Week 18, Day 121 - "The Deaf of Theater"

“The Deaf of Theater”
Written by Joe Janes
5/19/09
121 of 365

CAST:
House Manager (voice-over)

(Lights up on an empty stage. House lights come up. We hear ambient audience chatter. The houselights gently flash twice and we hear an electronic bell ding twice. The audience chatter subsides.)

HOUSE MANAGER (VO)

Good evening ladies and gentleman and welcome to the Goodman Theater. Our original production by a Pulitzer Prize winning playwright starring that actor you have seen somewhere before but don’t know where but recall that you liked them is about to begin. Please take this time to turn off all cell phones. Blackberrys and iPhones are, for the record, considered cell phones. If you have a pager, turn it off and throw it away, now. Please also turn off all respirators, oxygen tanks and Life Alert systems. If you have fallen and you cannot get up, please stay down until intermission when one of our ushers, likely to be even older than you, will nod sympathetically in your direction. Do, however, make sure your hearing aid is turned on and up. Please do that now. Unless, of course, you aren’t able to hear what I am saying. If you are near a senior citizen who is simply smiling and nodding, please nudge them and shout to them to crank up their hearing aid. If you have candy, breath mints or cough drops, please unwrap them now and hold them in your sweaty hand until they meld into one giant glob of artificially flavored high fructose corn syrup and aspartame. If you are amazed, and slightly appalled, that we even need to bother with these pre-show announcements, I agree. But notice how many phones go off in the second act. All we can say is, “we told you” and all you can do is indulge yourself in looking about with uppity indignation. You’d think paying anywhere from $75 on up for a ticket would be enough to make someone automatically turn off their phone as soon as they hit the lobby, but no. These are the people currently talking to their neighbors instead of listening to me. And they will continue to talk throughout the show, so, buck up and get used to it. Pissed yet? If the general thoughtlessness of the people around you doesn’t do it and the pretentiousness of the production doesn’t do it, perhaps this will. See that portly, smelly guy next to you in the ball cap? He got in free because he has a blog and might, we hope, unleash a favorable, yet amateur opinion of our professional production upon the world. (Heavy sigh) We now proudly present our over-produced intimate Broadway Bound – fingers crossed - dramedy “Problems That Poor Black People Have That Rich White People Can Pretend to Relate to Without Having to Go Through The Hassle of Knowing Any Black People.” Enjoy?

(Blackout)

Week 18, Day 120 - "Pawn Broken"

“Pawn Broken”
Written by Joe Janes
5/18/09
120 of 365

CAST:
Leonard, 50s
Jack, 30s

(Lights up on a pawnshop. Leonard, late 50s sits behind a counter reading a paperback novel. Something cheap, tawdry and well leafed. Jack enters. He carries an old paper shopping bag with handles. It is late at night. He stands in the doorway and takes in the place.)

LEONARD

In or out, Pal.

JACK (entering further)

Sorry.

LEONARD

Buying or selling?

JACK

Uh, selling. Selling.

LEONARD

Bring it over here. I don’t bite.

JACK

Sure. I’ve never done this before.

LEONARD

You came to the right place, then. Most guys are going to try to screw you. Me? I’ll give you a fair deal. Leonard.

JACK (holds hand out)

Jack.

LEONARD

I don’t touch people. Nothing personal. (Leonard puts on a pair of gloves.) Now, show me what you got.

JACK (pulls small box out of bag)

I’ve got this. An engagement ring. I bought it at the mall and they said they don’t take ‘em back. Weird, hunh?

LEONARD

They don’t take it back because it’s not worth anywhere near what they sold it to you for. How much did you pay for this bauble?

JACK

Two grand.

(Leonard whistles in astonishment.)

LEONARD

I’m going to do you a favor. I’ll give you three hundred for it.

JACK

That’s a favor?

LEONARD

What’s the ring made out of?

JACK

Plutonium.

LEONARD

Plutonium?

JACK

Titanium. I meant, titanium.

LEONARD

May as well be made out of saltine crackers. It’s worthless. The rock is what, half a karat?

JACK

Three-quarters of a karat. And I have the certificate and receipt, too.

LEONARD

Three hundred dollars. You shop it around and see if anyone will give you more than three for it. You find a better deal, take it. You don’t, come back. What else you got?

(Leonard hands the ring back to Jack who puts it in his shirt pocket.)

JACK

A bunch of CDs.

