinds to a big finish. Instead of throwing money, the men throw prescription pills. She gathers them up along with her things and wheels herself off. The three men sit there, eyes wide, breathing heavy, smiling. Nurse pokes her head back in.)

NURSE

You boys behaving?

(They grunt in response. She exits and they slowly fall back asleep. Blackout.)

Week 13, Day 88 - "Stripperer"

“Stripperer”
Written by Joe Janes
4/16/09
88 of 365

CAST
Old Man 1, 90s
Old Man 2, 90s
Mr. Pepperwinkle, 90s
Nurse, 40
Old Woman, 90s

(Lights up on two old men in wheel chairs in the “recreation” room of a nursing home. They look out of it, bored, half asleep. Mr. Pepperwinkle, equally out of it, is wheeled in next to them by a nurse.)

NURSE

There you go, Mr. Pepperwinkle. Now, you boys behave yourself.

(They lethargically groan at this, having heard the joke a million times. The nurse exits. A moment later, an old woman pulling along an IV drip on a squeaky-wheeled stand enters and crosses in front of them and walks over to the record player. She puts on a record and waits. We hear pops and scratches and then stripper music kicks in. She then does a sexy stripper dance, using her IV stand as a pole. The men cheer when she drops her robe and teases them with her hospital gown. She pulls her colostomy bag out and swings it as if it were on a chain. They cheer more. She takes out her teeth and pretends to bite one of the guys with them. More cheering. She takes out a glass eye. More cheering. She throws off her wig as she shakes her moneymaker. More cheering. She bumps and grinds to a big finish. Instead of throwing money, the men throw prescription pills. She gathers them up along with her things and wheels herself off. The three men sit there, eyes wide, breathing heavy, smiling. Nurse pokes her head back in.)

NURSE

You boys behaving?

(They grunt in response. She exits and they slowly fall back asleep. Blackout.)

Week 13, Day 87 - "Officer Arsenty"

“Officer Arsenty”
Written by Joe Janes
4/15/09
87 of 365

CAST
Tim, 20s
Neil, 20s
Officer Arsenty, 50s

(In the dark we hear a siren. Lights up on Tim and Neil in a car. Tim is driving. Behind them is Officer Arsenty in his car.)

TIM

Aw, crap. We’re being pulled over.

NEIL

Tim, you ran that red light.

TIM

It was yellow, Neil.

NEIL

Which is when you should have slowed down. It turned red. Like it always does after yellow.

(In the background, a rather rotund Officer Arsenty climbs out of his car and approaches the driver’s window. His movements are a little slow and deliberate. He carries a bone. Tim rolls down the window.)

TIM (continuing)

Evening, officer, sir.

(Officer Jobe just stares at him.)

TIM (continuing)

Is there a problem?

(Jobe lets out a big sigh. Tim gets a face full of booze fumes. He looks at Neil. Jobe wobbles a bit, and then shushes Tim. Jobe then staggers back a few feet and beckons Tim to “come here.” Tim slowly and reluctantly does.)

TIM (continuing)

Yes?

JOBE

I like you, son. What’s your name?

TIM

Tim.

JOBE

Jim. I like you, Jim. I’m Officer Jobe Arsenty.

(Jobe puts his hand on Tim’s shoulder)

NEIL

Hey, I can see you!

(Jobe pulls his gun.)

JOBE

Who’s there?

TIM

It’s okay, it’s okay! It’s just my friend, Neil. There. In the passenger’s seat.

JOBE

I have my eye on you.

NEIL

I doubt it.

(He drops his gun as he tries to put it away. He tries to pick it up and kicks it instead. Tim gets the gun and hands it to him.)

JOBE

Thank you, Jim.

NEIL

It’s Tim.

JOBE

Who the hell are you?

NEIL

I’m Neil. Tim’s friend.

JOBE

There ain’t no Tim, here. Get out of the car. (Neil opens the car door) Whoa! Slowly! Slowly!

