Week 40, Day 275 - "Positively Loitering"

“Positive Loitering”

Written by Joe Janes

10/20/09

275 of 365

CAST

Officer Noble, 30s

Mark, 40s

Oswald, 30s

Lizzie, 50s

Jonna, 60s

Nancy, 20s

Reggie, teens

Bubba, 70s

(Officer Noble walks out stage left.)

OFFICER NOBLE

Some neighborhoods in Chicago are tired of gangs of youths taking over their communities. With the encouragement of local police and aldermen, good citizens are taking to the streets in a program called Positive Loitering. By standing their ground on street corners once occupied by drug dealers, prostitutes and hooligans, they are sending a message. They are taking back their neighborhood.

(Lights up on five people standing around on a street corner.)

MARK

This is great.

OSWALD

I saw some punks walking down the street and when they saw us, they turned the other way.

LIZZIE

I want to make sure this neighborhood is safe for my children.

NANCY

Where are your children?

LIZZIE

At home, I guess.

(Nods and a long pause.)

JONNA (taking out a thermos)

I brought some warm apple cider.

(They are all excited about this and gather around her.)

OFFICER NOBLE

Positive Loitering is successful, but it must be maintained. Week Four.

(Lights up on our crew and they look very bored.)

JONNA

I brought cider.

LIZZIE

Warm apple cider?

JONNA

Nope. Hard cider.

(She winks. They all gather around Jonna to get some cider.)

OFFICER NOBLE

Week Seven.

(They are all standing around. Looking bored. Jonna drinks straight from her thermos by herself.)

OSWALD

Hey-

JONNA

Buzz off. It’s mine.

OFFICER NOBLE

Week Fourteen.

(They all stand around, sipping from flasks, smoking cigarettes. Jonna enters with a boom box. She sets it down and presses the play button. We hear Miami Sound Machine’s “C’mon Everybody and Do The Conga.” Everyone starts to dance.)

OFFICER NOBLE

After three months of Positive Loitering, the program is considered successful and a staple for the community.

(Lights up on Reggie, a young man, standing alone. Mark and Oswald approach.)

REGGIE

Back off, motherfuckers.

MARK

Who are you?

REGGIE

This used to be my neighborhood and you old fucks ruined it with your drinking, cigarette smoking and your loud 80s pop music. If you can call that music.

(Jonna, Lizzie and Nancy enter.)

LIZZIE

Who’s this little pipsqueak?

OSWALD

He thinks this is his neighborhood.

NANCY

Oh, yeah?

(The commence to posturing and coming close to starting a fight when Bubba bursts out of his storefront with a gun.)

BUBBA

Hey, you grown-ups! Get away from my store. You’re scaring away customers! Get! Before I call the police!

(The grown-ups sulk away.)

REGGIE

Thanks, old man.

BUBBA

This place used to be a good neighborhood till they started hanging out. Don’t you people have widescreen TVs or meetings to go to!?! You look like a good kid. Why don’t you come into my store and try to shoplift something?

REGGIE

Okay.

BUBBA

Good boy.

(They walk into his store. The OFFICER NOBLE comes back out. He’s about to say something, but stops himself. He takes out a flask and drinks from it as he walks off. Lights fade.)

Week 40, Day 274 - "Clump"

“Clump”

Written by Joe Janes

10/19/09

274 of 365

Cast

Barry, 40s

Jared, 40s

(Lights up on Jared sitting on a cardboard box eating saltine crackers. He takes them out of their plastic wrapper and eats them one at a time nibbling at one end until he has passed the entire cracker into his cracker-grinder mouth. After the fifth or sixth one, he gets thirsty. He opens a small cooler nearby and takes out a plastic gallon jug of water, He is careful just to only take what he needs. He swishes the water around in his mouth before swallowing. Satisfied, he returns to cracker crunching. There is a knock at his garage-like door. He gets up, wiping off his t-shirt, and lifts the door up. Barry, a UPS man in a brown shirt and shorts stands there with a small box and clipboard.)

BARRY

You Jared Pillbottom?

JARED

Who’s asking?

BARRY

UPS. I have a package for you.

JARED (looking around)

Come on in.

(Barry enters and Jared closes the garage door.)

BARRY

Is this your residence?

JARED

You need to know that?

BARRY

No. Just asking. Looks like you live here.

JARED

It’s against the law to live in a self-storage unit, so, no. I don’t live here.

BARRY

Okay.

JARED

So, that’s it.