(He hands Leonard a small stack.)

LEONARD

Ani DeFranco, Annie Lennox, the musical “Annie”… How much you going to give me to take these off your hands?

JACK

What?

LEONARD

I don’t need them. Nobody buys CDs anymore. Take ‘em and burn ‘em for the heat or something.

(He hands them back.)

JACK

I’m not doing to well, here.

LEONARD

Times are tough. Got anything else?

JACK

Just this.

(He hands Leonard a box. Leonard opens it, but the audience is unable to see inside of it. Leonard whistles, again.)

LEONARD

How old is it?

JACK

38.

LEONARD

38? Looks older. Looks like it’s been through the ringer.

JACK

It has. But, it’s still got to be worth something, right?

LEONARD (puts on one of those jeweler eye thingies)

Maybe. Maybe. Is it broken?

JACK

No. It still works, I think. Just banged up a bit.

LEONARD

Why would you want to pawn this?

JACK

I don’t need it anymore. I’m done with it. Maybe there’s someone out there who knows how to work one of those things.

LEONARD

Nobody I know. It’s hard to find replacement parts for these. Besides, and don’t you dare tell any other pawn shop owner that I told you this, I can’t afford to pay you what it’s really worth.

JACK

What should I do?

LEONARD (closing box and handing it back)

You hang on to this. I know a way to do some repair work on it. Give me that ring. I’m going to give you six hundred for it.

JACK (handing Leonard ring)

Okay. You sure?

LEONARD

I’ve had this shop thirty years. It ain’t gonna break me. You want cash or you want trade?

JACK

I never thought about trade. You’ve got a lot of musical instruments here. What can I get for six hundred?

LEONARD

You can get that amp and electric guitar, that saxophone or the keytar.

JACK

Can I get the amp and the keytar?

LEONARD

Today, you can.

(Jack straps on the keytar and picks up the amp, along with his shopping bag.)

JACK

Thanks, Leonard.

LEONARD

Take care of what’s in that box. And I don’t want to see you back here.

(Jack nods and exits out the door. Leonard picks up the phone and dials.)

LEONARD (on phone)

Hey, Manny… you looking for any engagement rings? Got one, titanium, ¾ karat, certified… two grand, I’ll let it go for eighteen hundred… okay. I’ll hang on to it for you.

(He hangs up and goes back to reading. He rubs his chest just lightly as if bothered by a bit of indigestion. Lights fade.)

Week 17, Day 119 - "Summer Evening"

“Summer Evening”
written by Joe Janes
5/17/09
119 of 365

CAST:
Carl, early 20’s
Mother, 50’s (voice only)
Mr. Drum, 40’s (voice only)
Mrs. Drum, 40’s (voice only)
Peggy, late teens
Brad late teens

(Circa 1948. Lights up on Carl. A thin, ratty looking man with soulful eyes. He sits in a dark red, heavy cloth, overstuffed chair with a doily on the back. It is slightly worn. Next to him is a lamp on a side table. The lamp is antique looking and has a pull string for switching it on and off. On the table is a pair of binoculars, a telephone and an ash tray. Carl is smoking a cigarette and staring intently out the downstage window. He closes his eyes for a moment, gets up and begins pacing behind the chair. He looks again out the window from behind the chair. He accidentally drops an ash on the floor. He backs his way to an upstage door, continuing to glance out the window, and quickly exits. Off stage, we hear him fumble through a closet. He returns with a broom and dustpan and sweeps up the mess, continuing to check out the window.)

MOTHER (off)

Carl…Carl…Carl! It’s Thursday night. Shouldn’t you be in bed? You have to work at the army base in the morning.

CARL

It’s Friday, Ma.

MOTHER (off)

What?

CARL

It’s Friday. It’s not Thursday. It’s Friday.

MOTHER (off)

……………………………………………Oh. How was your date?

CARL

I didn’t have a date.

MOTHER (off)

You had a date.

CARL

I didn’t have a date.

MOTHER (off)

I thought you had a date.

CARL

I had a date last Friday.

MOTHER (off)

………………………………………..Oh.

(Carl sees something out the window.)

CARL

Go to sleep, Ma.

MOTHER (off)

Goodnight, Dear.

