Friday, October 23, 2009

Week 40, Day 278 - "Good Seats"

“Good Seats”

Written by Joe Janes

10/23/09

278 of 365

Cast:

Nathan, 30s

Matthew, 30s

Violetta, 70s

Philbert, 20s

Announcer

(Lights up on Nathan and Matthew entering a theater from the lobby near the stage.)

MATTHEW

This is a wonderful surprise. Seeing a Broadway show here in Chicago.

NATHAN

I figured, “what the heck?” It’s your birthday; let’s do something special.

MATTHEW

Where are our seats?

NATHAN

Not sure if I’m reading this right, but they should be right up here somewhere.

MATTHEW

You must have paid a lot of money for these.

NATHAN

I did. But who cares? It’s your birthday, Matthew. Excuse me; can you help us find our seats?

(Nathan approaches Violetta, an elderly usher. Violetta takes the tickets and looks at them. Closely. For a very long time.)

VIOLETTA

Um…Row BB, seats 12 and 13.

(She looks around the theater, trying to read the seat numbers near her. She doesn’t see them. She looks at the tickets again for a very long time.)

NATHAN

I think we’ll try to find them ourselves-

VIOLETTA

Oh!

MATTHEW

Oh?

VIOLETTA

Oh! Right seats, wrong section. Your seats are in the mezzanine.

NATHAN

What’s a mezzanine?

VIOLETTA

Up there.

MATTHEW

It’s the level between the main floor and the balcony.

NATHAN

Up there? Why don’t they just call it the balcony?

MATTHEW

Because the balcony’s above it.

NATHAN

My upstairs neighbor has a balcony above my balcony; I don’t call mine a mezzanine.

(Violetta just stares at him. He thinks. He’s not sure. He waves his hand in front of her face to no response. Lights flash.)

NATHAN (continuing)

What the hell?

MATTHEW

That means the show’s about to start. Let’s hurry.

(They exit. Violetta stands there. For a very long time. She closes her eyes and squints. It’s quite possible, she just farted. Nathan and Matthew emerge somewhere near the middle of the house.)

NATHAN

Okay. Mezzanine. This isn’t too bad. You can see the whole stage.

MATTHEW

No, it’s not bad at all.

(Nathan approaches Philbert, a very young usher with the sniffles.)

NATHAN

Excuse me? Can you help us find our seats?

(Philbert wipes his nose on his hands repeatedly and then takes the tickets. Nathan holds on to them at first, but eventually surrenders them. Philbert looks at them.)

PHILBERT

You’re in the wrong place?

NATHAN

What does that mean?

MATTHEW

I thought this was the mezzanine.

PHILBERT

This is the lower mezzanine.

NATHAN

So, up one more?

PHILBERT

Two more. Your seats are on the upper mezzanine. That’s what the UM is near your seat numbers.

NATHAN

Oh.

MATTHEW

Well, whatever. It’s my birthday.

PHILBERT

Happy birthday.

(Philbert tries to hand the tickets back to Nathan who doesn’t want to touch them. He takes them from Philbert using his elbow. They exit. Philbert stands there and sniffs loudly. Then he wipes his nose on his fingers and looks at it. Wipes the residue on his pants. Nathan and Matthew emerge as far back in the house as possible, maybe even in the tech booth.)

NATHAN

Here we go!

MATTHEW

This is row BB?

NATHAN

Yeah. I feel sorry for the suckers behind us.

MATTHEW

I do, too, because apparently row CC is a wall.

NATHAN

Happy birthday, Matthew.

MATTHEW

Thank you, Nathan. Nathan? How much did you spend on these tickets?

NATHAN

Well, you know, I bought them discounted, day of the show, you know.

MATTHEW

That’s fine. What did you spend?

NATHAN

Ninety-five dollars.

MATTHEW

Total?

NATHAN

Each.

(The lights flash.)

NATHAN

Well, it’s a Broadway show. In Chicago. I’m sure it will be worth it.

MATTHEW

Next time just give me the money and I’ll dress up like a cat and sing.

NATHAN

You’re going to start charging me for that?

(Lights fade.)

ANNOUNCER

Ladies and Gentlemen, Broadway in Chicago is proud to present “One Man Porgy and Bess” starring Anthony Edwards. Please turn off your cell phones, unwrap your candies and pass your wallets and purses into the center aisle.

(We hear the opening strands of “Summertime” as if it were performed on a single electric keyboard.)

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