Monday, December 28, 2009

Week 50, Day 344 - "Listless"


Written by Joe Janes


344 of 365


Morton, 40s

(Lights up on Morton sitting at a news desk.)


Welcome back to The Mind of Morton on Cox News. I’m Morton Mikelbocker, but you already knew that or you wouldn’t be watching. It’s that time of year when I tell you what I think is the best of the best of this year. Why? I think so you don’t have to. When it comes to the best movies of the year, you know what I liked. There was that very expensive one in 3-D with the special effects that everyone paid lots of money to go see on its opening weekend before anyone could tell if it sucked or not, I like that one, you should, too. And let us not forget that one little independent film that all the critics raved about and that I pretend to understand. It rocked my world. Music, I like the one song where that chick made out with that girl in the leather leiderhosen at that awards show. You know the one. That was awesome. Books? Who cares? If it’s any good, I’ll wait for the movie. The best shows on the tube couldn’t hold an iFlame to that show everyone watches where people slap each other and sleep with each other and that one guy’s such a jerk and that one girl is super freaky and bitchy. And who doesn’t love a good cat fight? What a year it was! Of course, it wouldn’t be a show without pointing out the worst of the best. There was that film with the pop star who tried to act all serious and there was that rap album where the dude took himself all serious and thought he had an important message about fashion or something and it will be too soon when I see another TV show starring a 40-something actor trying to make a comeback in a show that’s all serious. Or a comedy. And on a somber note, I would be remiss if I did not take a moment to remember all the Hollywood elite we lost this past year to prescription drugs and downhill skiing. (He looks on the verge of tears for a moment but quickly snaps out of it) This has been The Mind of Morton on Cox News. I’m Morton Mikelbocker. Next week, I’ll take a look at what you should be thinking about for the rest of the year. Good night, because I say it is.


Aly said...

I love this! Just catching up on your blog and glad to see a lot of funny stuff.

The line about losing Hollywood elite to prescription drugs and downhill skiing is great. So true.. . I can also identify with the whole "Best Stuff We ate All Year" and "Best Movies" barrage of stories. So much of it is critic focused, and while I do appreciate critics and their insightful discerning words, the Internet- for better or for worse- has made everyone a critic albeit not as eloquent, and there are many more voices out there which has caused the critic's voice to diminish along with the voice of traditional media. I literally have not read Time magazine in a year or two, and when I picked up their year end issue 20% of it was devoted to ads from drug companies, which is related to our beloved celebrities and their deaths as well as the addictions that so many of us face each day as a result of being one nation under/on medication.

okay, enough "soapbox," i'm too hungover to think anyway. hope you had a good new year. Here's some fancy (literal) soap for you that i could not afford to buy but i did take a picture of!:

Joe Janes said...

Ha! Thanks for the Hope soap! Sounds like you had a fun party. Happy New Year!

Aly said...

Sure, anytime. It smelled really good too. I heard this little kid in Macy's say, "What is that woman doing?!" as he walked by with his mom and I tried to be sly photographing the soap very quickly.

I did have a fun time, just a close friend and myself and bottles of wine but that's all one needs sometime. Given the fact it was a really odd year I wasn't in the mood to ring in the next year with a whole lot of glitter and manufactured excitement and expensive drinks and bad decisions I might regret later on like the next day. Happy NY to you as well!