Week 21, Day 144 - “Kenny Spicerman Tells You How To Rule Your World!”

“Kenny Spicerman Tells You How To Rule Your World!”
Written by Joe Janes
6/11/09
144 of 365

CAST
Kenny Spicerman, 30s
Joan, 30s
Bret, 30s
Matt, 50s
Announcer (VO)

(Lights up on Kenny wearing an earpiece-microphone sitting on a bar stool. He has index cards he’s flipping through. Behind him, is an easel with posters on it. The first poster, obviously handmade, says “Kenny Spicerman Tells You How To Rule Your World!” In front of him are several empty chairs. Joan sticks her head in the door and looks around. Kenny makes eye contact with her and she quickly ducks out.)

KENNY

Hey! Hey! Are you here for the seminar?

JOAN (sheepishly re-entering)

Am I in the right place?

KENNY

I’m Kenny Spicerman and I say, “you are always in the right place.” Have a seat, have a seat.

JOAN

Okay.

(She sits in the back row near the door.)

KENNY

You can sit closer, I won’t bite.

JOAN

That’s okay.

KENNY

Okay. I think we’re just going to wait a few minutes, in case some people got lost. You’ve got all these breakout sessions going on all over in this convention hall, you don’t know where you’ll end up. It’s crazy.

JOAN

The guy across the hall is full. There’s people standing in the back and in the doorway.

KENNY

Oh, yeah? Must be giving something away.

JOAN

I don’t know. I couldn’t get in. I wanted to. It’s Matt Tarbock. He wrote that book “A Life More Extraordinary – Woo-Hoo!”.

KENNY

Never heard of it.

JOAN

He was on “Oprah.’

KENNY

Oh, well. There you go. He was on “Oprah.” He could be handing out plastic baggies filled with dog poop and people would be, “Ooh, he was on ‘Oprah’.”

JOAN

What’s your seminar about?

KENNY

I am glad you asked…

JOAN

Joan.

KENNY

Joan! (sing-songy) Joan-on-the-phone. Got it. My seminar’s called “Kenny Spicerman Tells You How To Rule Your World.”

JOAN

Are you Kenny Spicerman?

KENNY

I am.

JOAN

Do you have a book?

KENNY

Yes, I do. Soon. It’s not out yet. I’m still working things out with the printer. Publisher. I do have a blog.

(Bret shuffles in and looks around.)

KENNY (continuing)

Hi, are you here for the seminar?

BRET

You giving any stuff away?

KENNY

I am, indeed. Your name is…?

BRET

Bret.

KENNY

Bret. (sing-songy) Bret-needs-a-vet.

BRET

Hey.

KENNY

What kind of giveaway were you looking for Bret?

BRET

I don’t know. T-shirt. Mug. Button.

KENNY

What I’m giving away is more powerful and more valuable than any old t-shirt or mug or button.

BRET

Those squeezey stress balls are pretty cool.

KENNY

Bret! I’m going to tell you how you can rule your world. How does that sound?

BRET

So, you don’t have anything.

KENNY

Here. Here! (He digs in his pockets) I have 38 cents and a stick of gum. Okay?

BRET

I guess.

JOAN

I didn’t get anything.

KENNY

Here, Joan. For you, I have…. A pen!

BRET

Oh, yeah. Pens are cool, too.

KENNY

I only have one.

JOAN

The cap’s been chewed.

KENNY

Part of the design. It’s rustic. Now, would anyone like to maybe hear the seminar?

(They nod.)

KENNY (continuing)

Great. Great. Welcome. This seminar is called “Kenny Spicerman Tells You How To Rule Your World!”

BRET

Who’s Kenny Spicerman?

JOAN

He is.

BRET

Oh. Go on.

KENNY

Thanks, Bret, for letting me continue. Now, have either of you ever felt there’s a party going on in this world and you weren’t invited?

BRET

Yeah. I do. All the time.

JOAN

Me, too. Even when I’m at a party I was invited to. I feel like I’m crashing it.

BRET

Me, too! I feel so out of place.

KENNY

Then this seminar is for you. Now, is anyone in this room not a human being? Anyone? Raise your hand if you are not a human being.

(Joan slowly raises her hand.)

KENNY (continuing)

Joan. You’re not a human being?

JOAN

No. I am. I just thought you wanted someone to raise their hand.

