Written by Joe Janes
140 of 365
(Lights up on Camp Counselor Skip Johnson mid-thigh deep in water – um, perhaps he is standing off stage at the edge of the stage. He wears a white polo shirt, a whistle, ball cap and polyester shorts. )
SKIPHi! Camp Counselor Skip Johnson here with a swimming lesson for you non-swimmers. Water can be fun. But it’s no fun when someone dies because they didn’t know how to keep their nose above the water line. With the help of my assistant Bobby…Bobby!...Bobby! (He reaches down and pulls Bobby up out of the water. Bobby wears nose plugs, goggles, a snorkel, deflated water wings, big baggy swimming trunks and a white t-shirt.) There you are! Well, it looks like you could really use this week’s tip, Bobby. I’m going to teach Bobby a simple swimming technique called “dog paddling.” Just lie across my arms here… (Bobby does)… cup your hands and start paddling and kicking… Just like Fido would do if we threw him in the water… Very good, Bobby. Now, I’m going to let you go, just keep kicking and paddling… (Skip removes his hands and Bobby continues to paddle around in circles, barking like a little puppy)… Very good, Bobby! The barking isn’t really necessary to support the swimming process, but bark-on, if you like. .. You may be interested to know that “waiting 30 minutes after you eat before swimming” is a myth. In fact, the type of exercise you get from swimming, - long, smooth strokes - is very helpful to the digestive system. Many doctors recommend eating while you swim. My personal favorite is a big bowl of tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich…(It would be great if Skip were able to produce these things at this moment, at the very least, he could pull half a grilled cheese sandwich out of his pocket.) The next time we get together, we’ll go over a quick and easy emergency resuscitation technique I like to call, “Don’t forget to blow”… Right, Bobby?... Bobby? (Bobby has disappeared)… I’m Camp Counselor Skip Johnson saying, “Be wet, be safe!”…Bobby?...Marco!....Marco!...