BARRY

Yes. Whatever “that” is.

(Barry hands Jared a small box. Jared takes it and regards it like it’s the Holy Grail.)

JARED

I need to find the right place for this.

(Jared sets it on top of the box he was sitting on.)

JARED (continuing)

This will have to do for now. Until I can buy a marble pedestal.

BARRY

I need you to sign for this.

JARED

Marble pedestal and some kind of light above it. Underneath it, too. Security. I never thought about security. I’ll have to sleep next to it, for now.

BARRY

That some kind of diamond or something?

JARED

Worth more than any diamond, worth more than any pile of diamonds. (He holds the box tighter) But I shouldn’t be telling you this.

BARRY

Look, I don’t care what you’ve got. Just doing my job. You need to sign for this.

(Jared takes the clipboard.)

JARED

What’s your name?

BARRY

Barry.

JARED

Barry. You have to promise me something, Barry. You have to promise me you won’t tell anyone about this.

BARRY

Like I said, I don’t really care. Just doing my job.

JARED

You would care, if you knew. You would care very deeply. I went from a man who had a few things to a man who had nothing to a man who now has this. Sold everything I owned. Took out a loan. I don’t know how long I have left on this planet, but I figure I’m passed the halfway point. Up till now, my life had no meaning. This is purpose. This is also my retirement. My health insurance. If things get bad-

BARRY

If things get bad?

JARED

If things get worse, I can sell this. For more than the $15,000 I paid for it.

(Jared signs the clipboard and hands it back to Barry.)

BARRY

That’s my pen.

JARED

Sorry.

(Jared hands him the pen.)

BARRY

Well, Mr. Pillbottom. You enjoy that thing. (Barry walks to the door.) This seems to be locked.

JARED

Wait. Barry. I have no one. No one to call. No one to visit. I need someone to see me with this. To bear witness to this holy of all holies.

BARRY

I really need to-

JARED

Won’t take a second.

(Jared tries to open it, but can’t. Too much tape.)

BARRY

Use your keys.

(Jared tries to use his keys, but no use.)

BARRY (continuing)

Try my pen.

(Jared tries the pen.)

JARED

That helped. I think I have it. Got an edge here.

BARRY

My pen.

(Jared hands him back the pen and opens the box. He sets it down on the ground. He carefully and gently removes tissue paper. Jared tears up. He reaches in a pulls out a small back clump of hair and holds it up with reverence.)

BARRY (continuing)

A scouring pad?

JARED

A clump of Elvis’s hair. From 1958. Before he joined the army.

(Barry is silent for a moment.)

BARRY

I think I’m going to cry. (He starts to cry and kneels down before the hair.) Elvis was the king.

JARED

The one and only king.

BARRY

May I touch it?

JARED

Are your hands clean?

BARRY (wipes his hands on his shirt)

Yes.

JARED

Go ahead.

(Barry touches the hair and then holds his hand.)

BARRY

I will never, ever wash this hand.

JARED

I paid a king’s ransom for this.

BARRY

Not really.

JARED

For me. Relatively speaking. I gave up everything for this moment,

BARRY

You have my honor and respect, Jared Pillbottom.

JARED

I know.

(Jared places the clump of hair on top of his box. A shaft of light hits it.)

BARRY

Amazing.

JARED

Worth every sacrifice. You need to go, now. So I can be alone with Elvis.

(Jared opens the door for Barry. Barry slips out.)

BARRY

Do you mind if I come back sometime? Just to pay my respects.

JARED

I would like that, Barry.

(Jared closes the door. He finds his crackers and takes out a saltine. He places it as an offering to the clump of hair. He kneels down much like a latter-day Elvis in his cape at the end of a song. The song “Burnin’ Love” begins to play. Lights fade.)

Week 39, Day 273 - "Boxing Day"

“Boxing Day”

Written by Joe Janes

10/18/09

273 of 365

CAST

Box King

Box #7

Box P

Box Ambassador (Unofficial)

A Very Large Box

(Lights up on two large cardboard boxes on stage. Box King and Box #7. The Box King is short, but wide. Box #7 is tall and thin. The Box King has one round hole large enough to put an eye against from the inside. It is marked by an arched eyebrow. There is also a hole for a mouth. Large enough to press one’s lips into and speak through clenched teeth. Atop the box sits a small crown. Box #7 is blank. From inside the blank one, we here various sounds of construction, such as a hammer hitting a nail, a saw, etc. Soon we seen a hand-cranked drill bit coming out of the blank face of the box. Then a saw comes out and widens the hole. Lips are pressed against the hole. He also uses this same hole to look through.)

