Week One, Day Five - "Single Slices"

SINGLE SLICES
Written by Joe Janes
1/23/09
5 of 365

CAST:
Don – 40s
Maureen – 40s
Brian – 30s
Stephanie – 30s
Jake – 20s
Cara – 20s
VO - female


(Lights up on three couples seated in pairs around the stage. Instead of facing one another, they face out, although in the “reality” of the scene, they are seated directly across from one another. Don is seated next to Cara, Brian is seated next to Stephanie, and Jake is seated next to Maureen. They all wear nametags.)

VO

Good evening and welcome, singles. (No response) I said, welcome, singles! (Couples start applauding; Jake and Cara actually provide enthusiastic hooting noises) Welcome to Chi-Town Speed Daters. First, let’s make sure everyone is in their right age group. On the main floor we have people in the 20s. On the mezzanine, we have people in their 30s and in the back of the balcony we have everyone over 40. If you are not in the right age category, please move to the right one now. (The couples look around.) I repeat; if you are not in the appropriate age category, please move…now, lady. (Maureen gets up, quickly scribbles her number on a cocktail napkin and hands it to Jake with a pantomimed “call me.” She walks over to Don and Cara and “thumbs” Cara to take a hike. Don quickly hands Cara a business card. Cara takes her place next to Jake as Maureen sits down next to Don with Maureen and Don looking a bit unhappy about it.) Thank you. You now have two minutes to get to know the person sitting across from you. Go (a loud air horn blows, everyone jumps a bit from being startled).

(When the different couples speak, stage lights highlight their area of the stage.)

JAKE

So, Cara. You like to party?

CARA

OMG, I love to party.

BRIAN

So, you look nice.

STEPHANIE

Let’s cut through the crap here, Brian. What do you do for a living?

MAUREEN

I’ve had two divorces.

DON

Hey, me, too. You weren’t one of them, were you? (He laughs. She doesn’t.)

CARA

I went to the University of Illinois. Go Illini! Woo! My degree’s in communications.

JAKE

Me, too. I went to DePaul.

CARA

Oh. Okay.

STEPHANIE

I want three children.

BRIAN

Me, too. I love kids.

STEPHANIE

Can you afford them?

BRIAN

What?

STEPHANIE

Kids are expensive. Can you afford one, let alone three?

BRIAN

I have a job… and a dog…?

DON

I hate getting older, don’t you?

MAUREEN

The bitch of it is, I don’t feel any older, upstairs. It’s the body that occasionally needs patchwork.

DON

I know exactly what you mean.

MAUREEN

My feet hurt more than they ever have. You can’t tell. I don’t think you can tell. My high heels have gel inserts.

DON

Me, too. In my loafers. Dr. Scholl should be the Surgeon General. So many little aches and pains and you never know which ones going to turn out to be cancer. Am I right?

JAKE

I don’t read books.

CARA

I hate books!

DON

I did something the other day I thought I would never, ever do. I bought a tube of Preparation H. I know! I was embarrassed. I haven’t felt like that in a drug store since I bought condoms as a teenager. And Preparation H? It’s exactly what you think it is and you put it on exactly the way you think you would. (He shudders)

MAUREEN

I use it under my eyes. (He looks at her oddly)

BRIAN

He’s a doctor. Doctor Who. I watch it because I like it…?

STEPHANIE

Is it about oriental medicine?

BRIAN

No.

Don

I peed blood once. It was like I was menstruating. Now, I know what you women go through.

STEPHANIE

The last guy I dated sent me a picture of his penis – on my cell phone! One – who does that? And two – a flaccid penis?

BRIAN

Maybe his penis was sad.

CARA

My hobbies are partying, working out and wearing thongs.

JAKE

Me, too!

DON

It’s not that I pee a lot; it’s just that I feel like I have to pee a lot.

STEPHANIE

I just don’t want another freeloader. If I wanted that, I’d date a hobo.

CARA

I can’t believe I’m here.

JAKE

I can’t believe you’re here, either. You’re hot.

BRIAN

I can’t believe I’m here.

(Stephanie sighs and looks at her cell phone)

MAUREEN

I can’t believe I’m here.

DON

I know exactly how you feel.