KENNY

Thank you, but no. So, to be clear, we are all human beings. You know what else we are? We are all human businessings.

(He reveals his next poster, which simply says, written in marker, “We Are All Human Businessings”.)

BRET

I’m a human businessing?

KENNY

You, Bret, are the CEO of Bret, Inc.

BRET

Really?

KENNY

Yes. And you, Joan, are the CEO of JoanCo.

JOAN

I get it. I’m in charge of me. I run my own Joan.

KENNY

That’s right. And who are your employees?

JOAN

My employees?

BRET

My hands. My hands are my employees.

KENNY

Sure. Sure they are.

JOAN

My positive attitude. Right? Please tell me I’m right.

KENNY

You bet you’re right. You’re the boss of that positive attitude. You’re the main man who tells those hands where to go and what to do.

BRET

Oh, my God! This is great, Kenny Spicerman! Do you have a book?

KENNY

I do, but not with me. I have these order forms you can fill out (He hands them to Joan and Bret). Just give me your address and a check for $25 and I’ll send you the book. I’ll even sign it.

BRET

Can I use your pen?

JOAN

Better tell your hands to find their own pen, Mister.

KENNY

That was my last pen.

ANNOUNCER (VO)

Attention, ladies and gentlemen. The New You University Conference sponsored by Starbucks, Whole Foods and Michelin Tires will be meeting in the main room to raffle off a free two-week cruise to the Bahamas. Blackout dates apply. Many blackout dates apply. The two weeks may not be consecutive. The raffle will be in five minutes and you must be present to win.

BRET

Gotta go!

KENNY

But, we didn’t finish-

BRET

I rule my world thanks to you, Kenny Spicerman. Feet, get your ass to the main room. Now!

(He exits)

KENNY

You didn’t fill out-

JOAN

Positive attitude, start working that mojo to get that cruise.

(She exits. Kenny sits on his stool. Matt Tarbock enters. He wears a leather sports coat and matching leather pants.)

MATT

Hey, Kenny. Knock their socks off?

KENNY

Yeah. Yeah, Matt. Hey, I saw you on “Oprah”. That was awesome.

MATT

Are you heading to the main room?

KENNY

Yeah, let me make sure I have my raffle ticket. (Pats his jacket). Crap. I must have left my wallet at home.

MATT

I’ll buy you a ticket. Get you a coke, too.

KENNY

To quote the master, “Woo-hoo!” Thanks, Matt.

MATT

Your blog, by the way, has been a real inspiration to me. You should make it a book.

KENNY

Thanks. I did make it a book. Sort of.

(They walk off. Lights fade.)

Week 21, Day 143 - “Extraction Number Two”

“Extraction Number Two”
Written by Joe Janes
6/10/09
143 of 365

CAST:
Dr. Richards, 20s
Joe, 40s

(Lights up on a dentist’s office. Dr. Richards finishes looking in Joe’s mouth.)

JOE

What’s the verdict, Dr. Richards?

DR. RICHARDS

Well, Joe. Tooth Number Two is definitely fractured. Half of the tooth is dead. We have three options. We do a root canal and put a crown on it, which will be about fifteen hundred dollars and no guarantee that it will work.

JOE

Yikes.

DR. RICHARDS

Option two is we do an extraction for about two hundred dollars.

JOE

Is option three the affordable one?

DR. RICHARDS

It is.

JOE

I’ll take that one.

(Dr. Richards pulls a hammer out of her lab coat.)

DR. RICHARDS

Meet me in the alley. Bring ten bucks.

(Blackout)

Week 21, Day 142 - “If I Were You"

“If I Were You”
Written by Joe Janes
6/9/09
142 of 365

CAST:
Bill, 40s
Natalie, 40s

(Lights up on Bill sitting at the dining room table cleaning his handgun. Natalie enters, exhausted from work. She sets her bag down and sits at the table and lets out a big sigh.)

BILL

How was your day?

NATALIE

Oh, don’t get me going.

BILL

Okay.

(Natalie sighs again.)

BILL (continuing)

Tell me about it. Get it off your chest. Might make you feel better.

NATALIE

This is not going to help, but if I don’t tell you, you’ll just keep pestering me. It’s that Mr. Dennis. He’s always looking over my shoulder. And every time I catch him looking at me, he’s got that look on his face, you know?

BILL

What look?

NATALIE

You know.

BILL

I really don’t.