Box #7

Sorry, I’m late your highness.

Box King

I am appalled by tardiness, Number Seven. It is disruptive and hostile. Insidious, even. It makes me feel like I’m not important enough, which is, no doubt, the desired effect. Which in turn makes me angry for falling into such a manipulative trap.

Box #7

I’m really sorry I’m late. You must believe me, I meant no harm. I am, in my soul, groveling for your forgiveness. It is good to see you.

Box King

It is good to be seen. I am awaiting news.

Box #7

I’ve been working very hard and I believe I have made progress.

Box King

How soon?

Box #7

I do not know.

Box King

How soon?

Box #7

Really. It could be tomorrow, it could be months.

Box King

Months! You are wasting my time. I should have you shredded. Dampened and shredded.

Box #7

You are asking a lot. It takes time to develop the technology.

Box King

All I want is to be able to go from here to there. From here to there. And, perhaps, if I feel so inclined, back again. From here to there to here. Upon my whimsy.

Box #7

Yes, I know. It sounds so simple, but no one has ever done it before. We don’t know what’s over there. You could get hurt. You could be killed. You could fall off the edge of the…world. We want to take every precaution.

(Box P enters. It is another box of a size somewhere between the King and Seven; however, it walks on two feminine legs. It enters and stands downstage left. On it’s front is a large red button.)

Box King

There it is, again. There it is. Over there.

Box #7

I see. So, that’s the vision you’ve been having.

Box King

Yes. But it’s not a vision. It’s real. And I want to be over there. Next to it. So I can kill it for being able to do something I cannot.

Box #7

It appears to be waiting for something.

Box King

What else does your science tell you?

Box #7

It’s mobile.

Box King

Brilliant.

Box #7

It’s like us, but not like us. It doesn’t appear to have the gift of speech. There you clearly have the advantage, sire. The way that it moves itself is – is - …

Box King

Yes?

Box #7

Nice.

Box King

Yes. Yes, it is. Very nice. But I don’t know why I feel that way.

(Box Ambassador (Unofficial) enters. It is another box of comparable size to Box P. It has two masculine legs. The legs are dressed in tuxedo pants and the shoes have spats over them. It has a hand with its index finger pointing in the center of its front panel.)

Box King

Dear Heavenly Whatzit. What’s that?

Box #7

Again, it’s similar, but different.

Box King

What is that thing protruding from its front? Some kind of weapon?

Box #7

I believe it is a teat.

Box King

Teat?

Box #7

Once thought extinct. Even mythological. They produce milk and newly born animals suckle them for nourishment.

(P and Ambassador move around one another, sizing each other up, getting ready, perhaps, to dance. The Ambassador bows. P bows. The Ambassador moves towards P and presses the button with his finger. Small “ears” pop out of the sides of P’s box and Esquival-type music begins to play. They dance a short seductive dance. They bow and leave, exiting separately. The Box King, full of jealousy and rage, rattles his box. He kicks out the bottom until he is able to get one leg out. He begins to hop about on one leg.)

BOX KING

I’m free! I’m free!

(We hear a snapping sound and the King falls.)

BOX KING

Ow! My appendage! It is causing me pain. Help me! Help me!

BOX #7

I have seen too much.

(He fills his hole with straw.)

BOX KING

Come back! Don’t leave me! I am your king!

(A Very Large Box comes out. It has many feet. It steps over the King, squats down, and devours him. It stands up and all we see left of the King if his broken crown on the ground. The Very Large Box belches as it walks off.)

Week 39, Day 273 - "Boxing Day"

“Boxing Day”

Written by Joe Janes

10/18/09

273 of 365

CAST

Box King

Box #7

Box P

Box Ambassador (Unofficial)

A Very Large Box

(Lights up on two large cardboard boxes on stage. Box King and Box #7. The Box King is short, but wide. Box #7 is tall and thin. The Box King has one round hole large enough to put an eye against from the inside. It is marked by an arched eyebrow. There is also a hole for a mouth. Large enough to press one’s lips into and speak through clenched teeth. Atop the box sits a small crown. Box #7 is blank. From inside the blank one, we here various sounds of construction, such as a hammer hitting a nail, a saw, etc. Soon we seen a hand-cranked drill bit coming out of the blank face of the box. Then a saw comes out and widens the hole. Lips are pressed against the hole. He also uses this same hole to look through.)