MAUREEN

Don, I’m really not interested in getting a third divorce.

DON

Still paying for my last two.

MAUREEN

I don’t expect to meet “the one” here.

DON

It would be nice, though, wouldn’t it?

MAUREEN

I’ll settle for a friend.

DON

That would be nice, too.

CARA

Hey, Jake, let’s bail on these losers and go do shots at the bar.

JAKE

I’m buying.

CARA

D’uh.

(They exit. Lights up on Brian and Stephanie sitting in silence, glowering. Loud air horn blares, again, and everyone is startled.)

VO

All right, singles. Grab your stuff. It’s time to move on.

(Lights fade)

Week One, Day Four - "Czernik on the Bus"

“CZERNIK ON THE BUS”
Written by Joe Janes
(Based on a suggestion from Tim Musho)
4 of 365

CAST:
CZERNIK
MAX, THE BUS DRIVER
LITTLE GIRL
LITTLE GIRL’S MOTHER
OLD LADY
PASSENGER #1
PASSENGER #2
AS MANY OTHER PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE

(Lights up on Czernik getting on the bus. He is an older, timid looking man bundled up in a parka.)

CZERNIK

Hi, Max.

MAX

Afternoon, Czernik, my man.

(Czernik moves through the crowded bus. He sees an Old Lady who has placed her bag on a seat. He looks at her and gestures, with a slightly snobby flair, for her to move her bag. She sighs and puts the bag on her lap. He wedges himself in next to her. He puts on his iPod and presses play. We hear an electronic dance version of “Tubular Bells,” the theme from the film “The Exorcist.” This is all that we hear. In the back of the bus there is a commotion that he does not see. During the scene, he is oblivious and simply sits and stares out towards the audience. Max, without ever stopping the bus, grabs the old lady and makes her take over driving while he moves to the back. He moves people away revealing a small girl being held by the arms by Passenger #1 and Passenger #2 and she is psychotically flipping out. She is pale and has blood red scars on her face and arms. Her mother is off to the side crying hysterically. The girl spits pea soup at the bus driver. As passengers restrain the girl, the bus driver goes back to his seat and removes a briefcase from under it. He goes back to the girl, opens the case on the floor and removes a Bible, a collar and a small vial of holy water. He puts on the collar and begins exorcising the demon from the little girl. Lights flash and the bus rocks back and forth. We cannot hear because of the music, but he is reading from the book, splashing the girl with water and yelling things like “The Power of Christ compels you!” over and over. The bus fills with fog and the little girl appears to levitate. The bus driver grabs her by the throat and begins to strangle and punch her. At one point, he clearly becomes possessed by the demon and throws himself out the window. The fog dissipates; the little girl is now fine and being held by her mother. Czernik has still not noticed anything. He sees his stop and pulls the signal cord. He turns off his iPod and prepares to exit the bus.)

CZERNIK (not looking at driver)

Have a nice day, Max.

OLD LADY

Adios, asshole.

(Czernik looks at her quizzically and exits. Lights fade.)

Week One, Day Three - "Lottery Winner"

LOTTERY WINNER
Written by Joe Janes
1/21/08
3 of 365

CAST:
PETE – 50’s, a little heavy
JERI- 40’s
CHANCE – 60’s
JED – late 20’s

(Lights up on Pete’s Auto Shop. Jeri is downstage left fixing a truck tire. Chance works under a car up on a hydraulic lift. Pete enters.)

PETE

Still not here?

JERI

Still not here.

PETE

That prick is fired.

JERI

Again?

CHANCE

Wait and see what’s going on, Pete. You don’t know. Could’ve been an accident.

PETE

It’s usually an accident when that asshole shows up on time.

(Jed enters)

JED

Guess what motherfuckers? I just won the lottery.

JERI

Holy shit!

CHANCE

That’s great, Jed. Congratulations.

JED

Fate and the Nebraska State Lottery have shined their light on my numbers.

JERI

You are one lucky son of a bitch, Jed.

JED

Thank you, Jeri.

PETE

He ain’t lucky.

JED

What do you mean I ain’t lucky? You got shit in your ears?

PETE

Chance?

CHANCE

You ain’t lucky. Look, you play the lottery every day, right? Same numbers, right? If I flip a coin and keep flipping it till it comes up heads, am I lucky? Or just persistent.

