Week 46, Day 322 - "Who's Afraid of Virginia, Wolf?"

“Who’s Afraid of Virginia, Wolf?”

Written by Joe Janes

12/6/09

322 of 365

Cast:

George, 40s

Martha, 40s

Ted, 20s

Virginia, 20s

Announcer

(Lights up on a living room. A middle-aged couple is having drinks with a young couple. The young woman is pregnant.)

GEORGE

Get me another drink, Martha.

MARTHA

Get it yourself, George. Wouldn’t hurt you to try to burn some calories.

TED

I’ll get it.

GEORGE

Sit down, you pathetic twerp.

VIRGINIA (meekly)

Please don’t argue.

MARTHA

Dear, we haven’t even begun to argue.

TED

Virginia is a little sensitive.

GEORGE (looking out window)

Look at that moon. It’s big.

MARTHA

Only eclipsed by the size of your ego, George.

VIRGINA (drops her drink)

Oh, dear.

TED

Now, you’ve done it.

GEORGE

Great Jehosephat!

MARTHA

I’ll call a doctor.

TED

Just stay back!

(They all stay back as Virginia quite dramatically and violently turns into a werewolf. Virginia is snarling and looks like she’s about to attack any one of them. We hear classic scary music, possibly a Theremin. Virginia howls.)

ANNOUNCER

Edward Albee’s Who’s Afraid of Virginia the Wolf?. You are cordially invited to George and Martha’s for an evening of fun and games.

(Virginia, as a wolf, sitting and drinking her cocktail like a dog laps up water. Ted tries to take her drink and she growls at him.)

ANNOUNCER (continuing)

Drop in for drinks and brace yourself.

(Blackout)

Week 46, Day 321 - "Christmas Comes Early... Maybe Late"

“Christmas Comes Early… Maybe Late”

Written by Joe Janes

12/5/09

321 of 365

Cast:

Stevie, 40s

Neal, 30s

Nicole, 20s

(Lights up on Stevie, a slight, burned out man with a raspy, barky voice. He wears fingerless gloves, a tight, knit cap and a beat up jacket and jeans. He stands near a Christmas tree.)

STEVIE

Trees…Trees…Christmas Trees…Ho-ho-ho for the holidays. Trees.

(Neal, in khaki shorts and a loud Hawaiian shirt walks up.)

STEVIE (continuing)

Christmas tree, Mister?

NEAL

It’s June.

STEVIE

They’re on sale.

NEAL

It’s June.

STEVIE

Christmas in July. Just around the corner.

NEAL

Christmas in July is just some figment of some marketer’s imagination. No one celebrates it other than people trying to sell you something.

STEVIE

Christmas in July sale. Christmas trees half off.

NEAL

Half off what?

STEVIE

Twenty-five dollars.

NEAL

Twelve-fifty, then.

STEVIE

…Yes.

NEAL

That is a good deal. Oh, what the hell. Maybe I’ll have a Christmas in July party. Here’s fifteen bucks. Keep the change.

(Stevie takes the money and hands Neal a Christmas tree.)

STEVIE

Happy holidays.

NEAL

Thanks.

(Neal walks off. Nicole enters, passing by.)

STEVIE

Christmas tree?

NICOLE

Uh, no.

STEVIE

Jack-o-lanterns.

NICOLE

It’s June.

STEVIE

Halloween in August. Just around the corner.

(She walks off.)

STEVIE

American flags! Independence day in June. (Pause) Buy anything now sale. (Pause) Happy holidays.

(Blackout.)

Week 46, Day 320 - "On Fire"

“On Fire”

Written by Joe Janes

12/4/09

320 of 365

Cast

Charlie, 30s

Emmy, 30s

Edie, 40s

Wayne, 50s

(Lights up on Charlie and Emmy sitting at a conference table waiting for others. They exchange glances and shrugs. Edie enters. She stands in the doorway and looks in.)

EDIE

Well. At least I’m not late.

(She enters and sits.)

CHARLIE

You are late.

EDIE

So’s the boss, ergo, not late.

EMMY

He’s been acting strange lately.

CHARLIE

I heard he split with his wife.

EDIE

Jesus, Charlie. You gossip like teenaged girl

CHARLIE

Just saying what I heard.

EDIE

I could be making dials, right now. This better be good. I hate meetings.