(Carl looks agitated. He grabs the binoculars. He flips the emotional dial from anxious to angry to sad to bitter. He thinks he may have been spotted. He slinks down and crawls behind the chair. He reaches out and switches off the table lamp. He slowly returns to the seat/perch fixated on what’s going on outside the window. He picks up the phone and dials. It rings five times before someone picks up.)

MR. DRUM (on phone)

Hello?

CARL

Hello. Mr. Drum. Is Peggy there?

MR. DRUM (on phone)

Who is this?

CARL

It’s Carl Starling, Sir. Carl. From across the street.

MR. DRUM (on phone)

Are the clocks all broken at your home, Carl?

CARL

No.

MR. DRUM (on phone)

Did you call me because you needed me to tell you how late it is?

CARL

No, Sir. I know how late it is. I just wanted to talk to Peggy. Your daughter.

MR. DRUM (on phone)

I know who she is, Carl. She’s not here. I suggest you call back tomorrow at a reasonable time. Not before 10am and not after 6pm.

CARL

Are you sure?

MR. DRUM (on phone)

Am I sure what?

CARL

Are you sure she’s not home? I mean, I thought I saw her walk by our window. She might be on the front porch or something.

MR. DRUM (on phone)

Oh, for crying out loud in church on a Monday. Hold on…

(We hear Mr. Drum put down the phone.)

MRS. DRUM (off phone)

Who is it, Ashley?

MR. DRUM (off phone, walking away)

It’s that retard from across the street.

MRS. DRUM (off phone)

I don’t think that’s a nice thing to say.

MR. DRUM (off phone)

He wants to talk to your daughter.

MRS. DRUM (off phone)

Why does the retard want to talk to Peggy?

(FROM THE BACK OF THE THEATER, WE HEAR a screen door open…)

MR. DRUM (off)

Peggy!..

PEGGY (off)

Dad!

MR. DRUM (off)

Oh. Good evening, young man.

PEGGY (off)

Daddy, this is Brad. Brad, this is my Daddy.

BRAD (off)

Hello. How are you?

MR. DRUM (off)

I am fine. Someone on the phone for you, Peggy.

PEGGY (off)

Who is it?

MR. DRUM (off)

It’s that Starling boy from across the street.

PEGGY (off)

What does he want?

MR. DRUM (off)

Damn if I know.

PEGGY (off)

Tell him I’m not here.

MR. DRUM (off)

He knows you’re here. He lives across the street. He thinks you’re having a parade out here or something.

PEGGY (off)

Fine. I’ll talk to him.

MR. DRUM (off)

Tell him not to call so late.

PEGGY (off)

Sorry, Brad.

BRAD (off)

I forgive you.

PEGGY (trailing off)

I’ll be right back.

(We hear the screen door close and, through the phone, footsteps leading up to the phone and Peggy picking up.)

PEGGY (on phone)

Hello.

CARL

Hi, Peggy. It’s me. Carl.

PEGGY (on phone)

What do you want, Carl?

CARL

You know, I was just thinking about the great time we had last week at the carnival. I had such a great time. You had a great time, too. Didn’t you?

PEGGY (on phone)

Yeah. I had a really good time.

CARL

We should do it again, sometime.

PEGGY (on phone)

Yeah. Sure. Look. I don’t know. I don’t think it’s such a good idea. I’m leaving for college in a few weeks.

CARL

I know. It’s cool. College is cool. We can just, you know, no strings attached. Have some fun. Who wants to be tied down? Not me. That’s for sure.

PEGGY (on phone)

We’ll see. Um. I’m real busy, right now.

CARL

I wrote another poem for you. It’s a sonnet. Iambic pentameter and everything.

PEGGY (on phone)

I have no idea what that means. I have to go.

CARL

Sure. Okay. Maybe tomorrow-

(Peggy hangs up the phone. So does Carl.)

MOTHER (off)

Carl?…Carl? Are you on the telephone?

CARL

No, Ma. I’m not on the telephone.

MOTHER (off)

Then turn down the radio.

CARL

The radio’s not on.

MOTHER (off)

……………………………………………Oh.

CARL

Go back to sleep, Ma.

MOTHER

Goodnight, Dear.

(Carl goes back to the window. He doesn’t see anything across the street. There’s a knock at the door. He doesn’t know what to do. He takes short steps in different directions settling on standing against the far wall. Peggy enters. She is dressed like the girl in Edward Hopper’s “Summer Evening.” She is followed by Brad, who is dressed like the boy.)

PEGGY

Carl?…Carl?

