“An On-line Education”
Written by Joe Janes
6/6/09
139 of 365
CAST
Edna, 50s
Elsie, 50s
Jared, 30s
(Lights up on Edna and Elsie having coffee in Elsie’s living room. Jared, in shabby t-shirt and shorts, works at a laptop on a table off to the side.)
EDNA
This coffee is delicious. Maxwell House?ELSIE
I switched to Folgers’s Crystals.EDNA
It’s very good.ELSIE
It’s the crystals.EDNA
Has Jared found a job, yet?ELSIE
Oh, I didn’t tell you. Jared is going to college.EDNA
Really? That’s great. Where?ELSIE
Right here. On the computer. You can do that these days.EDNA
Oh, sure. I’ve seen the commercials.ELSIE
A degree and everything. EDNA
Jared, your mother tells me you’re a college boy, now.JARED
Hunh? Oh, yeah. That’s right Aunt Edna.EDNA
What’s your major?JARED
Uh, business communications and management marketing.EDNA
Oh, my. Very exciting.ELSIE
Very cutting edge, right Jared?JARED
Right, Mom. EDNA
You’ll have to invite me to your graduation.ELSIE
I don’t think they have one.JARED
They just e-mail it to you and you print it out. EDNA
The miracle of technology. Are you in class, right now?(She gets up and moves behind him)
JARED
Yeah. I’m taking a quiz.EDNA
What’s it about?JARED
I’m actually done. I’m waiting for the results, now.EDNA (reading the screen)
You are most like Jabba the Hut. Is that a good thing?JARED
Yeah. It’s like an “A.” I have a lot more quizzes to do, so, you know…EDNA
Study away! It’s good to see you so motivated. I always told your mother you were a late bloomer. And look at you, blooming.ELSIE
He’ll be a college graduate in no time.EDNA (returning to her seat)
I used to be so worried about him, Elsie. Such a loafer. Mooching off you all these years. I was wrong about you, Jared.(He nods)
ELSIE
The tuition’s much cheaper than regular college. I don’t mind paying it at all. Worth the investment. It will make him very hirable. He’ll get a job by the time he’s 35 and then he’ll be able to take care of me for a change (she giggles.)JARED (getting up and exiting)
Hey, Mom. Can I have your credit card?ELSIE
Sure, Dear. It’s in my purse.JARED (off)
Got it.EDNA
Didn’t you already pay for his classes?ELSIE
Sometimes there are extra class fees, just like the real thing. Right, Jared?JARED (re-entering)
Um, yeah. Headmistress Jasmine wants to have a one-on-one tutorial with me. Costs extra. So, I’m going to take the laptop into the bathroom. For some privacy.ELSIE
Okay, Dear. You be nice to her. Be respectful.EDNA
Do what she says!JARED
Oh, I will. Got to make sure Mom gets her money’s worth.(He exits with the laptop.)
ELSIE
He’s become more thoughtful since he’s been in school. EDNA
He seems more mature.ELSIE
They grow up so fast.EDNA
This is really good coffee.ELSIE
It’s the crystals.(Blackout)
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