Written by Joe Janes
344 of 365
(Lights up on Morton sitting at a news desk.)
Welcome back to The Mind of Morton on Cox News. I’m Morton Mikelbocker, but you already knew that or you wouldn’t be watching. It’s that time of year when I tell you what I think is the best of the best of this year. Why? I think so you don’t have to. When it comes to the best movies of the year, you know what I liked. There was that very expensive one in 3-D with the special effects that everyone paid lots of money to go see on its opening weekend before anyone could tell if it sucked or not, I like that one, you should, too. And let us not forget that one little independent film that all the critics raved about and that I pretend to understand. It rocked my world. Music, I like the one song where that chick made out with that girl in the leather leiderhosen at that awards show. You know the one. That was awesome. Books? Who cares? If it’s any good, I’ll wait for the movie. The best shows on the tube couldn’t hold an iFlame to that show everyone watches where people slap each other and sleep with each other and that one guy’s such a jerk and that one girl is super freaky and bitchy. And who doesn’t love a good cat fight? What a year it was! Of course, it wouldn’t be a show without pointing out the worst of the best. There was that film with the pop star who tried to act all serious and there was that rap album where the dude took himself all serious and thought he had an important message about fashion or something and it will be too soon when I see another TV show starring a 40-something actor trying to make a comeback in a show that’s all serious. Or a comedy. And on a somber note, I would be remiss if I did not take a moment to remember all the Hollywood elite we lost this past year to prescription drugs and downhill skiing. (He looks on the verge of tears for a moment but quickly snaps out of it) This has been The Mind of Morton on Cox News. I’m Morton Mikelbocker. Next week, I’ll take a look at what you should be thinking about for the rest of the year. Good night, because I say it is.