NATALIE

It’s like this.

(She demonstrates the Mr. Dennis’s scowl.)

BILL

Oh, yeah. Sure. I know that look. Has he said anything to you?

NATALIE

No.

BILL

You should talk to him. He may not even realize-

NATALIE

Look. You don’t know. Okay.

BILL

You complain about that Mr. Dennis a lot. It’s stressing you out. If I were you, I’d talk to him.

NATALIE

Good thing you’re not me. And I don’t need you to tell me what to do.

BILL

I’m just saying – It’s clearly bothering you. Speaking to him might help.

(Natalie shakes her head and sighs. Her phone rings. She picks it up.)

NATALIE

Hi, Helen…No. Just Bill getting on my nerves… Again… About that Mr. Dennis, like I was telling you at lunch…Mmmmm…. Hunh-hunh…..Mmmmmmm…Hunh-hunh…. Really? You think so?.... Mmmmmmm….Hunh-hunh….Mmmmmmm…Hunh-Hunh… Well, that’s sounds like a good idea. I’ll give it try. First thing tomorrow. Thanks, Helen. Love ya’. Bye. (She hangs up.) Helen had some good advice.

BILL

What’s that?

NATALIE

She said that since Mr. Dennis hasn’t said anything to me,he may not even be aware that he’s doing it. And if he is aware, then all the more reason we need to talk. So, I’m going to say something to him tomorrow.

BILL

Isn’t that what I suggested?

NATALIE

You didn’t say all that other stuff that made sense. You just said talk to him.

(Bill sighs. He finishes cleaning his gun and locks it in a metal box. He gets up to put it away in the closet.)

NATALIE (continuing)

Why do you keep your gun locked in that metal box in the closet and your bullets locked up in another box out in the garage. If I were you, I’d keep that damn thing loaded and ready to go and in reach.

BILL

Good thing you’re not me.

(He exits. Natalie gets that Mr. Dennis scowl on her face. Lights fade.)

Week 21, Day 141 - “The International Comedy Writing Institute of America”

“The International Comedy Writing Institute of America”
Written by Joe Janes
6/8/09
141 of 365


CAST:
Tom, 20s
Shecky, 40s
Customer, 30s
Waiter, 30s
Stand-up, 30s
Hooga Booga Guy, VO
Boss, VO

(Lights up on Tom sitting on his couch watching a comedy show on TV. He looks bummed.)

BOSS (VO)

When I left, this storage room was clean and organized. Now, it’s a mess. What do you have to say for yourself, Hooga?

HOOGA BOOGA GUY (VO)

Hooga booga!

(The is a huge laugh track burst of laughter. Tom clicks off the TV.)

TOM

Man, I could write that!

SHECKY (rising from behind the couch)

That’s right, Tom. You could!

TOM

Who are you?

SHECKY

I’m Shecky “Shecky” Greenberg. President of The International Comedy Writing Institute of America.”

TOM

The International Comedy Writing Institute of America?

SHECKY

That’s right. Where you can learn how to create stock comedy characters with overused catchphrases for cash, just like the professionals.

TOM

I could have a career as a comedy writer!

SHECKY

Let’s see, Tom. Take the International Comedy Writing Institute’s patented comedy writing aptitude test.

(Stage right we cut to a customer and his bowl of soup flanked by a waiter.)

CUSTOMER

Waiter, what is this fly doing in my soup?

SHECKY

See if you can pick the right punchline, Tom. Is it A-?

WAITER

Humping a crouton.

SHECKY

B-

WAITER

He’s probably a member of a certain ethnic group (winks).

SHECKY

C-

(The waiter winces and we hear a fart.)

SHECKY

Or D.

WAITER

Oh, my. I am so sorry, sir. Let me take that and get you a new one. The management will pick up your bill.

(The waiter takes the soup and exits.)

SHECKY

If you picked any answer other than “D” – you might have what it takes to be a comedy writer.

TOM

Ooh, I have the right punchline…. The backstroke!

SHECKY

That would be stealing, Tom.

TOM

Oh!

SHECKY

I’m just kidding. At the International Comedy Writing Institute of America we don’t call it stealing, we call it heightening.

TOM

Will I learn how to write stand-up comedy?

SHECKY

Of course you will. And you’ll learn how to write for all kinds of comedians, like Yakov Smirnoff.

(Cut to stage right with Stand-Up at a microphone.)