PETE

And the fact that it did come up heads ain’t luck. It’s an accident. You are an accident. Fate had nothing to do with it. The only thing you have to feel lucky about is that I haven’t fired you yet.

JED

Just can’t be happy for someone, can you, Pete? I won and it eats you up.

PETE

You won. La-di-fucking-da. That Miata needs a new converter. It ain’t gonna fix itself. Get on it.

JED

Pete. Read my lips. I’m rich.

PETE

So, what, you want me to treat you like the queen and get you a cup of tea?

JED

No, Pete. I want a cup of respect. I just got me more money than I have ever had in my life. It’s called “fuck you” money.

CHANCE

What’s “fuck you” money?

JED

Well, Chance, “fuck you” money is when you have so much dough, someone tells you to do something, you don’t care, you don’t need the money, so…fuck you.

JERI

I get it.

JED

Pete, ask me to work on the Miata, again.

PETE

I don’t think-

JED

Fuck you! That’s what I think about working on that Miata.

PETE

Then why are you here, Jed?

JED

Because I wanted to tell you to your face, Pete, that you can spread your ass cheeks and shove this job up your exhaust pipe. I have worked in this stink hole since I dropped out of high school. I got oil and grease everywhere. Wedged up in my fingernails, all over the towels of my mom’s bathroom, all over my clothes even after I clean them. We work long hours; it’s either a meat locker or a sauna in here, sometimes both in one day. I’m always standing or squatting. I’m sick of standing or squatting. I want to lie down for a while. I want to trade in this fifteen pounds of alabaster beer gut for sipping some mojitos on a beach somewhere. Watch the sun go down over the ocean for the rest of my life. I want out of here. Anything’s better than staying here and smelling this nauseating swirl of gasoline, oil, Aqua Velva (indicates Chance), cat pee (indicates Jeri) and ass (Pete).

PETE

Fine, Jed. Congratulations. Get your tools and hit the road. Enjoy picking the sand out of your crack
.

(Pete starts to walk off)

JED

I will. I won’t, but I will. I’m going straight from here to the bank to deposit my $20,000 check.

(Pete stops)

PETE (laughing)

What?

JED

That’s right, motherfuckers. 20,000 summolliyas.

JERI

Is that what they’re paying you a month, Jed?

JED

A month? No. I won $20,000. One steamy lump sum.

CHANCE

That’s really not very much, Jed.

JED

I won the lottery. You’re just jealous.

PETE

Do the math, genius.

JED

I know how to count to 20,000.

PETE

Once you pay the taxes on it, we’re talking maybe 13,000.

JERI

That’s only half of what you make here in a year.

CHANCE

Six months and you’ll be looking for a job, again.

PETE

Less than that because I’ll tell you exactly what you are going to do with it. Instead of investing it in a retirement fund, which you won’t cuz you think it’s so far away you’ll be for real rich or dead by the time you get there, you’re going to buy yourself an X-Box and a big flat screen TV with surround sound, then you’ll probably pick up an iPod and computer that’s more tricked out than you’ll ever need, maybe then you’ll buy that electric guitar and amp you’ve always wanted and it will be sweet and go to waste because you’ll never learn to play it. And then if, IF, there’s any money left, you’ll invest it in tittie bars and beer. “I’m rich.” Fucktard.

(Pete exits. Jed starts putting on coveralls.)

JERI

Aren’t you going to the bank?

JED

It can wait. That Miata’s not going to fix itself.

(They all work in silence for a moment)

CHANCE

Hey, Jed. You’re still more rich than me.

JERI

Me, too. (pause) Do I really smell like cat pee?

(Chance and Jed slowly nod. Everyone continues working. Lights fade)

Week One, Day Two - "Made in China"

Made in China
Written by Joe Janes
1/20/09
2 of 365

CAST:
Phil – mid 30’s
Delores – mid 30’s

(Phil is on stage in what appears to be his underwear shoving clothes and lamps and doo-dads into an already overstuffed garbage bag. Delores quietly walks in carrying a bag of groceries.)

DELORES

Um, Phil.

PHIL

Oh, hi, honey! Bet you’re wondering what I’m doing here.