Box #7

Sorry, I’m late your highness.

Box King

I am appalled by tardiness, Number Seven. It is disruptive and hostile. Insidious, even. It makes me feel like I’m not important enough, which is, no doubt, the desired effect. Which in turn makes me angry for falling into such a manipulative trap.

Box #7

I’m really sorry I’m late. You must believe me, I meant no harm. I am, in my soul, groveling for your forgiveness. It is good to see you.

Box King

It is good to be seen. I am awaiting news.

Box #7

I’ve been working very hard and I believe I have made progress.

Box King

How soon?

Box #7

I do not know.

Box King

How soon?

Box #7

Really. It could be tomorrow, it could be months.

Box King

Months! You are wasting my time. I should have you shredded. Dampened and shredded.

Box #7

You are asking a lot. It takes time to develop the technology.

Box King

All I want is to be able to go from here to there. From here to there. And, perhaps, if I feel so inclined, back again. From here to there to here. Upon my whimsy.

Box #7

Yes, I know. It sounds so simple, but no one has ever done it before. We don’t know what’s over there. You could get hurt. You could be killed. You could fall off the edge of the…world. We want to take every precaution.

(Box P enters. It is another box of a size somewhere between the King and Seven; however, it walks on two feminine legs. It enters and stands downstage left. On it’s front is a large red button.)

Box King

There it is, again. There it is. Over there.

Box #7

I see. So, that’s the vision you’ve been having.

Box King

Yes. But it’s not a vision. It’s real. And I want to be over there. Next to it. So I can kill it for being able to do something I cannot.

Box #7

It appears to be waiting for something.

Box King

What else does your science tell you?

Box #7

It’s mobile.

Box King

Brilliant.

Box #7

It’s like us, but not like us. It doesn’t appear to have the gift of speech. There you clearly have the advantage, sire. The way that it moves itself is – is - …

Box King

Yes?

Box #7

Nice.

Box King

Yes. Yes, it is. Very nice. But I don’t know why I feel that way.

(Box Ambassador (Unofficial) enters. It is another box of comparable size to Box P. It has two masculine legs. The legs are dressed in tuxedo pants and the shoes have spats over them. It has a hand with its index finger pointing in the center of its front panel.)

Box King

Dear Heavenly Whatzit. What’s that?

Box #7

Again, it’s similar, but different.

Box King

What is that thing protruding from its front? Some kind of weapon?

Box #7

I believe it is a teat.

Box King

Teat?

Box #7

Once thought extinct. Even mythological. They produce milk and newly born animals suckle them for nourishment.

(P and Ambassador move around one another, sizing each other up, getting ready, perhaps, to dance. The Ambassador bows. P bows. The Ambassador moves towards P and presses the button with his finger. Small “ears” pop out of the sides of P’s box and Esquival-type music begins to play. They dance a short seductive dance. They bow and leave, exiting separately. The Box King, full of jealousy and rage, rattles his box. He kicks out the bottom until he is able to get one leg out. He begins to hop about on one leg.)

BOX KING

I’m free! I’m free!

(We hear a snapping sound and the King falls.)

BOX KING

Ow! My appendage! It is causing me pain. Help me! Help me!

BOX #7

I have seen too much.

(He fills his hole with straw.)

BOX KING

Come back! Don’t leave me! I am your king!

(A Very Large Box comes out. It has many feet. It steps over the King, squats down, and devours him. It stands up and all we see left of the King if his broken crown on the ground. The Very Large Box belches as it walks off.)

Week 39, Day 272 - "How To Have Sex With A Woman"

“How To Have Sex With Women”

Written by Joe Janes

10/17/09

272 of 365

CAST:

Peter, 30s

Suzy, 30s

Jonathan, 50s

(Lights up on Peter and Suzy having drinks in a bar. Professor Jonathan Poussay enters to the side.)

JONATHAN

Good evening. I’m Professor Jonathan Poussay and welcome to my webinar, How To Have Sex With Women, Chapter 12. Now that we have spent eleven chapters on grooming tips and conversation skills, it’s time we move to the most important stage – Closing The Deal.

PETER

Gosh, Suzy, I really have enjoyed getting to know you.

SUZY

Me, too, Peter. You know, my condo is right around the corner. Would you like to come over for a little tour?

PETER

Sure.

(They exit.)