EMMY

They make me uncomfortable. Something bad always happens.

(Wayne enters. He is in a business suit with the jacket buttoned. He stands there beaming. His pant legs look baggy and his ears are more than just pierced. His ear lobes are punctured and have those napkin ring-like things in them.)

WAYNE

Hello, motherfuckers.

CHARLIE

Wayne.

EMMY

Mr. Steiner.

EDIE

What did you do to your ears?

WAYNE

My P-Daddy’s! Like it? Pretty hip, right? Cutting edge.

EDIE

Yeah. The latest rage in napkin holders.

WAYNE

I had an epiphany. The kind that’s going to blow this company out of the water.

(He takes off his jacket and throws it over a chair revealing that the waist of his pants is down below his butt.)

CHARLIE

Sounds…great.

EMMY

Looks like you’re ready to crack things wide open. (Whispering to Edie) I said, “crack.”

EDIE

I noticed. Good job.

WAYNE

You know what this company’s been missing? Fire. Fire. A passion for what we do. We all had that passion once, didn’t we? Maybe it was in high school. Maybe it was in college. Maybe we still had it when we hit our 30s, but the heat was starting to cool. Sistahs and bros, my passion was gone. Nothing but a pile of ash. But I met someone who blew on that ash and made a spark appear. Now, I’m on fire again and I want to spread the flames to Barnett and Aquino, Incorporated.

EDIE

We sell hand sanitizer.

WAYNE

We used to sell hand sanitizer. Now, we sell a lifestyle. We sell “cool.”

EMMY

Cool?

WAYNE

Or hip. Or sick. Or rad or whatever you want to call it. We’ve got it and the kids are going to clamor for it. We’ll sponsor indie rock concerts, have a booth at Pitchfork, give to PETA. When a tween or a twenty-something wants to destroy the germs on their hands, they’ll reach for a squirt of us. I want us to do viral videos on the You Tubes.

CHARLIE

A hand sanitizer that’s viral. Nice.

EDIE

Are you fucking around on your wife?

WAYNE

Yes! I totally am! And it is awesome. I have tasted once again the fruit of youth and I want to sing it from the mountaintops. But not do that, exactly, because that would be very nun-like and not very hip. I want to scream it from on top of an abandoned warehouse. I want you all to have a taste of what I’ve had. Smell it on your face and fingers. Live what I have lived and am living. Starting tomorrow, I want everyone to shave their junk!

EDIE

I’m not shaving my junk.

WAYNE

It’s now company policy. You have to.

CHARLIE

I’m afraid to, again. Chafing.

WAYNE

Dare to chafe, Charlie!

(Edie gets up and heads to the door.)

EDIE

Delores is my friend. I can’t stand by and witness this train wreck.

WAYNE

You call it a train wreck, Edie; I call it a beautiful, burning sensation.

EDIE

Does Delores know you’ve been fucking some teenaged bimbo?

WAYNE

Epiphany is nineteen. An adult. A consenting adult.

CHARLIE

An adult you can’t take to a bar.

EMMY

You really did have an epiphany.

WAYNE

And we connect. We’re soul mates. We even got matching tattoos. The Chinese symbol for “flame” right at the base of the spine.

EDIE

Shave there, too, Wayne?

WAYNE

You know what, Edie? You and women your age are just jealous. You’ve got realize that just because you’re in your 50s-

EDIE

40s.

WAYNE

Whatever, that doesn’t mean you have to be so old. And tired. All the women I meet my age look like they need a nap.

EDIE

Because we do. We have kids, we have jobs and we have asshole husbands. And you need to learn that sticking your dick in an adolescent ain’t the fountain of youth. You’re not going to be able to keep up and she’s not going to wait for grandpa to catch up. You look pathetic, not cool. (She grabs his waistband and pulls his pants up.)

WAYNE

Ow!

EDIE

I have dials to make.

(She exits.)

WAYNE

You still have to shave your junk.

CHARLIE

I’m with you man. Getting older doesn’t mean you have to get old. I’m going straight home to take another whack at manscaping.

WAYNE

Lots of baby powder.

EMMY

Try Nair.

CHARLIE

Good idea. I’ll use my wife’s.

(He exits.)

WAYNE

Emmy, you don’t think I’ve lost touch, do you? I feel more in touch than ever.

EMMY

I don’t like how you got it, but I like the new surge in energy.