DELORES(resumes entering and starts putting away groceries)

Little bit. More wondering why you are still in your underwear.

PHIL

Oh, not, still. I got dressed. I even got showered. Then I saw this thing on the money news on some cable thing about China and our trade deficit. Delores, China owns Uncle Sam’s ass. And China is just itching to tap it. Everything, everything we buy is made in China. So, I decided to do something about it. You want change, it starts right here at home. I went through all our stuff and started tossing out anything made in China.

DELORES

My stuff, too?

PHIL

You’ll thank me. You’ll be shocked what I found. My Chuck Taylor’s, the most American thing a man can put on his feet – made in China. Blue jeans! My blue jeans, your blue jeans, the “blue” in “red, white and blue” – made in frickin’ China. That American flag we bought after 911 and keep forgetting to take down? Well, guess what? Made in China. Shocked, yet?

DELORES

Oh, yes.

PHIL

And the Coleman inflatable mattress you force your mother to sleep on when she visits –

DELORES

I don’t force her-

PHIL

China! Every time we shop at target or Wal-Mart or virtually any place outside of this room, we are stuffing gold into a china man’s pockets. And he’s raking it in while his workers slave away for pennies a day. It’s cheaper because no American would put up with that bullshit. From now on, no more “Made in China.” It’s the “high fructose corn syrup” of economics. It’s next to impossible to avoid. And it’s making China fat. The metaphor breaks down around there, but you know what we mean. Our future is in their hands and I don’t like it and I’m doing something about it. And FYI - not my underwear. My underwear was made in China, too. I fashioned this out of Bounty paper towels and duct tape made in the good ol’ US of A.

DELORES

Did you look for a job at all today?

PHIL

I checked Craig’s List…

DELORES

Before or after you surfed for Asian porn?

PHIL(defensively)

Before.

(Blackout)

Please leave your feedback and questions for and about "Made in China" in the comments section. Thank you everyone who dealt in yesterday. It was very encouraging.

MOUSTACHE-A-THON!



I decided to give my moustache Zed some encouragement by showing him what he'll look like all gown up. They don't call it a magic marker for nothing.

My personal goal is to raise a thousand or more for 826. Right now, I'm at $75 (shout out to Debbie!). Click HERE to sponsor Zed and me. Please donate whatever amount you can. Every bit helps to support 826's educational programs and will help keep Zed off the streets.

Week One, Day One - "Laid On"

LAID ON
Written by Joe Janes
January 19, 2009
1 of 365 Sketches Project

CAST:
BOB CRANSTON – mid-30’s
MR. WILLIAMS – mid-50’s

(Lights up on Bob Cranston in his office cubicle. He is packing stuff from his desk into a cardboard box previously used to store reams of paper. He looks sad. Mr. Williams enters carrying a thick, but not cumbersome, stack of files.)

MR. WILLIAMS

Cranston?

BOB

Yes, Mr. Williams?

MR. WILLIAMS

What are you doing?

BOB

Just packing a few things. It’s all my stuff. No office supplies. Except, these binder clips (pulls box of clips from box) Sorry. I wasn’t paying attention.

MR. WILLIAMS (not concerned)

Just binder clips, Bob.

BOB

Oh, so it’s okay if I…

MR. WILLIAMS

No.

BOB (putting box of binder clips down on the desk)

Right. Of course. Got to do the right thing here. Leave with a clear conscience.

MR. WILLIAMS

Bob, you weren’t laid off.

BOB

I wasn’t?

MR. WILLIAMS

No. We would have told you.

BOB

I thought you just forgot. I didn’t want to make it awkward for you.

MR. WILLIAMS

Well, you’re not.

BOB

But so many people were. Good people. Digit Dave, in accounting, and he just bought a house. And Peggy, Pregnant Peggy. She’s pregnant. Kidney Ken – Does he know?

MR. WILLIAMS

He’ll find out when he comes out of surgery.

BOB

And Married Mike –

MR. WILLIAMS

Just got married. I know. These are difficult times. That’s why we need people like you, Bob Cranston.

BOB

People like me?

MR. WILLIAMS

People like you who work really hard and don’t ask for much.

BOB

I don’t, do I?