STAND-UP

In Russia, the walls in my apartment were so thin, whenever I went to the bathroom, my neighbor would ask me to wash his back. What a country!

SHECKY

Or Dane Cook.

STAND-UP

The walls in my apartment are so thin, whenever I go to the bathroom, my neighbor asks me to jerk him off. What the fuck?

(Stand-up victoriously drops microphone and exits.)

TOM

Can I get a job with Saturday Night Live, like the professionals?

SHECKY

You bet you can, Shecky. At the ICWIA, we’ll teach you how to create one-note characters, beat a comic premise to death, and how to end scenes by simply cutting to a commercial. Don’t just watch comedy on TV; learn to deeply despise it while simultaneously craving its love.

TOM

I’m sold! The International Comedy Writing Institute of America is for me, Shecky. Where do I sign up?

SHECKY

Just call the number on the screen.

TOM

What screen?

SHECKY

Operators are standing by.

(Blackout)

Week 20, Day 140 - "Swimming for Non-swimmers"

“Swimming for Non-Swimmers”
Written by Joe Janes
6/7/09
140 of 365

CAST:
Skip, 30s
Bobby, 12

(Lights up on Camp Counselor Skip Johnson mid-thigh deep in water – um, perhaps he is standing off stage at the edge of the stage. He wears a white polo shirt, a whistle, ball cap and polyester shorts. )

SKIP

Hi! Camp Counselor Skip Johnson here with a swimming lesson for you non-swimmers. Water can be fun. But it’s no fun when someone dies because they didn’t know how to keep their nose above the water line. With the help of my assistant Bobby…Bobby!...Bobby! (He reaches down and pulls Bobby up out of the water. Bobby wears nose plugs, goggles, a snorkel, deflated water wings, big baggy swimming trunks and a white t-shirt.) There you are! Well, it looks like you could really use this week’s tip, Bobby. I’m going to teach Bobby a simple swimming technique called “dog paddling.” Just lie across my arms here… (Bobby does)… cup your hands and start paddling and kicking… Just like Fido would do if we threw him in the water… Very good, Bobby. Now, I’m going to let you go, just keep kicking and paddling… (Skip removes his hands and Bobby continues to paddle around in circles, barking like a little puppy)… Very good, Bobby! The barking isn’t really necessary to support the swimming process, but bark-on, if you like. .. You may be interested to know that “waiting 30 minutes after you eat before swimming” is a myth. In fact, the type of exercise you get from swimming, - long, smooth strokes - is very helpful to the digestive system. Many doctors recommend eating while you swim. My personal favorite is a big bowl of tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich…(It would be great if Skip were able to produce these things at this moment, at the very least, he could pull half a grilled cheese sandwich out of his pocket.) The next time we get together, we’ll go over a quick and easy emergency resuscitation technique I like to call, “Don’t forget to blow”… Right, Bobby?... Bobby? (Bobby has disappeared)… I’m Camp Counselor Skip Johnson saying, “Be wet, be safe!”…Bobby?...Marco!....Marco!...

(Lights fade)

Week 20, Day 139 - "An On-line Education"

(This is Saturday's post published after midnight)

“An On-line Education”
Written by Joe Janes
6/6/09
139 of 365

CAST
Edna, 50s
Elsie, 50s
Jared, 30s

(Lights up on Edna and Elsie having coffee in Elsie’s living room. Jared, in shabby t-shirt and shorts, works at a laptop on a table off to the side.)

EDNA

This coffee is delicious. Maxwell House?

ELSIE

I switched to Folgers’s Crystals.

EDNA

It’s very good.

ELSIE

It’s the crystals.

EDNA

Has Jared found a job, yet?

ELSIE

Oh, I didn’t tell you. Jared is going to college.

EDNA

Really? That’s great. Where?

ELSIE

Right here. On the computer. You can do that these days.

EDNA

Oh, sure. I’ve seen the commercials.

ELSIE

A degree and everything.

EDNA

Jared, your mother tells me you’re a college boy, now.

JARED

Hunh? Oh, yeah. That’s right Aunt Edna.

EDNA

What’s your major?

JARED

Uh, business communications and management marketing.

EDNA

Oh, my. Very exciting.

ELSIE

Very cutting edge, right Jared?

JARED

Right, Mom.

EDNA

You’ll have to invite me to your graduation.