(She turns on the lamp and sees Carl pressed against the wall.)

PEGGY (continuing)

Carl?

CARL

Oh, hi. Peggy. I didn’t hear you come in. Would you like something to drink for you and your guest. My mother made a pitcher of pink lemonade.

BRAD

Why is it pink?

CARL

I don’t know.

BRAD

Lemons aren’t pink.

CARL

No they are not.

PEGGY

Carl, this is Brad. Brad is my boyfriend.

BRAD

Hello. How are you?

CARL (he looks back and fourth between Peggy and Brad)

Are you going to hurt me?

BRAD

Are you talking to me or Peggy?

CARL

You?

BRAD

No? Peggy says you are in the military. You don’t look it.

CARL

I’m not in the military. I just work at the base.

BRAD

Oh. The military is cool.

CARL

I swear I didn’t know she had a boyfriend. You should have told me you had a boyfriend.

PEGGY

When we went to the carnival, I didn’t have a boyfriend. As of tonight, I have a boyfriend. I thought you should know.

CARL

Oh.

PEGGY

Thank you for writing a poem about me.

CARL

Two poems.

PEGGY

Goodnight, Carl.

(She starts to leave, Brad follows.)

BRAD

No lemonade?

PEGGY

We have some at home.

BRAD

Is it pink?

(They exit.)

(Carl goes back to the chair and sits down. He takes the poem out of his pocket, unfolds it and looks at it. He sets it on the table and turns off the lamp. LIGHTS FADE.)

Week 17, Day 118 - "A Kiss Anyway"

(This was posted after midnight Saturday)

“A Kiss Anyway”
Written by Joe Janes
5/16/09
118 of 365

CAST:
Gary, 30s
Ruth, 30s

(Lights up on Gary walking Ruth home after a first date.)

RUTH

Oh, here I am. Home, sweet, home.

GARY

Well, there you go. I had a great time, Ruth.

RUTH

Me, too, Gary.

(Gary leans in to kiss her.)

RUTH (continuing)

Oh.

(She receives his kiss. Although the intention is romantic, the kiss itself is brief. More than a peck, but no tongue! Gary moves his head back to where it was pre-kiss. They look at each other for a moment. Gary looks quizzical. Ruth is politely smiling.)

GARY

I’m going to do that, again, if you don’t mind.

RUTH

Okay.

(They kiss. Slightly longer than last time. They finish pretty much the same, with Ruth politely smiling.)

GARY

I feel like we just shook hands, but with our lips.

RUTH

We did.

GARY

We did?

RUTH

That was my “you seem like a nice guy, but I’m not interested” kiss.

GARY

Oh. So, you don’t want to go out, again?

(Ruth leans in to kiss him.)

GARY (continuing)

I can take a hint, Ruth. Goodnight.

(Blackout)

Week 17, Day 117 - "Problem Solved"

“Problem Solved”
Written by Joe Janes
117 of 365
5/15/09

CAST:
The President
Roger, Reporter 1
Allen, Reporter 2
Doris, Reporter 3

(Lights up on a podium. Reporters are milling about, chatting with one another. The president enters and walks to the podium, everyone quickly sits and quiets down.)

PRESIDENT

Ladies and gentlemen of the press. I am excited to announce to you, that after weeks of long days and late nights, very in depth, sometimes intense, bi-partisan negotiations, congress has come up with a bill that solves all of the healthcare issues in this great country of ours. And I will be signing that bill into law tomorrow morning.

REPORTER 1

Mr. President, exactly how is this plan going to handle the skyrocketing costs of medical care in this country?

PRESIDENT

Excellent question, Roger. The health insurance companies and the pharmaceutical companies have committed themselves to reducing the costs of their products and services by three trillion dollars over the course ten years. This will make healthcare more affordable.

REPORTER 2

More affordable doesn’t necessarily guarantee the 50 million people currently uninsured will be able to pay for it.

PRESIDENT

Ah, but here’s the beauty of our new plan. Every man, woman and child in this nation will have health insurance. They will definitely have health insurance because this new law makes it required.

REPORTER 2

Come again?

PRESIDENT

Just like you are required to have auto insurance to drive your car, every American will be required to have health insurance to live in their body.

REPORTER 3

But, Mr. President, there are people out there who drive their cars without being insured.

PRESIDENT

And those people are breaking the law.