JONATHAN (continuing)

It may seem indeed that Peter is on his way to have sex with a woman, but let’s see what’s really going to happen.

(Peter and Suzy run to the other side of the stage.)

SUZY

…That’s the utility closet where I keep all my utilities. And that’s the tour.

PETER

Nice place, Suzy.

SUZY

You should go now.

JONATHAN

Let’s try again….

(Suzy and Peter run back to the bar scene.)

JONATHAN

Let’s see what happens when Peter makes his intentions more clear.

PETER

It’s really been nice getting to know you, Suzy.

SUZY

I agree, Peter. You know, I just live around the corner, would you like to come over for a little tour.

PETER

Does the tour include the boudoir?

SUZY

We’ll see. If you’re good, it just might.

(They exit.)

JONATHAN

Peter is well on his way to having sexual intercourses with a woman. You’ll notice he playfully suggested the idea of sex with his “trip to the boudoir” reference. It wasn’t crass. It was suggestive while also being playful. And it gave Suzy an opportunity to let him now gracefully whether or not the tour would include an intimate tryst. Now, here’s what NOT to do.

(Suzy and Peter return to the bar.)

PETER

I have really enjoyed getting to know you, Suzy.

SUZY

Me, too, Peter. Hey, I just live around the corner. Would you like to come over for a little tour of my condo?

PETER

Does the tour include the inside of your pants? And by that I mean your vagina?

SUZY

Yes. It does!

(They exit.)

JONATHAN

That shouldn’t have worked.

SUZY (off)

I haven’t been laid in months! As long as he’s able to breathe and get an erection, he’s getting some.

JONATHAN

Clearly, we have no idea of what it takes to have sex with a woman. Or men, for that matter. Someone somewhere will want to do it with you, even if it’s out of desperation. Our only advice, just keep trying.

(Blackout)

Week 39, Day 271 - “Slow Down Life’s Too Short Stop Smell The Roses Get While The Getting’s Good Bar and Grill”

“Slow Down Life’s Too Short Stop Smell The Roses Get While The Getting’s Good Bar and Grill”

Written by Joe Janes

10/16/09

271 of 365

CAST

Noah, 30s

Dacry, 30s

Bruno, 50s

Jose, 40s

(Lights up on Darcy and Patrick sitting at a table looking at menus.)

NOAH

This lace looks exactly like it did ten years ago.

DARCY

It does. Same junkyard stuff on the wall.

NOAH

Guess they couldn’t afford any new junk.

(Bruno enters. He is an older man, a little overweight and a little high-strung.)

BRUNO

Hi, folks. I’m Bruno. Welcome to Slow Down Life’s Too Short Stop Smell the Roses Get It While The Gettin’s Good Bar and Grill. What would you like?

NOAH

I’m not really sure.

DARCY

Hey, you own the place, don’t you?

BRUNO

I do. This is my place.

DARCY

He waited on us on our first date.

NOAH

Oh, yeah.

BRUNO

Well…. Isn’t that something? What can I get you?

NOAH

UH, I’ll have a Miller Lite.

DARCY

Me, too. And let’s order some buffalo wings.

BRUNO

Ooh, uh… Let me check on those. (Bruno walks to the kitchen door and yells inside.) Jose! Jose! Look in the back of the freezer and see if we have an old bag of Buffalo wings! Look behind the suet! Move the suet and look behind it.

DARCY

That’s okay. That’s okay.

BRUNO

It’s no problem. Jose will find it. I’ll go heat up the fryer and get your beers. (He exits.)

DARCY

I don’t think they’re doing very well.

NOAH

Doesn’t seem like it. Want to leave.

DARCY

I’d feel horrible if we just left.

NOAH

Well, let’s just get our beers and antique chicken wings and we’ll go get dinner somewhere else.

(Bruno enters and puts down two cans of beer on the table.)

DARCY

Could I have a glass?

BRUNO

Classy. (Bruno walks to another table and picks up an empty glass and inspects it. He wipes it on his shirt and drops it off in front of Darcy.)

NOAH

I think we ordered Miller Lite.

BRUNO

Oh, yeah. I’m sorry. We’re all out. All we have is Milwaukee’s Best.

DARCY

I’ve never had a Milwaukee’s Best.

BRUNO

It’s good. You know, it’s Milwaukee’s Best. I’ll go check on your chicken wings. (Bruno nods and exits. Darcy opens her can and takes a sip.)

DARCY

Ooh, oh. It tastes tinny.

NOAH

Don’t drink it.