NEIL

Okay. Okay. Don’t shoot me.

JOBE

Don’t you tell me what not to do. Where are you boys heading?

TIM

A party.

JOBE

Party boys, eh!

NEIL

My mom’s birthday party.

JOBE

That sickens me.

NEIL

Okay.

JOBE

You sicken me. Let me see you walk a straight line.

(Neil sighs and walks a straight line towards Jobe who points his bone at Neil like a gun.)

JOBE (continuing)

Stop or I’ll, or I’ll…bone you. Gun?

TIM

Right there.

JOBE

Oh. Thank you. You’re nice. But you-!

NEIL

You told me to move!

JOBE

Oh, yeah. Close your eyes and touch your nose.

(Neil does, easily.)

JOBE

Did he do it, Jim?

TIM

Yeah.

JOBE

Touch his nose.

NEIL

What?

JOBE

Don’t smart off, smarty. Close your eyes and touch Jim’s nose.

(Neil closes his eyes and manages to eventually touch Tim’s nose.)

JOBE

Did he do it?

TIM

Yeah. Poked my eye, too.

JOBE

That wasn’t part of the instructions. I’ll have to bring you in. Spread ‘em.

NEIL

Oh, come on!

JOBE

Get up against the car and spread your legs. I need to pat you down.

NEIL (doing so)

Oh, joy.

(Jobe walks up to Neil, starts to pat him down, but passes out against Neil while doing so.)

NEIL

Oh, God, get him off me. I feel his bone.

TIM

Yeah, yeah. Okay.

(Tim gets Jobe off Neil and sits him down on the road.)

NEIL

That guy is stinking drunk.

TIM

You think?

NEIL

Let’s go.

TIM

We can’t just leave him sitting in the road.

JOBE (coming to)

Jim. Jim. Come here.

TIM

What is it, Officer Jobe?

JOBE

Are you married? Got a girlfriend?

NEIL

You don’t have to answer that.

TIM (waving Neil to be quiet)

No, Jobe. I don’t have either, right now.

JOBE

Aw, that’s too bad. What about the other one? You got one.

NEIL

Yeah. A girlfriend. We might get married.

JOBE

Well, let me tell you something. Let me tell you both something. You find a girl you love with all your heart, hope you die first.

NEIL

Die first. Got it. We can go, now, right?

TIM

Jobe, why do you say that?

JOBE

Because Millie died a year ago. And it’s been hell. Sheer hell.

(Jobe starts crying into Tim’s chest. Tim reluctantly holds him.)

TIM

Jobe, I don’t think you should drive. Can we give you a lift somewhere?

JOBE

Aw, you don’t have to do that.

TIM

No, no, it’s okay. I insist. C’mon.

(Neil and Tim help Jobe get into the backseat of their car.)

TIM

There you go.

(Neil and Tim get in to the front seat. Tim starts driving.)

TIM (continuing)

You okay back there, Jobe?

JOBE

Yeah.Yeah. The station's just up the road a bit.

NEIL

Sorry about your wife.

JOBE

Why are you sorry about my wife?

NEIL

Just seems like a very sad thing to go through, losing your wife Millie.

JOBE

My wife ain’t dead. Millie’s was my cocker spaniel. I sure miss that pooch. Oh, Millie, oh, Millie…Why? Why?

(He starts wailing and kissing the bone. Lights fade.)

THE 365 VIDEO CHALLENGE!

Tuesday, April 28 will mark the 100th sketch posted on 365 Sketches. To honor the occasion, we at 365 headquarters (me) are issuing a video challenge! Create a video of one of the first 100 365 Sketches and post it to YouTube. Let me know when its posted using the comment section here. I'll link to the video for all to see. You have until midnight central time on April 28th to post. On Wednesday, April 29th, I'll announce the winner!

Ooh, and what does the winner receive?

A crisp ten dollar bill. In fact, this very one. Suitable for framing.