MR. WILLIAMS

When was the last time you got a raise?

BOB

Three years ago.

MR. WILLIAMS

And for how much?

BOB

An extra 40 bucks a week. It’s really come in handy.

MR. WILLIAMS

$40 a week’s what I spend at Starbucks. It’s only two grand a year.

BOB

Wow, when you put it like that, it’s like I’m robbing you.

MR. WILLIAMS

Hardly. When was the last time you asked for a raise?

BOB

I’ve never asked for a raise.

MR. WILLIAMS

What was your Christmas bonus last year and every year since you’ve been here?

BOB

A coupon for Crazy Bread from Little Caesar’s and a box of Clementines. I keep the crates the oranges come in and store audiocassettes in them.

MR. WILLIAMS

You still listen to audiocassettes?

BOB

Right here in my cubicle. (He holds up a large portable cassette player from the cardboard box.) With my headphones on, of course (holds up large headphones).

MR. WILLIAMS (plucks a cassette out of the box)

Foreigner. Nice.

BOB

I know how to rock, Mr. Williams.

MR. WILLIAMS

Bob, with the one raise you received and all that crazy bread, have you ever complained about anything?

BOB

No, sir. Never.

MR. WILLIAMS

Precisely. That’s my point. The ten people we let go all asked for raises and promotions over the years and got them. They prospered and ambitioned themselves right out of employment. You, Cranston, you have no ambition.

BOB

I just want to do a good job.

MR. WILLIAMS

Which is good enough for me. I like employees that don’t want much. (Bob starts thinking about this) Now, why don’t you go ahead and unpack that box and get back to work.

BOB (sans enthusiasm)

Right away, Mr. Williams.

MR. WILLIAMS

Oh, and here’s Pregnant Peggy’s work folders. You’ll need to cover her load.

BOB (very matter of fact)

Sure thing, Mr. Williams.

(Mr. Williams turns to leave.)

BOB

Mr. Williams?

MR. WILLIAMS

Yes, Bob.

BOB (avoiding eye contact with Mr. Williams, a little angry)

There is something I want.

MR. WILLIAMS

Okay. (pause) What?

BOB

I want this box of binder clips. For my home. For my own personal use.

MR. WILLIAMS (leaning in)

You go ahead and take home a box of binder clips, big guy. But let’s just keep it between you and me (he slaps Bob on the back).

BOB

Thanks, Mr. Williams. You’re the best.

MR. WILLIAMS

No, I’m really not.

(He exits. Foreigner’s “Cold As Ice” plays as Bob joyfully gets back to work. Blackout)

MY COMMENTS

Well, I notice that I am using actor signals more than I normally would. A signal is where I write in parenthesis after a character's name about how they are saying something, "sans enthusiasm," for example. In a production situation, I hate these. It diminishes the actor's opportunity to discover how the line could best be delivered. And quite often, the writer doesn't have the best take on it. An actor will often find a better more interesting way. However, I'm very aware that you are reading this, probably alone, and to yourself. I think in this case, it acts as a way of painting the picture more for a lone reader. Many screenwriters do this in even more elaborate depth because they know their first hurdle is one person sitting alone in a room, reading.

I started out the day anxious about what I was going to write. I had it in my head that I was going to start with a comic monologue. I was looking for clues for something that would get the wheels turning in my brain. I read a short article about Alexander the Great. Nope. I played an on-line Scrabble game. Nope. Just ended up challenging my brother on using the word "majora" and I won. It is not in the dictionary, foo'. While reading the list of news headlines on The Drudge Report, I had stuck in my head the image of a man packing items up from his desk. Timely, of course. And my billionth contribution to the plethora of office sketches out there. But I couldn't shake it, so I wrote it. The first draft was only two pages, unformatted and I was finished by 10am. The rest of the day, I putzed around, wrote a draft of tomorrow's scene, an extended blackout, and came back from time to time to tweak this scene. A major change was going from "staples" to "binder clips." My sole reason for doing this is because "Bob" was beginning to remind me of "Milton" from Office Space. Staples put him too close to stapler obsession. They are still not-so-distant cousins, but making that one change helped me make other changes, such as the end when Bob asks for what he wants. Silly, but binder clips made the man stronger.