WAYNE

That’s what I’m talking about.

(She exits. Wayne puts his jacket back on. He’s about to go out the door, but readjusts his pants so the belt is father than it was before, almost to his knees.)

WAYNE

I am on fire!

(Lights fade as he exits.)

Week 46, Day 319 - "First Flight"

“First Flight”

Written by Joe Janes

12/3/09

319 of 365

Cast:

Lady Irene, 30s

Sir Thomas, 30s

Lady Vandemeer, 60s

Lady Mahtilda, 30s

Sir Hugo Gustaf, 50s

Sir Octavio Pinch, 80

(Lights up a small crowd of English upper crust in the early 1800s. They are entering the back lawn of Sir Octavio Pinch’s estate.)

LADY IRENE

Oh, Thomas, I am so excited to see what you have been working on.

SIR HUGO

Yes, Thomas. My daughter and I have seen neither hide nor hair of you for weeks.

SIR THOMAS

Well, Sir Hugo, that is all about to become resolved. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for joining me on this momentous occasion. I have especially chosen all to be my witness and my guest. Lady Irene, the love of my life and her father, Sir Hugo Gustaf. Lady Vandemeer and Sir Octavio Pinch, you have been like the mother and father that I never had. Always being certain to provide me with the best things in life. A home, an education, and, above everything, encouragement to dream the impossible. Lady Mahtilda, we have only just met, but I hope that after today, we become closer. As my fame and fortune grow, I hope that you will consider becoming my discreet mistress.

(The other men look at Mahtilda approvingly. The women are resigned to the situation.)

LADY MAHTILDA

We shall see.

LADY VANDEMEER

Please don’t keep us waiting, Thomas. Show us the big hullabaloo.

SIR THOMAS

And so I shall. It is right here under this canvas. (He unties the canvas and pulls it down from the large object it covers. The small crowds ooh and ah’s their astonishment.)

SIR OCTAVIO

What the devil is that contraption?

SIR THOMAS

Sir Octavio Pinch, I present to you and everyone, a flying machine.

LADY IRENE

Oh, Thomas, that’s preposterous.

SIR HUGO

Indeed. It cannot fly. I see no wings.

SIR THOMAS

There are no wings. It is a balloon. Filled with helium gas. Lighter than air. Here. Everyone, climb into the basket with me.

(Thomas hops into the basket and holds open a small door for the rest of the party.)

LADY MAHTILDA

Oh, my. We’re already off the ground.

SIR HUGO

By a good three inches. Are you mad, boy? Man wasn’t meant to fly.

LADY VANDEMEER

We may get too close to the sun.

SIR THOMAS

I have taken precautions. I assure you it is perfectly safe. Everyone hold on to the rim of the basket. Like this. With one hand. (He mimes untying a weight and drops it.) Hold on. Here we…go! (They all hold on as the basket jolts a bit as it takes off.)

LADY IRENE

We’re flying.

SIR HUGO

If we need to evacuate ourselves, do we just flop our bums over the side and let them drop like those dammed infernal beasts of the sky?

SIR THOMAS

There is a chamber pot, but I promise to keep our flight short. If you could please hold it, Sir Hugo.

SIR HUGO

All right, but if I see the baron, these trousers go down.

LADY VANDEMEER

I feel dizzy.

SIR THOMAS

Just as I thought. The air thins out. Like it does on mountaintops.

SIR OCTAVIO

I never thought I would live to see the day a man could soar to the heavens on his own wings.

LADY MAHTILDA

This is thrilling, but…but what if this is not part of God’s plan.

LADY IRENE (tapping Thomas on the shoulder)

Thomas. Your future mistress has doubts about the morality of your machine.

SIR THOMAS

What’s that?

LADY MAHTILDA

Don’t get me wrong, Thomas. I am impressed and should this lead to new found fame and fortune for you, I will gladly share a bed with you at the whim of your animalistic needs. However, I must protest. If human beings were meant to fly, the good Lord would have seen it proper to fit us with feathers.

SIR THOMAS

The good Lord didn’t need to suit us with feathers or wings. He gave man the ingenuity to create a way to touch the clouds. So, you see, it is in God’s plan.

SIR OCTAVIO

But, if a man can fly, why should he climb a mountain? Or sail a sea? An affront to God? I don’t think so. But certainly you are laying out a bed upon which man can nap away his existence. This contraption will lead to laziness. Why should I ever strive to climb Mount Everest if I can just have you drop me off?

