Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Week 16, Day 107 - "Hippy Bathday"

“Hippy Bathday”
Written by Joe Janes
107 of 365

Amber, 20s
Spike the delivery dude
Computer Voice
As Many Co-workers As Possible

(Lights up on as many people as possible, all office workers, busy at their various desks with the occasional cross-overs to deliver a piece of paper or two to someone else. One desk somewhere amongst other desks down stage left is empty. Amber enters up stage right in a business outfit and tennis shoes. She enters slightly flustered and makes it to her desk. She looks around and sees, to her disappointment, that no one has noticed her missing or coming in late. She shrugs, sets down her bag and sits. She looks for something on her desk and its not there. Nor is it on anyone else’s desk. She checks her watch. With the least amount attention possible, she begins to work while obviously anxiously awaiting something. Spike the delivery dude enters stage right with flowers. He looks around the room. Amber quickly flags him over, but then goes back to work so she can act surprised by him. He makes his way to her desk while attracting very little attention from the others. Amber acts surprised by his appearance. He rolls his eyes and has her sign her name on a clipboard. He hands her the flowers. He waits a moment for her to tip. She has no idea why he is waiting. He rolls his eyes and leaves. Amber acts flattered at receiving flowers and looks around to see if anyone has noticed. She opens the card and laughs, then sighs at the thoughtful flirty amusement someone has written for her. A sole nearby co-worker has noticed her and stares for a moment. Then that person goes back to work. Amber looks sad by the lack of attention. She gets an idea. She quickly types up something on her computer. She then opens her bag and pulls out a single candled birthday cake. She lights the candle and presses a button on her computer. We hear a computer voice recite the lyrics to “Happy Birthday to You” which she typed quickly and without spellchecking, so what we really hear is…)

Hippy Bathday to Goo
Hippy Bathday to Goo
Hippy Bathday dear Amber
Hippy Bathday to Goo
And many more.

(The whole office turns and looks. She makes a wish and blows out the candle. )

Look. Cake.

(All the co-workers descend upon her desk and quickly leave with a slice of cake each. All that is left is her candle. She quietly burns with anger and types. She hits the “text to speech” button.)

Fug all of you.

(Amber sighs. Blackout.)


idjar said...

Fog owl off ewe.

GarinT said...

Fuggin good.

Anonymous said...

Sad, real, funny. Nice, Joe! Very nice.


Paul said...

My favorite in a while.

And the CAPTCHA? "dercult". Very close to "dada". :)