Feel free to leave me questions or feedback in the comments section.

JOSS WHEDON

Joss Whedon did an interview recently where he ran down his top ten writing tips. Worth checking out, regardless of what you think of the Whedonverse. The dude's a crackerjack writer. You can read the article HERE.

SKETCHFEST

Sketchfest is over and I saw some very fine shows. Don Hall and I vow to have a show in there next year. While I saw good stuff, I do need to add an 11 to my post title 10 Things You Should Please Stop Doing In Your Sketch Revue - NOW!!! Number 11 - Stop using an audience member to demonstrate how to pick someone up. I saw it three out of five shows.

365 Sketches

Well, I'm going to do it. Starting tonight.

It's such a huge undertaking, that I spent a lot of time talking to people about it. That's rather rare for me. Typically, I'll get a bug up my ass about something and just do it.

So, thank you everyone who endured me soliciting your opinion - Andrew, Fig, Mr. Hall, my Tuesday night goals group, my Writing 2 class. Especially everyone who commented on Friday's post - my brother Don, Chris Othis, MJ, Old Ned, Jill, Mr. B, Henri, Rob Beisenbach, Erica Reid, Greg Wendling and Alibear. I especially appreciated the folks playing devil's advocate. I'm not the kind of person to do something because people tell me not to. I try to consider all angles before committing. Everyone on both sides affirmed things I was thinking and made me think about a few things I wasn't.

At the end of the day, the discourse led me to the conclusion that for me to do this, I have to do it for myself. And so I am. As an artist, I love to paint myself into corners. I find I do some of my best work that way. This corner happens to be in a very large room with all the doors and windows on the other end of the room. (Actually, it's more like I'm painting the floor of some huge ballroom and I'm starting in a corner with a very small brush and a gallon can of paint that's only half full. I've got a year to paint my way to the to the door.) In taking this on, I hope to tap in to a flow of material that leads me to writing about things I have never written about in a style I have never written in. And I hope it to be entertaining and stage worthy, too.

THE PARAMETERS

1) I will post the first draft of one comedy sketch a night before going to bed. A sketch is anything you might see in a sketch revue, so that includes scenes, blackouts, songs and the occasional odd "bit."

2) Six nights a week will be original material generated specifically for this project. On Sundays, I will post a written piece that has never been produced on stage. Although, I suspect I'll eventually run out of those and will have to start writing original material for that, too.

3) I will also include my thoughts on the piece, how it was developed and internal and external updates on the project itself. This is the teacher in me. I want this to be a beneficial experience for other writers.

4) All material is copyrighted by me and may not be used in any form or media without express written permission by me or the baseball commission.

5) Feedback on material in the comment section is invited and encouraged.

6) These are to be considered first drafts. Works in progress. I am free to rewrite any or all material.

So, there you go. I think I covered all my bases. If you think of anything I should probably include or be clearer about, let me know.

This is a huge departure from Bite and Smile and I know some dedicated folks just aren't going to be interested in reading a sketch a day. Thanks for tuning in, BS will return, in its full form, 365 days from now.


MOUSTACHE-A-THON




Hey! You can donate to my and my soon-to-be moustache Zed's campaign for world domination. Actually, the money goes to 826, a non-profit educational organization, more subtly bent on conquering the civilized world. Click HERE to donate - seriously, any amount is welcome - and scroll down and look for my pretty face and then click on the PayPal link. If you want to make a contribution, but not through PayPal, shoot 826 an e-mail at info@826chi.org. They'll work something out with you.


THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

On Friday, I asked...

"Skolu Isieskojimo Biuras, a debt collecting bureau in Lithuania, is now going after delinquent creditors using what?"

81% said "Facebook"
- It's the answer to all our life's problems, isn't it? Except here.

10% said "bogus lotteries"
- Those gag scratch off tickets will finally be useful!

No one said "debt-sniffing dogs"

Only 9% got it right with "witchcraft"

According to The Associated Press, a Lithuanian debt collector is offering an unconventional service to retrieve arrears: witchcraft.

The Vilnius-based firm has hired Vilija Lobaciuviene, the Baltic nation's most famous self-styled witch, to hunt down companies and individuals who are failing to pay their debts amid the credit crunch.

