Biting and Smiling

Hey! It's Bite and Smile!

A new website is being built devoted to 365 Sketches. You can see how much has not been done on it by clicking HERE.

I am currently in the midst of rewrites for 365, so it will be awhile before I'm back to updating Bite and Smile on a daily basis. You will certainly find at least a weekly update.

IMPORTANT SURVEY

I am pitching a project and want to know which show you would most want to see based on the title. Please leave your response in the comments section. Thanks.

"Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter as Performed by the Inmates of the Asylum of Charenton Under the Direction of the Marquis Sade"

"Munster Go Home! as Performed by the Inmates of the Asylum of Charenton Under the Direction of the Marquis de Sade"

"The Saga of the Viking Women and Their Voyage to the Waters of the Great Sea Serpent as Performed by the Inmates of the Asylum of Charenton Under the Direction of the Marquis de Sade"

“Bio-Dome as Performed by the Inmates of the Asylum of Charenton Under the Direction of the Marquis de Sade"

“Cocktail as Performed by the Inmates of the Asylum of Charenton Under the Direction of the Marquis de Sade"

"Yor, the Hunter from the Future as Performed by the Inmates of the Asylum of Charenton Under the Direction of the Marquis de Sade"

"Stroker Ace as Performed by the Inmates of the Asylum of Charenton Under the Direction of the Marquis de Sade"

“St. Elmo’s Fire as Performed by the Inmates of the Asylum of Charenton Under the Direction of the Marquis de Sade"

“Star Trek V as Performed by the Inmates of the Asylum of Charenton Under the Direction of the Marquis de Sade"

“Disco Godfather as Performed by the Inmates of the Asylum of Charenton Under the Direction of the Marquis de Sade"

I Believe...

...that there is no such as one true love. Do you really think your only purpose on this planet is to find and hold on to some soul booty? We get tied up looking for perpetual fireworks in relationships and then blame the other person when the rocket blasts peter out to just sparklers and smoke bombs. Fireworks are fun. They just don't make an interesting story in the long run. You know, like a Transformers movie

...that the polls on what the majority of Americans want when it comes to healthcare are deceptive. According to Gallup, before passage, a slim majority opposed the bill. After passage, 49% said they approved and 40% disapproved. 11% moved to Costa Rica.

...that it's really a sad state of affairs in this country when one looks forward to a vacation in order to get things done.

...that there's something to be said for consistency when it comes to things like working out or practicing your art. The universe pays attention when you do something every day at the same time and starts to send rewards your way. But only if you engage in it fully and get value out of it. If what you're doing every day without fail is planting your butt in a chair and staring at a company computer that won't even let you access porn, well, you die a little.

Axe Cop

Things that make life worth living... kitty cats, rainbows, the laughter of children and...

AXE COP

Thanks, Nat.

Hey

So... The MacBook is up and running and looks great. I also upgraded my OS system and now can't print anything on my printer. WTF, Epson?

I have been up to my elbows working on prepping 365. We have auditions this Saturday. All 74 slots are filled and we have a waiting list. All 26 directors are lined up, which is just the most insane thing ever. They're all awesome and we'll produce 26 miracles for 365.

I have a Writing 6 show up called Wait...It Gets Better and we keep selling out. I have an Advanced Writing show coming up in April called AnthroApology 101 and am spending a good chunk of today editing all our scenes into a master script.

It's spring break at Columbia and I'm grateful because it means I can get some other work done - hey, that's not a break!

And America passed a Healthcare Bill that is NOT reform, but is a lot better than what was going on and will hopefully lead to real reform (public option or single payer).

What's in the bill that takes effect immediately? I'm going to the dentist next week and will also get a complimentary abortion.

Experiencing Technical Difficulties

The ol' MacBook Pro is in the shop. Don't know when I'll be getting it back, but till then, I'll be taking a break from blogging. I usually post early in the morning, which makes it difficult to bug a friend to use their computer. I may take up sleeping around, just to use someone's computer in the morning. I actually watch the news on television while drinking my coffee. It's not natural.

Here It Comes...365 AUDITIONS

Or rather, auditions for 365 Sketches...

45 Minutes Productions and WNEP Theater announce auditions for “365 Sketches”

26 different sketch comedy revues done in ten nights to showcase the 365 sketches written in 365 days by Second City Instructor Joe Janes.

The shows are June 3 - 13 and will take place at Strawdog Theater in Hugan Hall.

WHERE: Zoo Studios, 4001 N. Ravenswood (just off the Irving Park Brown Line) Basement

WHEN: Saturday, March 27 from 11AM – 6PM

WHAT: Small group auditions – improvisation and cold readings

To schedule a place in one of our seven 45-minute slots, email Joe at joejanes1065@gmail.com and we’ll get back to you with a time for Saturday.

Directors include:

Rich Baker
Mary Jo Bolduc
Regan Davis
Becky Eldridge
Jen Ellison
Jason Fleece
Lillie Frances
Rose Kruger
Rebecca Langguth
Bina Martin
Scott Olson
Chris Othic
Rinska Prestinary
Amanda Rountree
Tony Soto
Rachel Staelens
Derek Van Tassel
Trish Vignola
Rebekah Walendzak
Wendi Weber

(Wow! This is quickly becoming a reality. Freaky, scary, exciting, monumental, crispy with a hint of almonds.)


THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"Six women in New Jersey are recovering after they received buttocks-enhancement injections containing what?"

50% said "gelatin" - It's the carrots and raisins that give the booty some "oompf!"

16% said "custard" - Thinking about it makes me a little big horny.

No one said "Elmer's Glue"

34% got it right with "caulk"

According to the Associated Press, Six women in New Jersey are recovering after they received buttocks-enhancement injections containing silicone used to caulk bathtubs. State health officials say the women, from Essex County, apparently underwent cosmetic procedures from unlicensed providers.

On the positive side, caulk in the butt does cut your heating bills in the winter.

I Believe...

...that data from the U.S. Department of Labor shows that if income inequality continues to rise at the current rate, the income gap in the United States “will resemble that of Mexico by year 2043.” Okay. I can deal with that. I have 33 years to become a millionaire. Of course, by that time, it would probably put me in the lower middle class.

...that Lindsay Lohan does not have the same name recognition as Cher or Madonna. She threw away her promising acting career and traded it in for tabloid fodder.

...say what you want about Sandra Bullock's acting skills, she deserves another Oscar just for that acceptance speech. Funny, sweet, and she looked great. I still won't see the movie, unless there's some scene where a bus jumps a gap in a highway ramp that I don't know about.

...that we all have our addictions. You just have to make sure you choose one that doesn't destroy your body and your wallet. What's my addiction? Look at the blog title.

And I have a two kitten-a-day habit.



THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"Toni Tramel, from Kentucky, was already in jail for public intoxication and can now add to her charges assault with what?"

42% said "flatulence" - Man, if that were a crime, I'd be locked up in Arkham Asylum.

14% said "cold and flu germs" - "Sorry, Officer. I didn't know my nose was loaded."

No one said "body odor"

44% got it right with, yes, "breast milk"

According to The Smoking Gun, after Toni Tramel was arrested for public intoxication, she was transported to the Daviess County Detention Center in Owensboro. While there, Tramel was directed to change into a jail uniform. But the uncooperative suspect was "too intoxicated to complete the task on her own," so Officer Lula Brown sought to aid her, according to the incident report. That is when Tramel "took off her bra, grabbed her breast and squirted breast milk, hitting me in the face and neck region," reported Brown. Tramel attempted a second lactation assault, "but was unsuccessful," added Brown.

Ew.