ELSIE

I don’t think they have one.

JARED

They just e-mail it to you and you print it out.

EDNA

The miracle of technology. Are you in class, right now?

(She gets up and moves behind him)

JARED

Yeah. I’m taking a quiz.

EDNA

What’s it about?

JARED

I’m actually done. I’m waiting for the results, now.

EDNA (reading the screen)

You are most like Jabba the Hut. Is that a good thing?

JARED

Yeah. It’s like an “A.” I have a lot more quizzes to do, so, you know…

EDNA

Study away! It’s good to see you so motivated. I always told your mother you were a late bloomer. And look at you, blooming.

ELSIE

He’ll be a college graduate in no time.

EDNA (returning to her seat)

I used to be so worried about him, Elsie. Such a loafer. Mooching off you all these years. I was wrong about you, Jared.

(He nods)

ELSIE

The tuition’s much cheaper than regular college. I don’t mind paying it at all. Worth the investment. It will make him very hirable. He’ll get a job by the time he’s 35 and then he’ll be able to take care of me for a change (she giggles.)

JARED (getting up and exiting)

Hey, Mom. Can I have your credit card?

ELSIE

Sure, Dear. It’s in my purse.

JARED (off)

Got it.

EDNA

Didn’t you already pay for his classes?

ELSIE

Sometimes there are extra class fees, just like the real thing. Right, Jared?

JARED (re-entering)

Um, yeah. Headmistress Jasmine wants to have a one-on-one tutorial with me. Costs extra. So, I’m going to take the laptop into the bathroom. For some privacy.

ELSIE

Okay, Dear. You be nice to her. Be respectful.

EDNA

Do what she says!

JARED

Oh, I will. Got to make sure Mom gets her money’s worth.

(He exits with the laptop.)

ELSIE

He’s become more thoughtful since he’s been in school.

EDNA

He seems more mature.

ELSIE

They grow up so fast.

EDNA

This is really good coffee.

ELSIE

It’s the crystals.

(Blackout)

Week 20, Day 138 - "Fascination Street Bakery"

“Fascination Street Bakery”
Written by Joe Janes
6/5/09
138 of 365

CAST:
Marissa, 30s
Janey, 20s
Bonnie, 30s
Todd, 30s

(Lights up on Marissa and Janey decorating a large wedding cake. Janey is humming/singing “The Wedding Song.”)

JANEY

Dum-dum-da-dum…Dum-da-dum-dum…

MARISSA

Janey. Please.

JANEY

You don’t like my singing?

MARISSA

It’s like two people walking on concrete.

JANEY

Oh…Okay…Concrete is now thick shag carpeting. ….This wedding cake is so beautiful, Marissa. It’s one of the best ones you’ve ever done.

MARISSA

Yeah. Thanks.

JANEY

You’re so good at marzipan flowers. I want to pick these and put them in water. Shame someone’s going to take a knife to this tomorrow.

MARISSA

I guess when you get down to it; it’s just a cake. You buy it. You eat it. May as well be a sheet cake from the grocery store.

JANEY

Nonsense, this is a Marissa Cake from the Fascination Street Bakery. This could be a big shapeless glob and it would still taste better and look better than most cakes on the planet.

MARISSA

Janey, look. I appreciate what you’re trying to do-

JANEY

What am I trying to do?

MARISSA

Blow sunshine up my ass.

JANEY

If I were trying to blow sunshine up your ass, I’d grab a blowtorch because I’d need it to defrost that anus iceberg. You’re good at what you do. Live with it. …This is your 1,000th wedding cake.

MARISSA

I know. I know it is.

JANEY

For most people, that would be a reason to celebrate.

MARISSA

I don’t feel like celebrating. It makes me feel like a travel agent that never goes anywhere.

JANEY

Hunh?

MARISSA

I make wedding cakes. Lots of them. I’ve never walked down the aisle. Not even close. I’m always in the banquet hall. Every guy I’ve gone out with didn’t appreciate what I do here. They think it’s just a job, not a career. Face it, I’m going to die old and alone making weddings cakes till I die. It’s like a punishment. Some sort of gypsy curse.

JANEY

You just need to get out and meet more people, Marissa. Men people.

MARISSA

Fascination Street is 24/7. When I’m not here, I’m thinking about here. The only guys I’ll ever meet are already spoken for.