"There are certain people, who are using this crisis situation and refuse to pay back banks or other companies," said Amantas Celkonas, director of the Skolu Isieskojimo Biuras, or debt collecting bureau.

"Our new employee will help them to understand the situation, reconsider what is right and wrong and act accordingly," he said.

So, if I get this right, what they're saying is that if someone isn't paying off their bills, a witch is going to cast a spell on them? Not so sure this is a good way to go. I have enough trouble paying down debts as a human. I can't imagine trying to find work as a frog. "No, seriously, if you kiss me, I'll turn into a temp worker who can do data entry."

Last Day of Sketchfest

Last night, I saw GayCo, Pangea 3000 and Kerpatty.

While not a full blown critique, here are some of my thoughts.

GAYCO - Talented bunch, under rehearsed. GayCo is smart and funny. Their show last night took the form of an anti-gay marriage rally. It's difficult to sustain an entire show like that and they struggled with it. They probably would have benefited with cutting away to scenes and having the rally thread through the show. As it was, it hit a wall about twenty minutes in and took awhile to recover. Too many scenes didn't have an out and relied on a character flipping out and being dragged off. And for GayCo, there wasn't a lot of subtlety. There are some wonderful laugh out loud moments. A bit where two ex-gay men who are now just two hetero roomies was a blast. They demonstrated how they go out to bars and pick up women with one of them being a flamboyantly dressed and literal wing man. The show needs some editing and polish, but was the best written show of the evening.

PANGEA 3000 - Very funny, poorly written. This is a case of four guys getting by on their charisma and chemistry together. And I'm not knocking that, it works very well. All the scenes, with the exception of The Brain Bustin' Beat Boys, which was a very funny educational rap, would just read horribly on paper. If a student brought them in to one of my classes, we'd have words. But these guys make it work because it's tailored to them and they take it seriously while having fun. And they take risks, which is fun to see. The greater part of one scene was built around a guy eating a sandwich. Not bits, just chewing on a sandwich. A very funny radio parody played during transitions, but it did tend to go on too long, as did the transitions.

KERPATTY - The most entertaining of the three. These guys are ridiculous. They opened with a lip synch of "I Kissed A Girl" filmed on the streets of Chicago. A simple idea, committed to and done well. They also followed that with the best scene of the night. A simple two-person relationship scene between two guys holding their wives shopping bags at a store. The bulk of their show is comprised of bits. Very funny physical, visual schtick. Like Pandea 3000, it works because its those two guys who are doing it.

PICKS FOR TODAY, THE LAST DAY OF SKETCHFEST

2:30PM

Tough Call, looks like at least one strong show in each double bill.

UNRELATED - North Theater - Aaron and Jacob Caponingro, father and tween-year-old son doing a sketch revue. I like Aaron's work and this is an interesting relationship for developing a comedy show. They're on the same bill as We Have An Uncle Dick, one of the best names for a group ever.

EXTRA RIB - South Theater - The estrogen will be flowing in the South Theater. This is an all female gang chock full of funny actors and writers. Very promising. Hot Mess, a female duo, opens, and is likely to have some awesome music.

THE FOREST & THE PUERBAUGH SISTERS - West Theater - More estrogen in smaller doses. Cate Freedman is in one of these two groups and I've always liked her quirky work as an improviser and comic actor.

4PM

HORSE - North Theater - David Devries and Anthony Ellison wrote and head up this revue. These guys wrote a chunk of their material via Robot vs Dinosaur when we did drop-in sessions. Funny? Depends on your tastes. Weird, interesting, something for you to talk about and think about for the next few days? Definitely. They're on the same bill as Off Off Campus, UC long running improv group.

5:30pm

PLANET TERRANCE - North Theater - These guys all work at Second City and spill their frustrations of tending bar while throngs of people laugh at other comedians in the next room into their show. Very talented group of writers and performers. On the same bill as Rub-A-Dub-Dub.

7:00PM

AEMILIA AND ED'S ONE MAN SHOW - South Theater - Looks like they're going for a throwback to the early days of Nichols and May with a show done in the style of comedy typically performed at cabarets and jazz clubs in 1961. Should be tres cool. On the same bill as Team Jamaica.