SIR THOMAS

There are new places to reach that we couldn’t reach before. The middle of the south pole, perhaps.

LADY VANDEMEER

Yes, but at what cost? Man grows through struggle. This is a societal caesarean section. Let me down this instant.

SIR THOMAS

I really thought you all would be more thrilled about this.

LADY IRENE

About what?

SIR THOMAS

About the adventure. We are going where no man has gone before.

SIR HUGO

Dear Heavens. Let me off this thing. I can feel my soul being dammed from my feet up.

(Sir Hugo jumps over the side. Everyone yells “No!” But he lands on his feet. The balloon is only a few feet up off the ground.)

SIR THOMAS

Sir Hugo, are you all right?

SIR HUGO

Yes, you imbecile. It’s no more than a few steps drop.

SIR THOMAS

Still, we are higher than any man has ever flown. If I had a longer rope, we could go even higher.

SIR OCTAVIO

True, but at the cost is too high. I’m going, too. Come Emily.

(He jumps over and helps Lady Vandemeer down.)

SIR HUGO

Come along, Irene. There is no way I will let you become betrothed to this lunatic.

LADY IRENE

I’m sorry, Thomas. Truly, I am. But I need a man with his feet on the ground.

(She climbs over. Sir Hugo helps her. The party walks off.)

SIR OCTAVIO

I must apologize for Thomas’s behavior.

LADY VANDEMEER

He was adopted you know. We found him in the jungle.

SIR HUGO

Like Lord Greystoke?

SIR OCTAVIO

No, no. He was raised by chimpanzees. Thomas was raised by a group of dwarf mongoose.

LADY VANDEMEER

Rude creatures.

LADY IRENE

It’s so sad.

(They walk off.)

SIR THOMAS

You don’t want to join them?

LADY MAHTILDA

I rather like flying.

SIR THOMAS

What about offending God?

LADY MAHTILDA

I’ve already done that in many other pleasurable ways. May as well add something else to the list. How high will this go?

SIR THOMAS

I don’t know. This is the highest I have ever taken it.

LADY MAHTILDA (pressing against him)

Cut the rope.

SIR THOMAS

I don’t know what will happen. We could die.

LADY MAHTILDA

I t could be the most alive thing we ever do.

LADY MAHTILDA

I want to see what’s on the other side of that cloud.

SIR THOMAS

No man has ever done that before.

LADY MAHTILDA

When we get there, we’ll do something else no man has ever done before.

(Thomas cuts the rope. They embrace and kiss. They are loose and floating up. Lights fade.)

Week 46, Day 318 - "The Food Chain"

“The Food Chain”

Written by Joe Janes

12/2/09

318 of 365

Cast

Bunny

Carrot

(Lights up on a large carrot with its greens lying on the ground all by itself. We hear some lovely springtime music. An adorable bunny rabbit pokes his head out from offstage having caught the scent of the carrot. He sees the carrot and retreats. He slyly peeks out once more and retreats. He bounds out and hops a few steps towards the carrot. He stops and stands up on his hind legs and looks about. He then looks at the carrot. Have I mentioned just how frickin’ adorable this bunny is? The bunny, in little hops, gets right on top of the carrot and picks it. In little delicious, joyful nibbles, he eats the entire carrot, except for the very top and the greens. He drops the greens and smiles about how his tummy is now filled with yummy carroty goodness. He hops off quite likely singing to himself, “Tra-la-la-la-la.” A giant carrot stops out. The music stops cold. The giant carrot sees the smaller carrots remains and falls to his knees.)

CARROT

Why, God, why!?!

(Blackout.)

Week 46, Day 317 - "Racist In A Box"

“Racist In A Box”

Written by Joe Janes

12/1/09

317 of 365

CAST:

Elle, 40s

Oliver, 40s

(Lights up on Elle and Oliver going through Oliver’s father’s attic. Oliver is Caucasian and Elle is distinctly of a different race. They are opening up boxes. Checking things out. It’s dusty.)

ELLE

Well…

OLIVER

Well…

(Elle starts coughing. Oliver opens a small window. Elle tries to open a door.)

ELLE

This door is stuck.

(Oliver gives it a try.)