JANEY

You give me one night and I’ll get you out there meeting single guys.

MARISSA

Drunk guys.

JANEY

A step up from meeting little guys in tuxedos with their feet stuck in frosting.

(Todd and Bonnie enter.)

BONNIE

Hello… Hi. We stopped by to check on the cake.

JANEY

Here it is. Come take a look.

MARISSA

We’re still putting on the finishing touches, Bonnie.

BONNIE (tearing up)

It’s so beautiful. Todd, it’s so beautiful.

TODD

Those flowers are amazing. I want to pick them and put them in water.

JANEY

I told her the same thing.

MARISSA

I’m Marissa.

TODD

Todd.

BONNIE

This is my man.

TODD

I’m her man. You know, you hear about how the groom doesn’t really care about the details, like the cake, and that’s absolutely true-

BONNIE

Oh, Todd.

TODD

But this cake. It’s stunning. It’s a masterpiece. It should be in an art museum.

MARISSA

Wow. You really like it.

TODD

Like it. I love it. Anyone who can create something like this, is, well, a very special person.

BONNIE

He’s right. You’re amazing, Marissa. You are so gifted. Whatever my father is paying you, he should double it.

JANEY

You guys are really making Marissa’s day.

TODD

You are-?

JANEY

Janey. Marissa’s assistant.

(Janey holds out her hand. Todd ignores it.)

TODD

I’ve always told Bonnie that I wanted to marry an artist that she should look out. If I meet an artist, I’m outta here. Even after were hitched.

BONNIE

You know, I tell him the same thing. But I’m more specific. It’s Huey Lewis. It used to be George Michael, but then he got arrested. Seemed my chances got slimmer. I would leave in a minute for Huey Lewis. I don’t care how old he is.

TODD

We had a long talk the night I proposed. We are totally devoted to one another’s happiness.

BONNIE

Absolutely true. I told Todd; if he ever met someone he thought would make him happier, go for it.

TODD

Ditto from me, too, baby. Marissa, would you marry me?

JANEY

Hey, whoa. Todd. Bonnie?

TODD

Bonnie, I’m sorry. But I think I would be happier married to Marissa. She’s an artist. So soulful. I really appreciate what you create. Marissa, I want to strip naked and dance in your layer cake. Can I have my ring back?

BONNIE

No. I think we should talk about this. We have a wedding tomorrow. People are coming in from out of state.

TODD

Give them this cake. They don’t deserve it. No human being on the planet deserves something this pure. But it will shut them up. One bite of this ambrosia and they’ll forget why they came.

MARISSA

Todd, you’re kidding, right? You don’t know me. You’re already engaged.

TODD

I know you. I know your art. I cannot live the rest of my life always wondering, Marissa.

BONNIE

I hate this cake!

(Bonnie garbs a knife and is about to drive it into the cake.)

TODD AND JANEY AND MARISSA

Nooooo!!!!!!

BONNIE

I-I can’t do it. I can’t do it. It’s so wonderful. It would be like destroying the last dinosaur with my own hands. A pretty dinosaur. A pretty, pretty dinosaur.

(Bonnie collapses on the floor. Janey hands her some Kleenex. Todd and Janey help her back up.)

TODD

I better take Bonnie out of here. Think about what I said, Marissa. Will you? Please? Can I tear me off a piece of your Kleenex? (He does and writes his number on it) This is my number. Tell me you’ll consider it.

MARISSA

I think that would be very unprofessional of me.

TODD

Try to let me know before two o’clock. After two o’clock, we’ll have to have a torrid affair until Bonnie and I can get a divorce.

(Todd walks Bonnie out of the store, but not before giving Marissa a “call me” gesture. Janey and Marissa stand looking at each other dumbfounded.)

MARISSA

I think we’re done for today.

JANEY

That was so weird. But how awesome for you and how horrible for Bonnie and Todd’s right, but insane. Don’t call him. Ever.

MARISSA

I won’t.

(She throws the number in the trash.)

JANEY

Okay. Hey, I’m meeting some friends at High Tops. Come on out. We’ll get our drink on and the drunk guys won’t seem so drunk.

MARISSA

Sure. Maybe I will.

(Janey exits as Marissa takes off her apron and puts a few things away. Marissa picks up a big knife and considers slashing the wedding cake. She does not. She walks to the door, turns, and takes one last look. Turns off the lights and leaves. Blackout.)