REPORTER 1

Mr. President, people are losing their jobs and their homes. There’s bound to be people who cannot afford health insurance. This must have been taken into consideration.

PRESIDENT

It was, indeed. We are a compassionate government. If you are unable to cover the costs of your health insurance you have two options – military service or we put you into a residence that covers all your day-to-day living needs. These facilities are already in every county in the nation.

REPORTER 2

You mean prisons?

PRESIDENT

We prefer to call them temporary detention centers. So, as you can see, the rampant lack of healthcare issue is solved.

REPORTER 2

Because it will be required.

PRESIDENT

Precisely.

REPORTER 3

So, the insurance companies and pharmaceuticals aren’t really losing any money in the long run.

PRESIDENT

How do you figure that? Are you some kind of mathematician?

REPORTER 3

I have a calculator on my phone. 50 million people paying, well, let’s say, what a single middle-aged writer working two part-time jobs as a teacher might pay, 235 a month, well, that brings in 11 billion, 750 million dollars a month. And that’s if he doesn’t use the insurance. As he gets older, the price will go up, as well. The companies will make their 3 trillion back very quickly.

PRESIDENT

I think you’re missing the bigger picture here, Doris. Everyone will be insured.

REPORTER 3

Or go to jail.

PRESIDENT

Or the military. We have plans to extend our operations in the Middle East to accommodate more servicemen and women. We think this is an exciting new approach never done in Washington before. We have plans to apply this to other issues.

REPORTER 1

Unemployment?

PRESIDENT

You will see the unemployment rate dwindle down to zero once we make being employed a requirement.

REPORTER 2

Homelessness?

PRESIDENT

People will be required to sleep indoors in their own beds. Illegal immigrants will be required to become legal immigrants. Everyone will need to carry a firearm starting Monday and everyone will be required to smoke, just not in public. Except in Kentucky which will be designated a smoking area for the nation.

REPORTER 3

Abortion?

PRESIDENT

Required. For every man, woman and child.

REPORTER 1

This “required” way of running the country – How will we see it affect our educational system?

PRESIDENT

From now on, by law, teachers will be required to teach in classrooms and preachers will be required to preach in churches. No crossovers.

REPORTER 2

Well, that’s one good thing.

PRESIDENT

Now, if there are no further questions, my cabinet and I must resume our research on requiring medical marijuana. For everybody. (He mimes toking on a joint) Goodnight.

(Some Hendrix plays. Blackout.)

Week 17, Day 116 - "Untucked"

“Untucked”
Written by Joe Janes
5/14/09
116 of 365

CAST
Denver, 30s
Seth, 30s
Ned, 30s
Marianne, 30s
Holly, 30s
Mary Jo, 30s

(Lights up on a small get together at Ned and Marianne’s. Ned is setting out some refreshments. Holly and Mary Jo are chatting in the corner. Marianne enters and heads towards Ned.)

MARIANNE

No sign of Denver.

NED

Look, I know he’s been through a rotten divorce, but your brother’s not the kind to just sit in the parking lot and not come in to the party.

MARIANNE

Yes, he is. Who else is coming?

NED

Aside from Christine, I’m not really sure. I just did an e-mail blast at work. I didn’t ask for any RSVPs.

MARIANNE

Christine is my ringer. I told him there’d be lots of eligible ladies here.

NED

Well, you’ve got at least two, which it two more than he’s used to dealing with. Three if you include Seth in the bathroom. It’s been over six months. It’s time for him to get back on the horse.

MARIANNE

I know. He’s just so sensitive.

(The doorbell rings.)

NED

I bet that’s him, now.

(Marianne opens the door. Denver enters. He wears a sharp, striped shirt, untucked, nice jeans, black and white Chuck Taylor’s, a choker and has some gel in his hair. He carries a bottle of wine.)

MARIANNE

Denver!

DENVER

Hi.

MARIANNE

You look great. Look at you. Ned, come here. Look at Denver.

NED

Styling, dude.

MARIANNE

You’ve got stuff in your hair and a thing around your neck.

DENVER

It’s not too much, is it?

MARIANNE

Denver, you look very handsome. The ladies are going to be falling all over you. What’s that …? Cologne?

DENVER

Axe. I’m wearing Axe.

NED

That smells familiar.

MARIANNE

And you brought wine. My brother brought some wine, Holly and Mary Jo.

DENVER

Hi. I’m Denver. (To Mary) Is Christine here, yet?