OLIVER

Seems so.

(Oliver goes back to opening suitcases. She watches him.)

ELLE

Look, I –

OLIVER

Yes?

ELLE

I was just wondering…

OLIVER

I know.

ELLE

You know.

OLIVER

I know. You can stop.

(He continues to go through different cases. She stands, not knowing what to do. She tries the door, again.)

ELLE

This door is stuck.

OLIVER

Seems so.

ELLE

I just feel awkward being in his attic. All your dad’s stuff.

OLIVER

Not like he’s going to yell at you.

ELLE

You’re right. Even if he could, he was the nicest person in the world.

OLIVER

And he thought you were the best thing that ever happened to me.

ELLE

You’re right. I’m being selfish. (She hugs him around the neck) First your mom and a year later your dad. (She kisses the top of his head then spits a little.) Yuck, more dust. Let me help, honey.

OLIVER

I haven’t tried any of those boxes yet. The ones wedged in the corner.

(Elle crouches down and pulls one of the boxes out to where there’s more room. Oliver finds an army hat and tries it on.)

OLIVER

What do you think? Did I miss my calling?

ELLE

Definitely.

OLIVER

Dad wanted me to join the ROTC to pay my way through college.

ELLE

Why didn’t you?

OLIVER

Didn’t seem like a good idea at the time. Theater major and ROTC doesn’t mix well. All it would have taught me was how to better take a beating.

(Elle pulls a KKK hood out of her box.)

ELLE

Oh, shit.

(Oliver turns and looks.)

OLIVER

Sheets? Put them aside. We can always use more sheets.

ELLE

Not like this.

(She holds it up for her to see. Stunned, he walks over and takes it from her.)

OLIVER

What else is in the box? You know what a quirky sense of humor he had. I bet this was a costume or something.

ELLE

He did dress up like a hobo one Halloween when he volunteered at a homeless shelter on the same day. I think you’re right, though. There’s also a swastika in here so there’s probably a Nazi costume.

OLIVER

Not different enough, keep digging. (He bends down and starts going through the box. He pulls out pictures.) Holy crap.

ELLE

That’s him, holding a rifle.

OLIVER

They’re all holding rifles. He’s the only one with his hood pulled up. Just him and that guy next to him who looks like my grandfather! Oh, my God!

ELLE

But look how young he is there. This had to be before you were born.

OLIVER

That doesn’t un-racist him. Or gramps.

ELLE

But, it means he probably stopped doing this. They both probably did. Maybe once he met your mom. She was an angel. He must have given it up. How else could he have kept it from you? He wasn’t a racist. Not the man I met.

OLIVER

This box says otherwise.

ELLE

People can change. I quit smoking.

OLIVER

He kept the stuff. He kept this whole box of hate props.

ELLE

He also kept the saddle from his first horse. That doesn’t make him a pony.

(Oliver collapses onto the floor.)

OLIVER

I’m racist. It’s in my blood. It’s been passed down to me.

ELLE

You are not racist. I did not marry a racist. Nor would you have married me if you were.

OLIVER

I would if I had white guilt. I’m making up for my father’s transgressions. And my grandfather’s. And probably my great grandfather’s.

ELLE

You didn’t even know until now. And really, has he ever said anything to you that would make you think he was? Has he ever said anything bad about me? Ever?

OLIVER

No. He never said anything. Well, except…

ELLE

What?

OLIVER

When I first told him about you and I told him you were (fill-in-the-race-here), he-

ELLE

Tell me. Whatever it is, I’m sure I’ve heard worse.

OLIVER

He said “oh.”

ELLE

What the hell does that mean?

OLIVER

I didn’t think to ask at the time. He asked me more stuff about what you were like and I never thought about it again until now.

ELLE

Well, whatever he was, he’s not anymore. And neither are you.

OLIVER

I voted for Obama. So did my dad.

ELLE

There you go. And we can take everything in that box and burn it in the back yard. Or on the front lawn with a crucifix, whichever you think is more appropriate.

(Oliver throws all the KKK stuff back into the box. He looks at that stuck door.)

OLIVER

If he kept stuff like this out here in a box, what the hell is behind the door?

(He and Ell both grab the door handle and pull. They manage to pull it open. Oliver sticks his head in and looks.)

OLIVER

Mom?

(Blackout.)