DARCY (looks at can)

Is there an expiration date?

(Noah looks at his can.)

NOAH

No, Just an ad commemorating the Olympics being in Atlanta.

(Bruno enters with the wings and sets them on the table.)

BRUNO

I’m afraid we’re out of hot sauce, so I dumped some ketchup on them.

NOAH

Oh.

DARCY

Do you have any other beer?

BRUNO

Not a fan of the Best?

DARCY

Guess I’m not a connoisseur.

(Bruno looks like he’s about to cry. He looks up, takes a deep breath.)

BRUNO

What kind of beer would you like?

DARCY

What do you have?

BRUNO

Whatever you like?

DARCY

I thought you were out of Miller Lite.

BRUNO

You want Miller Lite. I’ll get you Miller Lite. You, too?

NOAH

Sure.

BRUNO

Jose! (He walks over to the kitchen door. Jose sticks his head out.) Jose, go to the liquor store and pick up a six-pack of Miller Lite. (Jose holds out his hand. Bruno sighs and pulls out his wallet and hands Jose some dollar bills and whatever change he has in his pocket. Jose exits.) And I expect change. (He turns to Noah and Darcy.) Two Miller Lites. Coming right up. (He looks like he’s going to cry again and exits.)

DARCY

This isn’t turning out to be as much fun as I thought it would be.

NOAH

I know. What happened to this place? It used to be so much fun.

(Darcy picks at the wings.)

DARCY

This doesn’t look too bad.

(Noah takes a bite of one and spits it back out.)

NOAH

Except for being drowned in ketchup and frozen in the middle, they’re great.

DARCY

Let’s just leave.

NOAH

Right on.

(They get up and move towards the door. Bruno enters.)

BRUNO

Where you going?

NOAH

We just remembered we told the babysitter we’d be home by 9pm.

BRUNO

It’s only 7:30pm.

DARCY

We live very far away.

(Bruno sits down, looking defeated.)

NOAH

The wings are good.

BRUNO

You want them to go?

NOAH AND DARCY

No!

DARCY

Thank you.

NOAH

We just don’t think they’d keep. Such a long drive, you know.

BRUNO

Sure.

NOAH

Here, let me pay for them. And the beer. How much do I owe you?

BRUNO

Aw, forget it.

NOAH

No, really. I want to pay. It’s only fair.

BRUNO

Fifty bucks.

NOAH

That’s a bit much, don’t you think?

BRUNO

It’s what I need to get the gas turned back on.

NOAH

Oh. (He looks at Darcy. She shrugs.) Sure. Fifty bucks. (Noah gets it out of his wallet.) My name’s Noah. This is my wife, Darcy. We met here. Ten summers ago. At that jukebox.

DARCY

I was here with my sister. Not even looking to meet anyone.

NOAH

I saw her and immediately went to the jukebox and played “Long Cool Woman in A Black Dress” by The Hollies. Then I went over to her and told her I played the song for her. Listen, you have to understand, I never did anything so cliché or potentially creepy before. Way too shy. But I saw this woman and knew I had to meet her no matter how awkward and fumbly it was going to be.

DARCY

And it was very awkward and fumbly. And also made no sense, since I wasn’t wearing black dress. And neither of us works for the FBI.

(Bruno looks confused.)

NOAH

It’s a lyric in that song.

DARCY

And it worked. We fell in love. Here. At your place.

BRUNO

Things were different then. We were kicking ass and making money hand over fist.

DARCY

What happened, Bruno?

BRUNO

Wish I knew. It just slowed down. And stopped. I can’t tell you why. It’s still me. It’s still Jose. I’ve had to let most of my staff go. I don’t even pay Jose. It just stopped.

NOAH

Here’s fifty. And thanks. If you never created this place, I never would have met this woman. I owe you more.

BRUNO

I’ll take it.

NOAH

Uh-

BRUNO

Just kidding. Unless you meant it. (Pause) Just kidding, again. Unless-?

DARCY

We really need to go.

BRUNO (getting up)

Okay, folks. I’m glad some good came out of this place. Guess it’s time to just say good-bye and move on.

NOAH

What will you do?

BRUNO

No clue. Life’s too short to stick around here, though. Right?

NOAH

Right.

(They exit. Bruno sits back down. Jose comes back in with a six-pack. He sits down next to Bruno. He hands Bruno a beer and takes one himself. They clink bottles and sip.)

BRUNO

Where’s my goddamn change?

(Blackout)