MARIANNE

Not yet. You are so going to love her.

NED (taking bottle)

Zinfandel. Good. I didn’t have Zinfandel. I’ll put it over here by Seth’s wine coolers.

(Mary Jo and Holly whisper and giggle to one another)

MARIANNE

I think they like what they see.

DENVER

You sure? I think they’re laughing at me.

MARIANNE

You have a lot to learn about women.

DENVER

My ex-wife would agree. Boy, that feels weird to say.

MARY JO

You look like someone, Denver.

DENVER

A celebrity?

HOLLY

In his own mind, maybe. A guy we work with.

(Seth enters. He is wearing the exact same outfit as Denver. Exactly.)

SETH

Oh, my God!

(Denver turns and sees Seth.)

MARIANNE

Oh, look at you two. Look at them, Ned.

NED

Adorable.

(Denver is speechless)

SETH

It’s like looking in a mirror.

MARY JO

Did you two call each other before coming to the party?

DENVER (defensive)

No. No, we didn’t. I don’t even know this man.

MARY JO

I was just kidding.

SETH

This is so crazy. I’ve never had this happen before. I mean, I’ve been to a few clubs where everyone was wearing leather pants, but that was more of an unspoken dress code. Are you wearing Axe or am I just getting a second whiff of my own bad self.

DENVER

Must be you.

NED

It’s you, Denver. I thought I smelled that earlier. You two are two smelly peas in a pod.

DENVER

No, we’re not.

SETH (holding out his hand to Denver)

I’m Seth. I’ll be your doppelganger for the evening.

DENVER

That’s nice. Look, I’m going to head home. I suddenly feel a very strong urge to change my clothes.

MARIANNE

Don’t go, Denver. I know you. You’ll go home and just stay home. So, you’re both wearing the same outfit. It happens to people.

DENVER

Not to guys.

HOLLY

I think it’s adorable.

DENVER

I don’t want it to be adorable. This is all new clothes. I picked them out because I thought it might make me look, you know, sexy.

SETH

It does.

DENVER

To women.

SETH

Sexy is sexy.

(The doorbell rings.)

DENVER

We can’t spend the evening both looking like this. I’m meeting someone. One of us has to do something. Tuck in your shirt.

NED

That’s probably Christine. I’ll get it.

SETH

I’m not going to tuck in my shirt. That looks gay.

(As Ned and Marianne get the door to let Christine in, Denver tries to get Seth to distinguish his outfit. They fight over who should tuck in his shirt and button up more. It turns in to a low-key wrestling match, one that Seth is not adverse to.)

NED

Christine!

MARIANNE

Oh, my, you look just lovely.

CHRISTINE

Thanks. Sorry I’m late. I’m a little nervous to meet your brother.

MARIANNE

He’s been so cute. He’s nervous, too. Let me –

(They all turn and notice Seth and Denver wrestling with Denver trying to tuck in Seth’s shirt. They stop and look at Christine.)

DENVER

Hi. I’m Denver.

SETH

I’m Seth.

DENVER

Shut up.

SETH

You shut up.

CHRISTINE

You guys look adorable.

SETH

Thank you.

CHRISTINE

Are you guys twins or something?

DENVER

No. Tuck in your shirt!

SETH

I was wearing this outfit first. You tuck in your shirt.

DENVER

I can’t. I didn’t wear a belt and I have a muffin top.

SETH

Too bad.

(He pulls Seth’s hair.)

DENVER

I’m the one trying to desperately hook up with a girl.

SETH

I don’t think you’re scoring any points here.

(Seth racks Denver in the balls. Denver drops in agony.)

CHRISTINE

You poor man. (She helps Seth up.) Sorry, Marianne, but your brother has some issues he needs to work out. Let me get you some Zinfandel.

(Christine walks Seth over to the wine table.)

MARIANNE

I’ll go get you some ice.

NED

I’ll go with you. I’m getting sympathy pains.

(They exit.)

DENVER

I never had anything like this happen before. This ever happen to women?

MARY JO

Oh, sure.

HOLLY

All the time. Happened to us once at a Single Mingle.We both wore the same red dress.

DENVER

What did you do?

MARY JO

Same thing you did.

HOLLY

Punched her right in the nut sack.

(Mary Jo nods. Lights fade.)

