Saturday, February 14, 2009

Week Four, Day Twenty-Seven -"NPR, Part 3"

“NPR, Part 3”
Written by Joe Janes
2/14/09
27 of 365

CAST:
Carl Kasell


CARL KASELL
Hello, I’m Carl Kasell. News anchor for NPR’s Morning Edition and co-host of Wait, Wait …Don’t Tell Me with Peter Sagal. I have a very urgent message for you about how important listening to NPR is to your life. This is your brain - (whispers) – I’m holding an egg – And this is your brain when you don’t listen to NPR - (whispers) – I’m holding a skillet. Nothing’s happening because without NPR, you don’t even know how to cook an egg. NPR ignites your thirst for knowledge and nourishes your hunger for information. Without it, your IQ drops like a senator’s pants at intern orientation. Without NPR, your intelligence is on the scale somewhere between a single cell organism and a morning zoo dj sidekick. Without NPR, all there is to listen to on the radio is another dance mix carbon copy of a Britney Spears or the blatherings of a pharmaceutically fueled Rush Limbaughphite. Your intellectual curiosity would be forcibly induced into a coma. Fight to keep your brain sharp. Give to this NPR station. Now, the cast of “Wait, Wait” and I are going to eat this egg, because that’s all craft services will provide without your contribution. (We hear the sound of the egg cracking and sizzling in the pan and then scuffling). Get back! Get back, I say! (We hear the bonking sound of a skillet upon skull and someone falling). Oh, no. Peter! Peter! …. Crap. Someone call Richard Roeper.

3 comments:

Joe Janes said...

I have to say, I'm not a big fan of the senator's dropping their pants line. Pretty easy shot. The other line I had was "dropping faster than republicans from Obama's bi-partisan cabinet." I didn't use it, because t will be dated real soon. Unlike trouser dropping senators, which will always be in vogue.

idjar said...

. . . drops like campaign promises after inauguration. (?)

I agree, though, with your lack of enthusiasm with pants. Too religious in tone.

GW said...

I like these NPR pieces. In this one, I love that you managed to get the letter combination of "ghph" into a pronounceable word. "Limbaughphite."