Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Week Seven, Day Forty-Four - "Puzzle Night, Part 2"

“Puzzle Night, Part 2”
Written by Joe Janes
44 of 365

Marta, 70s
Vernon, 70s
Chip, 20s

(Lights up on Chip finishing eating a bowl of ice cream. Marta and Vernon flank him and watch him.)

Let me take that for you, Chip.

Thanks, Mrs. Moosemiller.

MARTA (taking dish)
Oh, call me Marta.

That’s the best bowl of black cherry ice cream I’ve ever had… Marta.

There you go, Champ. And you can call me, Vernon. We’re all adults, here.


I’ll go throw this in the dishwasher and then go slip in to something more comfortable.

(She exits.)

O-kay. Gosh, look at the time. I can’t believe it’s-

6:30pm? Yep, time flies when you’re having fun with other grown-ups. (Gets up) You know, Chip, I’m glad we have a few minutes alone. Have a little talk, bang it out, man-on-man. That Marta. She’s a wonder in the kitchen.

I’ll say. I never knew scalloped potatoes could be so darn good.

They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.

Guess I know why you’ve been married all these years. Married. To each other. She won your heart. Through your stomach. It’s true what they say. About hearts and stomachs.

It’s hogwash. Good cooking gets your attention. You want to keep a man; you’re got to aim a little lower. Know what I mean? You know what I mean. You do know what I mean, right?

Yeah. I think so.

Marta not only knows how to cook in the kitchen, she knows how to cook in other rooms. In fact, every room in this house. And the driveway. It’s an embarrassment of riches for a man like me. Makes me want to share what I have. With special people. You’re like a son, to me, Chip. A son I’d like to see lying naked with my wife.

Okay, Mr. Moosemiller. I really have to –

(Marta enters. She stands between Chip and the front door. She is dressed in little old lady bedclothes, curlers in hair, big robe and slippers.)

What’s the matter, Chip? Is something wrong?

Mrs. Moosemiller –


Mrs. Moosemiller. All night long, you and Mr. Moosemiller have been dropping hints at me. From the orgy jigsaw puzzle to the spiked lemonade and now Mr. Moosemiller has made it abundantly clear that you all are hoping for some kind of sick sexual escapade with me and I’m not interested. I’m sorry.

Oh, Chip; there must be some kind of misunderstanding. I mean, look at me. Do I look like I’m ready for some risqué romp with a neighborhood boy? I don’t know what Vernon said to you, but we really just wanted to spend some time with you. We’ve watched you grow up and we’re so proud of you. Please don’t go rushing off.

Hay, Chip, I’ve had a few, I guess. I may have said a thing or two out of turn.

Just ignore him, like I’ve learned to do.

Hey, we still have a Roman palace jigsaw puzzle to bang out.

Well, okay, I guess. But not much longer. My parents will wonder about me.

(Chip walks back over to the jigsaw table.)

We could do that. But there might be something more interesting we could try.

(Marta removes her robe revealing she is wearing a little old lady nightgown and a strap-on dildo. Chip averts his eyes back to the puzzle.)

Oh, look, I found the emperor's cervix.

(Lights out)


idjar said...

C'mon, make Chip underage. Live on the perverted edge.

Joe Janes said...

I was thinking toddler.

And I am kidding.

Chris Othic said...

I like this but there is something about Chip that doesn't work for me. I think he's disgusted, but also really likes these two and doesn't want to hurt their feelings. Can we see him squirm a little more?

Also, don't like his line "...you all are hoping for some kind of sick sexual escapade with me..." I don't think he would refer to it as "sick" or basically tell them they are sick. He even apologizes at the end of that line because he doesn't want to hur their feelings.

And the emporer's "cervix?" It sounds funny, but isn't that an internal organ? Although, maybe Chip doesn't know much about anatomy. Or maybe I don't.

I want to see Part 3 which heavily features the old lady and the strap on! (Not enought of that on the net, apparently.)

Anonymous said...


I love the Moosemillers! They are hilarious.

I do agree with Chris though. I want to see something more in Chip. Like maybe the struggle of being grossed out by what is happening, but also intrigued. I mean, he does end up staying for dinner. That struggle would be fun for an actor to play.

Nice work!