Week 17, Day 115 - "Nighthawks"

“Nighthawks”
Written by Joe Janes
5/13/09
115 of 365

CAST:
Deckard, 40s
Rachael, 30s
Sebastian, 40s
Tyrell, 40s

(Lights up on a diner on a diner in Greenwich Village, New York, 2042. Deckard and Rachael sit together at the counter. To their far right, with his back to the audience, is Tyrell reading a handheld digitized newspaper. Sebastian is behind the counter, washing some cups in a sink unseen to us. Although it is 2042, their style of dress echoes fashion from a hundred years earlier.)

SEBASTIAN

Hunh?

DECKARD

Say what?

SEBASTIAN

I thought you said something.

DECKARD

I didn’t say anything. I don’t have anything to say.

TYRELL

Surprised you’re open, Sebastian.

SEBASTIAN

Where else am I going to be? It’s just another night.

TYRELL

Look at it out there. It’s a ghost town.

DECKARD

What did you expect?

TYRELL

Thought it would be different. Swarms of people. Looting. Freaking out, you know.

DECKARD

About twenty years too late for freaking out. Everybody knows it’s too late. Nothing to do but stay in the shadows.

SEBASTIAN

You want more coffee?

TYRELL

Yeah.

(Sebastian takes Tyrell’s cup and fills it at an urn.)

SEBASTIAN

How about you?

DECKARD

I’m fine.

SEBASTIAN

The lady?

RACHAEL

No, thank you.

SEBASTIAN

You haven’t touched it. Want me to warm it up for you?

RACHAEL

No. Really. I’m fine.

(Sebastian gives Tyrell his cup while indicating to Rachael over his shoulder. Tyrell gets his drift.)

RACHAEL (continuing)

How much time do we have?

(She looks at Deckard who looks over at Tyrell.)

TYRELL

Ah, this piece of crap ain’t saying exactly. Critical mass, darkness, cold, blah-blah-blah. Could all still be a load of horseshit.

SEBASTIAN

I’d settle of an actual load. Never got to see a horse.

TYRELL

Beautiful animal. Dumb as a bag of bags. But, just…beautiful. Saw one at the zoo. When I was a kid.

RACHAEL

I rode one once.

DECKARD

Rachael…

SEBASTIAN

You did not.

RACHAEL

I did. A black stallion. His name was Nighthawk. On my uncle’s farm. Just outside St. Louis. It was thrilling.

(They all look at her in disbelief, except Deckard.)

RACHAEL (continuing)

He was real, I tell ya’. You believe me, don’t you?

DECKARD

Of course, I do. Of course, I do. Hey, Sebastian, guess I’ll have a reload of this burnt rocket fuel you’re peddling.

SEBASTIAN

Sure thing.

(Sebastian refills the coffee and returns it to Deckard.)

DECKARD

Going to give you a big tip tonight. (Tyrell and Sebastian laugh) What do you want? My car? My apartment? I’ll just leave you my whole damn wallet.

SEBASTIAN

You’re funny, Mister. You can leave Rachael.

DECKARD

Now, you’re funny.

SEBASTIAN

She’s the reason this thing’s going down. I’d like to take her out back and take a crow bar to her.

RACHAEL

Rick…

DECKARD

It’s not her fault.

SEBASTIAN

Ain’t it? AIn’t it? The only reason one of them’s not working here is because I own the joint. All those big corporations and politicians chasing the almighty Yuan. Never cared about people. Never cared about the planet. The only jobs left were in the military as grunts because we’re cheaper than one of those. We’re expendable. I was lucky to come back from Africa with most of my limbs. What’s the matter, Rachael? Scared of me. You shouldn’t be. One fourth of me is just like you.

(Deckard grabs Sebastian by the lapels.)

DECKARD

Listen up. You’re going to apologize to the lady and you’re going to go back to cleaning your little cups or whatever it is you do back there. We got nowhere to go, same as you. We may as well make the best of it.

SEBASTIAN

You listen, tough guy. I ain’t wasting my last breath sucking up to a toaster with tits. You don’t like it, you can leave.

(Deckard lets go of him. He grabs Rachael and they try to walk off stage left and realize there is no exit. They move to stage right, same thing. They look at each other and hold one another. Thunder is heard rumbling in the distance. Tyrell looks out the window, a look of fear on his face. Sebastian goes back to cleaning cups. Rachael and Deckard sit back down at the counter. Tyrell sits back down and turns his back to the audience. More thunder. Lights fade.)