Week 46, Day 316 - "Forced Smile"

“Forced Smile”

Written by Joe Janes

11/30/09

316 of 365

Cast

Richard, 20s

Dow, 20s

Blair, 20s

The Man, 40s

(Lights up on Blair, Dow and Richard. Richard has half of his body laid out on a chair or two while the rest of his body sits/lies on the floor. Dow is flat on his back with his knees up. Blair stands downstage, wide-eyed, facing out, smiling. Out of boredom, Dow forces air out of pursed lips. He does this a few times until he starts to play with the sounds he is making. Making it staccato. Richard begins to wake up. He glares at Dow, who does not notice him. He crawls over and smacks his hand over Dow’s mouth mid-expulsion. He removes his hand, Dow continues the razzberry sound. Richard slaps his hand back. Every time he removes it, the sound continues until Dow is finally out of air. Once Richard is sure Dow won’t continue, he crawls back to his napping position and closes his eyes. Dow sits up. He looks at Blair and he looks over at Richard. He slowly crawls over to Richard and gets right up next to his ear. He takes a deep breath and-

BLAIR

I don’t have his phone number.

(Richard and Dow look at her.)

BLAIR

I don’t have his phone number.

(Richard and Dow look at one another and then back at Blair.)

RICHARD AND DOW

We don’t have a phone.

BLAIR

Still. I would rather have his phone number and not be able to call then to not have his phone number and not be able to call. That’s two reasons to not call. Having only one reason not to be able to call puts me closer to calling and hearing his voice.

RICHARD

But you have two reasons.

DOW

Three really.

RICHARD

Really?

DOW

No phone, no phone number.

RICHARD

That’s two.

DOW

She didn’t have it and lost it. She never had it. She doesn’t have his phone number because he didn’t give it to her. Three.

RICHARD

Two and a half.

BLAIR

He’ll come by. He’ll come by, again and I’ll be here. Waiting for him. (She puts her hand out and presses it against a glass pane.) He’ll come by.

DOW

Unless he’s waiting for you to call first.

(Richard slaps him.)

DOW

Ow!

RICHARD

You had a something… I got it.

(Blair sits down and starts crying. Richard and Dow rush over to tend to her.)

DOW

No, no, no, no….

RICHARD

Hey, hey, hey, hey…

DOW

He’ll be by.

RICHARD

Sure he will.

DOW

Any second now.

(They all three stop and look out. She goes back to crying.)

RICHARD

Soon. He’ll be by soon. He likes you.

BLAIR

Does he?

RICHARD

Of course he does. Everyone does. We like you.

DOW

He told me.

BLAIR

He told you?

DOW

Yes. With his eyes.

RICHARD

It’s written all over his face.

DOW

In big, simple words. Even I understand it.

RICHARD

He likes you.

BLAIR

He won’t like me if he sees me crying. (She starts to wipe her eyes.)

DOW

There you go.

RICHARD

That’s better.

(Richard and Dow stay crouched down as she gets up and looks out, again, smiling. Dow is about to say something. Richard, without looking, reaches over and smacks him.)

DOW

Hey! What was that for?

RICHARD

You were about to say something.

DOW

But I didn’t.

RICHARD

You were about to.

(He steams in silence for a moment.)

DOW

I was just going to say, if he doesn’t come, he’ll have me to answer to.

(Richard slaps his own forehead.)

BLAIR

You don’t think he’ll come?

DOW

Oh, he’ll come. But if he doesn’t. He has me to answer. Me, (holds up his fists) Lois and Fergie.

BLAIR

I see him.

(The man approaches from the audience to the front of the stage. He opens a small door and places three bananas inside of it. Richard grabs the bananas and hands one to Dow and one to Blair. Blair doesn’t take it. Richard tears it in half and he and Dow hungrily woof eat all the fruit. The man shuts the door and turns to leave. Blair lightly taps on the glass. He stops. Turns and looks at her. He opens the small door again and hands a banana out just for her. She shyly takes it from him, being sure to touch his hand in the process. He shuts the door turns and leaves. She holds the banana to her chest.)

DOW

Told you he liked you.

RICHARD

We were right.

(Blair is in heaven.)

DOW

You still don’t have his number.

(She throws the banana down and stomps off to the back. Dow and Richard fight over the banana as Blair tries to find an exit stage left or stage right for which to continue her stomping off. Lights fade.)